Coming home – Chapter 10
Author's Note: Of course, I don't own anything related to Margaret Mitchell's GWTW.
This will be my tenth chapter.
I hoped you liked the last chapter. I wanted to upload this chapter much sooner but the ending just didn't feel right. I waited for new inspiration and here is my final result. I think it's my favorite chapter so far!
(Spoiler: Now I think that Scarletts and Rhetts story will start to change a little although there are still things which need to be clarified.)
PS: Let me know what you guys think about this chapter and as always, enjoy!
He kissed her back – on the cheek.
„Scarlett, dear.."
„Hush, Rhett. I've more important things to do.."
„What could you mean by that ?" He laughed softly.
„Let me surprise you!"
„Alright!"
Scarlett, still in her nightgown and under the blankets, hugged Rhett who sat next to her on the edge of the bed. He moved his position so he could sit infront of her. He also took her in his arms and kissed her. At first he started with kisses on her forehead, her nose, her eyes and her cheek. Then he took her head and bent it so that he could reach her neck. When her neck was free, he placed lots of kisses there and only as she gave a slight moan, he reached for her mouth. Without putting much effort in his kiss he waited her „answer". His kiss was very light and decent. He didn't have to wait long because much to his surprise she started kissing him very passionately.
As Rhett began to hug her tightly, she let out a small cry.
„I am such a fool, I should have stopped .. I am sorry, Scarlett."
„No no Rhett, it's not your fault! I'm just a little weak and .."
„Hush Scarlett. This time it's my fault and you can't prove me wrong. You wouldn't be in this situation now if I hadn't said those nasty and stupid words to you. There hasn't been a day on which I didn't think of these. You know I felt so stupid that I almost .."
„Don't say that anymore, Rhett! Please I'm begging you. Your words deeply hurt and you made me feel so .. so.., I don't know, but let's not talk about this again.."
„I hope you do believe me that I am very very sorry and that I hope you can forgive me eventually. I don't expect you to do it right away, but..."
„I think I need to find out why you did this to me. But Rhett, somehow there's something good about our situation: This is the very first time we've talked together seriously."
„Yes but Scarlett, I would've almost lost you and if you had fallen down the stairs completely.. You could have been dead and the baby too. I could've never forgiven myself although it is very hard already. But you being hurt is my fault and mine alone. You asked why I did this to you. I can not really give you a possible explanation but I was again, like so many times, crazy with jealousy. I guess you will no longer accept this as an excuse but I will be honest to you and so it is the truth."
„Crazy with jealousy? Jealous of whom, Rhett? Ashley?"
He looked scolded and hurt: „Yes.. I am, was.."
„But why? Rhett, I told you, I am happy about the baby. I was from the beginning but when you asked the question: „Who's the happy father?" I lost it. I mean if you cared at least a little for me you wouldn't have said that."
„To me, you seemed bitter about the baby. I probably misinterpreted that like many times before."
„You must have, darling. I wasn't bitter, but when you told me you would leave, had left your bags at the station, only came to bring Bonnie.. and then THIS question. Did you mean it seriously?"
„Of course not, I wanted to.. I mean, I wanted to mock you as always and I wanted to see if my reaction would hurt you, I mean, it's been stupid of me because of course it would."
„Yeah it did. And can you tell me you did this out of jealousy, only? Really?"
„Yes, and even though I knew you've never been unfaithful to me physically, I am sure you were with your thoughts. Although I never really doubted our child's origin, I still remember the day of Ashley's birthday party… with a little imagination and knowledge about your feelings for him, an idea began to ..."
„Rhett! Like I said I never would've been unfaithful to you, believe me for once. As much as I thought I hated you sometimes, I never would have been able to. This hug with Ashley, and like I said, it was nothing more, didn't feel like anything more.."
„I know darling, forgive me!" He pulled her closer and kissed her on the cheek again.
„I do now, at least in terms of Ashley."
„Now to the more pleasant things..", Rhett said. He stood up and closed the door. Before returning back to the bed, he glanced at Scarlett, waiting for her approving look. When she nodded, he came to her side of the bed and took her in his arms.
„Are you cold?", Rhett asked.
„Not when you're here, darling."
„How sweet you can be. I'm just asking myself if that's the reason Bonnie is too", he said mockingly.
„Oh, it's said that little Bonnie's father is a very charming and handsome man. They say he's sentimental and .."
„Mmmh, that's what I like." He laughed and caressed her face.
„And who ist hey?", he laughed. She grinned back and her cheeks blushed.
„Why haven't we always been able to talk like this?", she asked.
„I guess we've been to blind to see the truth about each other. The most important thing is that we'll be always honest with each other, from now on."
„Indeed!" She smiled at him.
Slowly, Scarlett began to undo the buttons of his vest and looked at him. He nodded as a sign for her to continue.
Meanwhile, he set aside the tray that was still beside them on the bed. Once he was free of his vest, she started on his shirt. She opened it slowly and with a little shaky hands.
He noticed her shaking hands and raised his eyebrows: „You're fine?"
„Yes.., no.., Rhett.. I.. I.. I can not be with you if I'm thinking about... all the time.. No, I can't say that."
„Tell me, Scarlett, what is it? Remember we wanted to be honest with each other from now on."
„I know it'll be strange coming from me.. It's just that I can't be here with you when I know.., I know that you've.. knowing that you were with Belle all those years when we were married and .. I knew that you've been there. With her."
He looked at her in shock and confusion: „Scarlett, it seems to me that you never cared about my night actions... I didn't know it affected you so much... I am ... I don't know what to say."
„Oh yes, Rhett, I did care. Can't you imagine?"
His shirt half unbottened, he laid back and rested his head on the headboard.
„Come here Scarlett, rest your head on me and I will tell you something." She did as he asked but remained silent. That worried Rhett.
„Scarlett, we've known each other for more than ten years now. You know more secrets about me than any other person, I am sure. I told you about Belle and…"
„No Rhett, you didn't really tell me, I found out.."
„Well yes, but I never hid it from you and you knew it."
„Yes, that was when we weren't married, but.."
He could guess the direction their conversation would take. He decided to tell her everything, although he had the feeling that he would justify his actions, which he normally did not intend to do.
„When we got married, Scarlett, I never went to see her... When we were still happy I had no desire to do so. With her I've never been as happy as I've been with you! Belle knew that and she certainly wasn't happy about that, I knew it, though she never told me. Scarlett, I wasn't intimate with her when we were married and when we came back from New Orleans and .. and when our house was built and even later on, I didn't go to her – not in that way. I've told you many times that Belle and I were friends, too, and not .. not just .. lovers."
„Lovers, such a word..!" She was angry.
„Scarlett let me go on. I've known Belle since since I wasn't even your age. We weren't lovers from the beginning, but over time .. Scarlett, you sure you wanna hear all that ?"
„Sure!" Scarlett was determined to know.
„Then she wanted to start her own business and I helped her doing that."
„Why ?"
„Because she had helped me when I needed help and she gave me a home when I needed one."
„I didn't even know that.."
„And then I moved around the world and never really settled down. I didn't marry and never had a serious relationship with a woman – not even close a marriage. Until I met you, my darling." He boxed her lightly on the arm.
„Mmmh", she smiled a little.
„In the early years of our marriage, I never went to Belle's more than friends would. I'm a cad, but ... I'm not the kind of husband who goes to a prostitute when his own wife is pregnant with their child."
„So you didn't have .. relations .. with.. her.. Belle.. then ?" Her cheeks blushed and she pulled the blanket up to her nose.
„No, I promise. I was so happy you were pregnant with Bonnie. That thought never crossed my mind. Remember that one time you thought about what our grandchildren would be like? You were still Mrs. Kennedy then and we were unmarried. I remember you being very embarrassed." He chuckled a little.
„But where were you then?" She didn't seem to be in the mood for jokes now.
„I was at Belle's ALSO, but not WITH her, believe me."
„Go on."
„Then you threw me out of your bed, because of that stupid Ashley, and .. I didn't go straight to Belle's – in that way."
„But you were there, I know that. Don't try to lie to me! I saw it in the matron's eyes!"
„I won't lie. Can you imagine that men also go to brothels not because to have .. relations.., but.."
„You mean you drank or played cards there ?"
„Yes, my dear, you are a very smart woman. I was there drinking for many days or weeks. My heart..., a young schoolboy would be called lovesick. And yes, I also played cards and talked to men there too. But most of the time I was extremely drunk, I remember riding back home being so drunk that I could have broken my own neck…"
„So you weren't with her most of the nights?"
„No, mostly not in THAT way!"
„But yet you were with her sometimes?"
„I never thought I would talk about that with my own wife, but yes, I were. Are you.. unhappy, Scarlett?" He looked at her, uncertain.
„Unhappy? Rhett..", tears came to her eyes, „I think I have any right to be unhappy. I know a lot of women have to endure that. I mean, it's just that now I realize what I did. I mean, if I hadn't kicked you out of our bed..." A single tear ran down her cheek. „Rhett, I feel guilty because if I hadn't done that to you, maybe you wouldn't ... But no ..." She was confused.
„You mean I wouldn't have been with her, intimately?"
She took a deep breath: „Yes, that was my thought."
„Scarlett, I don't know what to say, but, be aware that we can't change the past. I'm not saying I was happy with my decision to be with her, or that it felt right, but be clear about one thing: Everytime I was with Belle, I was heavily drunk, and it was far from the same for me as being with you, intimately, I mean." Now he was blushing, too. „It was never the same with Belle or any of them, you know. I was just hoping I could forget you with them..."
„You mean you couldn't?"
„No, I couldn't. I could never forget you, it's just impossible."
„So you mean you just used their bodys?"
„Yes, if you want to call it like that. But that is the whole point of such services. It has nothing to do with real love and and as mean or cold as it may sound now, it's just a paid pastime."
„Paid? Really?"
„Yes, don't tell me you didn't know that. Oh God, Scarlett, I must have hurt you even more now..." „No, yes, well I don't know but now it makes sense."
„And that is my point again. I never wanted just your body, that's what I said when you kicked me out of our bed, it's your mind and heart that I want, always wanted. I would even begrudge Ashley your body, or no, in truth not, but I would never, I repeat, NEVER begrudge him your heart or soul."
„Good to know", she said.
„I wanted to forget you, but I couldn't, and after that I drank myself into unconsciousness and then went home, every night. I still had that much consciousness, even though Pork had a hard job with me."
„And in the mornings you played innocently with the children like nothing ever happened.."
„Yes, that was the only thing I clung to and that made me happy at that time."
„I always felt like you were trying to escape from me. When I woke up you were usually gone, and when I met Mammy she always had a suspicious look on her face, I guess she knew everything." „Scarlett, can you imagine how I couldn't face you in person? I was too ashamed to meet you without anyone. I was afraid we would fight again. That's why I went to 'work'."
„And then you didn't come back until dinner and most of the time you weren't even present then. The only thing I was told was that you excused yourself because you had important business meetings. Was that so? Or were your business at Belle's again?"
„Partly. But no, most of the time I fled and just used that as excuses."
„Why?"
„Why?, because I was afraid to meet you, again."
„What could I have possibly said to you?"
„I don't know.., began a fight, ignored me? I didn't want the children to know, at least."
„But Wade knew it, Rhett. And I feel guilty about how many sorrows this young man already endured in his life."
„The children, him.., yes Scarlett, I know. I've known him since.. he was so little and of course I have such feelings to."
„You have?", she looked surprised.
„Of course. Your children have been mine too and I've always felt a great responsibility for them although I know I am far from being the perfect father or stepfather."
„It's the same with me." Scarlett said and looked so sad.
„Let us talk about the children at another time. I have one more question for you: Did you even notice that I wasn't home, or did you even care?" Rhett asked with a curious face.
„I did. I did care and it hurt me a lot! Most nights in the beginning, when I didn't know where you were, I wandered the halls looking for you. I was so worried.. I hoped you would come back to me and I wondered where you were .. and then .. when I went into the store I met and saw the old matrons, they looked at me like .. you know what I mean.."
„They knew, and Scarlett, believe me when I tell you I'm so sorry now, because now I can imagine what it must have been like for you. But when I was so drunk, I didn't realize it. Now I know, believe me." Rhett pulled her closer to him as if to back up his statement. She didn't back away. He caressed her beginning baby bump. She smiled at him.
„You know it was extremely painful, and when the other matrons like Mrs. Elsing or Mrs. Merriwether started to almost ignore me – that's when I knew. Not that I really cared, but I wanted our problems to stay private. If it hadn't been for Melly.., I wouldn't have known what to do." „Scarlett, I've said it many times, but now, I REALLY see what a fool I've been! I hope you can forgive me someday."
„I'll do my best, but we have to work at it. Forgiveness isn't easy, and Rhett, before we were married, you were with Belle too, weren't you?" Somehow, her questions about him and Belle enlarged his ego and he wondered if she might be jealous too. He would find out another time.
„Yes, but you must have known that?!"
„Oh Rhett, all ladies know that but they can't talk about such things in public. Of course I knew it, or could at least guess.."
„Yeah, ladies don't talk about that, hahaha.."
„Nothing to laugh about, Rhett..", she said with no anger in her voice.
„I knew for sure when I worked at the hospital", Scarlett said.
„Why is that?", he asked.
„Because…", then she got angry again, „because I found a handkerchief. She donated YOUR money to the great cause, YOURS, in YOUR handkerchief. Melly and I saw it. And Melly was still so kind to her. Then I saw the handkerchief you gave me and I saw the initials on hers. You always said that I am a smart woman."
„You combined it?", he asked.
„Sure I did.", she said.
„And I suppose you didn't like that I used to deal with her?" Maybe she is really jealous, he hoped.
„No, I didn't! I felt worthless that you spent time with me AND her, at the SAME time. Also a lady", she now laughed because she remembered their previous discussions about that, „must be disappointed because of that. Other girls would have ignored you and would have also never spoken to you again."
„How gracious of you not to do that! I think I wouldn't have survived a life in which you ignored me", he said in a different voice, putting his hand dramatically to his heart.
„Rhett, don't act stupid now!"
„Whaaaaat? You didn't like my imitation of an offended lover? My dear, my poor heart.."
„HAHAHAHAHA Rhett", she laughed out loud. Rhett was happy to hear her laugh. „You are so funny Rhett, why don't you try to imitate the old matrons? It would sure be a fun."
„My darling wife, I think for this evening I have clearly shown my acting talent to the best. I hope you are satisfied!"
She was amused by the way he talked, it reminded her so much of New Orleans and their honeymoon.
„Scarlett, another question: Do you still have my handkerchief?"
„Yes", she wanted to climb out of bed to search it, but Rhett grabbed her tiny waist and led her back into bed.
„No no, you stay here now. I trust you!" He smiled. „I see that communication is key, isn't it?"
„Yes Rhett, it is important that we'll never ever stop that in the future!"
„Now Scarlett, do you have enough information for today?"
„Yes, Rhett, tomorrow is another day and you're gonna tell me more, will you?"
„Haha, your old motto, isn't it?"
„Yes, old and new.." They both laughed.
Then she snuggled up to him again and stroked her fingers over the dark hair on his chest. She hadn't done this in a long time. In the candlelight, her wedding ring shimmered golden and suddenly both eyes were on it. With one hand, he took her hand in his and turned the ring around her finger. He had an absent look on his face, Scarlett noticed. Meanwhile, he caressed her dark hair with his other hand. They stayed like that for a very long time until Scarlett needed to change her position.
„Uncomfortable?", he asked.
„A little, but not because of you.."
„Can I help?", he asked, again.
„Maybe..", she smiled mischievously.
She turned around so that her face was turned to his. They looked each other in the eye. Rhett didn't stop the grab on her wedding ring.
„Beautiful, isn't it?", she said to break the silence.
„Scarlett?", his voice seemed to be coming from far away.
„Yes Rhett?"
„Let's make it up to all those wasted years of our marriage. Let's not fight again, no violence anymore, not physically or mentally."
She could only nod. She was surprised to hear that coming from him.
To make her approval to his words clear, she snuggled more onto him, and took his face in both her hands. He still held her one hand with her ring.
Then she bent her head down and kissed him slowly with as much passion and love as possible.
He didn't let go of her hand but started to caress her again. He just held her and no words were needed for this evening anymore.
By the time the candle had burned down, they had both long since fallen asleep. This was the first time in years that they were together in peace, and that was never to change again.
Author's note:
Pssst, I already spoiled a bit ;) I hope you guys like it anyway. Thanks again for your kind and encouraging reviews. I think I'm going to add a few more chapters (one or two, I can't say yet) to this story because it doesn't feel right to end it so soon. As I was reading through my story here, I got ideas for a new story - stay curious!
And don't forget to let me know what you think!