A/N: Hey guys :D Hm I know I'm usually a fast updater but right now I'm in Uni, so I don;t have much time to write anymore. I'll write whenether I can, but I won't be able to do big chapters D: I hope I finish the story all the same, I have it mapped out in my head. I stayed up to do this chapter, I know it's not long, but for now it'll have to do. I MIGHT put the story on hold for a while - but I hope it doesn't come to that, I hate not typing up loose ends. xDD

~ Stage: Futility

"Scientifically, you're doomed Mr Edgeworth!"

The lab coat-clad Ema Skye was peering at them through her pink glasses, with a goofy smile on her face. She looked like she was trying to suppress a lot of laughter, though. Miles could only grow increasingly agitated at her bluntly stated words.

After leaving Miles' office, sneaking down the stairs surreptitiously, they'd run into Ema Skye, who just happened to be ascending the stairs to visit her sister in her office near the top floor. She just happened to notice their circumstances, as well.

"Scientifically? There's no science in being plunged into the depths of pure hell. Yes, I am comparing your permanent company to hell fire Wright."

And don't you dare give me that look.

"E-Edgeworth.."

"Well Mr Edgeworth," Ema withdrew her pen from her lab coat pocket to rest it on her lips, in deep thought. "I suppose science could have more of a part to play in this.."

"Elaborate, Ms Skye?"

Ema jumped out of her daze, slightly flustered. "Right! I suppose what I'm driving at.. is.." she cleared her throat and punched the air with a gusto. "Get it off by force!"

"Force?" Phoenix repeated, weakly. "You mean.."

"Perhaps you can blow it apart?" she suggested. She sounded serious, too.

"Wouldn't that destroy our hands in the process?" Phoenix pointed out, a smirk forming on his lips despite himself.

Miles closed his eyes and groaned inwardly. "This is horrendous."

"Well Mr Edgeworth.." Ema was now tapping her pen against her lips, thoughtfully. "I could introduce you to an old friend of my sister's." She lifted her glasses to rest them on her head with a cheeky smile. "He's an expert in the chainsaw trade."

"C-c-chainsaw.."

"Please do Ms Skye," Miles answered, promptly. If he could cross his arms, he would - but as he couldn't, he unwillingly left them stubbornly hanging at his sides. Phoenix was more than alarmed at Miles' prompt reply.

"Edgeworth! Are you freaking crazy-"

"Certainly Mr Edgeworth!" Ema grinned, scribbling enthusiastically at her notepad. "Though you're going to have to follow me to my sister's office, she's the one with the connections after all!"

If Ms Lana Skye saw me in this condition, I'd feel nothing short of complete and utter humiliation to my very core..

Before Miles opened his mouth to speak, Phoenix cut in first.

"Definitely Ema, we'll come, won't we - Edgeworth?" Phoenix shot a look of irritation at the prosecutor.

Wright you absolute-

"Understood," Miles muttered, through grinding teeth.

Phoenix held an exceedingly smug look on his face as he dragged the lugging prosecutor up the stairs, to follow Ema to her sister's office.

x|x|x|x

"Hello Ema, welcome back."

Lana Skye opened the door with a smile, which gradually formed into a look of mild surprise upon seeing the two lawyers behind her sister.

"Mr Wright and Mr Edgeworth," she inclined her head and smiled warmly at them. "Nice to get a visit from you Mr Edgeworth, despite us being situated in the same building - I rarely see you. And Mr Wright, its been a while! How have you both been?"

"We're breathing, Ms Skye, and only just-"

"Our lawyer friends have gotten themselves into a sticky situation!" Ema cut in, gravely. "Guess what? They're shackled together! And the handcuffs are impossible to break out of.."

"Excuse me?" Lana blinked in surprise. "Hand..cuffed?"

Miles gritted his teeth in agitation and Phoenix snorted.

"No Ms Skye-"

"I had no idea the both of you had such.. sexual-"

"NO, Ms Skye!" Miles' voice became a flustered mess in his attempts to explain himself. "I assure you, this is anything but what you're thinking of!"

Lana blushed briefly and turned her head away to hide a smile behind her long brown curtains of hair. "As you say, Mr Edgeworth. Now you say you want them removed?" Her smile no longer held amusement, she now held a glimpse of concern on her features.

"Yep, and I was wondering if you could introduce them to our friend Sam, the one who's an expert in the chainsaw trade?" Ema asked, energetically.

"I suppose so," Lana shot her a wry smile. "Brute force might not be the answer here, though. But yes, I'll get into contact with him." She smiled at Mr Edgeworth. "Mr Edgeworth, glaring will only make your already existing premature wrinkles worse."

"Hmph."

"Thanks sis!" Ema grinned, almost as if it was her she was helping out, not Phoenix and Miles.

"My pleasure, but as I said, brute force might not be enough to get the handcuffs off. They look awfully familiar, actually.." she scrutinised them for a moment, before shaking her head. "I'm afraid it's not coming to me, but I definitely recognise them. I don't think these can be broken apart at all by the use of force. I'll get you in contact with Sam anyway."

How awfully encouraging. I feel a migraine coming with a vengeance now.

x|x|x|x

"E-Edgeworth? Are you alright?"

Phoenix's tentative voice snapped Miles out of his furious thoughts.

"I'm perfectly fine Wright, incredibly fine in fact," Miles snapped back, clicking his tongue. "This.. "Sam", when on earth will he come back?" The prosecutor wondered out loud.

The two lawyers were standing in front of a lumber shop. Outside the lumber shop were stacks upon stacks of freshly chopped wood. The front door looked like it had seen better days in its time. Hung on the door was a rickety sign with the words "Be Back Later" scrawled on it with messy handwriting. The word "Later" was misspelled.

Well they do say you can tell a lot about a person just by analysing their handwriting and spelling skills. I do hope we won't end up with no hands at all, by the end of this episode.

"You Lana's pals?"

A gruff male voice behind them grunted; Miles and Phoenix spun round in alarm, cursing when their wrists failed to flex properly and move as they spun. The man in front of them was wearing a chequered lumberjack shirt much too big for him, with faded blue jeans covered in sawdust. The man's eyes drifted down to Phoenix and Miles' handcuffed wrists, then back up again with a smirk teasing his mouth. Miles, cursing inwardly, maintained his formality all the same. To save his face.

"Are you Mr Sam Hemingway?" Miles inquired, coolly.

"Indeed I am Mr Edgeworth," Sam answered. "I'm a man of the axe trade though. I think Little Ema and Lana must be giving me more credit than deserved with regard to my - profession," he chuckled a bit. "No worries though, I'll do my best to hack this little wiener off you.."

"Excuse me?" Phoenix laughed at his use of the word "wiener". "I don't think my friend here would like his weiner chopped off..!"

"Wright! I'm sure you're misunderstanding his use of the word "wiener"!" A blush rose to Miles face unwillingly.

"It's town-lingo!" Sam was incredulous. "But if you want I can chop your wiener off, I mean ha it can join my collection in my garage."

"Say what!"

A heavy laugh came from Sam. "Chill chill I'm messing with you pal."

Phoenix rolled his eyes. "Right. Really."

"Right this way boys!"

The lumberjack lumbered inside his shop, kicking the door open so it fell through.

"I-is that really necessary?" Phoenix raised his eyebrows and winced, looking at the door.

"Too stiff to open on a hot day. Too loose to put back up properly. 'Course it is."

The logic defeats even me.

"Alright boys hold your hands up… Mr Wright, just your handcuffed hand is fine," the lumberjack raised his eyebrow when he saw Phoenix raising both of his hands in a sheepish manner.

"Oh, sorry!" He quickly lowered his free hand.

"Brace yourself!"

Out of nowhere, a ripping sound tore through the air as Sam lifted a heavy chainsaw, after switching it on.

Maybe this isn't the best idea..

"Mr Hemingway-" Miles began.

"Hmm?" The sound of Miles' voice was drowned by the roaring of the chainsaw.

"I don't think-"

"What you say?" Sam yelled, as he lowered the roaring chainsaw.

"I-"

"Get ready for the impact boys!"

BANG.

The impact threw both Phoenix and Miles off their feet. A shocking sensation of blind-hot fire and electricity shot through both the lawyers in a flourish. Miles could feel his limbs shaking in a spasmodic movement and his vision swayed and lost focus, as the two men were thrown into the corner, and into a pile of logs that buried them in a noisy tumble. Miles' vision blackened as the large heavy lumber pieces buried the lawyers. A moment passed before Sam had registered what had happened before his very eyes.

"H-hey! Are you alright in there?"

"Yes.." Miles groaned, rubbing the back of his head - the part of his head that had made contact with the lumber behind him.

"It'll take me a while to get you boys out of there!" I'll go get my truck for log-lifting, hang on in there till then, 'kay boys?"

His heavy footsteps faded into silence.

Just lovely.

Miles gently shook his wrist, cursing when he realised he was still cuffed.

"We're still cuffed, Wright," Miles said curtly.

He failed to receive an answer from Phoenix.

I-is he still breathing? What an oaf!

"Wright, are you still breathing?" Miles demanded.

Yet again, he was greeted with silence.

"Wright…" Miles muttered, irritated.

How dare he not answer me?

He felt a stir from beside him. Miles relaxed, releasing a held breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"Thank goodness."

…Did I just say that?

"Next time Wright, answer when you're being spoken to.." Miles reprimanded, in a slightly hurt tone.

"Edgeworth.."

Phoenix shifted even more, edging closer to the prosecutor. Miles raised his eyebrows in questioning.

"Yes Wri- ugggh!"

Miles flinched as Phoenix's hands made contact with Miles' thighs. He slowly massaged his lower region, then positioned himself so he was on top of Miles, legs intertwined. Miles' eyes flittered in the darkness in alarm. Phoenix's silhouette was only just visible, and his breathing - heavy and husky.

"Wright what on earth are you doing?" Miles hissed. "Get off me!"

"-failing stage."

"Excuse me?"

Miles raised his eyebrows, but winced when Phoenix's hands reached a sensitive spot.

"I-I.."

"You're hiding something."

Phoenix's breath was hot and tickled Miles' neck, as he leant down to whisper in the prosecutor's ears.

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"Futility."

"Futility? What on earth are you spouting, Wright?"