A friend of mine's costume, along with huge amounts of caffeine, and too many viewings of Lea Michele doing 'Baby One More Time' is responsible for this chapter. It's different from the first two chapters, and since I don't root for any particular couple (just whatever takes my fancy at the moment of writing) I'm pretty sure this will bounce around the Glee section. The two characters, for future reference, of the last chapter will always decide where this goes, so if it disappears for a while and appears again later don't feel disoriented. For instance it was Finntana, now its Puckleberry, and if I write an Artie-Tina-Mike chapter it'll be under those characters. As always, reviews and criticisms are welcome and if there is a particular couple you want to see don't hesitate to ask for a special chapter. Thank you.

Chapter 3: Trick-or-Treat

by Hikako

God damn it, this girl was crazy! Not off, not peculiar, not a little kookie! Fucking batshit, off-the-wall, 'it puts the lotions on its skin,' completely fuck-nuts! Fuck his life!

Puck was a badass, everybody knew that, you didn't go anywhere in Lima, Ohio where there wasn't someone who could inform you of that fact. Being a badass meant you spent Halloween T. someone's house, you scared preteens with childish antics and ghost stories just so you could then forcibly remove their candy from them... and when the fuck did he start using words like 'forcibly?' Oh right, around the time Rachel let him touch her boobs (full contact, under the bra, no time limit: AWESOME). Damn her! Badasses STOLE kids' candy or terrorized elderly people or egged things! They didn't trick or treat.

So then why was she standing there with a doctor's coat and stethoscope saying how it would be nice to take his little sister trick-or-treating, and how if he didn't wear this get-up he would 'completely throw off the theme of their costumes and severely tarnish beloved memories of his sister and perhaps even Rachel herself since this was their first Halloween together.' That whole Jewish guilt trip thing... that was powerful stuff. Luckily Rachel only pulled it out for really important things when everything else failed otherwise Puck would be completely screwed.

So Puck took his sister Sarah door to door and begged for small morsels of candy and trying to hide his scowl when middle-aged mothers and elderly aunts or grandmothers went on and on about how cute it was that he would take his little sister (dressed as a nurse) trick-or-treating dressed as a doctor. What Puck couldn't understand, and thought about on the short treks between houses was why Rachel wasn't here. She had gone on about how important it was, the whole theme of their costumes or whatever, and then she doesn't even show up? What was that about? They had been ready and all set to head out when Rachel texted Puck that she wasn't going but that he needed to stop by her place after (and to keep his costume on. Why? He learned not to ask questions like that).

Finally, when their bags were loaded with candy and the twerp was starting to get tired, the Puckerman siblings returned home. Leah Puckerman sent her daughter up to bed after allowing her five pieces of candy (not counting the four Sarah hid in her pockets when her mother wasn't looking: just like Puck had taught her because he was a badass for a brother like that). Puck said good-bye to his mother and headed out, feeling stupid for keeping this damn costume on. The drive over to Rachel's house was nerve-raking, not because of any angst on his part but because little bastards thought it was funny to run out into the street and act like dumbasses. Normally he wouldn't have cared but damn Rachel and her magical boobies! They were kryptonite for badasses!

Ten minutes later Puck stands in front of the Berrys' house and knocks on the door like a five-year-old, unconsciously noticing that neither Mr. Berry's car is in the driveway. Puck hears the door open and he turns about to make a smart-ass comment when he sees Rachel standing in the doorway. Except that's not Girlfriend Rachel Berry in the entrance, that Slutty Nurse Rachel Berry complete with stile to heels, white stockings stopping mid-thigh, a LOT of exposed magically kryptonite cleavage in a bright red bra that stands out from the white nurses' uniform, and two pigtails.

"Oh, Dr. Puckerman!" Rachel said in a high-pitched version of Brittany, her brown eyes big and staring up at him vacantly, "Did you come to check my vitals?" Rachel turned around and looked over her shoulder, giving Puck a great view of how small that skirt was (barely covering her ass). "Are you going to want to take my temperature as well?"

Meanwhile the only thought going through Puck's head at that moment?

Best batshit, off-the-wall, fuck-nuts, crazy girlfriend EVER!