Mobius continues his work in the palace, leaving Loki more time by himself. As Randi finds her way back to the work she once did as a soldier in the palace, the children more often need someone to watch them when the aren't with Liv. And so, when they aren't in school, they come to the cottage and Loki takes care of them. He loves them. He loves their games, he loves their imaginations, and he loves the joy he can bring them with stories and magic and games in the vast gardens. They visit the bounce room and he learns more about Darcy and Jane's life in Asgard and in Midgard, growing closer to them both, but particularly Darcy, her sense of mischief bringing out more of his own. Their tricks and playful competitions thrill the children and they start to think of pranks of their own to play on the adults in their lives, and, under Loki and Darcy's guidance, determine when to stop so they don't irk their mothers too much.
As he takes care of the children, Loki also becomes more visible in the palace and it is clear to everyone with business there that some days, the youngest Odinson is an Odindottir, or resting somewhere in a more ambiguous form. Most people simply take it in stride. Loki has always been a little bit on the outside of what they expect of a child of the All-Father and All-Mother, especially with his striking dark hair and light eyes. Now that he is sometimes not a man at all, they at least accept that, whether they understand it or like it or not, this is the way of Loki and not something they have any means to control or even protest. Any hint of disapproval is met with immediate rebukes from either Thor or Frigga and occasionally a threat from Brunnhilde, if she somehow responds to it before they can.
But eventually another comment finds its way to Mobius' ear, another comment from a careless member of the court gossiping with a peer and finding some sympathy for their disgust. Mobius hears about it from one of the serving girls, Elsie, who cautiously mentions it while bringing him tea. She couldn't see the speaker, though, only the one who was listening. She's worried about it dampening Loki's joy. She often brings him and the children snacks and they all greet her by name and with enthusiasm when they see her.
As is their plan, Mobius takes this news to Thor, but without the name of the speaker, they can't do much, other than talk to the listener. Thor warns Frigga and she calls for the person Elsie was able to identify. Said person is, however, conveniently unavailable.
Unbeknownst to them, Loki is in the palace at the time, walking down a quiet hallway with a spring in her step as she heads to join the children in the bounce room. She hears someone approaching from a cross hallway. She slows her pace so she won't accidentally bowl the other person over. It is a member of the court she recognizes, a broad-shouldered guard from a high-ranking family whose patriarch fought against the Frost Giants when they invaded Midgard. He is only a few years older than Thor. Loki nods to him in greeting and continues on her way.
He follows her, "You are a disgrace to your family, Odinson."
Loki swallows hard and turns to him, "Excuse me?"
"You. Are. A. Disgrace," he says as he closes the distance between them.
"That's what I thought I heard, yet I couldn't believe a member of our court would be so rude. I'd ask that in the future, you keep such thoughts to yourself," she says, maintaining composure, before she starts to turn away.
He shakes his head, "No. I don't serve this," he says, gesturing to Loki's body, "It's bad enough you let another man into your bed."
Loki, stunned, tries to keep her reply polite, refusing to turn back toward him, "I...I...I have no intention of discussing that aspect of my life with you."
"You don't deny it, though."
"I don't have to stay to listen to this."
She starts to walk away, but he lunges forward and grabs her arm, yanking her back and slamming her against the wall hard enough to knock the wind out of her; he pins her there, his hands on her wrists, "Don't you dare walk away from me. I remember the woman in green. I've seen you in that dress. I know she fucked around. That was you."
Loki pales, "Let me go."
He laughs, "Absolutely not. I never got my time with her. With you. What do you think I should do now that I know you're just a man in a dress pretending? Should I remind you why a prince shouldn't be beneath anyone for any reason and why a princess shouldn't be a whore?"
"This is treason," Loki whispers, trying to keep her voice from trembling.
"And I can shut your mouth so you won't be able to tell anyone. I'll sully you so badly not even that fucking clerk will want you. He'll bail on you like any other man would ditch a woman no longer fit to be his wife. Not that you are his wife. Or his husband. Whatever you are, you're just a slut he'll leave as soon as he gets bored with you. He hasn't claimed you. And you'll be lucky if there's anything left for him to play with after I'm done with you."
Loki freezes, panic overtaking her. She's been restrained against a wall before. It was manacles then, not hands, but the position she's in is the same. The method doesn't matter and all she can feel is the rough stone of memories of torture and death against her back. She has to force herself to push down her terror in order to draw on something deep within her – the tendrils of Yggdrasil that steady and empower her. She wasn't so powerful then. She'd been broken to the point where her exhaustion and pain drowned out the magic. She closes her eyes in concentration as he laughs, revelling in her fear as she tries to bring herself back to the present.
"Open your eyes so you see what I'm going to do to you." He moves in to force a kiss. She doesn't struggle against him, balling her hands into fists as his lips press against hers. The pressure of his face against hers is enough to give her something to focus on and she let her magic surge through her, exploding forward. He flies off her, his hands still gripping her wrists. She stumbles forward, but breaks free of his grasp and steady herself before she falls. He hits the opposite wall as she takes a few ragged deep breaths, gathering her focus as she wipes her mouth. He finds his feet and lunges for her, but she is ready this time and she dodges his outstretched arms, slamming her fist into his head before jamming her knee into his stomach. He gasps and collapses. She kicks him in the crotch as hard as she can and his eyes go wide, face crossed with shock and pain. She crouches beside him and touches his temple, quickly breaking into his mind. Loki draws a few truly nightmarish memories to the surface before she staggers farther down the hall, breathing heavily, leaving the man enchanted.
"My gods, he…. Why did I freeze?" A few tears sneak down her cheeks as she tries to compose herself. She draws a slow, deliberate breath, lets it out slowly, tucks her feelings away and wipes her eyes, using her magic to make sure that even if they are red and her cheeks flushed from anger and fear, no one will know. There are three boisterous children she must care for until Randi comes to pick them up from the cottage. Emotions, and the consequences of the man's actions, will have to wait.
After Randi takes the children home, Loki sits on she and Mobius' bed alone. She takes off her dress, shifts her body back to that of a man, and changes into the soft tunic and trousers she wore in the TVA when she wasn't able to take on the body most comfortable to her. She balls up the dress and throws it in to the corner, staring after it as it drops to the floor. It is her beloved soft brown dress, the first one she ever wore around Mobius, the dress she wore when she came home. Her heart sinks even farther and every defence she has in place to keep her emotions hidden breaks, tears pouring down her cheeks.
She retreats to the shelter of their garden and sits on a bench tucked behind an arbour draped in ivy, a little secret cloister behind the greenery.
In the palace, Elsie overhears a member of the court swearing and using filthy language to describe a woman he encountered in the hallway as he talks to himself, staggering as though he is drunk. She recognizes his voice when he mutters something about the "whore in the green dress." Her ears perk up and she hazards a glance in his direction, quickly turning away before he notices she's watching. She hurries to the king's office.
When she arrives, Mobius is at the desk and Thor is nowhere to be seen; he looks up from his work, "Hey Elsie...is everything alright?"
She shakes her head, "No. Something very much isn't. And I know who was the cause of the trouble earlier."
"Oh?" he says, setting aside his work.
"I think something else happened today. I heard him saying awful things and I know they were about Loki. That man...he needs to be stopped. He needs to be interrogated...."
Mobius stares, "I...I don't understand. What happened? Did he hurt her?"
"I don't know for sure. But I'm afraid he might have."
"I need you to send for Thor and tell him he's urgently needed here. Then tell the guards to stop this bastard. You come back here so you're safe. I don't want him to figure out you were the one to report him." She nods and quickly goes to follow the order. When she returns, Mobius has a chair for her and he has set his paperwork aside. He talks to her, not about the incident, but about her life, trying to distract her and also himself, as they wait.
When Thor arrives, he's brisk and ready for a fight, "Another member of our court is shortly to be expelled from it."
Elsie pales as she springs to her feet in the presence of the prince, "What happened?"
"First, tell me what you heard," Thor says, softening as he addresses her, "And please, sit." She recounts everything she can, then repeats her question.
Thor sighs as he leans forward on Mobius' desk, "He came across Loki in the hall and insulted her shapeshifting and her womanhood. And then he attacked her, pinned her against the wall, and threatened her with…. He managed to force a kiss before Loki was able to act."
Mobius drops his head into his hands, "Oh my god...he was going to…."
Thor drops into a chair, sickened, "I can't say for sure – the guards have him and he won't say much yet. But I fear he intended far worse than a kiss."
"I need to go to her," Mobius says, hurrying to his feet, "I'm sorry, I can't work today."
Thor nods, "I'll be there as soon as I can talk to Mother."
"Give me a few minutes, Thor. Just a couple. I need to make sure she's OK." He runs from the room.
Elsie stares after him, "And what do you want me to do, your highness?"
"Are you alright? You heard his vile words first," Thor asks.
"I will be. I hope never to hear something like that again. Loki is so sweet to us. I can't imagine someone who knew her in any way wanting to hurt her," she replies.
"There are some who are less than understanding of her shapeshifting or her changes between man and woman."
Elsie nods, "And some who say terrible things because Loki is loved by your clerk, who it is clear loves Loki in return."
Thor shakes his head, "Such a thing shouldn't matter."
"I know. But it is worse for those seen as men to love one another than those seen as women. At least in my experience with my wife."
"I didn't know you are married," he says.
She shrugs, "I tend to be fairly quiet about my life. But...I asked what you would like me to do, sir. And I'd still like to help in some way, if I can."
"Would you bring me a mug of ale and send for the queen?" Thor asks.
She stands and bows, "Happily. And I hope your sister? -is safe. She's kind and lovely and I adore her, no matter which Loki she is."
"Thank you, Elsie. That's very kind of you."
"Your welcome, sir." She leaves the room quickly, ready to do whatever little she can to protect her princess.
Mobius sprints down the halls, out the door, and across the lawn and gardens to the cottage. He flings open the door, calling his lover's name. When he gets no answer, he frantically searches their home. When he can't find her inside, he goes out to their garden and calls for her. Hearing no reply, he searches for her in the hidden places, lastly drawing back the ivy to find her sitting on the ground, her back to him.
"Oh my god, Loki...I heard what happened." He sits beside her. She is cross-legged, her hands resting on her knees, the elegant gold-hilted daggers she last used on Lamentis resting on her lap, her cheeks streaked with tears. His face falls, "Loki...please talk to me."
"I don't know if I can."
"Are you going to hurt yourself?"
"I don't know. I very much want to. But I don't think I will."
"Can I take them, sweetheart?" Loki slowly nods, her eyes following as he removes them from her lap and sets them on his other side. He rests a hand on her back and leans against her, "I'm so sorry. Elsie heard him ranting in the hall. She came and found me and then I had her send for Thor. He told me that bastard assaulted you and kissed you against your will. Thor's livid. Your mother...well, I didn't stick around to see what she's going to do, but I'm sure it won't be pretty."
"He said terrible things," Loki says, "He wanted to 'put me in my place.' He remembered the woman in the green dress. He'd put the pieces together. He said he'd never had his time with her. He said he would do...things...to me to make no one want me, not even you. He said when he was done, if I was still living, you would throw me away as a man does for a sullied wife." Loki looks over to Mobius, tears spilling from her eyes, "Mobius...would you do that were someone to…." She can't finish her sentence, the fear and grief overwhelming her thoughts.
Mobius gathers her in his arms, "Oh Loki...absolutely not. If I left you when you were hurting and needed me the most, I'd be the worst kind of person."
She melts into his embrace, speaking between sobs, "He said I was just your plaything, to be discarded when you tire of me, since you haven't claimed me."
"Claimed you? You're not a thing, sweetheart," he replies.
She shakes her head, "He means you haven't married me, so you're not dedicated enough and this isn't real enough."
Mobius gently sits her up so he can look her in the eyes, "I love you and that doesn't mean anything less because we're not married." He wipes her cheeks with the cuff of his sleeve, "You know this is real."
"It matters to others, though," Loki says. "I know he's not the only person who thinks this way. I'm sure there are whispers every time I'm around…."
"Loki…."
"No, Mobius. If this is what happens...if people assume the worst…." Loki's shoulders slump and she whispers, "He called me a whore, Mobius. 'The harlot in the green dress.' All because I once tried to find myself in ways that led to heartbreak and because now I am sometimes a woman and sleep beside a man."
"It doesn't sound like he'd really give a damn if we were married or not," Mobius replies, "Seems like he'd find a reason to have a problem with you, one way or another."
"You didn't hear his voice," she says, "But...this is a piece of it. And one that doesn't have to be the way things are." Loki leans in and kisses him, "Maybe we should."
He pushes her back, "Loki...do you really want to, or is this because you feel like you have to because of what he said?"
She starts crying harder, "I don't know. What does that say about me?"
"Sweetheart...you're hurt." Mobius cups her face in his hands, "I don't want you to ever say 'yes' for any other reason than you absolutely, beyond-a-doubt know you want to do this."
Loki shakes her head, "No. I don't."
"OK. That settles it, then." He smiles at her, "I only want you to be safe and happy, Loki. None of what he said changes who you are to me."
She tries to smile back, "Thank you."
"Come on – let me hold you. Before Thor gets here to rescue you from yourself."
"He was worried about me?"
"Of course. He's your brother."
"I'm still not used to having him back." Loki settles against Mobius and he holds her tightly, "Mobius?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you. With everything I am, every inch of my spirit, every bit of whatever it is that makes me me. And I don't want to ever stop. I hope you never find a reason to stop loving me, either."
He strokes her hair, heartbroken she would question this, "I'm not going to. You're the most important person I've ever had in my life. I'm not going to break that bond." They hear Thor enter the cottage and he calls for them, "Can I get up and tell him where we are? Will you be safe if I do?"
"Please, don't leave. Just call to him."
Mobius nods and hollers to Thor. A few moments later, Thor draws back the ivy and gingerly steps around them so he can sit on Loki's other side.
"Loki, my beloved Brother-"
"Sister," Loki cuts him off, "I'm sorry...I'm in the wrong body – you couldn't know. But I need to be, even though I'm still your sister."
Thor takes her hand, his voice soft, "My beloved Sister," he continues, "I'm so sorry about what happened today. It won't happen again."
"How can you be sure, Thor?"
Thor shrugs, "I don't suppose I can be, with absolute certainty, but it won't happen from this one."
"Why?"
Frigga speaks from behind them at the entrance to the ivy, "Because he's dead."
Loki sighs and relaxes against Mobius, "Oh thank everything holy and many things not."
Thor rests his hand on Loki's back while Frigga sits down behind her, "What can I do?" he asks.
"Just stay with me," Loki answers, "With us." She pauses and they sit in the quiet for a moment, waiting for her to continue. "I came out here after I shifted. Everything felt terrible, but this garden has been a haven for so long, so I hoped it would help. But it didn't. It's so beautiful out here and I felt so horribly ugly and wrong and I just...I couldn't do it. I went inside and found my daggers. Mobius had them tucked away – we'd talked before we came here and I didn't think I could trust myself with them, but...I can tell when they're near. And so I was going to end this with the weapons I treasure so dearly – it made sense, in the moment, to plunge something so beautiful into my heart, which felt so awful. I was so close," she says, looking back over her shoulder at her mother, "but I didn't. I don't know how safe I am from myself right now."
Frigga places her hand on Loki's shoulder, "I understand. I know what he threatened to do. It must've been heartbreaking and terrifying at the same time."
"It was," she answers, "And all I wanted to do was flee. But I couldn't. I froze. I wouldn't have frozen before I fell, Mother. But when he had me pinned, the memories of manacles against cold rock came flooding back and the terror of what happened next…. It wasn't until his lips were pressed to mine that it brought me back. If it hadn't...he could have done it. I wouldn't have been able to stop him." She drops her head into her hands, "I should have been able to act so much faster. I was trained as a warrior and yet…."
A silence falls over the garden before Frigga replies, "You're stronger than you realize, Loki. You did get out. You've been through so much and yet you are still here. You had to fight your own memories and you did. And you still managed to take care of the children before you came home and let yourself feel this. You are so very brave, my child, and still a warrior, even if your battles are different than they were before."
"I don't understand how."
"You don't have to. You just have to remember that you are a powerful person, and you are my dearly loved child. And I am so proud of your strength and your cleverness and your ability to draw on everything you have within you to survive truly horrific things you've only alluded to. You will move forward from this, even if first you need to take a few steps back." She looks at the body Loki is inhabiting, "Like right now. I'm assuming the male form you are in is making you feel safer."
"At the moment," Loki replies. "If that's what he thought of my feminine body, as others also must, then how can I show it without feeling as though I might be harmed for it?"
Frigga rests her hand against Loki's cheek, "I hope you find your way back to it. There will be consequences to this. There have been already. Before this day there had already been members of the court dismissed abruptly because they dared slander you or question your worth. They will not be the last. If that means we strip every one of them of their titles and send them home to explain to their families why they've fallen from favour, then that is what I will do. And if any one of them ever harms you again...I will deal with them no less brutally than I did this one."
Loki leans into her touch, "Thank you. But I'm still scared."
"It's alright to be scared. Just don't lose yourself entirely to it. Let yourself rest, then remember you will survive this."
Frigga, Mobius, and Thor all lean in to surround Loki with their collective embrace. Safe in their arms, she dissolves into silent sobs until Frigga casts a silencing spell around the garden and tells her to let herself cry out. She does, her grief pouring from her in one long wail before it gives way to gasping heartbreak.
When she quiets, her face is damp, nose stuffed, breathing ragged from the exertion. She closes her eyes and rests her forehead on her mother's shoulder.
"I love you. All of you. And that's why I'm still alive."
"I'm so glad you are," Thor says, "I don't want you to ever feel the same way you did when you let go."
"I knew how much it would hurt you," Loki says, "Yes, you would all find ways to move on without me, and there was a moment when my resolve faltered and I rested the point against my skin, wondering if I could do this quickly enough that I wouldn't suffer for long. I hesitated when I realized it would be Mobius who found me...then I thought of the children. Of what it would do to them to hear that I was dead. I couldn't hurt them like that. Children don't deserve that sort of loss. And so I set the daggers in my lap."
"Please, Loki...just remember you can talk to any one of us when things get this bad, no matter the reason," Mobius says. "We don't even need to know why you feel this way. You never need to navigate this alone. You've got a family and we're not going to run away when things get hard."
"But-" she begins to protest.
"No," Thor interrupts, "I will never not make time for you. If I am sitting on the throne as king and you come to me and whisper in my ear that you need me for an urgent matter of the heart, I will ask you to stay beside me as I make any excuse for a quick exit and we will go somewhere quiet together. There is nothing in this realm or any other that is more important to me than my family."
Frigga nods, "I've lost you once, Loki. I don't want to lose you again."
Loki sniffles and staves off a fresh wave of tears, "Thank you. All of you. I'm so glad I came home."
"We're glad you did, too," Frigga replies.
Mobius sits back and picks up the daggers, "I'm going to go put these away. Then we can get you inside so you can rest."
"Don't put them in the same place. Hide them. I don't trust myself yet." Mobius goes into the cottage and does as he's been asked. As he returns to the garden, he watches Thor and Frigga help Loki to her feet. With one of them on either side of her, they bring her to the bedroom and to the bed. Frigga pulls back the blankets and tucks her in. Thor lays down on the covers beside her. Mobius smiles, glad to see Thor so protective of his younger sibling.
Frigga gestures for Mobius to follow her to the kitchen; once they are out of earshot, she turns to him, "Where did you hide them?"
"There's a gap behind one of the cabinets in the kitchen."
She shakes her head, "She'll find them. Her magic will draw her to them. I can cast a charm to shield it, if you'd like."
Mobius thinks for a moment before responding, "What if you take them to the palace instead? You can find a place there and cast your charm over it so it won't feel like anything's amiss? She's said the background magic in her room is pretty strong and she probably wouldn't even notice anything different if you matched it someplace where the magic's as strong as it is there."
Frigga smiles, "Excellent suggestion." He hands her the daggers and expects her to leave, but instead, she makes them vanish the same way Loki often makes things disappear.
"So that's where she learned it."
"It's a useful little skill," Frigga answers. "But I'm sure you've figured out that I'm where she learned a lot of her magic."
Mobius nods and leans against the counter, "Yeah. I saw some of that in her file, and she's told me more about what she can do as we grew closer." He sighs, "So what do we do now?"
"I don't really know," Frigga replies, "So that means we make tea."
"Asgard's answer to any tough times," Mobius lightly teases her, "is make tea."
Frigga laughs quietly, "Precisely. But only this tea. It has soothing properties and clears the mind. Loki will be able to sleep better if she has some. Otherwise, I fear she'll have nightmares about this day and the memories it drew forth."
Mobius starts the kettle while Frigga blends together a few different herbs along with the tea leaves, "What's the rest for?"
"This herb," she says as she picks up one of the cannisters, "will help her to stay in a deep, dreamless sleep." She sets down that cannister and picks up another, "And this one will unwind her muscles – she'll have an easier time relaxing her body along with her mind. Then, of course, is our tea." It isn't long before the kettle whistles and she pours water over the herbs and lets them steep before she skims them out with a little mesh spoon. She takes it to the bedroom where Loki huddles against Thor.
"Here. Drink it. It'll help you rest."
Loki sits up and takes the cup, "Thank you, Mother. I'm scared to fall asleep, though. I feel as though I won't be able to see if someone's coming for me."
Mobius steps past Frigga, "Then I'll sit up all night to keep watch."
"I can't ask you to do that."
He shrugs, "OK. Then I'll sit up until you fall asleep."
"No, Mobius, you shouldn't lose rest for me."
Thor rests his hand on Loki's shoulder, "We are offering. Mobius can take part of the night and I will take the other. But you will rest, dear Sister, and you will be safe when you do."
"And I'll stay here, too," Frigga says. "No one will harm you. And we will be right here if you need us."
Loki sips her tea and shares a weary smile, "Thank you. I feel so dearly blessed."
Mobius and Frigga sit on the end of the bed and turn to face Loki, "Well hey, guess what?" Mobius asks, "That's exactly how I feel about you."
Loki's smile spreads and she blushes, "Mobius...you're charming. How did I ever get so lucky as to capture your heart?"
"Don't really know," Mobius says, "But it seems to have worked the other way around too- I'm not sure how I got this lucky, either."
After finishing her tea, Loki lays down to rest. Thor tucks her in. Frigga gives her a hug and kisses her cheek, reassuring her that she'll be there throughout the night. Mobius ask for Thor to leave the room for a moment so he can have some time alone with Loki.
He takes both her hands, "Hey...I just want to reassure you...I'm here to stay. Always, unless you specifically ask me to go. What he said? That's bullshit. Nothing could make you worthless to me. If somebody hurt you, the only thing I'd want would be to take care of you and then send your brother and mom out to kick some ass because you know I'd probably just end up breaking my hand trying to punch a guy." Loki quietly laughs. "I mean it. Don't you ever doubt what you are to me, OK?" Loki nods. Mobius leans in slowly to kiss her.
Loki stiffens, "Stop." Mobius does, "I'm sorry. I can't."
"Is there any way we can try?" Mobius asks.
Loki shakes her head, "No. I don't think so."
"Can I kiss your cheek instead?"
"Come from the side. Not the front. Maybe it won't remind me…."
Mobius slides over to sit beside Loki and then leans in to kiss her cheek, "How's that?"
Loki lets out a long breath, "That worked. Thank you."
"I'll wait for you to be ready. You lead, remember? Just like we've always done," Mobius says as he takes her hand. "Who do you want where right now?"
"Can Thor stay with me for a little while?" Loki asks. "And you and Mother nearby?"
"Absolutely." Mobius squeezes her hand and smiles at her, "We've got you. Tell us what you need."
Loki nods before slipping back into Mobius' arms and holding him close for a few minutes, hesitating beside his cheek for a moment as she pulls away, planting a whisper-light kiss there before she settles back under the blankets, "I love you, Mobius."
"I love you, too, sweetheart. You ready for me to go get Thor?"
"Yes. Thank you."
Mobius leaves the room and sends in Thor, who lays down on top of the blankets beside his sister. She curls against him, his hand protectively on her shoulder. Mobius makes a note to make sure not to startle Thor coming into the bedroom later. He has no doubt that, were Thor to think Loki was in danger, he wouldn't hesitate to swing first and ask questions once he was more clear on who had walked into the room.
He sits down at the dining table with Frigga. She has a deck of cards in front of her and she deals him a hand. There are several games she's taught him since their arrival in Asgard and he knows which one she's picked just by looking at the layout on the table. They'll take turns keeping watch and sleeping throughout the night. Right now, they both sip their own tea and try to focus on the game at hand.