AN: Well, i'm not too very pleased with this chapter. But I hope this will do. Thank you so much for your reviews,alerts and especially your thoughtful ideas! I'm slowly but surely trying to merge some of your ideas into this story. If you at anytime feel like PM:ing, go ahead, kinda gets lonely in this world sometimes.
Right so, errors in the text belongs to me, and a minnie tiny smut scene is in this chapter. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Sleepy Head.
"So you've made up your mind?" a choked Santana asks.
Rachel nods hastily and turns to make an exit only to be stopped by a firm grip on her elbow.
"So what, that's it? You don't even stop for a second to think about me? About what this will do to me?" the cheerleader demands harshly.
There is a heavy web of heart wrenching and conflicting feelings growing beneath Rachel's chest. She finds herself resting a hand just above her chest as she tries to calm herself down.
In this moment, she's never felt more egoistic and destructive…and right. This needs to happen and yet she doesn't know how to express herself, how to justify her actions.
"The size of my infatuation for justice and compassion for others is quite extravagant as you may imagine, Santana. I've never been much for dictatorship, and I wish I could channel another part of my self, the courageous and confident girl that's gone momentarily AWOL…" She attempts to express the rumbling thoughts rushing in and out of her system.
"I can't afford to think of you" She bluntly ends up uttering the sentence out.
"I can't afford to deal with your stupid fuckin shit." Is the last thing she hears from Santana before the pressure on her elbow vanishes and the girl's bathroom door shuts loudly.
The days don't come and go as she imagines it to do. She expected for everything to move at a rapid pace, like a movie sequence, or like when you don't feel ready for an upcoming exam and you anxiously try to study but time flees and before you know it, it's examination time in calculus and your head is rushing from trepidation.
No, the days surely don't flee from her. They come to her with ease and leans carelessly against her. She's set her calendar on her phone to notify her with an alert for every new day for her upcoming scan. After her clash meeting with Santana in the bathroom she called the hospital and to her dismay was informed that she was obligated to attend a counseling session before they could book her an appointment. And even then they'd had to scan her to make sure she was in a proper state and eligible for the procedure.
She was 9 weeks along and obnoxiously nauseated with herself. She couldn't hold anything down, she was like a walking puking machine, once in the morning and twice during school hours. But that was nothing compared to being glared at by Santana. They had refrained from staying in the same room for too long unless it was Glee or English.
She didn't miss the embraces Santana would share with Brittany, the girl made sure of that. Every step on school ground was pure torture. And yet she could feel the sorrow and restrained affection radiate from Santana, in a twisted way it made her feel less alone. She was the only one who knew about her situation after all. Her parents held no knowledge, for all they knew their daughter was living a blissful teenage life with minor concerns. She felt lonely and abhorred but it could be worse.
"Hi, Rachel"
She jerks back in surprise.
"Finn!" She blurts out and feels her breath hitch. She's been so detached from everyone, what happened to acting normal? She thinks to herself.
"You okay? You have been looking a bit queasy lately, I just wanted to make sure everything was fine." He says softly with concern glimmering in his eyes.
Rachel eyes widen in bewilderment. It's the first time she's heard the word 'queasy' falling off Finn's lips. He smiles back at her as if he knows what she's thinking.
"Kurt's been bugging me to read his favorite books, I guess some of it got latched" He explains with his boyish grin making a smile appear on her face. It's a slightly foreign feeling.
"That's great, Finn." She murmurs quietly and all too fast feels the smile slip off her face. The tall boy notices instantly and is quick to jump into the next subject, the reason why he approached the brunette.
"I wanted to ask you, if…if you perhaps would like to-" He swallows tightly and takes a breath.
"- If maybe you'd like to go out sometime, not breadstix, I know how you feel about that place." He's quick to reassure but with a underlying tremble in his tone.
She blushes helplessly and glances away. It's flattering, really, it is…but they've been down that route before. And though the duration of their time together was cut short but pleasant at the same time, it's not something she wishes to return to.
"It's very sweet of you to ask, but I don't think we should revisit old…routines" she says for lack of a better term.
"Oh." He replies with a deep frown. "Maybe we can go as friends? I just really miss talking to you." He confessed and feels his cheeks blaze with embarrassment.
Rachel chuckles quietly and nods.
"I'd like that" Finn smiles and is about to head for his locker when he abruptly does a turn and hugs the little girl. It's awkward yet cute at the same time. Finn Hudson is a lot of things, but having the innocence of a boy was one of his finest qualities. She finds herself almost tearing up at the action but manages to reign in her impulses and smile instead at the retreating boy. And like the snap of fingers, she feels the sickness creep in, she moans softly and tries to calm her stomach down before she throws up in front of everyone. The school hallway is filtered with students. Teachers are aligned by their classrooms and alerting everyone about upcoming assignments. The uneasiness in Rachel's abdomen resumes with every breath she takes, she slips a hand to her belly and thinks of something to take her mind off of it.
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong
Naturally she starts singing.
'If Santana was here now, she'd be rolling her eyes at me' She thinks to herself.
She sings the words gently, almost whispering.
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted
She furrows her eyebrows in pain as another wave of nausea hits her but she relentlessly fights through it.
And still I dream she'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
The pain fades, she leans the back of her head against the cool surface of her locker and gasps softly. And it's when she's finished with the song that she realizes what a horrible person she is. She squeezes her eyes tightly shut, completely missing the gaze of someone watching her.
"San, what is it?"
Santana clenches her teeth together at the sight of an ill looking Rachel and quickly shifts her eyes away from the girl, fastening her gaze on sparkling blue eyes.
"Nothing, Britt." She smiles tightly and clasps the blonde's hand into her own.
The blonde girl smiles blissfully and oblivious to the internal earthquake progressing in Santana's mind and flesh. Brittany's eyes widen as she is reminded of something she had been meaning to ask her best friend.
"Oh! Lord Tubbington and I are going to Breadstix for dinner, wanna come with us? I'm starting to think he has a thing for you." She adds the last sentence as an afterthought.
Santana frowns momentarily in confusion and surprise but recovers quickly.
"I'm not even sure they allow pets, Britt"
To her astonishment, the blonde cheerio nods hastily and shoots her bright smile.
"I know that, Lord Tubbington mentioned it too, but if anyone can make it happen, it's you" she finishes and then softly pecks Santana's cheek.
It's an old habit of her best friend after all, they used to be super affectionate and though they never have crossed the line to the point of having sex, they'd engaged in other pleasuring activities. Her flinch was unintended but Brittany took notice yet refrained from commenting on it. They abandoned their lockers and resumed their walking to cheerleading practice.
"So it's a date" the blonde uttered out with excitement and went to lean her head against her friend's slumped shoulders.
"…yeah" the brunette whispered soberly.
Glee club was the last class on their schedule, and as usual, it was filled with interruptions, arguments and singing. Mr. Schue had scribbled the words "Unwavering feelings" on the green chalkboard. Santana presumed their new assignment had something to do with their teacher's infatuation with Ms. Pillsbury, however it was a suiting task. For once it seemed like the school's troublemaker and the impotent Spanish teacher had something in common.
Santana was up and ready to perform, she didn't need a week to prepare. Not when excruciating thoughts was over and over devouring her. To say her teacher was pleasantly surprised would not be incorrect, judging by the smile he flashed her.
She scanned the room of her fellow classmates and inhaled deeply before she gazed at the little brunette on the front row and finally breathed out the first words.
It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take – it's given
Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
The deep enchanting, raspy voice of Santana Lopez brought everyone's walls down. Few were looking at her, while others were deep in thought and reminiscing of past mistakes. She duly took note of the glare that was being sent in her direction and reciprocated with a stronger tone. Rachel clenched her jaw and gripped the edges of her chair tightly.
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving
That was the last Rachel heard from Santana before she took off running. Panting heavily as tears streamed down her face as she forced her legs to keep pushing. She took escape in the hidden room she had once discovered in school and slumped heavily against the wall once she entered it. She had neglected to turn on the lights but the state of the darkness didn't enter her mind as she was too occupied crumbling to pieces. She whimpered through her tears and repeatedly slammed the back of her head against the wall. Praying that the action could somehow beat the vicious thoughts out of her head. She briefly thought she heard the door open but remained unresponsive until she felt slender fingers snake their way around her neck. She arched her head to the side and felt a warm breath caress her lips. It was a spur of a moment, she doesn't know how but before she knew it she was crashing into invisible lips hovering before her. She melded their lips with desperation and compelling want. The hands around her neck traveled lower until they were gripping her waist, one sneaking below her blouse to caress smooth tanned skin.
Rachel gasped and slowly they rise till they're tightly pressed against the wall.
"San-"
Said girl shushes and together they melt into each other, offering searing kisses and leisurely letting their tongues dance around each other. They can both feel the supply of air running out quickly and yet they're so persistent on staying connected to one another, Rachel afraid that this might be the last time they can ever be like this and Santana…fully aware of what will come from this.
Santana catches the girl's brunette lower lip and plants a lovingly bite before ripping her lips away from her and grazing the pulse beneath Rachel's throat.
Things progress quickly from thereon. Rachel's skirt falls to the floor and Santana unbuckles her belt, jeans falling around her ankles while cursing as Rachel's hand comes to cup her through her boxers. Rachel stroked the hardening appendage and carefully uncovered the girl's flesh from its confinement.
Santana unleashed a raw and tormenting moan before pushing the girl up against the wall. Their movements became hurried and forceful as they tried to end the puzzle their bodies was playing at. Rachel hoisted herself up and wrapped her legs around the girl, her heels digging into Santana's bottom. And then everything became still, Rachel went rigid in Santana's arms while Santana buried her face in the tresses of the diva's hair.
She had entered Rachel in a swift movement but the fluttering warmth that erupted in her stomach was unexpected. The darkness that engulfed the room was as much of a misfortune as it was elating. Their moment was free of tear-smeared appearances, images that neither of them wished to have imprinted in their heads, yet they desperately yearned to see each other.
Santana started moving slowly, thrusting her dick inside the girl with fluent mobility.
"San…" Rachel mewled.
Santana groaned and took advantage of the slick fluid dripping from Rachel's pussy, and pounded a little bit, harder…deeper. Rachel leveled herself up and down until she found a suitable approach at what she craved. The rhythm changed rapidly and soon they were fucking like the ground was about to crumble beneath them.
"Rachel..Rachel…" Santana repeatedly murmured before she felt the heat around the dick clinch tighter. They came together, quietly and fragile in their composures.
"I'm not doing this thing with you anymore. It's over" Santana whispered into her neck and with quiet sob, untied herself from the girl before exiting the room. Leaving Rachel empty handed and broken in a dark room with old memories to haunt her.
"You're such a dreamer, Rachel" She brokenly whispers to the dark.
A week and a half passed with no communication between the two of them at all.
Santana had retreated to old habits and was now more than ever hanging out with Brittany and acting up in class. The teachers had been upfront about her behavior and tried to sit her down and talk to her, but Santana wanted none of it. In the end, the teachers resorted to take action by calling her parents for a meeting at Principal. Figgins office. The depth of their daughter's recent behavior appalled the Lopez family. Maria Lopez however knew that it was self defense mechanism and that it was only a matter of time before her daughter's shield demolished to shards.
"You will go to Mr. Schuester's office first thing in the morning and apologize and then you will help Ms. Pillsbury clean her office." Maria scolded her daughter as the family began walking to the parking lot after their meeting.
"What difference does it make if I apologize to him? I was doing him a favor; lying to him about his hideous attempt of teaching Spanish would do no one good. And all I did was kick Bambi's trashcan" She said lastly, referring to the redheaded counselor.
"I don't care" Her mother shot back, earning a curious look from her husband.
"You do it or I call your abuelita." That shut her daughter up. She was fed up with Santana's Bi polar attitude and she was sick of receiving calls to her work about her daughter's misbehavior and complaints of something needing to be done. Their household had turned into a disaster ever since Santana refused to give a damn and would just throw all of her stuff around the house. Plates of leftovers on the living room table, shot glasses lying around in random places, enough to say, something seriously needed to be done.
The next day when Santana arrived to class she went straight to Will Schuester and silently gave him a quick "sorry" before turning around to take her seat.
Mr. Schuester gave an appreciate nod before returning to the board.
"Sucker" She silently commented to herself. Ain't no way she was walking all the way to his little cave.
"Hey, have you seen Rachel today?" Finn who had his desk right next to her, lent over and asked.
Santana raised an eyebrow before planting her palm against his gigantic forehead and pushed him back into his seat.
"No, I haven't. Shut up and get working on your verbs." She hissed at him.
"You don't have to be mean" the "giant" pouted at her with a frown before looking down on his sheet.
When lunch comes around she sees fit to approach the Cheerios squad's table in favor of sitting at the Gleeks corner. She can sense the questioning looks her friends are sending her from across the cafeteria but options to sit among her other teammates, anything to avoid the midget…
She feels two new people plant themselves on the spare seats around the table. Denise and Lori are chancing a glance at the HBIC and the brilliant tall dancer.
"So...change of environment?" Lori asks the trio while the other Cheerios curiosity reaches a new peak. They start whispering to each other, not even budging when Quinn glares at them. And Quinn knows that she has no right to judge them, they'd spent their lunches with the gleeks all year. Of course it would spark up questions.
Quinn disperses the sound of the gossip floating around the table and turns to eye her co-captain.
"What are we doing here?" She spits out harshly while narrowing her eyes on the brunette.
"I'm having Lunch"
"Don't be an ass. You're hiding something, I know you and my guess is that you banged someone in glee club and now your hiding your sorry ass among these little hoes" she unashamedly speaks her mind and smirks at one of the girls looking at her with her jaw dropped.
"No offense" she says to the girl.
Santana sighs before taking a nibble of her cocktail tomato.
"Was it Sam? Oh my god please tell me you didn't do it?!" Quinn gasps enthralled.
"How do you come off assuming that I screwed someone?"
"Ummm...because that's what you do?"
How rumor had spread that she was a "slut" she doesn't know. To be honest she's only slept with three people, one of them being from school. One that nobody even knew of.
Santana scoffs and returns to her meal without a glance at her friend.
"San isn't like that." Brittany shakes her head proudly.
"Exactly" Santana counters with a smile.
"Whatever" Quinn replies bored before nibbling cautiously on her lip.
"Has anyone seen Berry today? I didn't really notice until Finn asked me during recess." Quinn adds.
Brittany frowns and perks her lips in thought.
"Maybe the flue got her."
"Maybe I don't know, it's just weird" Quinn replies and glances around the cafeteria for any signs of Rachel.
Santana looks down at her plate before taking a gulp from her glass of water. Something didn't sit right with her.
'I'm just doing what I have to do'
Rachel's words echoed in her head, grazing a subject she once had known. Something she had tried to surpass through everything she was going through.
"You just did what you had to do"
"What did you say?" Quinn inquiries.
A beat. A clang.
And then the realization hit her.
"She's doing it today" her words arriving to the world with shatter and in particles.
"S, you're not making any sense" her best friend tells her.
She looks around the place in panic and for the first time that day, she's filled with dread. Rachel hadn't been at school. Rachel, never missed a day of school, not even when she was feeling under the weather.
"She's not here" she unwearyingly spoke with utter gentleness.
"Yeah, that's what we've been saying all this time. What's wrong with you?"
Santana's head shot up. Brown eyes that were glistening with disappointment and disbelief met worrisome green hazel eyes. And for a second, Quinn's face softened and she was about to ask her friend with genuine concern what was troubling her. But she never got the chance. Santana stood up, making the chair behind her screech against the floor in protest and then she ran like she had never before.
Le TBC?