Hi. I'm Caz. It's Crack/Humor Friday. I'm in a room with three black kittens named Nomad, Chell, and Shadow. They're all freaking adorable. Found this in my files.

Owen scowled. "Great. We fell through the rift. Just great."

"Right." Gwen walked up to Jack, who was furiously typing into his Vortex Manipulator, "I think we covered that. So, where are we? It looks just like Cardiff!"

Jack's eyebrows furrowed even further. "I think we're in some sort of parallel universe. Careful, there might be parallel versions of ourselves running about; don't go too far."

"A parallel universe?" Toshiko cut in, "Seriously?"

"Ye-" Jack was cut off as a woman in her mid-twenties walking up behind him.

"Hey is this some kind of cosplay or-" Jack turned around. "Holy crap, you're Torchwood."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "How do you know about Torchwood?"

"How do I- How'dya think? You're Captain Jack bloody-HARKNESS! Unless… Oh, crap. It's just like in a fanfiction I read. You fell through the rift, didn'tya?"

"How do you know about the rift?" Tosh stepped forwards.

The woman rolled her eyes. "Look, just bear with me, okay? This is probably a universe parallel to yours. In this universe, none of you-" she gestured with her hands, "exist here."

"Wha-"

"I said bear with me. Now, none of you exist, except for in a science fiction drama on BBC3- well, 1 now- called 'Torchwood.'" She pulled out her phone, typed into it, then held it out to the team. It displayed a Wikipedia article about "Torchwood."

"How do we know she's telling the truth?" Owen asked.

"I just showed you a Wikipedia article!"

"…which could easily be fake." Tosh finished her sentence.

"Look, just, just ask me anything! No! No time, just- listen. You-" she pointed to Jack, "Are Captain Jack Harkness. You were born on fifty-first century Boshae, in one of the human colonies. Your father was killed and your brother captured in the invasion. You joined the Time Agency while young, but went rogue when you found out that they had erased two years of your memory. You became an intergalactic con man, until you met the Doctor in the middle of the London Blitz. You traveled with him for a while, but were murdered by daleks. Rose Tyler, the over-achieving freak that she is, figured bringing you back to life once just wasn't good enough, so now you're immortal. The Doctor abandoned you, so you tried to reach twenty-first century Earth. But your crappy time machine- no offence- took you back way further. You joined Torchwood, which brings us up to the present."

"Alright. Fine. I believe you. Now, how are we supposed to get back?" Owen scowled, then looked up to notice that it had gone relatively silent, and crowds of people were pointing at them and whispering. "Who the bloody hell are they?"

The woman shrugged. "Fangirls. I suggest you run."

"IANTO!" one teenage girl screamed, and the rest charged. The Torchwood team did not need to be told twice.

When the five finally got a chance to rest, in an alleyway, Gwen slapped Jack lightly. "She knows more about you than we do!"

Ianto panted. "Bloody fangirls."

"Right." Jack began, "To proceed, we should all get rid of anything that could identify us. Ianto- ditch the suit jacket, the tie, the stopwatch, untuck your shirt, and- for God's sake- mess up your hair, will you? Owen, kiss the lab coat goodbye! Gwen, Tosh- I don't know, think of something. I'll- oh. Great. As if this day could get any worse."

When they were done, Jack's coat was gone, his vortex manipulator was in his pocket, his hair was slicked to the side, and he had switched shirts with Ianto. Ianto was wearing Jack's blue shirt over his slacks, his hair was mussed up, and his trusty stopwatch was in his pocket. Owen's hair was slicked back, his leather jacket and lab coat removed, and a rather un-Owen smile was plastered to his face. Gwen's hair was pulled back into a bun, her clothes were switched with Tosh's, and her jacket had been dumped. Tosh's hair was down, and all her jewelry was removed.

"Alright." Ianto sighed, "We officially look completely out of character."

The team regrouped in a practically-empty public library, sitting by the computers. Tosh began by google searching "Torchwood," and reading the Wikipedia article. Owen googled "Torchwood fanfiction," and started reading through the archives. Ianto opened up YouTube, and started sorting through the many videos. Gwen had visited the local video store, and was watching the Torchwood box set. Jack had pocketed the set labled "Doctor Who."

Ianto sifted through the videos offered by YouTube. "Torchwood: Dead Line: Part One" looked promising.

Ianto was very surprised to hear his own voice over the headphones.

"Professor Courtney, we have a mutual… um… friend… Jack Harkness?"

A woman whose voice he didn't recognize chimed in.

"Jack Harkness?... My God, I haven't heard that name in years…"

"I'm sorry to ring you like this, I know it's late."

"it's two in the morning! You call me about Jack after thirty years, is something wrong?"

"…He's dying."

The dialogue stopped and theme music played, Jack's voice began a monologue. Ianto paused the clip. "Jack?"

Jack came over, and took the headphones. Ianto played the clip. "When were you dying?"

"Umm… yesterday?"

Ianto rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Ianto, that hasn't happened yet, so don't worry."

Owen scanned the descriptions. "Janto, Janto, Janto, Gwack, Janto, Janto, Towen, Gryse, Janto, Janto…" What did it all MEAN?

Tosh leaned back as she finished the extremely long article. Gwen, who had just finished episode one, walked over. "So," Jack began, "What've we all learned?"

"That this universe is ahead of ours?"

"That Jack spends way too much time on rooftops?"

"That Ianto has way too many fangirls?"

"That Our future is really depressing?"

Jack sighed. "We need to get out of here. Badly."