Disclaimer: I have no claim on any of the characters from Twilight or New Moon all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

Last Time:

Edward POV

Just as I was about to enter our home, all too familiar thoughts entered my mind. They were familiar to me because I had tasted this mind last spring. Anger flowed through my body causing it to tense as venom started to fill my mouth. I couldn't seem to shake his thoughts from my mind. Each one of them was of Bella. My hands tightened into fists at the image of his dark lips touching any part of Bella.

The clearness of his thoughts in my head spoke of how close he was to me physically. For now I was glad Bella had run away. It meant that Laurent wouldn't get to her and he never would. Nothing would bring me more pleasure than to be the one to end his life right here. The wind shifted around me, bringing with it the scent of cedar, pears and fresh human blood. I turned quickly to face my unwanted guest.

His eyes were a brighter red than I remembered them to be. It was clear it hadn't taken him long to grow tired of the vegetarian lifestyle.

"Laurent!"

Chapter 4: Penance

By TaintedDarkInuShemeeko

Jasper POV

Penance has many names: ,reconciliation, reparation, and atonement. Could I ever earn them after the sin I had committed right in front of my brother?

One second and one drop of blood was all it took to shatter everything. With my one savage act I had fired the gun that had shot the bullets and ended everything for Edward. He loved Bella to much to put her in any more danger, so we left.

Once Edward had made the decision for us to leave Forks, I had to limit my contact with him. His pain was burning a hole in my chest, making the guilt over my actions fester until I felt like I was being burned all over again. Edward had trusted me so fully and I had betrayed that trust by not reining in the monster inside.

Though I couldn't read my family's thoughts, their emotions told me everything. Pain, disappointment, anger, and sympathy -- I experienced it all, especially the hurt I had caused Alice.

The only pain I couldn't shield myself from was Edward's. It was different. It was almost as if he was trying to will himself to die. I could only blame myself. Without Bella at his side it was as if his spine had been ripped from his body leaving him lifeless. After a week passed, Edward just up and left us. His absence from our home enveloped both Carlisle and Esme in a dark cloud. Their pain was slowly becoming my own, so much so that I didn't need my talent to feel their grief.

In the one-hundred and sixty-three years since my rebirth into this new existence I had never seen a bond between others of our kind like the one I could see and feel between Carlisle, Edward and Esme. It was that bond that made me want to change the way I existed.

Fear, the feeling that permeated the house since our return with Bella, snapped me out of my self-centered thoughts. Footsteps were barely heard as they rushed around getting whatever Carlisle asked for as he tried to insure Bella's life as a human continued. My eyes darted down at the drops of her blood that clung to my wet shirt. I shuddered as the memory of her rescue flickered inside my head.

Bella's skin was ashen as I plucked her from the water. Her lips had a purplish-blue tint to them as I clutched her to me. There was a slight popping sound before I felt Alice's warm had on my shoulder.

"You did it Jazz, Bella is safe. You didn't hurt her, you saved her."

Emmett's voiced boomed loudly after Alice's words.

"Alice is right you're a hero bro. So why don't you give Bella to Carlisle now."

Her heart beat was slow but it was there. No air was passing through her lips.

I knew that the best thing for me to do would be to relinquish Bella's limp form to the man who had shared his family with me. But before I could do that, I needed to win the internal struggle I was having with my tenuous self control.

There were small lacerations all over her body. The one that was slowly earning my attention was the one that lay open on her forehead. As the wound wept, it christened her hair with her sweet elixir. The burning in my throat turned into a roaring flame. I glanced down at Bella's face, to see that she had been replaced with an image of my sweet Alice. The mere thought of causing Alice harm made my stomach churn. With more force then I had intended I thrust Bella into Carlisle's waiting arms.

Shaking my head I brought myself back to the present. In one fluid movement, I was out the door and standing far off in our backyard unable to shoulder the burden of guilt from the emotions pouring out of my family as they tended to Bella. I occupied myself with dumping dried leaves into an old metal barrel. I then stripped off my shirt that was spotted with Bella's blood. I poured gasoline onto the shirt that bore the stain of my sin, before striking a match. In repentance I offered it to the flames that consumed it hungrily as soon as the lit match found its waiting target. If only true absolution was so easy.

The only thing I was sure of was that it wasn't safe to return to the house. I had pushed my limits enough today. As the fire light cast strange shadows across my bare chest, another haunting image came back to me from that night.

Edward's dark glaze blanketed me in darkness like a lunar eclipse covers the night.

It was that memory alone that hardened my resolve. I had to keep Bella safe. If Edward couldn't be her to protect her, then I would do it in his stead. Only this time, I would be even more careful. I would gorge myself with blood everyday if that's what it took to make sure I wasn't a danger to her. Edward had made it a practice, so would I. I knew of no other way to make it up to the two of them.

The sweet smell of daisies and oranges invaded my nose telling me that Alice was near. Though I could smell her, I continued to stare into the flames in front of me. She slowed a few steps behind me before continuing on towards me. Her touch was cool on the warmed skin of my shoulder.

"I thought you might want this." She held out a clean new shirt.

I turned toward my little pixie in half a second. Her gentle touch soothed the burning within my soul. When I was with Alice everything seemed so much clearer. As her graceful fingers traced each muscle on my chest, I placed my lips to hers in a consuming kiss. The purplish-gray shirt fluttered to the ground forgotten. Minutes later, the two of us pulled out of our embrace.

Sadness was suddenly pouring from my sweet. I took in a breath and cringed slightly at the light scent of Bella's blood that still hung in the air. I knew without asking that her emotions were about Bella.

Alice bent to retrieve her token of love/consolation. Even her simple movement of picking up my shirt was graceful like a waltz. Our fingers brushed together as I took the shirt from her.

"You're going hunting again." She said. It wasn't a question, but a statement.

I knew she knew my answer, but I spoke anyway. "It's better if I do. You know that Alice."

When she moved to speak I placed a finger to her lips to stop her.

"I won't be gone long, darling," as usual, my southern accent was a little strong on the word 'darling'.

I placed a kiss on her cheek before looking into her golden eyes.

"You know that you are welcome to come with me. I, however, know you one better darling. Stay here until Bella wakes, then we'll hunt together."

I crushed my lips to hers one last time before taking off into the forest that surrounded our new home. In truth, I really wasn't hungry so I had no plans of hunting yet. I did plan on running. The ground and trees seemed to shimmer in the moonlight due to the recent rainfall. My main reason for running was obvious: I need to escape from the swirl of emotions and have some time to myself.

My brain was telling me to keep running -- that it was too dangerous to stay at the house. Yet, I knew in my heart that I could not. I couldn't leave Alice, nor could I wound Carlisle by leaving. He had been tormented enough by Edward's abrupt departure. After two hours of fleeing my guilt I came to a stop, my attention focused on the beating of hearts a half mile to my east. Even though I wasn't that hungry instinct took hold of me; turning me into a gust of wind as I headed toward the herd of thumping hearts.

Releasing my hold on my prey allowed it to fall limply to the ground. Picking up on the scent of drying blood, I surveyed the area around me. There was a lifeless deer in front of me, as well as three more lying in the area to my right. The thrill of the chase was gone now. I was so engorged that I felt I would burst if I wasn't careful with my movements. The hour was growing late so I knew I would have to return to the house soon. If I didn't, Alice would only worry. I hadn't been that hungry so why had I gorged myself with so much blood? I had done so and not even realized it. No, that wasn't true. I knew why I had done it, to have the strength to hold down the monster within in order to keep Bella safe from me.

Guilt. Ever since the night of Bella's birthday, it had been twisting deep inside me as if someone had stabbed me with a bayonet. This was the first time in weeks I had been allowed to be alone to my own devices. I sought release from this feeling, but didn't know what to do about it. I had apologized to my family and expressed my shame to Edward, so what more did I have to do to release this guilt and self-hate from within myself? I continued to stare into the lifeless eyes of the deer in front of me. All of a sudden the answer seemed so simple and right in front of me.

Bella. I had yet to express my remorse to her. Alice had told me once that it wasn't necessary; she assured me that Bella already knew that was ashamed of what I had tried to do. Despite what Alice had said, I knew now the only way to find peace within myself again -- I needed to ask for Bella to give me penance if she would. In the eyes of many in our family, Bella was Edward's mate and I had been the catalyst that had forced him from her; I had to set things right.

Picking up the carcasses of the four deer I had consumed, I quickly disposed of their bodies so I was free to head home. I was concerned about Bella's condition. The more I dwelled on the popping sound I had heard earlier, the more I was sure that I had broken something while she was in my crushing grip. I was a mile and a half from the house when my family's emotions crashed down on me like a massive wave.

As I walked into the house, I saw that the somber faces from earlier this week had returned. I didn't see Alice upon entering the house; I knew right away that she and Esme were with Bella. Rosalie was looking out the window at the storm that was gathering outside; her arms were folded tight across her chest. Her body spoke of its anger, yet her face was expressionless. Emmett wore a grim look on his face as well, and the emotions inside him were churning much like the storm clouds outside.

As I cautiously made my way up the spiral staircase, I noticed that Carlisle has stepped out of Bella's room and was leaning against the doorway waiting for me.

"How's Bella doing, Carlisle?"

He was silent for a moment and understanding soon washed over me. Carlisle was trying to rein in his emotion.

"Her body has been weakened from this ordeal but her will to continue living seems to be stronger. Alice told me that Bella was coming to find Edward."

My head bobbed up and down in understanding. Clearing my throat, I asked the one thing I had been dreading, but knew it was necessary if I were to over come temptation.

"May I go in and see her?"

Curiosity flowed from Carlisle like a small trickling stream followed quickly by strong apprehension. His topaz eyes locked with mine. Surprise and understanding slipped free from him as he took in the bright buttery gold of my eyes. Carlisle could tell that I was stuffed to the gills with blood. There was no room for temptation to give in.

"Of course, Jasper, go on in. I'll be right here."

"Thank you, Carlisle."

I couldn't blame Carlisle for still taking cautionary measures with me. I would feel the same way if our places were reversed. Upon entering I stood in the doorway, taking in my surroundings.

The room was familiar but I hadn't glanced at it for months. Edward's scent was faint but it was still here. Esme had been reluctant to clean in fear of removing what little of his scent lingered in the room. Edward's music collection lined one wall, while his book collection lined the other. Various treasures graced the front of each shelf.

Esme sat in an old wicker chair beside the bed that Bella lay upon. The bed I realized was a new addition; its new scent intertwining with Bella's flowery scent. My attention moved back to Esme as she was gently rubbing her thumb over Bella's small hand. Her voice was a soft whisper as she mumbled something to her.

"I'm so sorry, sweet Bella. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us."

It was then I realized that Alice was speaking softly to Bella as well as she hovered near the head of the bed on the left side.

"You're safe now, Bella. We're not going to run any more I promise you."

Alice glanced over at me giving me a half-hearted smile. Brushing her bangs aside, Alice placed a soft kiss on Bella's forehead. She moved toward me, lacing her right hand within my left before bringing her lips up to meet mine. One look into her beautiful golden-honey eyes spoke more volumes than words could. Alice had seen ahead of time that I would come here. She was also aware of what I was looking for.

Penance for my actions as well as a way to cleanse myself of the guilt. There were a few in our family that felt I had nothing to atone for. I had been following the instinct of what we were. Due to Carlisle's guidance I no longer wanted to look at myself as a monster. I had to believe that I was somewhat above that. The one person that I cared deeply for did not see me as such. Nor, did I see her as such.

I watched as Alice walked behind the chair where Esme still sat. She laid a hand gently on her shoulder.

"Esme, why don't we go get some fresh air? Maybe grab a quick bite to eat. Emmett and Rosalie are going."

It took all the strength I had in my body not to curl in on myself as the heart breaking sorrow Esme was emitting washed through me. I gave Alice a grim smile as she looked in my direction once more before disappearing out the door with Esme in tow. I knew from the warm scent of warm cinnamon and sandalwood that Carlisle was still close by.

I moved slowly toward the chair that Esme had been sitting in. Taking a deep breath, I took in Bella's sweet scent and held it. I waited for the dam to break and for the blood- lusting creature to claw its way free from me. However, the desire to have her blood was only a dull flicker in the back of my throat. Overstuffing myself had worked its small wonder. Exhaling the sweet air I had been holding in, a sigh of relief escaped its confinement within me.

Though Bella and I were vastly different from one another, I realized there was one trait that we shared: the will to sacrifice for the ones we loved. It was the one common thread between us that had me wanting to get to know her and understand her more.

"You, Bella Swan, are a paradox to me. Then again, I so 'pose you already knew that. You were a paradox to Edward long before me." I felt a small smile tug on the corners of my mouth.

Lifting my head up, I looked at the pale, fragile form of the young woman who lay in the bed next to me. How could such a little thing like her throw this family into such chaos? Alice continues to blame Bella's condition on Edward. Carlisle and Esme blame themselves for not considering the thought of allowing Edward to take Bella away some where for awhile. Rosalie blames Bella for being weak. Emmett blames no one stating that it was bound to happen if Bella and Edward parted for long. I, Jasper Cullen, on the other hand blamed no one but myself.

I was aware of the risk of Bella being a part of our lives. Just like so many of my family, I was willing to look the other way when I saw the spark of life that Bella ignited deep within my brother. Once Edward had decided to turn from the path of ending her life, I began to feel emotion roll from him that I never had before. The simple feeling of his happiness made me joyful.

But now Edward's joy lay battered and broken before me. Bella's body portrayed Edward's emotions perfectly. Even though leaving Bella had been his choice, leaving her had broken him and had thrown him into a darkness I had never experienced before. Edward's very being seemed to have withered and died; much like the prairie grass in the hot Texas sun.

Turning my thoughts back toward my task, I took in a deep breath.

"I'd like to ask you to forgive me for what I did that night. Not just for my actions, but for the consequences of those actions. I tore away your reason to live. I didn't see it before, but I do now. You complete him, Bella. I see now that it was you who pulled him from the darkness."

I couldn't seem to pull my eyes away from her ashen-colored face. Carlisle had sewn the gash on her forehead closed while butterfly band aids pulled closed some of the lesser cuts on her face. A large purple and black bruise lay cross her right cheek; it seemed to blend with the dark circles under her eyes.

An IV line twined out from the bend in her right elbow. Staring at the IV line was how I noticed the long thin scar that ran from her wrist to her elbow. There was one more scar on her that I had yet to look at. It was the crescent shaped one on her hand. James had branded her that day, stealing something precious from my brother. Edward had to see reason – and return home. I had no reason to ever believe in fate until it found me on rainy day in a small diner -- when I stumble across my own angel, announcing that I had kept her waiting. Fates cord had firmly wrapped Bella and Edward together (just as it had Alice and I).

Pain had been what had made Edward run. I however, had a strong feeling that it was going to be fate that returned him to us. Bella was Edward's liquor, just as much as Alice was mine.

I soon found myself running a finger across Bella's crescent scar. Seconds later, Bella's body stiffened on the bed. Her heart was pounding rapidly in her chest. Right before a familiar name slipped from her lips.

"No, Edward, don't!"

A/N: So what did you think of Jasper? I will have to say he was indeed a challenge for me to write. I hope, was able to do him some justice.

Review and tell me you thoughts, or join me over on my Lunar Eclipse thread:

http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=33&t=6752&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&sid=&start=10

TaintedDarkInuShemeeko