So maybe the food could have been a bit better - at least Todd and Irene had finally found something to talk about. While Todd munched down on semi-stale fries he had dipped in his strawberry milkshake, his triple bacon burger a distant memory that was later going to come biting back with force, Irene was scarfing down a double cheeseburger with extra pickles like there was no tomorrow. It was partially frightening to watch the way she attacked that hamburger - it was like a weird horror movie about someone never having eaten before - but on the same token, Todd had never really seen a girl eat anything more than nitpicking at a salad, so it was equally fascinating to him...
Despite the initial awkwardness of the date, this wasn't shaping up to be a complete disaster. Hooray for small miracles!
Roughly half-way through their meal, the conversation opened up, and it was now time for Irene to start questioning Todd. "So, other than comics, do you do anything else for fun?"
He was about to say masturbate, but he stopped himself at the last minute, remembering that girls really preferred to not to hear that kind of thing. His face still hadn't forgotten that lesson. "Watch tv and stuff. Before he got a girlfriend, I used to Skype my best friend."
"Was that before or after you jerked-off to porn?" Irene said that so naturally, she might as well have jut asked him where he was from.
And just like that, Todd was convinced that he loved his woman. Ok, he didn't really love her, but to hear any female talk like that - he was sold. Leaning in, he looked around to see if they had been overheard by anyone else. "Should you say something like that? Won' the other girls be mad at you for saying something like that?"
Arching an eyebrow, she wondered if he thought the female gender was like some kind of cult. "What, touching yourself is natural, so why shouldn't I be allowed to talk about it? It's not incest or bestiality or something completely weird. But I get it - you're a chicken. You don't want to talk about something like that in public."
Not really where they had expected the conversation to go...
If they talk about sex during dinner, then what the hell is in store for desert?!
Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Irene Wallis is mine.