Caz. Wednesday July 27. I'm TIRED! Okay, I think we've got some recurring characters. Namely Joel and the spinny-dialy-memory-angsty-machine. Tell us what you think about that in a review. Or more than one. Or a PM. We won't bite. Unless you're into that kind of thing. Then maybe.

As the Doctor stood back slightly, Jack took a step forward. "My turn." The others looked up in confusion. "Well, now that the Doctor's had to share something, it seems fair that we should all share memories."

The others nodded in approval. Tosh stepped forwards. "So, Doctor, maybe if I was to turn the dial slightly slower, than maybe I could set it to something more specific, like- what's that mean?"

The Doctor leaned over to inspect the device. "Uh- it looks like you've set it to the times we've gotten a cold. Or the times we've bought Volvos. But probably the first option. It probably won't take all the memories of us getting colds, just the times when important stuff happened."

Gwen laughed slightly, then stepped forwards, refusing to meet the Doctor's eyes. "I started all this. I should go first." Gwen delicately aligned her fingers to the handprint, and watched as the image streamed before her, projected onto the Hub wall.

Gwen Cooper was nine, maybe ten, when she got the cold. She was overjoyed to stay home from school alone, while her parents were out working.

Of course, Gwen didn't stay inside for long. A little before lunchtime, Gwen looked out her window to see- a man? Chasing a creature? These kinds of things just didn't happen in Splott. Being a curious child, Gwen left the house in her pajamas to investigate. She soon found the man in an allyway, alongside an unconscious whatever-that-was.

The man turned, and extended a friendly hand to Gwen "Captain Jack Harkness, nice to meet you."

Gwen looked at Jack in fury. "You retconed me!"

"Will retcon you." The man on the screen corrected.

"What?" Gwen was thoroughly confused.

"My past, your future. Anyways, Gwen Cooper, promise me this:"

"What?"

"Survive 'till the twenty-first century."

Jack looked slightly bemused. "Alright, Note To Self: Travel back in time and knock a weevil out."

Tosh smiled slightly. "If only Owen were here! Shouldn't he be back by now? That was only one weevil."

Ianto shrugged. "Maybe he decided to eat while he was out? Anyways, who's up next?" Nobody volunteered. "I guess it's me."

Ianto rolled his eyes, then put his hand on the print. "Nothing particularly exciting happened ever happened to me while I had a cold, so this will probably be a random memory. Probably boring, or-" Ianto froze in horror as the memory started. "No way. This is far too embarrassing. Pass."

Gwen held Ianto down. "Nope! We're all in this together. Except Owen."

Ianto closed his eyes in embarrassment.

Lisa straightened Ianto's collar as they left the door. "Are you sure you want to go to work today? You're sick!"

Ianto sniffled. "Yvonne's not the most forgiving boss in the world. I should go."

"Workaholic." Lisa rolled her eyes as they got into the car.

"I don't see what's so embarrassing about going to work while sick." Jack mused, while watching the rather uneventful drive to Torchwood One. Ianto remained silent.

Ianto blew his nose as soon as he arrived at his office in the archives. Then he proceeded to check his work inbox from his laptop. "Hello, Jack."

Gwen's eyebrows furrowed as Ianto blushed, covering his face with his spare hand.

Ianto turned to face a file lying open in the personnel section. The file on Captain Jack Harkness, to be exact. The picture on the file seemed almost like a mug shot. Jack was covered in bruises, his hair was slicked down, yet he was still handsome, despite his slightly sad expression. "I really don't talk much normally, but you're different. Well, most likely because I'm talking to a bloody file, so you can't reply, but, insane as that is, I kind of like it."

Memory-Ianto remained silent as he sipped his tea and proceeded to file away artifacts brought in by other workers. "Mainly because, talking to you, I have to wonder. Wonder what you'd say, how you'd act, what you'd do if you were actually here. Sometimes I wonder what happened to you, why you look like that in the picture. Maybe that's why you stood out to me, you aren't trying to be perfect like all the others. You aren't the 'Cap'n Jack Harkness, Immortal Badass In A Coat' like people describe you in your file. I suppose that's how you'd act. You'd try to be brave, to be strong for everyone else in the room, because, when it comes down to it, you're the only one with an inkling of experience when it comes to all these creatures we protect people from, and you know it. But, in that picture, you're not a miracle, or champion, or- okay, fine, I'll give you hero- but still, you're just Jack. And that makes me wonder what did that to you, who did that to you, and what happened to you to make you so hopeless you couldn't keep up the mask." Ianto sneezed. "It makes me want to bloody murder whoever hurt you that badly."

Ianto returned to his desk and sipped his tea some more. "I must sound crazy, talking to a file. I've got friends. I've got a job. I've got a fiancé, yet here I am, acting like a schoolgirl with a crush. On a file. Okay, fine I am crazy. And a stalker. I'm Ianto: The Crazy Schoolgirl Stalker With A Crush On A File. And, realistically, I could track you down. Torchwood Cardiff can't be that hard to find. Hell, I've seen you come here to meet with officials! I would talk to you, but what would I say? 'Hi, I'm Ianto, and I've been stalking you for quite a while now?' No! You'd think I'm mad!"

"Ianto?" Ianto turned to see Lisa. "Talking to the file again? It's lunch already, let's go."

Ianto laughed then followed her up out of the archives.

"Seriously, though, you weren't talking to the file again, were you?" Lisa joked. "Sometimes I think you love those archives more than you love me."

When the memory ended, Ianto was blushing brighter red than Hayley Williams's hair. "I'll be in the archives if anyone needs me."

Gwen and Tosh followed him. "Ianto! I thought it was cute!"

"And I'd place money that Jack thought so too."

Ianto laughed. "Sure, I bet he loved getting his massive ego stroked!"

Gwen rolled her eyes. "Well, I think it's Jack's turn next. Tosh and I're going to go back now, you can come if you want."

Ianto followed the two women. Embarrassment be damned, he wanted to see what all interesting things had happened while Jack had a cold. Judging by the extent of Jack's life, a lot.

Ianto refused to meet Jack's eyes when he entered the room. The Doctor was the first to speak. "Alright, Jack, this thing works proportionally: one memory for every thirty years you've lived. Seeing as we're the only ones here over forty, everyone else had only one memory. You're just over a century old, so you should have three."

Jack grinned and set his hand down on the box. "Three random cold memories? Alright, I can do that."

The first memory was of Rose and the Doctor. "Oh, this is back when I was still mortal!"

Jack awoke in the TARDIS to see two figures watching him from the window.

"What if he's dying!" Rose whispered to the Doctor.

The Doctor's eyebrows raised slightly. "He's not."

"But what if he is!"

"He's just got a cold."

"'He' is awake, and fairly certain 'he' is not dying. Leave me alone!" Jack made his presence known.

The Doctor was happy to oblige to his request. "Only you could get a cold on a planet where the virus went extinct years ago. Such a freak."

Rose, however, shut the door softly and came to sit by Jack, eyeing him sympathetically while stroking a hand through his hair. Jack rolled over to face her properly, smiling slightly. "You really thought I was dying?" he teased.

"I was worried!" Rose raised her hands and voice defensively.

"Uh-huh." Jack acted as though he didn't believe her.

"Fine." Rose gave up. "But, even if you did die, I'd find some way to bring you back."

"Is that so?"

"Oh yes. There's no escaping me, Mister!"

"That's 'Captain' to you!" Jack shouted as she left the room.

"Uh-huh!"

The Doctor rolled his eyes in a very nine-ish way as it cut to the next memory.

"Hello, freak!"

Jack groaned. "Hello, Alice."

"So, sick, are we?"

"Obviously."

Alice Guppy sat down beside Jack, a cruel smile on her face. "Watch your tone, freak. Now, see, I'm now one team member short. And you know how much I hate that."

"I'm sick. What more do you expect?"

"Oh, I expect much better from you, Captain Harkness." Alice stated, as she pulled her shotgun to Jack's head and shot point-blank.

Jack rolled his eyes. "At least the cold went away."

The Master moonwalked into Jack's cell. "Hello, Freak!"

Jack groaned.

"I said," the Master dragged Jack up by his hair and shouted in his ear, "HELLO FREAK!"

"Hello."

"So, I was thinking, you react worse to being burnt to death, right?"

"Oh, I don't know, I was a bit too busy dying to notice."

"So, I was thinking, what if we were to impale you on a spike, suspend you over a fire pit, and give you all the time you needed to get off the stick… while you were slowly roasted!" The Master was practically ecstatic.

Jack was dragged out of the cell, and forced to watch as a long, metal blade was slowly stabbed into his gut. He promptly bled to death as the blade was hoisted over the fire.

After the Doctor, Tosh, Owen, and Gwen had all gone their separate ways, Jack and Ianto were the only ones left in the Hub.

"So." Ianto began. "When was that?"

"When was what?"

"Your memories. All of them."

"The first one was years ago, back when I was mortal. The second one was just after I joined Torchwood. As for the last one, well, what did you think happened while I was gone?"

"Oh, Jack…" Ianto ran his hand down Jack's face. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"It didn't matter. That's in the past now. Well, technically it isn't, since the Doctor reversed everything the Master did. The year that never was."

"A whole year?" Ianto leaned into Jack, pulling him into a tight embrace. It still shocked him how much Jack would endure, then never tell anyone about.

"Do you still want to know when that picture was taken?"

Ianto smiled sheepishly. "Yes."

"That was when Torchwood found me. For the few weeks before I agreed to work with them, I was- well, their immortal pet. They killed me in as many ways the possibly could, just to- just to see if it WOULD kill me. I can't count how many times I died in those few weeks."

"So, why did they ask you to join?"

"Eventually, I let them break me. I quit resisting. They considered that quite an accomplishment, like I was some animal they wanted to tame. So, knowing my- abilities- they asked me to join." Jack coughed, then laughed. "That would be ironic; if I came down with something now."

"Well, if you do, you can be sure that nobody will kill you, or call you a freak."

"Is that a promise? I hate it when that happens."

"Oh, I know you do."

…

Jack paused. "Stalker."