A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, they're all so great and I'm still so surprised that people like this strange story. I don't even know where it came from, I know some people say it's kind of like City of Angels, but I've never seen that so I don't really know how it goes, but hopefully my direction turns out okay and not confusing. If it does become confusing for anyone, drop me a line and we'll talk and I'll explain to the best of my ability. Anyways, I really hope you like this chapter, I do! So leave a review and let me know what you think. :)
"So you must have trained really hard then?"
"Yeah, I do, it take a lot of out of me, when I used to travel with Joanie…sorry," Paul says, shaking his head. "I keep mentioning her and I'm really sorry."
He does keep mentioning her, but I just smile and nod. It's okay that he keeps mentioning her, they did date for a really long time. I know I'm probably some sort of rebound for him so I guess I should just be understanding. "It's okay, you guys went out for a while, may I ask what happened?" I'm trying to be polite, engage him in conversation…
"Nice strategy," Chris says in my ear as I try to ignore him, "getting him to talk about Joanie so he won't talk anymore about how hard he trained, how he came up in the business, how he never thought he'd make it, how your father kept him down because he was in The Kliq, you'll have to explain to me what this clique, is, I'm not even sure what he means by that."
I want to shush Chris up, but I don't want to look like a complete freak in front of Paul. I find myself liking him. It's a strange attraction to be sure, but underneath all that crap about bodybuilding and wrestling, I think there's a good guy. I just hope that what I see on the surface isn't all there is. There is definitely more to life than the things he's talked about so far, maybe talking about something like an old relationship will let me see more into the person he actually is.
"I guess we just wanted different things," Paul tells me and he does seem a little bit on the sad side so I reach forward and place my hand over his, giving it a squeeze. He seems surprised by the gesture because his head kind of shoots up as he looks at me. He smiles a little, gratefully, and I smile back. "She had a terrible childhood and I think that just skewed her view of the future. She doesn't really ever want to settle down, not the normal way anyways. She doesn't want kids, she doesn't want to get married and sue me, I want that someday."
I want to ask Chris if that's true, if he can ask Chris's guardian angel if it is, but then another part of me is telling me that I shouldn't, that I should take Paul for his words. If Paul is going to hurt me down the line, I can't see how it'll happen. I don't see that guy in front of me, one that is going to hurt me. I believe him when he says these things to me and I don't want Chris to tell me otherwise. I think there has to be some surprise left in this world, even if it's just the small things.
"That's understandable," I respond, "I mean, that you didn't think you could handle that. If you guys wanted two different things, it's better to get out while you can then linger around to the point where you start to resent someone."
"I agree," he says, "it's just kind of been a process of getting over her. She was such…is such actually, still, such a big part of my life. I guess this is the danger of a relationship in the business, you know, you get burned and they're right there."
"Yeah, I understand," I tell him, though I really don't. Paul is the first guy that I've dated that's been in the company. "You're going to be okay though, I see great things in your future."
He looks at me then and I know that he might be reading a little too much into my words. I said them because those are the kinds of words that you say to cheer someone up, not that I'm implying I'm going to sleep with him later or something like that. I hope he didn't totally take that the wrong way and expects a free pass into my bed because it's not going to happen like that.
"I really like you, Stephanie," he says to me and I'm glad that he didn't make some crass remark back at me. "You're real, you know."
"Well, I am solid," I say, then catch myself and I look over at Chris, just to make sure I didn't hurt his feelings because he's not solid, but Chris can't have his feelings hurt, Chris doesn't even have a full set of feelings. He can't want something so I know I can't offend him. He's just sitting there, not even looking bored, just sitting there, looking around, silently protecting me. Hunter's laughing brings me back from my staring at Chris and I look back at him.
"Yeah, but you know what I mean, you're not like the other women in the company, you can't and don't rely on your looks to get you where you are. You work for it, not that they don't, I mean, Joanie worked her ass off…and I just mentioned her again. Damn it, I'm sorry, Stephanie."
I squeeze his hand after I realize I'm still grasping it. "It's really okay, you don't need to keep apologizing."
"I know, I just feel like such an idiot, here I am, out with you and you're so great, Stephanie, really, and here I am, talking about my ex-girlfriend," he shakes his head, "God, I'm pathetic."
"Wow, this is a side of you I thought I'd never see," I tell him, trying to ease the situation and the tension that I can feel building here. "You're a lot less intense when you're not in the ring, it's kind of a stark contrast."
"Contrary to popular belief, I can differentiate between being at work and being not at work," he tells me and I nod. I don't know what I was expecting really, like maybe for him to have that look on his face that he gets when he's in the ring, the one where he stares you down and makes you wither.
"Good to know," I wink at him. The check comes now and Paul looks at it disdainfully. "What's wrong?"
"I really don't want to stop talking to you," he admits to me and I melt a little inside, I can't help it. Paul is just so sweet and nice and different from what I thought. I'm glad I chose to go on this second date because I can see myself dating Paul now. I couldn't see it at first, but now that I'm here with him, I can see it. He's not the guy I see at work and I appreciate that he's not that guy. This guy, the one I'm with right now, I can see myself holding hands with and spending quiet time with.
"That's really sweet," I tell him, looking down a little. Chris had been quiet for an awfully long time so I take the moment to look over at him and he's still just sitting there, stoically, like he doesn't even care about me or about what I'm doing, almost like he'd rather be anywhere else but right here.
Paul pays for dinner and takes me back to my hotel and I kiss him goodnight. It's a better kiss than the first one we had on our first date and I think our chemistry is getting better by the instant. I leave him with a lingering kiss and then go inside, sighing along the way, happy with how the night turned out. I'm happy to report that the date was a success and that I am smart for having accepted the second date in the first place. I start to undress, pulling off my shirt and taking off my pants, leaving me in my underwear as I go to the shower. Chris still hasn't said anything, but I'm too tired to wonder why as I climb into the shower after the warm water has appeared.
He doesn't stay in the bathroom with me, I don't see him through the glass so he must be in the other room. I'm happy that he's given me a little bit of privacy. When I'm through, I throw my hair into a braid and brush my teeth before hopping into bed. Chris is sitting in the chair in the corner. "You've been awfully quiet tonight," I let him know as if he didn't know he wasn't saying anything.
"I'm just thinking," he tells me, going back to this thinking.
"What are you thinking about?" I wonder, the television suddenly becoming far less interesting. I scoot forward on the bed and then lie on my stomach, putting my chin in my hands as I gaze at him. "Or can you not tell me?"
"What do you see in Paul?" he asks and my mood darkens a little bit. "I mean, there's nothing to him, there's no substance there."
"What are you talking about? Did you see him tonight? Did you even listen to what he was saying? He's a really nice guy and he was being so sweet to me. Like unbelievably sweet."
"And that didn't come off as fake to you?"
"No, it didn't and what do you know about being fake anyways?"
"I can read people, it's kind of what I do when I protect you," he tells me and if I didn't know any better, I would say that he was mad, but surely…surely Chris can't ever be mad. He's an angel, they can't be mad, a mad angel is like an oxymoron, or a demon, a demon used to be an angel if I'm remembering the entire Satan being cast from heaven thing and taking the bad angels with him.
"So you think he's fake?"
"I'm just asking if you thought he was being fake."
"I don't think he was being fake," I tell him forcefully. "Why are you asking? Is he going to be the one to do something to me? It's him, isn't it?"
"I'm not saying that," Chris said, "I just watch out for you, that's all, that's what I do and I'm trying to figure this guy out, that's all. I just want to find out what he's about and what you see in him. We both know you haven't picked out the greatest guys."
"Chris," I said, my voice nearly a growl, "that is the point of dating. You wouldn't know because you don't date because you're an angel it's not your job to go out and fall in love and want to be with someone. You have to find that person and that's why you go out and find someone and it's trial and error, not that you would get that."
"I get it, you just keep picking duds is all."
"The guys I like are not duds," I tell him, getting defensive. Who is he to tell me what I've done and haven't done? He's not in my head, he doesn't know my type, sure, he's seen everything there is to see about me, but he doesn't know what I'm attracted to or what turns me on, he's not there to know that.
"Yes, they are, Paul is boring."
"He is not! You know, I really don't need your input about these things, you're not here to give me relationship advice or tell me if my boyfriends are bad or not."
"So now he's your boyfriend, interesting," Chris says in that monotone voice he gets sometimes. I think that voice is because whatever any human would be feeling right now, he can't feel so instead, he becomes devoid of emotion, like some sort of empty vessel that breathes…wait, no, he doesn't even breathe, he's an apparition. He might not even look human in his real form but only pretends to be a human so I won't be frightened.
"I didn't say that, plus, what's it to you?"
"I'm your guardian angel."
"Yeah, so protect me from the bad stuff and stop trying to play match-maker for him, I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions regarding the people that I choose to date. What would you know about the kind of guys I like?"
"Well, when you talk to yourself, you say stuff," he tells me and he's being so rational because he can't get heated like I can. He can be snarky to a fault, but he can't be mad, he can't get mad and that makes me even madder because it's like fighting with a computer.
"So? That doesn't mean you know everything."
"Okay, it doesn't mean I know everything," he agrees, but I'm getting even madder. I want him to fight back, I want him to yell at me and scream at me and feel at me. I just want him involved in this conversation, but it's impossible for him to be.
"Why do you think you get to stick your nose in my business?" I say, jumping off the bed. I know I'm going off the rails, but it's like I want something to happen, for him to just burst with feeling so he can know what it's like to feel this anger that is pulsing through my blood like electricity, sizzling me.
"I'm your guardian angel," he repeats, like he has some form in front of him, like this is protocol and he's just going through the motions. This is where mad would be if he could feel, I know it. I know that if he could just feel, he'd be standing in front of me, yelling and screaming at me. I'm arguing with myself essentially because he can't argue back, not in the human sense.
"Stop saying that, I know what you are!" I yell at him. "That doesn't give you the right to tell me about who I should and shouldn't date."
"I was just asking a question."
"You were butting in, you're always butting in! You're always there, I didn't ask for you to be here, I didn't ask for you to scrutinize every single part of my life. You have a job to do, that job is to protect me, it's not to scoff at my choice of dates or to tell me that Paul is boring or fake, that is not your job. Your job is to sit in the corner and protect me! Am I right?"
"Yes, my job is to protect you," he says in that even voice. Damn it, feel, Chris!
"Then you should just do your job, I didn't ask you to do anymore, I didn't ask you to appear to me! I don't want your input in any part of my life, I don't want you, I wish you would just disappear and I wouldn't see you so you couldn't tell me what to think and what to do because news flash, you're not me!"
"Okay," he says and then he's gone. Just like that. I blinked and he was gone, nothing sitting there. I laugh and shake my head, so where is he now? I go into the bathroom, but there's nobody in there, I come back out, expecting him to be lounging on the bed, but he's not there either. He's not anywhere, I even look at the ceiling, maybe he's floating up there. He's gone, just like that, he's gone. How could he just leave like that? He's never left before, never. I know he's still here because after all, he is my guardian angel, but I can't feel his presence or see his eyes on me.
"Chris?" I call out tentatively, like this is just a joke and he's letting me calm down to see how foolish I've been. "Chris?"
There's no answer, no poof and he's here, nothing, nobody…I'm alone. Now I'm mad again, mad that he would do this to me.
"Fine then, I don't need you anyways!"