Chapter 7: Only Fools Rush In
Disclaimer: I own no part of DragonBall Z or Dragonball. Those animes are the exclusive property of Akira Toriyama. However, Rolo Yeung is my original character.
After his less than cordial rendezvous with the evil android Cell, Yeung strode over to where a certain would-be champion Mr. Satan, was messing around. Suddenly, Mr. Satan started waving at someone in the distance.
Yeung followed what under normal circumstances would be the line of sight of the village idiot until he spotted what looked like a two man TV crew camped out atop a distant rock face. One of the men who looked to be in his late fifties, had dark coal black hair and wore a very cosmopolitan business suit. He held a microphone and as such had to be the journalist. The second male who looked to be in his late twenties wore a tacky baseball cap and carried a camera.
Yeung then turned around to see the afroed goofball taunting Cell.
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea Herc," warned the pint-sized warrior.
"Pfph! What's he gonna do about it?" asked the champ arrogantly.
"Suit yourself."
"I will," replied Mr. Satan with a light snicker.
What the afroed gorilla did next really caused Yeung to question both the man's sanity and his intelligence. The big goofball reached up and began to motion the TV crew down from the rocks.
"Are you naturally this stupid or do you just practice?"
"What are you talking about short shit?!" shouted Mr. Satan irritably.
"You're putting them in serious danger," explained the teen fighter, "That sick bastard might take them hostage. Did you even consider that?"
Mr. Satan tightened his brow in frustration before replying. "They're journalists. They put themselves at risk. Let them come. It's no skin off my back."
"As if I have need for hostages."
The two humans turned to see the monstrous Cell staring at them, a cold smirk etched across his face.
Hercule shook his fist menacingly at the insectizoid-looking doppelganger saying "You'll need everything you can get when I get done with you!"
"Oh pleeaase, I don't put my hands on trash," said Cell in a cocky voice, "Besides, it's neither of you I'm interested in."
Peeved, Hercule turned around with a huff and marched off to a different corner of the ring.
"Hey Herc!" chimed Yeung. "Do you have anything to drink?"
Mr. Satan eyed Yeung for a moment before asking, "You twenty-one?"
"Like that'll stop me."
"That's what worries me," muttered the older man, "In that case, there's some Irish scotch in the refrigeration unit."
Needing no invitation, Yeung turned and ran to the limozine, intent on both wetting his whistle and getting a good buzz in the process.
"Poor kid's gonna stunt his growth," muttered the would-be champion.
"I heard that you bum!"
"Just shut up and pour me a glass while you're at it!" replied Mr. Satan.
"And pour me some too!" hollered Cell. "It's freaking hot out here!"
Mr. Satan turned to look at the killer android standing in the middle of the arena. At this time the TV crew was making its way to the ring.
"I guess there's nothing wrong with one last drink," mouthed the champ all the while leering at Cell.
"Get out of my face you filthy vermin!" ordered Cell irritably.
Mr. Satan was a little taken back by this, but he remembered however that he needed to save face in front of the camera. Suddenly, he found a microphone shoved in his face. Hercule looked down to see that it was his announcer sidekick that he had worked with over the years.
"Could you share with us Mr. Satan just how you feel right now?" inquired the announcer.
Mr. Satan pointed at pointed at Cell before saying, "I have sympathy for Cell here whose reckoning has gone awry. He couldn't possibly have known that there was someone in this world as strong as I am."
"Yes, yes…," prodded the ringside announcer.
Hercule pointed at Cell coolly before continuing, "He went and talked like a big shot and now it is too late for him to get off by just saying 'I'm sorry.'"
"Listen to me Cell! Your secret is out! The way you destroyed our capital's military forces was through using tricks involving explosives, but that isn't going to work on me!"
Cell continued to stare off into the distance with disinterest. This behavior however, irked the Champs' pet announcer.
"He's pretending he can't hear you," stated the announcer.
"He's so nervous, he doesn't know what to say!" explaining the Champ naively. The two men then began to taunt Cell the way one would a child.
Just then, Hercule felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He looked around to see Rolo Yeung holding a few drinks. He handed one to Mr. Satan before walking over to Cell with the other one.
"Bottoms up cockroach" mouthed Yeung snidely while tossing the bottle to the android." He turned around to find Hercule and his announcer still taunting the green-carapaced android.
Yeung only shook his head in pity before speaking, "Guys, I really don't think that's such a good idea." However, Mr. Satan and his announcer sidekick simply ignored the boy.
"Fine, have it your way." Flustered, Yeung turned in a huff and walked to a distant corner of the ring.
Mr. Satan looked over in the teen's direction. "Come on boy!" shouted Hercule, "Lighten up!"
Just then, all those present in the ring heard a strange though faint noise. Yeung, Mr. Satan, and the TV crew up to see a peculiar, ethereal blue light source flying through the air, and it was approaching fast. As it descended, Yeung could make out the form of a person taking shape.
Finally, the mass of blue light landed, and from it emerged a strange man with flaming black hair that stood on end characterized by a high widow's peak. His facial expression was among the most serious Yeung had ever seen, and his stature was barely a foot taller than Yeung's own. The strange fellow wore a tight fitting, blue spandex suit that included white boots with matching gloves and what looked vaguely like a yellow bullet proof vest.
Intrigued by the stranger who had just flown in, the announcer walked over to the edge of the ring closest to the spandexed newcomer followed closely by his trusty cameraman.
"Hey, who are you, and what are you doing here?" prodded the announcer.
The odd man scowled with utter distain at the announcer before snapping, "Get out of my face you worm!"
Taken back by the peculiar man's rudeness, Hercule's announcer sidekick quickly hid behind the Champ.
"I'd have to say that guy is nuts," muttered the ringside announcer under his breath.
"He's probably one of my fanatical fans," said the champ fancying a guess.
"How could he just fly in here like that?" asked the cameraman aloud.
"It's probably just some elaborate hoax," stated Mr. Satan unsurely.
"I donno."
Everyone present pivoted to see Yeung standing behind them. The teen waited a moment before continuing.
"My master, King Choppoa, once told me of a technique he bore witness to at the Tenkaichi Budokai."
"Grrr…Look you little snot!" shouted an irritated Mr. Satan, "I refuse to believe that people can fly! First, you talk about believing in monsters, and now it's flying! Stop living in fantasy land!"
With a quick "Whatever..," Yeung crossed his arms and sat down Indian style on the edge of the ring.
Just then, a sound not too dissimilar from rushing water could be heard in the distance. Everyone present, aside from Cell, instantly did an about-face. Just outside the ring stood a monstrously tall, red-headed man in green armor and black spandex. The armor itself had the Capsule Corporation insignia branded onto the right breastplate.
Turning to get a better look at the ginger-topped behemoth, Cell could only smile as he addressed the newcomer. "Well, what a surprise!? Android 16! You're still alive and kicking, and with beautiful repairs no less."
Cocking an eyebrow, Yeung could only ask coolly "Who the hell is this?"
"Who cares?!" said Hercule with obvious disinterest, "It's obvious by the way he looks that he's a nobody."
Just then, another sound could be heard in the distance, and once again, everyone present turned in the direction of the noise. In the air and at a fair distance, several more bright light sources could be seen approaching at a very high velocity, and as they descended, another group of strange people emerged just outside the ring.
Adjusting his glasses, the announcer asked, "Where do they wall keep coming from?"
"That trick must be in vogue," suggested Mr. Satan, "They might even be in league with Cell!"
Each of the strange people in question were dressed in some fighting gi or suit, two of which displaying the symbol of the Turtle Hermit school of fighting. Two of the weird characters, one a grown man the other a boy no taller than Yeung himself, had long, rigid, blond hair that stood on end as though held up by static electricity. Another one had long lavender locks that ran down his back while still a forth one had a third eye situated in the center of his forehead.
Out of all of them, it was the tall, green man with the turban that had Yeung shaking in his boots. Upon seeing this giant with big pointy ears, the tension began to coil up inside his chest until the boy felt as though if he didn't do something fast, he would snap in two. Rage coursed through Yeung's blood like liquid lightning, and perspiration rolled down his smooth face. Finally, like a detonator, he exploded…
"YOU BASTARD!"
Every one of the strange newcomers whipped around to see the body of the young master sailing towards Piccolo at nearly superhuman speeds, his shrill battle cry reverberating through the air as he drew his fist back for a devastating punch.
"What th..!" sputtered the tall Namekian man before catching sight of the pint-sized fighter coming at him.
However, just before Yeung could even get within 15 feet of the olive-colored alien, Piccolo flung a high pressured wave from his eyes straight at the teen fighter.
The next thing Yeung knew, he felt himself being thrown backwards almost as if the wind itself did it, and he continued to fly backwards until he collided with the hard-packed earth some distance away.
"What the heck was his problem?" asked a short bald guy who was with the strangers.
"Not sure Krillain," said the man with the spiky blonde hair, "Piccolo, do you know that kid?"
"Goku, I've never met him before in my life!" answered the green giant in a gruff voice.
"Well, he sure knows you."
"Hmmm..," mused the tall alien.
"Son Goku."
The spiky-haired warrior turned to see that the massive Android 16 had walked right up to both himself and the others.
"I was built in order to kill you," stated the mechanized giant flatly, "Do not forget that."
As Android 16 walked away Goku turned to Krillain and whispered, "That guy sure is grim, ain't he?"
Meanwhile, Yeung was pulling himself out of a fair-sized crater courtesy of Piccolo. He worked himself onto his hands, cursing wildly as he did so.
'What the hell was that?!' wondered the teenaged terror, 'I nearly had him and then…'
Back in the ring, Hercules announcer sidekick began to interview Son Goku and the other Z Senshi.
"Um, by any chance, are any of you guys here to compete in the Cell Games?"
"Yeah, but not all of us," answered Goku.
Just then, Mr. Satan ran up behind his ringside announcer and threw him out of the way, ready to confront the Z Senshi.
"I've had enough of you clowns and your tacky parlor tricks!" bellowed the hairy man irritably, "Now get out of here before I get angry!"
The shortest of the Z Senshi, Krillain, took one bemused look at the afroed ape before remarking offhandedly, "Don't bust a vein grease ball."
To say that Mr. Satan was taken back by this remark was an understatement. He just couldn't figure out why everyone he had to deal with today had to question his hegemony. Well maybe Yeung, but everyone else? His mind couldn't fathom it. He was so used to being perceived as an imposing figure that he felt entitled to a high level of respect. Finally, however, he remembered who he was and regained his composure. It was high time he gave these upstarts a demonstration of what they were up against.
"Oh, that's right!" started Hercule, sarcasm virtually dripping in his voice, "I forgot that you ignorant hicks have spent your whole lives playing banjo in the woods. You wouldn't realize that I, Satan, am the 24th Budokai Tenkaichi Champion and as such I am the strongest martial artist in the world."
The Z warriors could only stare blankly at the wooly man as though they were dealing with a complete nut job. One of them, Krillain, shook his head in pity for the champ. Hercule's announcer, however, misinterpreted their silence as amazement.
"And the other challengers are left totally speechless by the one and only Martial Arts Champion of the W-owww!" began the middle aged announcer before falling out of the ring.
"Ok, seeings as you don't know who I am, I'll show you," bragged the Champ. With a façade of daring-do, Mr. Satan leaped from the edge of the ring. When he landed, he grabbed at a large boulder that was sticking out of the ground with his large right hand, and with great effort hefted the stone over his head and brought it down atop his skull with great force. The stone promptly shattered into a million pieces, leaving Hercule feeling proud of himself as he did so.
"Now who rules?"
The announcer began to chant Mr. Satan's name repeatedly as though by habit, however, the display didn't affect the Z Warriors in the least. Finally, Krillain spoke up.
"I say we let the Neanderthal nutsack go first," offered the ex-monk.
"Excuse me."
Everyone who was present turned to look at Cell.
"I'd hate to spoil your fun but it's time," stated the android monster.
Mr. Satan walked to the center of the ring and began to remove his cape. Outside the ring, Yeung had finally managed to get the sand out of his eyes and ears from where he had hit the ground. He was now standing ringside between Hercules press crew and the Z-Senshi.
"I almost don't wanna watch this," muttered Yeung smiling. "At least I got ten million zenni to remember him by."
Just then, Goku chimed in.
"Listen Mr. Satan," warned Goku sternly, "If you fight Cell, you're going to die!"
"Nice try buddy but I've been trying to explain that to him for the last three hours!" remarked Yeung, "It's a lost cause."
"Look Goku," began Krillain, "If he gets killed, we can revive him with the dragon balls."
"I guess you're right," agreed Goku reluctantly. The Super Saiyan warrior raised his hand to give Mr. Satan the go ahead.
"They've finally decided not to interfere," explained the announcer, "And for those of you watching this unfold, you have got to be ecstatic. It's time to meet our champ."
Looking into the camera, Mr. Satan gave his trademark victory sign before throwing his cape to the side.
Suddenly, someone's voice, that of a man's, rang out over a microphone.
"Hold on sensei!"
Everyone present looked up to see a pink helicopter hovering above the ring. Slowly, the helicopter began to descend until it touched down in the center of the ring right next to Cell. Out of the chopper, appeared two muscular men followed closely by a gorgeous woman.
"It looks like we have new challengers to take on Cell!" observed the announcer, "But who are they and where are they from!?"
Outside the ring, Goku and the others looked on with pity at the new batch of challengers.
"It looks like Cell's victim record is going to expand immensely before the day is over," said Tien.
"We are the students of Mister Satan," announced the larger of the two contestants.
"Gaze upon me," spoke the smaller one, "I am Coroni," spoke the smaller of the two fighters. Coroni had long flowing blonde hair and a gymnasts' physique.
"And I am the stupendous power man Paroski!" announced the larger one. This particular contestant stood about eight feet tall and had a head shaped like a muffin. His whole body was built like a tank. Whatever part of him wasn't muscle was covered in a thick layer of fat.
"Could these be the often talked about Satan's apprentices?!" asked the announcer.
By this time Yeung had had enough. He casually strode into the ring and grabbed Mr. Satan by the pants leg, and with one quick yank, brought the large man down to eye level with him.
"How many people do you intend to get killed just to satisfy your own vanity?!" demanded the small warrior.
"Get your mitts off of me you little freeper!" hollered the champ who was visibly nervous. Yeung's grip loosened allowing Hercule to struggle out of the boy's vice-like grip.
"Who's the kid?" asked the redheaded women.
"Yes Mr. Satan, please tell us," implored the announcer.
"Hey, wait one second!" shouted the announcer pointing at Yeung, "You're that runt who's been wiping out Mr. Satan's dojos."
"What?!" yelled Coroni in disbelief. "You beat Master Lee?"
"My reputation precedes me it seems," said Yeung coolly.
"Master Lee was my friend you little asshole," roared Coroni. "After this is over, you and me have business! I promise you that!"
"You won't be able to keep that promise I'm afraid," explained Yeung.
"Why not?!" questioned the muscle bound blonde.
"Because by this time tomorrow, I will likely be dead," explained the little fighter.
"Excuse me."
Everyone in the ring turned around to see Cell standing right beside the helicopter that Hercule's apprentices arrived in. The android thrust his pale hand into the outer plating of the hull and effortlessly heaved the chopper out of the ring and into a distant cliff. The chopper exploded on impact, killing the pilot in a raging fireball.
"Oh My God!" cried Miss Pizza, cupping both sides of her face in a state of sheer panic.
Corroni dropped to his knees in front of Mr. Satan. Visibly shaken by Cell's display of brutality, the man grabbed Mr. Satan's gi before he began to beg the older man, "Master, let me fight first! We worked with that pilot for years. He had a wife and child."
"Hmm…Fine," agreed Mr. Satan reluctantly, "This is now your fight. Besides, it would be embarrassing for me to take on an amateur like Cell."
"Woah Nelly!" crowed the announcer, "You heard it right here folks. We have some new challengers! And this dynamic duo will replace their mentor in round one. What a turn of events!"
"I'd say they're screwed," stated Krillian matter-a-factly.
"And now, let the tournament begin!" spoke the announcer, "Introducing Cell's first challenger, in the white spandex jumpsuit, the lovely Caroni!"
With a look of intense determination, the blonde fighter stepped up to face Cell.
"Don't worry Caroni!" bellowed Mr. Satan from outside the ring. "It was all a trick!"
"I don't know how you did what you did earlier, but I do know that no one's that strong," said Caroni to Cell, "I don't intend to hold back."
"Caroni's speed and agility are second to none," explained Miss Pizza. "I know he can do this. There's no way he can lose."
In the ring, Caroni did some brief warm ups before assuming a fighting stance. The stance itself was similar to that of an ordinary street fighter's.
"For those of you at home, the rules of this tournament are simple," explained the announcer, "You lose if you give up, fall out of the ring, pass out, or….you die!"
"I'm gonna make you suffer!" spouted the blonde fighter, "I'll lead off with the best I've got."
Suddenly, the nimble show fighter leaped high into the air until he was twenty, thirty, forty feet into the sky.
"Wow, would you look at that!" shouted the announcer.
"That's Caroni's best move," said Miss Pizza, "That's the Beautiful Flying Rose Attack.
"He can jump pretty high for a weakling," stated Yeung.
As Caroni reached the climax of his ascent, he crossed his arms and set himself up for the second part of his move. Soon, he began to fall towards his target Cell.
Seeing that his opponent was getting close, Cell absentmindedly raised one hand, and just as Caroni was about to hit, Cell slapped his hapless competition so hard that he skid right out of the ring.
On Mr. Satan's side of the ring, everyone present went wide-eyed at the unexpected turn of events.
"What the heck just happened there?!" asked the announcer looking to Mr. Satan.
"I don't know," stammered the champ nervously, "I guess Cell's a little stronger than we thought. No worry though. Cell probably used all that he had to do that."
Meanwhile, on the Z fighter's end of the ring…
"I guess even Cell can feel sorry for some people," stated Piccolo.
"Do you think they get it now?" asked Yamacha.
"Probably not," answered Trunks sarcastically.
Back on Mr. Satan's side, Paroski was lumbering into the ring. The giant man had murder written all over his face as he removed his heavy decorative helmet. As he prepared for his fight, Mrs. Pizza tended Caroni's scraps and bruises outside the ring.
"What happened in there?" asked the bodacious babe manager.
"I don't know," said Caroni, "One minute I was coming down on top of him and the next, I woke up outside the ring with you guys. It all happened so quickly."
"Don't worry," assured Mr. Satan, "Piroski is the strongest thing in the world after me. He'll crush that giant cockroach."
Inside the ring, Piroski began to rev up for his ultimate assassination move: the Megaton Bull Crusher. He slowly began to rotate/flail his arms while fully extended until they reached a moderately high velocity. Then, he began to run at Cell full speed.
"This is for comrade Caroni!" bellowed the rotund brawler as he closed in on the evil Cell.
Just as Piroski was about to connect, Cell reached out and seized the chunky fighter by the throat, stopping him in his tracks. The force of the impact, however, impaled Piroski's neck on Cell's fingers. Fortunately, Cell hit nothing vital.
Cell smiled coldly at Piroski like a rapist would at a young girl. This scared Piroski out of his whits and he tried desperately to pull himself off the androids jagged fingernails. He yanked every which way he could only to realize that Cell had locked his icy grip around his windpipe. With no effort at all, Cell lifted the large man off the ring floor by his throat and hurled Piroski from the ring as though he were a sack of horse manure.
"Great Goodness!" shouted the announcer.
"That's impossible!" said Miss Pizza in disbelief.
"Now do you see what I mean?" asked Yeung with a twinge of urgency in his voice.
"All this means is that I've got to save the day," retorted Mr. Satan. Mr. Satan stepped into the ring dead set on showing the world his stuff. Yeung shook his head in pity at the older man.
"Alright, everybody!" spoke the announcer, "It's time for Earth's one and only hope, Mr. Satan, to show us his stuff! Following the consecutive and bloody defeats of his two prized pupils, Caroni and Piroski, Mr. Satan now stands before Cell, ready to reclaim the honor of his dojo.
Meanwhile, the announcer continued to blare his stuff. "In the next few minutes, the fate of the world will be decided between the vicious Cell and the undisputed martial arts champion of the world, Mr. Satan!"
"Alright, come on big guy!" shouted Mr. Satan who had settled into his own preferred stance, "Let's go!"
Cell simply stood there and yawned out of boredom. This rubbed the champ the wrong way, goading him to run headlong into the android. Cell, however, continued to stand there and did nothing. With a loud bellow, Mr. Satan performed a flying kung fu kick.
"Wow, it looks like Hercule went straight for his patented dynamite kick!" hollered the ecstatic announcer.
The attack however, simply grazed off Cell's seemingly indestructible hide and Mr. Satan went crashing to the ring floor and rolled uncontrollably out of the ring.
With a heavy heart, Hercule's announcer sidekick mournfully stated, "Mr. Satan has landed outside the ring. Our hero has lost the battle."
"So," began Cell, "Let's get the tournament underway. I tire of mediocre fights. Who will be first? Will it be Goku to start things off?"
"Hell no!"
Cell and everyone present turned to see that Yeung was already in the ring. The boy cracked his knuckles in anticipation for his long awaited battle.
Author's Note: Looking back, I can say without a doubt that the third chapter of this fan fiction looked like crap. The chapters are going to get better from here on out though so bear with me readers. Please review.
Power Levels:
Master Rolo Yeung: 119
Caroni: 42
Paroski: 39
Hercule Satan: 50
Perfect Cell: Over 1 billion(suppressed)