Chapter 34 – Decisions

There wasn't really anything to say to Edward in those first few minutes after we left the police station. He was hurting, and the best I could do for him was just to be there and hold his hand. He needed a little time to come to terms with everything, and when he was finally ready to talk about it, I wasn't the least bit surprised that he reverted back into self-loathing.

"Actually, this all makes perfect sense," he said evenly. "I mean, it's no wonder I went crazy, it runs in my family. It's fucking genetic. It would have been a miracle if I didn't go crazy. At least now we know that it was one hundred percent my fault you lost it. How could you not after dealing with me? It's fucking contagious. My innate craziness made you crazy."

"Edward, stop," I chided him gently. "My breakdown was not your fault. We all have to stop blaming others for our actions."

Edward thought about it for a moment, and then he smirked. "Nah, I'd rather blame my parents. Normal parents have normal kids."

I smiled and then bit my lower lip to keep myself serious. "Well, I guess you're right about that. I mean, my mother was a terrible person too, so we can just blame my stupidities on her."

Edward's smirk faded and he fell serious again as well. "Babe, your mom wasn't a terrible person. I didn't know her or anything, but just because she was having an affair, that didn't make her a bad mother...just a bad wife. You've told me plenty of great stories about her from when you were little, and I think you should just try to focus on those from now on."

I smiled somberly at him. "I thought I was supposed to be comforting you, how did it turn it into you comforting me?" I asked, echoing what he had said to me a few days before.

He shrugged. "That's what we do, right? Comfort each other."

I smiled widely then. "That's exactly what we do…and we always will."

"Always," he agreed, and then pulled me into him tightly. "I love you so much. I know there is no way I could have made it through without you…In fact, I'd probably be Elizabeth's lackey by now if it wasn't for you."

I squeezed him tighter. "Well, too bad for her that I'm not going to let any woman take you away from me…not even your mother."

"My mother would never get between us," he disagreed. "She adores you."

At first his comment confused me, but it didn't take me long to understand - He didn't consider Elizabeth his mother; he gave Esme that title, which warmed my heart. "I'm so glad the Cullens took you in. I can't imagine my life without you."

"I'm glad they took me in too, but I don't have a doubt we would have found each other regardless. There's no derailing fate."

"Wow, that's twice this week with the optimism," I said approvingly.

"Eh, maybe there's hope for me yet…Thanks to you."

"God! Get a fucking room!" Emmett shouted unexpectedly. We were in the living room of the Cullen's place, and assumed no one else was home, but I guess Em was where he usually was, in the kitchen.

Edward chuckled. "Why would we get a room when it's so much more fun to let you overhear us!" he shouted.

Emmett stormed into the living room, and headed straight for the front door. "Forget the room, go to a fucking pizza parlor, because the way I see it, that's the only type of place that could handle all the cheese you two spew at each other," he grumbled before leaving.

Edward and I just giggled. "He is right, we are pretty cheesy," he told me.

"That's okay, who doesn't love cheese?" I replied before leaning in to kiss the man I loved.

…

Our vacation was basically over, and it left us all feeling like we needed another vacation. Edward didn't visit Elizabeth in jail before we went back to school, and he had no intention of visiting her in the future. He felt no connection to her anymore, and I wondered if he ever would in the future. Regardless of everything she did to us, it made me sad knowing he'd probably never really get the type of closure which could only be achieved through forgiveness, but that was a choice he'd have to make for himself in the future.

As of now, it was time to get back to normalcy, and somehow we managed to settle right back into our school routine with ease. However, not even a week later, my dad showed up at my dorm room one evening, and said he had something important to tell Edward…

"I was actually just heading over there," I told Charlie sheepishly. I rarely spent time in my own room, he was just lucky to catch me there as I traded some of my laundry out.

Charlie understood what I meant, especially since it was close to a normal person's bedtime, so he grumbled something about using protection and why the hell he was paying for a room for me if I wasn't even going to use it, but he let it all go and chose to focus on the reason for his visit.

"You-uh, could have called," I told him as we walked through campus. "It's a long drive out here, what if I wasn't home when you stopped by."

"If you weren't there I would have gone to my hotel room and then called. What I have to say shouldn't be over the phone, and if you knew I was coming it would make you anxious and you'd end up pressuring me into telling you."

"Touché," I agreed. He actually did know me pretty well. "So, how's Sue?" I asked, trying to make small talk.

"Good," he replied, which was followed by another awkward silence. I loved my father to death, but holding an actual conversation with the man was a difficult thing to accomplish.

"Okay…Here we are," I said as we arrived at Edward's room. I never usually knocked, but I decided it would be enough of a head's up that I wasn't alone, just in case he wasn't dressed properly or something.

"Babe? What are you - Hey, Mr. Swan," Edward said when he saw who was with me. He looked around at the room and quickly grabbed one of my bras that was lying on the tiny bed we shared, and then he threw it across the room on a pile of his dirty clothes. - I honestly wished he'd just let me do his laundry; he always let it pile too high.

Charlie cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Is there somewhere else we can…talk?" he asked as he took a quick undesirable look around at our mess - well, mostly Edward's mess that he refused to let me help clean.

"Oh…uh, sure," Edward said while grabbing his shoes. - God, I loved him barefoot.

When Edward was decent enough in his sweats, t shirt, and tennis shoes, the three of us went to the lit quad area, where few people frequented at that hour. We sat at one of the picnic tables, and Charlie sat across from us, scaring us shitless by the tension and all around surprise appearance.

"Just spit it out," Edward told him, not wanting the suspense of his news to create any more stress than necessary.

Charlie huffed. "Turns out Elizabeth, or Victoria which she's gone by for a while now, has been harassing people for quite a long time. We've linked her to several instances of vandalism, harassment, even physical assault. And the only way we've been able to tie her to any of it, is because all of the victims have been people connected to you in some way. Your past foster parents, social workers who handled your case, even people who worked at the boy's home you were at for a time. She actually found out you were in Forks because she terrified a particular caseworker until she gave her that information."

"Why wasn't she arrested sooner?" I asked confused.

"They could never catch her, and they never even thought to link the crimes together," Charlie explained.

"So…you're saying she's going to be in jail for a long time?" Edward asked with a sense of relief that I wasn't expecting. I knew he hated her, but I guess I didn't realize just how worried he actually was about her getting released.

"Yes. She hasn't been convicted or sentenced yet, but everyone is confident she won't be able to get out for a while."

"Dad, you could have told us that over the phone," I told him confused.

"Well….the issue isn't Elizabeth exactly…it's her son Riley. They can't find a father, and there's no other family he can live with."

"Sucks to be a ward of the state," Edward said coldly.

"Edward," I chided him.

"What?" he asked bitterly. "Look, I get it; you came all the way out here to tell me about this, because you're hoping I'd take responsibility for the kid. But guess what, I don't want to. It was bad enough when everyone thought he was mine, but it's not my job to take care of that bitch's mistakes."

"Edward!" I chided him stronger. "He's an innocent little boy."

"Yeah, and at his age I was having cigarettes put out on me. Things could be worse than staying with a family member."

"Edward, he's your brother," I said to him. "If you could spare him the hell you went through, how could you not?"

He stared at me for a moment, and then he sighed. "You're right…but I'm in no place to care for a kid…a kid that's not even mine. How would I even do it? I'd have to drop out of school and get a job, and that's bullshit! Why should I have to give up my life for something I had nothing to do with?"

As heartless as Edward sounded, I understood where he was coming from. His mother had done nothing but try to ruin his life, and the child was just one more thing that would make him struggle.

"None of this is fair," I told Edward gently. "But that little boy needs someone to take care of him. He didn't ask for that woman as a mother any more than you did. And I know there are good foster homes out there, but are you really willing to risk it with your brother when you could care for him yourself? Remember what I said before? Life doesn't ask what we want…but we need to stick together and make it work. I honestly think that if you don't help him, someday you're going to hate yourself for it. You think hurting me was the worst mistake of your life - well, if you turn your back on Riley, you'll be topping it."

Edward was quiet, and then he sighed. "Can I just…think about it for a little while?" he asked my dad.

Charlie nodded. "Of course. But social services is going to need an answer from you soon, otherwise Riley will be moved and placed in a more long term foster home."

"Fine. Thanks for letting me know," Edward said.

We made plans to meet for lunch the next day, and then Charlie went to his hotel room and Edward and I went back to his dorm.

"I'm sorry," I told him quietly as I sat on the bed and watched him absently remove his shoes. "I didn't mean to jump on you like that back there."

He looked at me and smiled crookedly. "I don't remember any jumping. Although highly inappropriate in front of your dad, I would have loved for you to jump on me."

I rolled my eyes and then threw a pillow at him. "We can make this work, you know. We could rent a little two bedroom apartment…get jobs…just, jump right into the whole family thing."

He shook his head. "There's no way I'm letting you quit school. I don't even want to quit school, but…."

"Then don't quit," I cut him off. "We can both stay in school, but maybe just lessen our loads so we can get jobs. The school does have a really cheap daycare…and programs that can help us financially. It's going to be hard and take longer to graduate, but in the long run I think we'll both be happy we did it."

"Or the stress of it all will tear us apart," he argued.

I huffed. "With everything we've been through, do you really think we can't handle some real world stress?"

"But our problems have been our problems. This kid has nothing to do with you. He's my problem, and it's not fair to you…"

"I love you," I cut him off again. "I want to spend my life with you, so your problems are my problems too. And this kid isn't a problem anyway…he's family."

Edward stared at the floor, and then laughed once through his nose. "I really don't know why I keep flipping out over shit like this. You refuse to let us fail at anything, so what the hell am I so worried about?"

"Oh there is plenty to worry about. But we'll get through it together, just like we always do."

…

So that weekend Edward and I signed a renter's agreement for the most affordable two bedroom apartment we could find in Seattle on such short notice. Angela was like our guardian angel and gave us her kid brother's bedroom set that he just outgrew, and other friends thankfully gave us other various items to fill our new home with. It was definitely a whirlwind, but it was also exciting to be officially moving in together - No more going between our rooms, and I was thrilled to not have to share a bathroom with strangers anymore.

But before we even had a chance to enjoy our new place, we had to go to Forks to pick up Riley…

"Are you as nervous as I am?" Edward asked as he drove us there in our newly leased car.

"Definitely. I know nothing about kids…I just hope we don't forget him at daycare or something. Wait, he is potty trained, right?"

"God, I hope so…but considering how he lived so far, who knows."

"I don't know how to change diapers," I said slowly.

"Especially big, five year old diapers," Edward added. "What if the kid screams all night…or turns the gas on the stove and then tries to light a match to kill us in our sleep. Kids with wacko upbringings have been known to do shit like that."

I pressed my lips and tried not to smile. "What if we wake up and he's just hovering over us, staring," I joked.

"Oh fuck…I really don't think we've thought this through well enough," he said anxiously.

I just giggled. "Oh, it's all going to be fine, you'll see."

"You know, it may sound really screwed up, but…I already like this kid more knowing he's not mine. I mean, it doesn't really make a difference because I have to take care of him anyway, but…I don't know, I'm just glad I never procreated with some random chick. That would have really fucked me up."

"I understand what you're saying, but I know you would have loved your son too," I argued lightly.

"Well, thankfully we don't have to ever know that for sure. The only kids I'll ever father are the ones that come out of your vagina."

I stared at him in shock for a moment, and then I busted out laughing. "I really hope I'll never need a C-section," I said through my hysterics.

"If you do, I'm making Carlisle scrub in. There's no way I'd let just anyone cut you open," he said seriously. "Maybe we should just never have kids. Too much of a risk."

I rolled my eyes, but decided not to play into his illogical insecurities right then; we had more immediate things to worry about...

We pulled into Forks a couple hours later, but no matter how much joking or faked confidence I put out there, I was actually nervous as hell. What if we couldn't make it work? What if we really weren't ready? There was so much Edward and I had wanted to do, both personally and together, before settling into parenting life, and I had to wonder if we'd ever achieve any of it now. Of course, I wanted nothing more than to have a family with Edward, I only wished we could wait a few years until we were actually ready.

But life rarely waited for people to be ready, and our lives were about to get a whole lot busier…

We arranged for social services to bring Riley to the Cullen's house, so that's where we headed. When we arrived we both just sat in the car and tried to contain our nerves.

"We should probably go inside before they get here… It may not be the best thing for them to see us just sitting here like this," I suggested.

"Do you think they'd deny us custody?" Edward asked almost hopefully.

"Considering the fact that they okayed Riley living with someone who's been in a psych-ward, I think there's not much that will make them change their minds about the placement. You're his only family…It's us or the system."

"Fuck," he breathed.

So finally we forced ourselves out of the car, but when we got into the house we were surprised to see both Carlisle and Esme inside waiting for us.

"Hey, I thought you'd both be working," Edward said to them.

"We were hoping to talk to you before Riley arrives."

"Okay?"

Carlisle looked to Esme, so she placed her hand gently on his and then took over the conversation. "We've been talking…And in no way do we want it to seem like we don't think you're capable of caring for your brother, but…You're both in school, and this might not be the best time for you to become parents right now."

"We can't just let him go into the system," Edward told her regretfully.

"But what if he could stay with us?" Esme asked unexpectedly, rendering Edward and me speechless. "It's just…We've always fostered older teens, and even though we've loved every moment of it, we'd kind of like to raise a child. And if he stayed here with us, you could still see him whenever you wanted, and you could just be what you're meant to be – brothers."

When Edward didn't respond right away, Esme got anxious. "But of course it's your decision. We'd understand completely if you were uncomfortable and wanted to keep him with you."

Edward ran his hand through his hair nervously. "So, wait…are you serious about this?"

"Of course we are, son," Carlisle assured him. "But only if it's what you want."

Edward looked at me, and I wasn't sure what kind of expression I wore but it must have been enough for him to be confident that I'd agree. "I honestly can't imagine anything better," he said, nearly in tears.

Esme didn't hold back her tears one bit as her and Edward stood at the same time to embrace each other. Carlisle and I followed their lead and stood too, and we all took turns hugging each other. It was more than just relief, it was a joyous happy time, and I was sure there couldn't have been a more perfect outcome.

A little while later a social worker arrived with Riley, and I could honestly say that he was the most beautiful little boy I had ever seen. He was Edward's mini me, and even Riley noticed the similarities…

"You look like me," he said in his little sweet voice.

"Uh…yeah, freaky huh?" Edward replied awkwardly.

Everyone just stared at each other uncomfortably, but it only lasted a moment because Esme's mommy instincts kicked right on. "Are you hungry, sweetheart?" she asked him while kneeling down to get closer to his level.

He shook his head, and then looked around at the big house timidly.

"I'm sure this must be scary, right?" Esme asked him. "But I promise, in a few days you're going to be running around and feeling right at home."

Esme and Carlisle continued to try to make Riley comfortable, while Edward spoke to the social worker about the decision we had made. Since the Cullens were already approved foster parents there weren't any issues about the arrangement, and the process for their legal guardianship was started.

Edward and I stayed there for the next few hours, and by the time we decided to head back to Seattle, Riley already seemed more than a little comfortable. He just fit with Carlisle and Esme, and I knew we made the right choice.

I still didn't have a doubt we could have made it work, but the truth was, Edward and I weren't ready to be parents, and so what could be better than placing him with some of the best parents I had ever known. Edward would get to know and love his brother, but he didn't have to be his parent; it was the perfect situation.

When we got back to Seattle, we realized we had a two bedroom apartment that we didn't really need, but the more we thought about it, the more excited we became by the prospect of actually living together outside of campus. Of course, after two incredible months of cohabitation, we realized we either needed to get better jobs to pay for the rent, or we needed to get some roommates. It just so happened that Angela and her boyfriend were looking for a place as well, so they jumped at the chance to rent out our spare room.

Four adults in a small apartment was chaotic, but it was also some of the best times I could remember ever having, and I hopped we could keep it together through our duration as college students.

Everything seemed to be falling into place, and a calm serene atmosphere settled upon us. All the vicious threats were finally over, and there was nothing left to do but live…

***A/N: Epilogue, coming up next!