AN: Sorry not updating as fast as I was, working on finishing this in a couple more chapters.
Chapter 31
Steven woke up one Saturday and noticed Jackie was still asleep, he looked at the clock and figured it would be a bit before the twins woke up as well. He was actually thankful for that, he needed some time this morning alone. It was one year ago today he found out Edna had died. He had just hit his one-year sobriety and later that day he was going to be speaking at an AA meeting with his family present. Angie had agreed to watch the twins with Randy. He had been going to meetings in Milwaukee but still considered Chip his sponsor. They would meet at least once a month if he was in Point Place or Chip came to Milwaukee. He really hadn't talked to Jackie much about the significance of today. He wasn't sure if she had pieced together knowing from WB what happened to Edna and just not said anything, he just despite it all couldn't say anything himself. Chip had been on him about making sure to stay open with Jackie and not keep things from her, he had been trying to but he knew that in giving his speech tonight that would be hard enough, maybe after tonight he would find it easier to talk about.
He went and made coffee and went and sat with his coffee cup out on the little patio in their small backyard. Sitting there he knew they would need to find another place, the twins would need a bigger yard as they got bigger, they would need something where they could have a swing set and ride a big wheel around. He sat there and thought of the toys he wanted growing up and never got, but that Eric always seemed to have. He remembered he never played catch with Bud but Red would always take time in the summer to play with him and Eric, and even Laurie sometimes.
He realized he was looking towards the future instead of thinking of tonight. He was still staring and drinking his coffee when the door behind him opened.
"Hey you snuck out here early, didn't even wake me." It wasn't exactly an accusation but there was a disappointment there.
"Just wanted a little quiet time, seems peaceful out here, and just trying to calm myself for tonight."
Without asking Jackie left the door cracked and sat down next to him. "Today isn't easy I am guessing for you, and not the part of speaking tonight" Steven looked at her with a raised eyebrow, "Steven I know that it was a year ago today that you saw Edna in the morgue. Despite everything my parents have done to me, I don't know what I would feel if I had to view their body like that."
He took her hand and pulled her to his lap. "It was right before that I was seeing the road I was going down if I didn't stop. Despite she was killed because Bud was drunk driving, she was drunk and high at the time too. I never have tried to talk to Bud and after everything I don't think I ever will. No point now, just another of the 'uncles' Edna brought into my life. I don't think I would have anything to do with Edna had she lived. Her leaving for good and me moving in with the Foreman's was probably the best thing that happened to me at the time. Of course you and James and Sarah top that now, but probably wouldn't have had you all if she hadn't left."
"You were always a good guy Steven, I mean you was still living with her when you took me to prom."
He laughed at the memory, "I couldn't believe you when you asked if I wanted to introduce my mom to you. I mean it was bad enough hearing her."
"I know how I came across to everyone, but actually I was taught manners, by my nannies." She wasn't taught much from her parents other than how to be a spoiled rich princess. Sure she wanted to spoil her babies, but she didn't want them to be the brats she was early on. It took a lot of growing up to realize the world didn't revolve around her and she was lucky when the bottom fell out she had Steven with her.
They sat there for some time not even talking just enjoying the morning and their coffee, before the twins woke up. Steven had finished his coffee and was looking around, "hey I'll go get the twins bottles ready and start breakfast. I just need to keep busy."
Jackie just let him go despite he had been sitting for probably an hour not doing anything. Jackie gets up decides to check on the twins they are starting to finally sleep longer and her and Steven are both grateful for the extra sleep themselves. She can tell they are starting to both wake up when she walks in the nursery. Jackie started to change them and get them dressed for a day, or at least for the next few hours until they needed new clean clothes again. "Come on you two, I think daddy has your breakfast ready."
As she walked in with both twins, Steven stopped and turned to take Sarah from her and exchanging her for a bottle he had fixed.
There was so many questions Jackie had about tonight and things she wanted to know about his meetings, he never talked about them. Never talked to her about when he met with Chip, though she knew he was his sponsor. At times she felt he was keeping her out of this part of his life, but she was grateful that he had asked her to be there tonight to support him, along with WB, the Foreman's and Eric and Donna. She wasn't sure what he was going to say but was glad that she would have Donna and Kitty there with her. They all had been her biggest support while Steven was on his downward spiral last year. He would still hand her a chip he got when he crossed that barrier, she kept them in a dish on her bedside like she had when he first gave her the first one. She would tell him how proud she was of him each time and that would be it. The twins were fed and put in their swings while they ate breakfast, later everyone would be over for a lunch before going to the 5pm meeting. After breakfast Jackie would start on getting everything together for lunch, Steven took the twins and laid them on a blanket on the floor and laid down to play with them. They were starting to roll over and make sounds like they were trying to talk, it just came out as babble but at times it was like the other twin new exactly what their sibling was saying.
"I still say they have their own language as are already plotting against us." Steven called to Jackie from the living room floor.
She came out of the kitchen to see the three of them on the floor and the twins looking at each other babbling away. She couldn't help laugh, probably one day they really would be like that. She hoped that being twins they would be close unlike Eric and Laurie. Her and Steven both grew up as only children, as did Donna. Michael had so many siblings that he wasn't close to any of them. Fez never talked about his family back wherever it was he was from, so they didn't even know if had siblings or not. Though Steven did tell her one time he had mentioned a sister that he was keeping away from Kelso after they had found out about his relationship with or whatever it was with Angie at the time. It had been lonely growing up in a house without a sibling, she had asked for a sister quite often when she was little after all her cousin Randy had a baby sister, but after being told numerous times that she was enough to handle that they didn't need another baby, Jackie stopped.
Jackie wasn't sure if they would have more, they hadn't talked about it and it was too soon anyways. She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to go through the pregnancy thing again but with Steven beside her the whole time. She worried about the complications she had with the twins if she would have the same issues or if that was all due to the stress, heartbreak and carrying twins.
Jackie shook herself from those thoughts and as she started to pull items out to for drinks as the eggs and potatoes boiled for potato salad and deviled eggs.
She was stirring the lemonade about to put it in the refrigerator she felt Steven's arms around her. She leaned into him, "Where are James and Sarah?"
"They talked themselves into a nap, so I figured I would come help you." He said never moving his arms from around her.
"Well I don't think this will be a lot of help right now. But if you want to start on some brownies, I already have the oven preheated."
He leaned down and gave her a peck on the cheek, "OK, though I think it has been a long time since I made regular brownies."
Jackie thought about it, most of his brownies growing up had been 'special' brownies, then she remembered the yard sale. "I am guessing the last time you made regular brownies you made the other kind too?"
He couldn't help but laugh at the outcome of that day, "Yea and then well I guess you heard about the Foreman's and Donna's parents getting ahold of the wrong pan of brownies, though I think Bob and Midge were a little used to that type of brownie."
"Do you miss the circle?" Jackie as she started to get bowls out she would need and the tray for the deviled eggs.
"Well at first it seemed like everyone was gone, and at the time I was getting high and drunk at the same time. It wasn't the same. And well no one was really around for a circle, even Leo had taken off again. Kelso was trying to do the right thing for his job and for Betsey. And when I thought about how I had started getting high after watching Edna and even stealing her stash, I realized I going down the same path she had."
By now he was over at the table all the ingredients for the brownies out. And she could tell by the change in his voice and his body language that was all he was going to say. She pulled the potatoes and eggs off the stove and over to the sink
He watched her as she drained the water and ran cold water over everything. "I can remember when you wouldn't touch an egg."
"Well my love for deviled eggs grew even more when I was pregnant, it was one of first things Mrs. Foreman taught me, at least they were cooked before cracking. It took a bit before I got used to cracking eggs for other things."
"So Mrs. Foreman taught you to cook?"
"Well my aunt did too, I think so I would be able to get along on my own. She was OK with Donna and I for a bit, but really wanted her house back. Donna learned some, I don't think she'll be killing Eric, but she has been so busy she really doesn't have a lot of time to cook as you know."
"Eric had told me he had learned to cook some while he was in Africa, of course I am not sure if he was cooking on an open fire or what, so a stove might be something to hold him back."
The two chatted and got things ready for the family to come by. Steven had arranged it this way with his dad, if they were going to be all together he wanted it before the meeting, after the meeting he only wanted to be with his wife and kids. WB understood, he had gotten close to his son even more so over the past year and let Red and Eric know what was going to happen. Red said he would explain to Kitty they were only going for the day and to be back home so it was best to get together with everyone for lunch at Jackie and Steven's before going to the meeting and then they would head home. It had been Chip that had suggested the plan last week when they met. Jackie had went to shower and dress and get ready for everyone to start arriving, the twins were starting to wake up and Steven started to feed them some baby food. They would all need cleaned up afterwards and probably by then the guests would be arriving.
Jackie was putting the finishing touches on her make up, now she kept it pretty subtle unless they had something special going on, but with work and twins Jackie learned to improvise on her daily beauty routine.
She was walking into the kitchen just as Steven was wiping the babies off and checking if they needed new outfits.
"They stayed pretty clean, but I think may want to grab new bibs, they are both drooling machines lately." Steven said as he lifted James up and Jackie went to pick up Sarah.
"Yea Mrs. Foreman said that will happen when they start to have their teeth come in and even a slight fever." They went to the nursery and changed bibs. Both of them had bibs that had 'I love my Grammy' James was blue, and Sarah's was pink. "Yea have to make sure they are wearing these with Grammy comes."
They set the twins down on the floor to roll around and play with a few teething toys. While Steven went to get ready and Jackie started to get the sandwiches started. Not long the first guests started to arrive, Jackie was surprised to see Randy and Fez.
Jackie hugged both the guys as the came into the living room. "I can't believe you beat the Foreman's here. I am almost surprised they didn't show up early this morning."
"I guess I was more excited to see Angie than the Foreman's were to see the babies" Randy joked. "I thought she would be here already." He said looking around for her.
"No she should be here shortly, thanks for coming and helping her with the twins. I know you came mainly for her but thanks anyway."
"Hey it isn't just Angie, this is important for you all and I know this was the best way I could support you. I was surprised that Angie offered to stay here and not go hear her brother, but I think I understand. And you need someone you trust to watch them, so that is going to be Angie and I. If I get to go home tonight with Angie all the better" He gave a cheesy grin.
Jackie looked over at Fez, "Um what about Fez?"
"I am going with you all, I rode here to visit with everyone before the meeting, and I will get a ride back with Chip. He decided to just come for the meeting, said that this is family time." Fez explained.
Jackie thought about it and he was right, this was a family gathering, or those considered family. The only ones that would be missing was Kelso and Brooke, but Kelso had to work. If Angie and Randy went with them to the meeting she wasn't sure who she would trust to stay with the twins and they couldn't go with them.
Steven came out dressed in jeans and his favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt. Jackie just shook her head, she was wearing a skirt and blouse and small pumps. Just as he came out he headed over to where there was a knock on the front door. WB and Angie came in.
"Hey I had dad drive me so we didn't have to have so many cars here, since I knew Randy would be here." She said as she gave her brother a quick hug before going to Jackie and the babies.
"Thanks babe, glad to know you only care about the ride home I can give you later." Randy said looking slightly offended.
Pulling Sarah from her swing, she looked at her boyfriend and laughed, "Hey good to see you too." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek."
Before she knew what was going on she felt Sarah being taken from her, "Hey you get all the time you want with them, it is Uncle Fez's time."
The home started to fill as the Foreman's, WB as well as Donna and Eric showed up. James and Sarah were passed around as everyone noted the changes they had made since they last saw them. Kitty was hard pressed to give up one or the babies unless replaced by the other. Sandwiches and sides were fixed up on the counter for everyone to help themselves to. For the most part everyone mingled around, ate and talked. Jackie noticed Steven was missing.
She looked outside and somehow he had slipped out and was sitting back where she found him this morning. She found she was easy to slip out herself, the twins were in good hands, as she noticed that WB had James while Kitty had Sarah. She realized he hadn't fixed a plate or anything, so she quickly made him a plate and glass of lemonade and slipped outside.
"Hey you haven't ate yet, I fixed you a plate." She handed him the plate and sat the lemonade on the small table
"Thanks, I know I have been with everyone before, but I guess the I don't know just too much all of a sudden. Then I remembered I would normally have a beer, why would I need a beer just to hang around my friends and family?"
"Are you wanting a drink now?" Jackie was worried here he was to be celebrating his one-year sobriety and he seemed to be on the edge. She was scared for him, herself and the twins, she didn't know what she was supposed to do or say.
"Not really, it is just times like this I realize how much ever I didn't want to be like Bud and Edna I had. From as far back as I can remember I can't remember them without a drink of some sort in hand. I just, that is not who I want to be or my kids to see me."
Jackie took and kneeled in front of him looking him in the eye. "Steven you took your parents example of the kind of parents you didn't want to become, it was a long road to get there, but you got there. You are going to be the man that James wants to be when he grows up and the man to be an example for Sarah that she will want to marry."
Steven took his plate and put it on the table and then took Jackie's face in his hands, "I love you" and then kissed her deeply.
Breaking from the kiss, "You Ok now?"
He couldn't help but smirk at her, yea. But you want to sit here with me. I'll go back in after I eat. They sat in silence while Steven ate, the sandwich brought back memories of when he first started working with WB and Jackie packed his lunch, yea back then she might not have been able to cook anything to safe her life, but her sandwiches were the best. He was just ready for this day to be over, to have the house to themselves, to have the twins asleep and just to hold Jackie tonight.
Before he knows it they have left the house and headed towards the meeting, the family all take seats in the back. They knew better than to crowd Steven in the front. The only one that went up front with Steven was Chip that was already there waiting for him.
The meeting started and Steven was introduced, he took a deep breath and got up
"Hi I am Steven and I am an alcoholic"
The crowd responded, "Hi Steven."
"It has just been over a year ago I took my last drink. I can't even tell you when I took my first drink but I can tell you I was young. I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, my ma never had a kind word for me and blamed me for her life. The man she told me was my father took off when I was eight, ma took off eight years later when I was just sixteen. She had always told me I was going to count for anything, I was going to end up like Bud, the guy she told me was my father. I wanted nothing to do with either one of them. But Bud came back when I was about seventeen, I had been living with my best friend and his family, they had taken me in and treated me like their own. I left them and moved in with Bud, and that didn't last long and I was back with my friends and what basically became my true family. They made sure I had clean clothes, was fed and went to school, and most of all that I knew I was loved. Back then I saw it more as a teenage rebellion to drink and get high, despite living with a respectable family I had the image of a teenage burnout, or as the man that raised me likes to say hophead. I thought for sure when I turned eighteen, I was going to get the boot, but they didn't kick me out. They made sure I graduated, and I tried to make sure they knew I appreciated them, though I know I let them down a lot."
He took a breath, "I even got a girlfriend, I was never the guy that dated but not only did I have a girlfriend, she was a cheerleader and the hottest girl in our school. Most would look at us as complete opposites, but it worked. Or it mostly did, we've had our ups and downs and misunderstandings. The last six months before I became sober I was drinking and getting high more than ever, I was avoiding the growing up. I had found out Bud wasn't my dad and found my real dad. Despite getting a great job and starting a real relationship with my real dad and he got me a great job, but still I was doing what little I could to get by. My girl was on me about growing up and responsibilities while I just wanted to stay where I was, drinking and getting by with doing as little as possible. And then it all seemed to fall apart, I needed to make some decisions and well instead of talking to my girl or my parents I went to a beer warehouse and got completely wasted. By the time I went to talk to my girl she was in another city and there was a guy in her room, without talking to her and jumping to conclusions I left. I ended up on a three week bender in Vegas. How stupid I felt when I found out that it was her cousin and he was there because their grandmother had just died. But I was still upset and a girl from Vegas showed up claiming to be my wife. I can honestly say my life was at the start of spiraling out of control and I did nothing to stop it. Let my girl go, kept the wife who was a Vegas stripper, that I couldn't stand sober, basically started following down the path I never wanted to go down and be like Edna and Bud."
He stopped and took a drink of water; this was his lowest point. "Then I found out I wasn't really married; I honestly can't remember the details other than she was out of my life. But then I found out my girl and her best friend had left, and everyone kept their location from me. She was pregnant and she never wanted anything to do with my drunk ass. I was my mother and stepfather rolled into one. I wasn't someone to be around any babies. It was the start of the wake-up call along with a letter from my brother that had left and went to Africa, to most people it would have came across too harsh for him, but it was something I needed. Then I found out my mother died, she had been in car with my step-dad and both were too drunk to be driving. He is in jail and I haven't kept up with what is going on with him. I found myself looking at her for the last time in a morgue, I'll never get the answers to why she hated me so much, why she lied to me who my real father was but still put his name on my birth certificate. I started going to meetings, and a guy I once hit for what he said about my girl is now my sponsor. I started to work to earn trust. Each chip I got I put in an envelope along with a letter and sent to my girl. It started with letters that were passed along through our friends and family, I didn't even know where she was living. By Halloween she let me back in her life and a week later we were married a few days later we welcomed our twins a boy and a girl into the world. I have been sober for a year, and I am not just sober anymore to prove my mother wrong about what she said about me growing up. I am sober because I know I can't handle drinking like I thought I could. I want to be the man my wife is proud of, the father my son wants to be like and my daughter will look for in a husband later in life. I want to make the people that took me in and treated me as their own proud. I want to be the man my real father respects and trusts and can be proud of as well. But I also want to be sober for myself, that I can enjoy life, I can look back and say that this past year has been the best year of my life. I want to show my friends that we don't have to stick with those high school labels we carried."
He couldn't remember much after that, when it was over everyone took their turn to hug and tell him how proud they were, even Red.
"See son, you aren't in jail, pumping gas or dead, you've done good. You got to where you need to be even if it took you a little longer to get there. But I am proud of the man you have become."
Steven couldn't help but be thankful he didn't say anything about the getting high. He figured a long time ago that they knew what was going on but as Kitty once said to Jackie, they picked their battles.
Finally, Jackie was in his arms, and it seemed everyone else melted away. In truth they all knew that this was their que to leave and started to slip out. He closed his eyes and just held her and never wanted to let her go. He was afraid of her sitting listen to him talk about all the stupid stuff he had done she might just walk out, he would go home to find his stuff on the curb. This past year seemed like it had gone by too fast and too slow at the same time. At times he never thought Jackie would give him another shot and at other times he couldn't believe she had as quickly as she did.
"I love you Steven, thank you for becoming the man I knew you were."
He just pulled her tighter, after sharing his life in front of a group of people he wasn't sure if he could say anything to anyone at the moment. He opened his eyes and noticed they were alone everyone seemed to have already left. He wondered if they were waiting for him in the parking lot.
"Chip ushered everyone out after they gave you their congratulations and such."
He just nodded and led her out to the parking lot, he didn't say anything just relieved no one was waiting for him. He still would have Angie and Randy at the house. Without a word he leads Jackie to the El Camino, he enjoys the times when it is just the two of them and they can take his precious truck. They can't fit all four with the bench seat in the El Camino so for the most part they take Jackie's car. He opened the driver's door and let Jackie slide in, another plus to this versus Jackie's car, she could sit next to him even though it was a manual and the stick was on the floor in front of her, It gave him a reason to have his arm resting on Jackie's leg to shift gears.
"Hey, do you mind if we just take a drive for a bit?" Steven asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.
Jackie leaned her head on his shoulder, "Yeah that sounds good." Jackie knew he needed time, and just wanted to be with her. It was something she had learned early on in their relationship despite his aloofness he tried to show. He drove to an over to Lake Michigan and they stayed there just watching the water and the boats.
The sat in silence for some time, with the car off and the windows down, he didn't even have the radio on. He just had his arms around Jackie holding her as they looked out the window.
Finally he broke the silence, "I love you, I can't tell you how much you mean to me and that you took me back, I am afraid I would have given up on everything if you had cut me out completely. I hate I had to hit bottom not just with you but my life in general before I saw how bad I was getting. I want to spend the rest of my life being the man you have always seen me to be."
"I love you Steven, I knew you were heading to the bottom and couldn't stay and watch. Honestly, I was worried you were going to kill yourself in the direction you were going."
"I am just glad I didn't kill myself reaching the bottom. I love you and I love the life I have with you, our babies, our family and even my job. I never thought I would be able to have all this and because of you and your belief in me years ago I have it."
She turned and faced him, before she could say anything he pulled her face to his and kissed her with all the passion he had. "Let's get home to our babies."
The next day they woke up and Steven decided they should take the babies to the nearby park, if anything to walk around pushing them in their strollers. Steven was just enjoying the simplicity of the life they had, his early childhood had been filled with so much fighting, abuse all that was made worse with the drinking and drugs. He didn't think he could ever have what the Foreman's had, but he had it. Over the last year he had learned more than ever that his past didn't have to define his future, something Jackie had tried to tell him even before they were together. He couldn't hate how his life turned out, but he just hated the time wasted to get there.
That night he found himself after they all fell asleep waking up, after watching Jackie sleep for a bit he made his way to the nursery and watching the twins. For so long he had thought himself a Hyde, he thought he had a curse that came with being a Hyde. Sure the Foreman's, especially Red had told him he didn't have to be like that of the Hyde's, in jail, prison or pumping gas. He thanked God that he was learning was there that he met WB, though he knew if it wasn't for Jackie and Mrs. Foreman he probably wouldn't have the relationship he had with him. He now had a mom in Mrs. Foreman, but also two dads that was there for him when needed, but also ready to kick his ass and set him straight when needed, all the things he missed growing up. He knew that being a dad was not just about being the heavy, he was going to make sure the twins never questioned that he loved them, but he wasn't going to spoil them either. He didn't know if he would be as hard as Red Foreman, though when they were teenagers given that they would be a combination of him and Jackie, he just might turn into the great Red.
Jackie woke up to an empty bed, she could tell he was in the nursery and just laid there in bed. A year ago she didn't think they would be here. She was so much a mix of emotions from angry to hurt to scared, she didn't know if she could trust him ever again. Though to some it might have seen like she took him back quickly, the letters and hearing of his changes soften her to him and prepared her to accept him back into her life. She hasn't once regretted it and prays she never does. She has the life she always wanted, not that childhood dream of a mansion and a rich husband. But as she grew up and began to see the emptiness if her parent's lives and even her own life that wasn't what she wanted anymore. The more time she spent at the Foreman's the more she wanted more of what they had. Mr. Foreman who took the time to teach her about working on cars, who at first had more luck than Mrs. Foreman had on teaching her to make a pie. She still remembered the look Steven gave her when she wheeled out from under the car that career day, part of what led her up to getting him to take her to prom. She hears him start to come back to bed and tries to pretend to be asleep.
"I know you are awake" Steven says as he crawls in bed.
"Yea well rolling over and you not being in here woke me up." Jackie said as she snuggled into his arms.
"Just thinking and couldn't sleep, so I decided to let you sleep and come check on them."
The next morning Steven felt like he woke up with a new outlook on life. He had made a promise to himself when he was little he wasn't going to end up like his parents, he even reinforced that to himself after talking to Red on his eighteenth birthday, yea he got sidetracked but he was where he wanted to be. Yea he was going to AA meetings at least once a week now, but he had his one-year sobriety chip, something that Bud more than likely didn't get until he was locked up for a year and would last when he or if he got out. WB was following the case as far as his sentence and everything, but Steven told him he didn't care to know anything about him, his plea, his sentence, anything. He was ready to close that part of his life.
He rolled over and looked at his wife lying beside him, what kept him from committing to her before now? How could he think he would be like Bud and Edna by not committing to her? Jackie was part of what made him a better version of himself, she saw in him potential that others didn't see, and just pushed him in that direction. To not be like Bud and Edna he needed her to be there to help guide him in the right direction. What was the saying? Behind every great man is a great woman. He could be a great man, for his wife and kids and the true parents in his life, WB and the Foreman's.
He reached over and pulled her close to him, doing his best not to wake her up in the process. He was going to put that burnout persona behind him, that Zen master that had no business in a family life. He wanted to be a father somewhat like a mix of WB and Red, he wanted to follow those two men's examples for his work ethic as well, there was a mixture of working but making time for family. This was the life he really always wanted and was scared at the same time to have, with Jackie with him he wasn't as scared. He knew she felt the same, she had outgrown the fantasy years ago of being rich with maids and a husband that was a doctor or lawyer, her eyes were starting to open that summer they first got together with realizing how absent her parents were becoming. They never even realized when they started dating even when he picked her up at her house. The walls finally crumbled when her dad was arrested, and her mom took off. It took time but she finally came to reality and her priorities changed, unfortunately despite he helped with those changes he still thought at times of her still being that spoiled princess that Kelso brought into the basement years ago. He couldn't change the mistakes he made in the past, but he could make sure to learn from them and not repeat them.