Soooo, very very slowly... things are starting to look up. But hope breeds eternal misery so here we go. ~_~

Haru was silent.

The entire walk to the train station, the entire ride to Samezuka; he didn't say a word, he simply let Rin speak. Rin ranted on about his new records, how much his time has improved since they last swam together, and how his dreams felt nearer than ever before. And aside from an occasional 'mmhmm' or a nod, Haru's throat felt closed off, unable to speak even if he wanted to.

"Your hair is ridiculous, Haru. You should really cut it," Rin teased with a small laugh. He knocked on the glass door to the aquatics building loudly and impatiently. His fingers anxiously fiddled with the string from his jacket. It had gotten colder since they left Haru's house. Haru was starting to regret coming along. Rin sighed and turned to face him, wondering why he stood away at such ridiculous distance. His cheeks and nose had turned bright red, breaths coming out in small white puffs against the cold air.

"I'm serious about your hair. How can you walk around without tripping over something?" Rin noticed the tension. Haru shrugged his shoulders and immediately shivered. Rin carefully eyed his actions, there was something off..

Something different.

Rin tapped his foot impatiently and once again turned to knock on the door, finally gaining someone's attention. The figure came over and unlocked the door.

"Can I help- ...Matsuoka?!" the familiar voice lit up with enthusiasm. The red head stepped outside holding the door open and motioning for both boys to come inside.

"It's been a while, Seijuuro," Rin smiled, waving for Haru to follow. The inside was warm and humid in comparison due to the water, and Haru felt his tension subsiding ever so slightly. The scent of chlorine was comforting and nostalgic, and Haru loved the familiar setting. He stared ahead as Rin and Seijuuro played catch up for a few moments. He kept his hands in his pockets, one subconsciously wrapped around his cellphone. A cellphone that he almost never carried on him but for some reason, he couldn't bare the thought of leaving without today.

Without a way to contact...

"Haru! Let's swim!" Rin suddenly yelled out. Seijuuro pointed over to the unused lane pool and nodded. His eyes widened, the water looked so inviting, so clear and shimmering. It was no use, Rin would talk him into it eventually.

"Okay," Haru mumbled, finally speaking his first words of the evening. Seijuuro neared as Haru put his things down on a nearby bench.

"I know that Matsuoka has been practicing like crazy, but how have you been? Have you found a place to swim in this weather?" he asked in his warm tone. Haru shook his head, carefully taking off his scarf.

"You know that you're more than welcome to swim here when my team isn't having practice. You just have to let me know." Haru glanced over at Rin who was already down to his swimmers, stretching near the start blocks.

"You're lucky..." Haru mumbled, referring to the fact that Seijuuro stayed on board the swim team after graduation. He was now coaching the first years and could swim whenever he wanted. Haru stripped off his jacket, letting his cell phone drop into the pocket, and placed it near the scarf.

"Can I ask you something?"

Seijuuro looked surprised for a moment, "What is it?"

Haru bit his lip, knowing that it wasn't wise to bring up the topic. He knew that speaking would only crumble his walls even further but the thought was invading, and too uncomfortable to keep in his thoughts.

"Why did you stay here?" There was no hiding the shakiness of his voice. Avoiding eye contact, he continued to undress.

"Well, this place is familiar to me. I grew up here and all of my family is here. Since I got the opportunity to stay at the school and coach, I don't see why I would leave," Seijuuro pondered out loud, "Why do you ask?"

Haru flinched, eyes averting to anywhere else.

"I was just..."

Don't say anything.

"Wondering what would cause someone to leave their home."

You idiot.

Seijuuro raised an eyebrow in question, keen to the saddened expression Haru was desperately trying to hide.

"Maybe to gain a new experience," his voice softened, "or maybe there's something out there that wasn't obtainable back here. Either way, it's not something you should take personally."

Haru didn't answer and Seijuuro didn't wait for one. He walked back over to Rin to continue their conversation. Haru folded his pants and placed the last of his clothes neatly together. Rin and Seijuuro's laughter echoed through the room. What were they talking about?

"Haru! Come on!" Rin called, sitting down on the starting block in the 4th lane. Why did he have to be so persistent? Haru ran his thumb along the edge of his swimmers, slipping it under the hem for a moment.

Loose.

He knew he needed a new suit. Swimming wouldn't be comfortable like this... There would be more resistance, the water wouldn't hug his body like normal. Once again, Haru wondered why he agreed to this in the first place.

"Coming," he mumbled, pushing the thoughts to the back of his head. Rin slipped his goggles on and snapped the band like always. This was finally his chance to show Haru how much he's grown. It's been months since their last race and they were still neck at neck then. This was it. That's what he told himself when he saw Haru climb onto the start block in lane 5. Those were the thoughts that ran through his mind until... out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of Haru's legs.

"100 free! Get ready!" Seijuuro called. Haru's hands found the edge of the starting block, gripping it tightly trying to ignore the dizziness in his head.

Rin followed, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Haru. What the hell was up his legs? And his arms? And his... everything.

"Go!"

Haru dove in, snapping Rin out of his thoughts.

A late start?

Rin couldn't remember the last time he was distracted enough to start late. Forget. Forget everything that isn't swimming. Just like always. Rin pushed through the water, and before he even had time to blink, Haru was by his side.

The first turn.

Rin pulled ahead, just like always. His long legs always made his kick off stronger. One arm in front of the other, a breath every 6 strokes, light kicks until his hands reached the other end.

Another turn.

Rin kicked off with all his strength and pulled ahead even further. That feeling Rin had earlier resurfaced in his chest. Something was definitely off. His eyes found Haru through the water, he was just barely getting to the second turn.

He's that far behind?

Maybe he's messing around. Or maybe he's practiced enough to tease Rin til the final stretch. Haru was always amazing at powerful bursts towards the end of a race. It didn't matter. All Rin knew was to put one arm in front of the other until the race was over. He gasped for air when he realized that the distractions were messing up his pattern.

Every six. Come on.

Final turn.

Rin let himself get lost in the water. It didn't matter where Haru was. It didn't matter what he was planning. Rin was still faster. Rin had to be. One hand forward, pull, and again..

Again..

Again..

Rin slapped his hands against the edge of the pool, lifting his head up and gasping for breath. He pulled his goggles off and smiled. Victory still tasted sweet. He knew he had improved. Quickly, he lifted himself out of the pool and turned towards Haru's lane. And he felt his heart drop.

Haru just barely finishing the final lap. Haru reaching the edge completely out of breath. He pulled off his goggles as well, placing them on the edge of the pool. His hands shaking, arms unable to support his body out of the water and up over the edge.

Rin has gotten better but... not by that much.

"Haru, what the hell?" was all he could manage to say. He took Haru by the arm and pulled him out of the water; how little effort it took was startling. Haru tried to stand, still shaky and unable to catch his breath.

"What's going on with you?" Rin asked.

"N-Nothing," Haru tried to firmly say.

Nothing is wrong.

Everything is fine.

Just leave it alone.

Please...

Haru's knees gave out.

"Haru!" Rin cried, lowering his body to the ground.

"Everything is..." Haru started. His arms shook trying to support his weight. "Is fine.."

Seijuuro rushed over to Rin's side, dropping to his knees beside Haru.

Please...

"Keep it together, Nanase," Seijuuro said, placing his hands on Haru's shoulders.

"It's fine," Haru sighed, even though the dizziness still hadn't left him.

"Stop saying it's fine!" Rin suddenly shouted, "Look at yourself! What the hell is going on with you! You've diminished to the point you can't even swim properly!? What is all this about? Stop shutting everybody out and speak for once! What could you possibly be gaining by not saying anything, you're suffering. And you're suffering alone... again."

Haru turned away, closing his eyes and wincing in pain as a head rush washed over him.

"Does Makoto know about this?"

No.

No, don't bring him up.

Not now, Rin, please.

Haru's thoughts once again jumbled and crowded his mind. Once again, his stomach twisted in knots and his heart felt ice cold. His lungs compressed, his closed eyes stung, and the numb feeling quickly spread causing Haru to try to curl his knees up to his chest. And the mannerism was enough for Seijuuro to put two and two together.

"Rin, let's just get him some water for now."

Rin looked up skeptically, but the look in Seijuuro's eyes had more to tell. From the days when they were teammates, he always understood when the redhead was dead serious. So there was no questioning it. Rin nodded, slowly standing up and leaving the two to grab a water bottle, still left with the ultimate question lingering in his head.

What the hell happened to Haru in the last three months?

No worries. Things will pick up in a chapter or two.. I hope. :x Maybe. :x Leave reviews plspls.