Chapter 22
a/n *I apologize for the wait for this chapter. I hope you guys don't hate me too much for the wait. I've had a lot of things to do, but I did manage to clear my schedule Thursday to type this and watch the premiere. Reviews are appreciated, I love you all(:
"Bernie, I'm so happy for you!" Penny half-heartedly grinned. Bernadette beamed a bright smile at her and she attempted to reciprocate her enthusiasm. Noticing that Penny had nothing more to say, Bernadette seeked Amy from her crowd of friends and started walking towards her, away from penny. Penny let out a shaky breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.
Looking down at her wine she held, she saw her face reflecting back at her. Her skin was pale, her eyes seemed lifeless. Looking closer, she winced when she saw that her face in general looked slightly fatter. Sighing, she though 'nobody will ever love me.'
Then, Penny's mouth popped open in surprise. How come she didn't think of this before? She looked back down at her reflection and saw a glimmer of hope in her eye. Penny had a small smile on her face as she downed the rest of her wine and turned around.
Scanning the living room, Penny searched her friends carefully. Her eyes never stopped moving for several seconds and eventually, she quietly sighed in frustration, failing at her attempt to find him. After pausing for a moment, Penny looked again, this time looking for Amy.
Amy sat on the couch on the middle cushion looking pretty distressed and annoyed. To her right, Sheldon sat in his usual spot, with a look of discomfort displayed on his face. As she made her way over to them, she heard Sheldon say "But Amy, it's not fair!" Typical whiney Sheldon.
"Sheldon," Amy said. "You had every opportunity in the world to…" but Sheldon's attention was elsewhere .Amy followed his gaze until she was looking at Penny, a nervous expression on her face. Abruptly, Amy jumped off the couch and gave Sheldon a look, the one they had invented to use when fooling their friends into thinking they were still broken up. Sheldon reciprocated the look, his eye twitching slightly.
Penny sent a confused look Sheldon's way before turning to Amy. "Do you know where Leonard is?" she asked.
"No I do not. I don't believe now is the time to be anticipating coitus with him." Amy answered bluntly. Penny cringed and gave her a disgusted look.
"I'm not planning on having sex with him!" Penny stated a bit too loudly, earning her glances from Bernadette, Howard and Raj.
"I just…I just wanted to talk to him, you know?" Penny said.
"Well alright Bestie, whatever you say. Have you checked the bathroom or his bedroom?" Amy inquired.
Penny gave her another disgusted look. "I am not going into the bathroom with him!" the blonde said, earning her more glances this time, even from Sheldon. Amy shrugged her shoulders.
"It was just an idea." She mumbled. Penny sighed again, frustrated, and stormed off down the hallway to Leonard's room.
Sheldon let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Amy," he said gently, temporarily forgetting why he was upset. "How are you going to keep up our charade?"
"Don't worry Sheldon." Amy whispered to him, sitting back down on the couch beside him. "I don't think Penny notices and I highly doubt anybody else really cares." Sheldon scoffed at her.
"On the contrary, Wolowitz and Koothrapoli never let me hear the end of it. They keep trying to tell me it's not socially acceptable to be my age and not 'do the deed' yet." he said, using air quotes. Amy tilted her head, her eyes slightly wide.
"If that's slang, I'm unfamiliar with it." She said.
"As am I." he replied, slightly shaking his head. Raj came up to them then, just as Sheldon started to relax slightly. Amy quickly shuffled away from him, due to their act, and he tensed up once again.
"Do you know where Amy went?" A drunken Raj asked Amy, slurring his words. Amy raised an eyebrow up at him and attempted to stifle a giggle.
"You're looking at her." She replied and Raj held his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he mumbled. "Have you seen Penny?" his cheeks were reddened with embarrassment.
"Well, given that she probably didn't listen to me, there's a good chance that she's about to or already engaging in sexual intercourse with Leonard." Sheldon gave her a disgusted look and Raj took a swig of his beer.
"Still haven't done the deed I see." Raj chuckled at Sheldon. The tall, lanky physicist glared at him and he shifted his attention back to Amy.
"Thank you Amy," he said while blushing.
"You're quite welcome." Amy replied. Raj then turned to leave, but stopped in his tracks and turned back around to face her once again.
"And Amy," he said. "May I just say, you look beautiful tonight." He blushed again and turned away. Amy blushed as well but Sheldon didn't notice, as he was starring daggers to Raj. He was so caught up in his act that he didn't see Amy's curious gaze on him.
#
Leonard's sobs were soft and barely audible. Penny was right outside his door,
ready to knock gently when she heard the muffled noises. Her heart about split into pieces then and there. Quietly, Penny's hand grasped the door knob and she slowly opened the door, peeking inside. She couldn't see much, but what she saw made her frown slightly.
Leonard was lying on his bed on his stomach and his face was buried into his pillow. His shoes had been kicked off and were now scattered on his floor. One sock covered his right foot and his left foot was bare. His hair was askew, his glassed set on the nightstand; upside down.
He wasn't in his usual attire either. Instead of wearing the clothes he was wearing earlier, he was now dressed in a pair of light gray shorts and a baggy white tee-shirt. His hoodie had been thrown aside and was now lying on the floor, bundled up in a little ball.
Penny took a cautious step forward, trying her best to be as quiet as possible. Leonard stopped sobbing immediately and froze as Penny silently cursed to herself. Leonard was still for a moment before he slowly sat up and gently rubbed his eyes with his palms.
As Leonard squinted up at her, Penny took in the sight on his face. His eyes were puffy and his cheeks were stained red.
"Penny?" he asked, reaching for his glasses. She unconsciously bit her lip and shuffled slightly in the spot she was standing in. Once Leonard had his glasses on, he peered at her again, repeating his question, to which Penny replied by slowly nodding. He gently shook his head in response.
"What are you doing here?" he glumly asked. A lot of thoughts popped into Penny's head, but in the end she really didn't have an answer for him.
"I…don't know…" she said quietly, hoping he'd understand. All he did was shake his head some more, replaced his glasses on his dresser and laid back down, burying his head back into his pillow.
"Leonard," Penny said after a moment of silence. She shifted slightly so her weight was on her left foot.
"What?" he grumbled, irritated. Penny was silent for several more moments afterward, contemplating if coming into his room was even a good idea, when Leonard loudly sighed.
"I…still have feelings for you." Penny said hastily without thinking it through. Instantly, she brought a hand up to cover her mouth. Why had she said that?
Her nerves were building in her throat with each passing second that he was silent. The silence seemed to choke all the breath out of her. He was silent for so long that Penny felt the urge to make some sort of noise so she started gasping for breath desperately. That's when Leonard sat up, cautiously eyeing her through his blurry vision.
"Are you serious?" was his response and Penny's mouth fell open. She just admitted her feelings towards him and all he could say was "are you serious?" Leonard continued on, ignoring Penny's look of surprise, hurt, and anger.
"I've loved you. I've been in love with you for four years. FOUR YEARS. I have dealt with man after man coming to your apartment, only to have only to have sex with you and never return. NEVER." Penny winced at the memories as he continued.
"Every guy you were with played you for sex. I was the one who was always there for you. I was the one who went shopping with you for dates with other men instead of going to work. I did everything for you, and you can't even tell me you loved me. You have so much commitment issues. True, I'm in love with a girl, but I'm in love with a girl who doesn't love me back."
Penny's mouth was still agape, her eyes wide at his confession. There wasn't a single trace of anger in Leonard's eyes, only sadness.
"Leonard," Penny chocked through her tears. He looked up at her then, he himself on the verge of bursting into tears.
"I'm sorry…" she said quietly, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth once more. Before he could reply, she turned and walked out of the room, gently closing his bedroom door behind her.
"How'd everything go Bestie?" Amy asked in a neutral tone. Penny just shook her head slightly, chewing her lip gently; fighting back the tears threatening to fall. Amy looked down at her with a sympathetic frown on her face.
"Do you want to go out to our girls' night now?" the brunette asked. Penny nodded slowly, giving her a small smile. Amy's eyes glistened with excitement before she glanced over to Sheldon. He was giving her a worried look and she immediately felt guilty. Turning back to Penny, Amy sighed.
"Bestie, I will be right back, and then we can go." Penny took a deep breath and glanced over at Sheldon before giving Amy permission to go. Getting up, Amy led Sheldon to his room and closed the door.
"Alright, what's wrong?" Amy questioned. Sheldon looked at her with tired eyes and replied casually.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He shrugged his shoulders, desperately trying to keep his eye from twitching. Amy looked at him curiously, with eyes half closed and a strained facial expression.
"Sheldon," she said. "We tell each other everything. Relationships fail if they don't." Sheldon took on a panicky expression as the words tumbled out of her mouth. "Do you have a problem with me going out tonight?" Amy asked.
Sheldon looked her up and down, debating on telling her the truth. "Can you change?" he asked her quietly. She looked surprised at his question.
"Why?" Sheldon heard her ask in an irritated but curious tone. He held his gaze on the floor however, carefully thinking his words through. He decided on partially telling the truth.
"You're in my favorite outfit and I don't want other drunken men seeing you in it." Sheldon managed to keep his eye from twitching once again, but he still kept his gaze on the floor. After a few moments, Amy spoke again.
"Other drunken men?" she asked, intrigued at his words. Sheldon just scoffed at her.
"You know what I mean Amy." He said, irritated.
"Okay," Amy replied slowly, taking a deep breath. "And why do you not want other drunken men to see me in this outfit?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. Sheldon gulped, not ready to tell her the whole truth. He felt hot suddenly, and was sure his face looked flustered. Amy peered at him cautiously and he slowly took a breath, preparing to answer her.
"No reason," he said hastily, his voice strained. Amy held a slight frown on her face, unsure of how to respond.
"Are you sure?" she asked. Sheldon nodded, his eyes still focused on the floor. Amy sighed, exasperated.
"Sheldon, unless you look me in the eye and give me a real reason why, I will leave right now." He froze for several moments, afraid to move. Amy patiently stood by him and waited, a blank expression on her face. Abruptly, Sheldon stood up and faced Amy, gently holding one of her hands for a fraction of a second before letting go.
"Amy," he said softly, looking her strait in the eyes. "I like your outfit, you look fine." Sheldon blushed and Amy's eyes bulged.
"Fine?" Amy asked, anger rising in her throat. Alarms then went off in Sheldon's head; somehow he managed to upset her. Again.
"JUST FINE?" Amy's voice raised over eight octaves and Sheldon panicked. In his panic mode, he didn't realize she walked away from him and turned his back to her. He only noticed her when she started pacing and ranting.
"Do you not find me attractive at all?" Amy asked, whipping around to face him. Her eyes bulged at what she saw next.