AN; Late, yes I know. But i've been working on a theater production these last couple of months, so I've been working late hours and practicing my lines. Good news is that all the shows are sold out!..But I'm also disappointed for not updating this story fic sooner. Here come's an angst:y chapter, all mistakes are mine.
Sacrifices.
An instant bond was formed between the two girls, they would be connected no matter what decision was made, an invisible thread through pain or love. It all depended on Rachel.
Santana was curled up on the couch with her face hidden in the palms of her hand, every now and then glancing up to see Rachel in a similar state but with her gaze set on the garden through her living room window. Rachel's face was grey and dark from the smeared mascara, her skin dry and tired from getting abused by scorching tears and…
Santana sighed… the girl was right in front of her…but she seemed to be so far away.
After the unexpected news of Rachel's pregnancy, they had relocated themselves into the house of where Rachel has practically lived all her life. Santana inspected the place. This was her home, it was colored with memories of when she was a kid and now she was having a child of her own? How was this possible?
"I didn't know." She murmured brokenly and lost. Rachel shifted in the couch and eyed the girl in front of her. Shaking her head with a disbelieved smile on her face she spoke for the first time in 20 minutes since she declared her pregnancy.
"You should have."
"How could I have known?" Santana exclaimed, rising to her feet, cheeks flushed and throat parched. She began to pace, running her hands through her disheveled hair as she tried to steady her breathing. How was she supposed to know that she was capable of… The doctors told her at an early age that she didn't have the ability to impregnate. They seemed so sure of it. Santana clenched her fists together and sunk to the floor, her weight resting on the front of her feet as she tried to calm herself down.
"Oh god…" she shuddered out.
"Are you sure? Are you sure it's just not a mistake, maybe you bought a cheap pregnancy test-"
Rachel sniffled and chuckled bitterly.
"I'm sure, Santana. For gods sakes I wasted my allowance buying several tests."
The room grew quiet again and then Santana looked up from the floor and gazed at the old tree outside her window. For a minute that is all she did until she swallowed the clump of trepidation in her throat and spoke.
"Are you sure it's…"
Rachel sighed heavily and drew her gaze away from the very same tree Santana had been looking at and planted her sight on the girl.
"It's yours. I haven't been… intimate with anyone else."
Santana nodded from her position on the floor and then raised herself up to a slumped stance. The intensity of the silent communication they were having merely through eye contact was ludicrous and indescribable. Out of nowhere there was a trail of wet fluid running down Santana's cheek, she didn't realize she was crying until she felt a taste of saltiness creep into the edges of her lips. Rachel frowned and slipped off the couch.
She embraced the crumpled faced brunette and planted soft kisses along Santana's jaw before she reached her lovely plump lips. Sliding her tongue lovingly against Santana's until they formed a mutual core and leaned against each other. Santana wrapped reassuring arms around Rachel's slim waist and resumed their kissing and then slowly extracted her lips from the brunette. She felt a pair of lips brush against the shell of her ear before she heard a frail breath of words.
"Please don't hate me."
Santana frowned confusedly and tightened her grip on the girl.
"Why should I? Rachel, this is my fault, don't bla-"
"No, that's not what I…" Rachel interjected and drew in a shuddering breath. Rachel removed her grip on Santana's neck and lowered them to entwine her fingers with tanned ones. She leant backwards until their eyes met and sighed, this would be another horrifying chapter in her life.
"I'm not keeping it"
At first she thought that Santana hadn't heard her, judging by her lack of reaction. It didn't take too long though for her to hear the sound of a throat trying to clear up whatever lump had formed.
"Could you repeat that?"
Rachel sighed and glanced at the floor.
"I'm so sorry. I can't do this"
They were so young and far too immature and naïve to believe they could raise a child at this moment in their lives. Maybe Santana was willing to give it a try and give up everything. But she couldn't, she knew that her dreams of Broadway would come to collapse and in the end she would come to resent their baby, perhaps people would call her selfish. And maybe she was. But the truth is that she doesn't know what kind of person she will end up to be in the future if she keeps it… no child deserves to be treated as a mistake.
She exhaled and stepped away from Santana, the girl who she knew she was responsible for filling her with melancholic cuts and was now staring at her with rage and agony. Santana moved quickly around the room, collecting her jacket and school bag before quickly exiting the Berry house.
X
When Santana arrived home she went straight to her room, she doesn't know how long she stood in the silent space, nor does she remember when her mother arrived home. All she knows is that she's lying in her bed, engulfed in her mother's embrace and shaking on and off with whimpers filling the air.
"No llores, mi flor." Her mother hushes gently and brushes a thumb on her tear-streaked cheeks.
"Mamá, no puedo respirar, everything is wrong" She sobs and clenches tighter on the pillows she's burrowing her face in.
"I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong"
Maria Lopez whispers and waits patiently for her daughters reply.
"There's nothing you can do."
The answer leaves them both powerless.
Two weeks pass and Santana has yet to reveal the cause of her tears. Each night is the same, it starts with her breathing harshly and ends with tears and an embrace from her mother that does little for her. She's still pondering on why Rachel's decision has left such a strong impact on her. She should be thankful and relieved. She's never really thought of having a kid, the question has come up on many occasions, relatives discussing dreams of grandkids, and younger cousins planning what time would be appropriate. And whenever the question was directed at her, she would shrug and respond with a condescending tone.
"Kids are for people who are bored"
Her parents never bothered to talk to her about her resentment of having kids. She was a stubborn child. But… then Rachel managed to disrupt her belief. It wasn't fair.
She slams her books against her desk and glares at the questioning face Mr. Schuester gives her.
"Page 42…" He calls out to his class. Santana's sighs and flicks the pages.
'We're young…it's for the best.' is her last thought before Mr. Schuester's lousy Spanish accent fills her ears.
X
Their encounter in the library is inevitable. It's been long over due, and now there is a high chance of getting detention by the look the librarian is giving them.
Rachel pulls Santana away from the place and leads them to the girl's bathroom. On this hour, it's pretty deserted, and even if it wasn't she's sure Santana would make it happen so.
"Listen, I'm doing this for the both of us and for it's sake"
"You're getting rid of it, I get it, the least thing you can do is call it by what it is!" Santana scoffs.
"Fine! I'm doing this for the baby too! Happy?!" Rachel lashes and shoves the girl into a sink.
Santana moans quietly at the pain and swiftly stands straight again. Rachel's feels remorse at her actions and is about to apologize when Santana shushes her.
"No, I'm not happy, and neither will you after the procedure" She grits out.
Rachel's eyes glazes over. The comment hits her like a slap to her face. Her hands tremble as she approaches the girl.
"You think I don't know that?" she inquires; her voice is weak and broken as she speaks.
Santana looks taken aback and unintentionally ignites a bitter laugh from the other brunette.
"You look surprised." She reflects quietly.
"Rachel you…"
"You and everyone else may think I'm a heartless, unfixable, irritating midget."
Santana turns away to hide her tears.
"Truth is, we may have been fucking but you don't know me…I'm not happy now, and I won't be after the procedure either, trust me, I know."
TBC
Unless you're mad at me and nobody feels like reading this anymore.