Emotional Escape

by Castlefan6

Authors Note AU; The beginning is loosely based on 47 Seconds, BUT Rick never Said I LOVE YOU when Kate was shot. He was serious with someone else at that time AND was never married to GINA. NOTE! Character Death early on, not to impact the storyline.

Dates have been adjusted to make this story possible.

Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.

I don't own Castle; I only use the characters for amusement, except the ones I create.

Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

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Chapter 1

Castle's Loft

11:12 AM

Rick was working ferociously to provide his publisher, Gina Cowell the chapters for his latest, Derrik Strom novel that he owed her. This was going to be the end of the series, well it would be when he got around to telling Gina that he wasn't accepting the option for five more books, regardless of the money.

He broke for a quick sandwich, he had been at it since late last night and was almost complete, but he couldn't fight the hunger pains any longer. He returned from the kitchen, with a fresh cup of coffee, a sandwich, and a few chips, he had lost 55 pounds over the last six months and was watching his diet carefully now, along with the added exercise routine to his daily routine. He even had to buy new clothes, after dropping 8 inches from his waist.

He grabbed the remote to the big screen TV and flipped on the news channel, and was listening as they were giving the updates on a political gathering, then he heard the tone, the one the station alerted listeners that "Breaking News" was about to be announced.

He saw the newscaster, Don Appleton, a friend of his from the Hamptons come on screen, and from his face, he knew the news was going to be bad. "Good afternoon, folks, this just relayed to our network, we have information that a bombing has taken place outside the Boylan Square Plazza,

"As we come on air, I remind our audience that details and verified facts are very hard to come by BUT we do know there are injuries and at least 4 fatalities, our crews are already in process of setting up our mobile studio there now and we will provide you with the most up-to-date information as soon as possible ONCE it is verified. Once again, a bombing has occurred at the site of today's demonstration against the greed and corruption of Wall Street taking place at Boylan Plazza.

"We are about to show you images shot from a cell phone standing near the blast scene, we warn you these may be graphic, user discretion is advised. Then the screen cut to a homemade movie as it showed the female reporter Leann West standing in front of a crowd, then a huge blast and the phone went blank. "As we reported, there are injuries and fatalities, our crews are rushing to the scene now, and we will bring you updates as they are available. We return you now to our normal programming," as the screen returned to the two visually shaken reporters in the studio.

"Thanks, Don, as he said, we are working to bring you the very latest on this unfortunate event, but sadly there has been the loss of life and several injuries." Just then his cell phone rang, he thought it would be Beckett, calling him to the scene, even though they hadn't been connecting all that well as of late.

Several months ago, he had asked her if had done something to offend or upset her, and she had replied, "Don't flatter yourself Castle, the world doesn't revolve around you," obviously pissed off at something he had said or done, but not willing to talk about it. He decided it wasn't worth the hassle so he had let it go, and only reported to the precinct when he was requested. That was the deal that seemed to suffice the new Captain, Iron Victoria Gates, she knew better than to fight Boyle or Weldon.

He had offered to resign altogether but Mayor Weldon and especially Commissioner Frank Boyle wouldn't hear of it. The precinct was still in shock after the murder of Captain Roy Montgomery, then less than a week later the attempted assassination of Captain Kate Beckett.

FLASHBACK TO MONTGOMERY'S FUNERAL 18 Months Earlier

Rick had received a call from Roy, just giving him an address and saying if he didn't want to see Beckett dead, to get his ass there in a hurry, he argued for him to call her boyfriend, Doctor motorcycle boy, but Roy wouldn't have it. "Rick, you owe me, and I'm calling in my marker, just get your ass here, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry for all the hell you're going to get later."

Rick sped to the location, and Roy had him hide in the shadows after telling him his job was to drag Kate from the hangar, even if he had to manhandle her, he had to promise to be sure she was gone. Even though he had no idea what Roy had done at the time, Kate seemed to hate him for not allowing her back into the gunfight to help her Captain.

They had spoken but very little, during the preparations for the funeral, it was Evelyn Montgomery who wanted Rick to be a Pall Bearer. She told Kate, that there was much more history between Roy and Rick, than she knew, someday she would explain it all. Then on the day of the funeral, she was shot, actually, they were shot to be more accurate.

He was standing on the grassy knoll, awaiting his turn to say a few final words, by request of Roy's widow, when he spotted the glittering sunlight that from his experience could only come from a rifle, or weapon barrel. He yelled out, dove for her, and managed to push her out of the way of a direct kill shot, although the bullet passed through his upper shoulder and into her.

All Hell broke loose after that, Javi took off after what he thought was a suspect. It turned out he was right when the guy tested positive for gun residue on his hands, and they found his supply of weapons in a service golf cart several hundred yards away with his fingerprints all over the guns, ammo, and cart. The dumb ass even used his real name to rent the cart, or so they thought but it turned out he wasn't that stupid.

Kevin was left to deal with Lanie, Martha Rogers, and little Castle, as she kicked him to make him let her go, she was going to get to her Dad. Rick, raised, and looked into Beckett's eyes, she was losing a lot of blood, he took his handkerchief, and stuffed it in the bullet hole. He whispered,

"Kate, you can't leave us, look, hold on, I got the blood almost stopped, don't quit fighting Kate, you hear, Roy will be pissed", as the EMTs pulled her away from him and began their work, only then did they realize that Rick had been hit as well. Lanie screamed out, "OH MY GOD, Rick's hit as well, the bullet went through him and into Kate, get over here, we need help" then he blacked out,

He was taken by Air Ambulance to the trauma center at Presbyterian Hospital, Kate was rushed to NY General, where her boyfriend of several months, Doctor Josh Davidson, a renowned heart surgeon was on staff. She had met him several months earlier, he mysteriously appeared one day while Rick was at the precinct closing out a case shortly before Roy was killed.

Everyone had seemed surprised or upset, everyone except Rick. It didn't seem to phase him in the least that her boyfriend, a person with almost as much notoriety as he, was visiting the precinct. She could also tell that Roy and the boys hated him, and his cocky mouth. Rick ignored him and excused himself to take a call, walking away. If she had wanted to make him jealous, or even to notice that she was a female, that attempt flopped.

Rick was more severely injured than Kate, but he wouldn't allow his condition to be revealed, he didn't need a host of fans lighting candles and chanting outside the hospital. People there were sick and needed their rest, was his excuse. The boys stopped by once or twice, but Lanie was there almost every other if not every day. Kate had already been discharged, well checked herself out, and headed to a secluded cabin to recover, Lanie told him.

"What can you expect Lanie, it's Beckett, she's got her boy toy surgeon there to take care of her, so stop worrying. She's a big girl, she knows how to take care of herself." He told Lanie the last time she came to see him,

"I'm going to a Sports Rehab Center in Los Angeles, tomorrow, Lanie, so thanks for everything you did, you know I'll never forget you" he kissed her cheek,

"Well, Dr. Davidson wasn't allowed to treat Kate, but Doctor Kovacs said whoever shoved that hankie in the bullet hole saved her life, she would have bled out if you hadn't done that," Lanie said,

"I doubt that Lanie, he's giving me far too much credit, I didn't know she was hit at first. I saw the blood, but I thought it was my blood spilling onto her, then I heard her gasp for breath, and I knew what it was.

"I'm just glad she's well enough to check herself out, we both know how much she hates hospitals, and she couldn't do better than to have her Cardiology Surgeon with her 24/7," Lanie didn't have the heart to tell him that she had sent Josh packing the third day when she found out the entire story. There was a noise at the door and in strode two redheads and one brunette, Erin Boyle made no qualms about how she felt.

She was beside Rick in a moment, kissing him gently in front of his mother and daughter, and whispering, "The jet is all set for tomorrow, and we're staying in the home in the hills. The therapists will come there for the first few weeks, then re-evaluate to see where you go with your treatment." And then kissed him again, as her tears fell,

She stepped back to make room for Alexis and Martha, Lanie excused herself, after making Rick promise to call when he got settled, and to keep in touch,

Erin walked her to the elevator, "Thank you, Lanie, you kept his spirits up, somedays when the pain was really bad, he wondered did anyone at the precinct give a damn, but then you would show up. You always raised his spirits, so thank you. I'll be sure he calls you, we should be out there for 2-3 months, knowing him, he'll need to get back for a hot dog or Remy's cheeseburger." She laughed,

"Erin, thanks, that man is in shape, so I don't think he's worried about any hot dogs, he looked good before, but now, well, be glad you got to him before I did" she smiled

"I just wish he saw it as you did, I know he cares, maybe even loves me, but I hurt him once, and it's going to take a lot to earn my way back, so, well, anyway, I'll be with him every minute, and I promise we'll call.

CURRENT TIME ALMOST 2 YEARS LATER

Rick shook off the trip down memory lane as he answered his phone, "Castle," then turned ash white, "are you sure, I mean she wasn't going there today, she was, What, Nikki was with her, I'll be right there" he clicked off the phone.

25 minutes later, he hailed Commissioner Boyle down to let the beat cops allow him, into the crime scene, where an old friend was waiting to talk to him. He opened the door of the trailer, for now serving as headquarters for the FBI who had taken over the investigation of the scene. The first person he saw was the last he had expected,

"Castle, what the hell are you doing here, we don't need amateurs, not, in this case, go home" Kate Beckett sternly instructed him,

"He's here by request Detective, it's you and your team along with the rest of NYPD I need to clear out, go behind the yellow tape over there by that building. For now, you can help with crowd control," came the order,

"Does that mean that you've officially taken over the lead in the investigation?" Beckett fired back,

"In what bombing case does the FBI EVER cede control to the NYPD Detectives? Hell yes, we took control an hour ago, now get out of here, and take your men, they're in the way." remarked the Federal Agent.

Beckett shot Rick, and the lady giving the orders the look of death as she brushed past him on her way out of the trailers,

"She's still just as charming I see Rick, how have you been?" Senior Special Agent Jordan Shaw asked,

"Good, or at least till today, I mean, Jordan are you sure, where is her daughter, I mean,"

"Easy Rick, Nikki is being treated for abrasions and some cuts from the flying debris, she's not been told anything other than her mom was rushed to the hospital. I wasn't sure if you or her Grandfather wanted to inform her. I know you won't believe it until you see her, I understand. The temporary morgue is over there in that trailer, we had to grab what we could, I'm sorry Rick, I'm so sorry." Jordan said,

"She was down here dress shopping for Nikki's formal dance coming up in two weeks? And now you tell me she was killed by some terrorist bomb? What the hell is going on Jordan, do you have any suspects?" Rick asked as he straightened himself, preparing for perhaps the worst task of his life. Identifying his girlfriend, well his one-time fiancé, before things happened, long story, was the last thing he thought he would be doing today.

"Rick, we don't know who planted the bomb, or why, not yet, so please leave terrorist out of your vocabulary, at least for now, Please?

"OK, who's the ME?" he asked softly,

"Lanie is over there, she's waiting for you Rick, I'll take you to her," Jordan said, as she stood, opened the door, and started down the six steps to ground level. Rick followed, not knowing he was being observed by a team of NYPD's finest.

"What the hell is going on Kate? We can't go past the tape, but Writer Boy, what the hell"

"Shut up Javi, Erin Boyle is one of the victims, killed, her daughter is in the hospital, Rick is here for a positive ID for Lanie, now keep your mouth shut please." She said, wiping a tear away from her eye,

Javi reeled back, shock on his face, "Oh my god, that's going to kill her daughter, and grandfather, not even mentioning Rick. Are you sure Kate? I wouldn't think that this would be a place that Erin Boyle or her daughter would be taking part in," Javi asked,

"They weren't, they were shopping for Nikki's first formal in two weeks, dress, shoes, and they were walking through the plaza to a little boutique two blocks over when the blast occurred. From what I can gather, Nikki was behind Erin, and her mother's body shielded her from the majority of the shrapnel and blast that hit Erin.

Just then they saw Commissioner Boyle join Rick, with Jordan Shaw as they entered the makeshift morgue that had been set up. Triage areas were almost everywhere with several Fire Departments answering the call, and providing first aid as well as transportation to those in need of hospital care.

Rick and Frank Boyle shook hands, then Boyle brought him into a hug like he would a son, and then they walked slowly into the building. This was something neither man had ever thought about having to do, but here it was, one man's daughter, another man's almost wife, and constant companion for the last 4 years, waiting to be positively identified.

Lanie saw Rick first, and rushed to his side, "Oh Rick, I'm so sorry, I'm so very sorry, I wish it wasn't her, I really do."

"Thanks, Lanie, you know Frank Boyle, Erin's father and commissioner don't you, Frank, this is one true friend we had after Roy's botched funeral and Beckett's assassination attempt. She was one of the few who kept in touch, with me and with Erin," He said softly, his voice cracking each time he mentioned Erin's name.

"Hello Mr. Commissioner, I wish we were meeting again under different circumstances," Lanie said softly as she stuck out her hand, only to be hugged by the big man, tears falling down his cheek.

"You're not supposed to do this, no parent is supposed to bury their child. It's supposed to be the other way, they are supposed to outlive you. What are we going to tell Nikki, Rick? I mean we have to tell her soon, and I want you there, if you would, please?" Frank almost was begging.

"Of course, I'll be there, but I want to stop and pick up Alexis, have her with us to be with Nikki, maybe she can help her where we can't. I overheard them talking a few months ago, and Nikki asked her how she had made it through life without her mother?

"Alexis told her that she got extra love from me, her God Parents, Gram, and her Mom. She confessed that she thought of Erin as her mom when events came up at school when she needed a woman to speak to. I don't want her to find out by some newscast or some paparazzi, so we'll have my security force take us to Marlowe Prep and then the hospital, OK?" He asked the commissioner, now beginning to grasp the personal loss this crime had brought to his family. "Of course, Rick" he mumbled,

Lanie led them both to a table with a sheet pulled over the body, "Are you ready, and Rick, Mr. Commissioner, again, I'm so very sorry. I verified her DNA with the record on file for the parent registry, it matched, oh God, I wish it didn't" Lanie said, as she pulled the sheet back to reveal a badly bruised and wounded Erin, looking nothing like the daughter, lover that had left home this morning.

Rick nodded yes, took Frank, and led him away, as he broke down into uncontrollable tears. Erin was his only child, his wife had passed a few years before, and since then she had looked in on her Dad to make sure he was eating and taking his blood pressure medication. Each man was silent with the last memory of the woman lying on the table when she was alive and so full of life.

Rick's slid way back to the days after Kyra, before Meredith, everyone thought he was fine, everyone but Erin. She came to him and wouldn't leave until he broke down and cried in her arms, then he sought the help he needed. He was only going to California for three months to produce a film, then he would be home and they could start their lives together, even with her Dad's blessing.

He remembered the horrible day she came to him, telling him she had made the biggest mistakes of her life, and asking if he would please forgive her. His reply, "Leave the ring on the counter on your way out, I think you need to talk to the baby's dad," as he left. Frank forced the man to marry her, and Nikki was born 6 months later, but it only lasted less than two years.

Meredith and he had hooked up, and now he could understand how liquor, and sex could produce a baby with just one night of raw sex. She stayed away from him, and Alexis until almost five years ago, finally asking him once again for a second chance.

He had made it difficult, very difficult, but Erin hung in there. She never quit, she did everything he wanted her to do, and they were just arriving at the place in their lives that he thought was going to work out after all. Now, he had lost her, this time forever. For what? WHY?

He swore that he would find the person responsible if it took him the rest of his life. He also asked Frank, if Nikki wanted to come to stay with Alexis, and if would he allow him to possibly adopt her, ONLY if Nikki approved as well. For now, he had to tell his daughter, then his possible adopted daughter that her mother was gone, and never coming home.

Frank and he left the trailer, after thanking Lanie, she hugged them both, and whispered into Rick's ear, "Call me day or night if you need anything, I mean it" she kissed his cheek, and then turned away.

Kate didn't know what to make, Frank Boyle, Police Commissioner, embraced Rick as a son, as they left after a positive ID of Erin Boyle, his only daughter, and Rick's, well whatever she was to Rick, she was important, Kate thought. Perhaps she had misjudged the writer, he did have a heart, and today it was breaking.

TBC

A/N: This one is going to be exploring how loss, guilt, and a huge secret that Kate has been hiding from everyone will affect the eventual coupling of our two favorite characters. There will be ANGST, from time to time, so bear with me, Erin is the only character who dies so that much I promise.