…Kyo lurched towards us, his black eyes brilliant with wrath. His nails were longer and sharp like claws. His mouth opened, actually widened, his teeth shimmering as he prepared to rip out Yuki's neck. Something I knew though, these men weren't amateur fighters. Both were strong and skilled, and after seeing them like this, they were lethal…
My stomach lurched, I didn't think I was strong enough to watch. Then I saw Yuki sinking his teeth his Kyo's arm, shaking violently and ripping.
Was it over? Who won… who… retreated?
Chapter 10 - Truly Cursed.
…It amazed me at how calm and nonchalant he was.
"So I guess I should be honest now huh?" Kyo grinned while his ruby eyes teased me over and over. Was he truly so carefree?
"That would be nice…" I stared into his eyes, "I want to know everything. No jokes this time, Kyo." that was something that I couldn't understand. How could Kyo lie so easily about his secret and not feel any remorse? How could he openly tell me about Yuki being dishonest knowing that we're dating? Why?
"No jokes, got it." he nodded. "But you have to put yourself in my shoes to understand why I lied to you in the first place, especially about Yuki. Let's say it was a favor."
My eyes widened. "What?" what favor did he do by lying to me about Yuki?
"Tell me Tohru, if some girl was madly in love with me, would you tell her bad things about me…?" he asked, "For example… Would you tell her that I was actually a wilder beast that fed on animals and human beings." he actually said it that time. His voice rose a bit above an inside voice and his tone seemed quite serious now. "Well?" he grimaced.
"I know… I know." I sighed, "…You did it to protect my feelings. You knew the relationship Yuki and I had. So you hid it from me right?" Honestly, he could care less about me and Yuki's relationship. In fact, he would crush our relationship with his bare hands if he had the power. The only thing that stopped him was my feelings.
"Almost right." the cat shrugged, "I also did it for Yuki's sake."
My eyes widened again at his answer. "Yuki?" Kyo doing favors for Yuki was highly unlikely… highly, highly unlikely.
"Don't take it the wrong way. I hate that damn rat more than this pitiful existence. But, I realized Yuki, of all people, still remained to keep my curse a secret."
"So because he didn't tell me about your curse, you returned the favor with not telling me about Yuki and how he's the reason why you left…" I understood it now. Kyo didn't want me to find out about him leaving because Yuki was behind it all. He didn't want me distrusting the person I claimed to love.
"Yeah." he replied, "I been thinking this whole day, if I should tell you what's really going on. And because I do care about your feelings, I decided to tell you." he explained before continuing. "But because of what that bitch said three years ago, is why lied about my curse now. I didn't want…" he paused, looking away. "I didn't want you to be afraid of me… I wanted you to accept me, to not judge me for being different from you all."
"Different is good, okay? It's absolutely okay to be different no matter what the cost is." I smiled, "You've changed, and I know that. But I don't care if you are like this, what matters is that you're here now."
"Change is bad." he frowned at me.
"It's not either… we all change. So what?"
"You just don't get it." He loosened his gaze on me, sighing. "…Alright. Do something for me…"
"Yes…" I blinked.
"Touch me… I want you to understand." Regardless of everyone around us, he grabbed my hand placed it on his cold cheek. My hands ran over his closed eyes, his nose… then to his chin. My hand traveled to every lining of his face.
Such an elegant face, I thought. He was so beautiful, so resplendent. Someone like me didn't deserve to touch him. Someone like me didn't deserve to be here right now, talking to him. But he continued as his hand rode my hand across his lips and halted there. Though I tried to suppress it, I quivered so much. What was he planning to do? Then he simply parted his lips, revealing stunning, white teeth. He opened his eyes and for a split second, his eyes flickered black.
Then that's when I noticed what took place in front of my own incredulous eyes. Small fangs that suddenly appeared in that man's mouth and pricked my finger. I pulled back gasping. That was more than enough for my heart. I could feel it beating so rapidly amongst the chattering that drifted around us. I looked at my finger and sure enough, his prick drew blood. Only just a dome of blood, though. That was enough to put a bit of fear in me.
"Do you understand now?" Kyo questioned, "Change… is bad."
"Kyo… I…"
He folded his arms on the table, "Don't get me wrong, change could be good for most… especially for a Sohma but never for a cursed cat." he explained, "…Kyūgekina Henka, means rapid change. It's how most Sohmas mature once they reach a certain age. It's also the fastest way to mature, it only takes a few weeks. In that amount of time, they gain powers of their zodiac like speed and strength." His eyes glowered into mine.
"…However, it's different for cursed cats. When we reach a certain age, the time to mature takes much longer. Our process is called nagai henkan, it means long transform or Nagaiai no henkan, which means long transformation. This takes up to four to six years maybe more. Nagai Henkan has five stages. The first stage is the true form of the cursed cat." he answered, "Which you saw before. It's the form in which I could turn into if my beads were removed."
I remembered that memory, when Kyo transformed into that orange monster. Honestly that image was soothing compared to the one I just had with him pricking my finger with his fangs. "You said you left us on the second stage…" I reminded him, almost anxious to hear more.
"…I was getting to that." he frowned, "The second stage is the curse of the pale and frail. This stage, is the phase of aggression. Such as, getting angry for no absolute reason and putting the body through physical abuse like ramming your head into a wall or putting a fist through a window." he paused.
"But… they call this stage pale and frail because you start to lose color in your skin from a lack of nutrients." His hand rested under his chin, "I lost lots of weight to point I was sick in this stage. For months you don't eat even though food still has a taste to you. So to look like I was fine, I would make myself eat large amounts of food." his fist came down on the table, "I hated it… I hated being like this…"
I froze right away, his voice… his voice frightened me. Though it was calm, it still reeked with bitter, demonic, twisted hatred. I never knew I would be this scared to listen, how much less to speak or respond to his words. The man was clearly wrapped up in his own world, his own ill-fated guilt. I knew by me digging deeper into his past with him, was I only making it worse.
I realized that.
I also realized that the more he paused, the more he thought. He was thinking about everything, his past, his future… his wounded memories.
"I hated being different, Tohru. I truly did." he admitted, eyes burning into mine. "I knew I wouldn't last another week in that damn house but I made myself stay. I figured I could probably control these urges inside of me without you finding out. I was wrong of course."
"What do you mean?" I finally questioned.
"In some part in this second phase, you would start to attack others. Sometimes it can be helped, other times, it can't." he responded, "And one night I truly did…"
"What… happened?" I was afraid to ask. Kyo looked at me then he looked the other way again. He cleared his throat and began to sigh. He didn't want to tell me what he had done and worse of all, he didn't want to tell me what he had done to me. "What happened, Kyo? I want to know everything…"
Kyo wrapped his arms around him almost like he was cold or shaken up. To remember something like this, was unbearably painful to him. Who knows, maybe it would have the same effect on me. "…I was leaning over your bed while you were in a deep sleep. That night we had dinner late and you went to sleep after washing dishes. Don't ask me why I was there. I had no idea why I decided to go to your room and watch you sleep. But it was the thought of me turning corrupt at that split second I while I was over you. I remembered my hand coming down to touch you… then my other hand came down to your neck." he stopped.
"What's the matter?" I blinked. "Why did you sto…"
"I don't remember anything after that, just you screaming." he answered, "Yuki and Shigure pulled me off of you before I could do more harm."
"What did you do?" I asked, still confused.
"I tried to kill you, Tohru." he flat out said. "They stopped me in time from choking you to death."
"Huh…?" I blinked again. "You tried to… kill me?" I whispered. I don't remember anything like that happening to me.
"Yeah I did." he answered, "I think I need to shut the hell up…"
"No. Please. I want to know…" I begged. Just like that, I realized that if Kyo wanted to he stop the story here, he would… and that would be that. "Just tell me…"
Kyo sighed, forcing himself to continue. "You don't remember because Shigure had Hatori erase your memory of it. Sadly, he couldn't just erase that memory though, he had to erase a lot of things you knew about us in order for it to be effective. That's how erasing the past works. Just to erase one bad memory, you would have to get rid of months' worth, even years' worth of memories." he stared at my face, he could see that I was still confused. "Tohru, do you remember anything after high school?"
"The graduation party…" I responded, "…and you leaving…"
"All that happened two years and four months ago, after we graduated, Tohru." he frowned. "You lost a little over two years."
I gasped, shaking my head, "No way… that's not true."
"It is." he answered, "And after you recovered, Yuki told me to leave… for the sake of you, I would. So I told him that I would leave under two conditions, my disappearance would remain unknown and to be with you one last time, which was the second graduation party…"
Now that I had some time to think, everything that I remembered, happened around when I was age nineteen and before that, I could only remember my early years of high school. I couldn't remember my seventeenth or eighteenth birthday.
"It can't be…"
"So tell me," Kyo demanded, "Do you regret me telling you now? Don't say I didn't warn you."
And he did.
But I didn't want to believe these things. I didn't want to believe that one third of my life was erased, gone from my existence. I never felt so empty before. Memories that were once mine, were gone forever. I didn't understand, why did things have to be this way? "But why…" I felt a tear come down. "No matter how much memories hurt we should have the choice to keep them."
"You didn't want to keep it… You were scared of me, you didn't want to have anything thing to do with me… Tohru, you were physically ill from such an event." he told me, "I rather you forget, then have that scared hopeless look in your eyes because of something I did."
I wiped my single tear. Maybe it was a good idea to lose a memory like that. Now, was it worth losing a third of my life's memories… for that one memory? That, I wasn't sure about. "I don't regret you telling me anything, Kyo. I want to know more… actually."
He smiled. I wasn't sure how he was able to. "Fine."
"You said you were on the third stage, correct?"
"Yes." he confirmed. "…the abomination of the wilder beast. It takes several long days of pain. Actually pain doesn't even explain what I mean. It's almost as if someone pulled your skeleton out of your own body while you're still alive. The feeling fries your soul like you were burning in hell itself." he further explained, It's all because your body takes the physical changes of a beast. The word abomination comes from the appearance of how the beast is supposed to look."
"Exactly what are they supposed to look like?" I wondered. Every time Kyo changed into his beast form, he never looked disgusting or ugly. He appeared like a giant orange cat, similar to a lion without all the excess hair.
"….They are supposed to be the ugliest thing you have ever seen. Uglier than the true form of the cat, which is lost after you have completed the transformation of the beast. You lose all will to eat and your strength becomes massive."
So this was him now. He was almost on the fourth stage so I wondered what did that mean. What exactly is the fourth stage?
"Like I said, we all knew it was going to happen." he smiled again, "Even you had your doubts to what was taken place… and when you think about it, it wasn't so much a secret after all. I was even lucky to get this far…" then he yawned, "But enough said… I think I'm done talking about it."
"Wait what's the fourth stage…?" I finally asked as the noise around us started to die down.
"…That stage is simple, it's called the Banished Cat, and it's where a cursed cat loses his cat form as well. They can lose it at any time or any place… any day. Sometimes it takes months before they realize it's gone, due to never hugging anyone." he explained, "Are we done now?"
"And the fifth stage?"
He frowned at me. "I rather not…" he stood up stretching, "This place is almost about to close…"
I looked around me, the place was dead quiet and the last costumers were leaving. I assumed then, we had worn out our stay. "Oh…heh." I smiled for the first time, "So you will tell me later?"
"I don't know… maybe." but the man seem relieved, like he was able to get something large off his chest. I was quite happy that he did. Telling me his past seemed to not bother me as much as I thought it would. I was thrilled about that.
I watched sadly as Kyo paid for the bill. I just wouldn't allow myself to get over that. He then, held the door for me on our way out. We walked side by side, his arm to my shoulder, brushing lightly. I looked up at him, realizing how tall he really was. He must have grown several inches and then some since I saw him last. I didn't want to say anything about it thought. I kinda liked the way I could secretly look up at him and see just how close I was to him.
"Did you enjoy the food?" he randomly questioned as we walked to the car.
"Yes I did. I'm so full." I grabbed my belly. It was hard to believe that we had been in Café Pho for almost four hours. I glanced at the time in his car. It was 6pm, sharp. Time flies when you're having the time of your life. "…So can I ask one more question before we go home?" I asked him before he could open the door for me.
He grunted, "What now?"
"…what made you come back to visit us?" I fiddled with my thumbs, "If Yuki asked you to leave, then what motivated you to come back?"
Kyo stared at me, "I… don't know…" then he blushed again, "I guess to see… you know…" he cleared his throat, looking at the other way, "…to see how everyone was doing…" Me and Kyo, we were more alike actually. More alike, than Yuki and I. We both hid things from others, only he had an angry way of doing it. We were open with each other except when it came to admitting affection.
"So… you missed us." I held in my giggle.
"Not missed…" Kyo turned back to give me a disgusted look.
I nodded slowly. "…Oh… so then what?" I stared straight into his frown which told me that my time of asking questions had almost exhausted. After what felt like five minutes, he finally said something. "I think came back because I was interested…" he stopped himself before he could say anymore. Very quickly, did he open the door for me?
"Interested?"
"You know, in what you guys were up to… and yeah…" he began to glower at me, his pale face becoming whiter, "Tohru get in…" he sighed.
I laughed. "Fine okay…"
"You're a pain sometimes… you know that…" he added, slipping into the car effortlessly.
Now it was dead silent between us. Only the constant chatter of everyone walking by his car. He stared down at the steering wheel. "What's the matter?" I asked, raising a brow.
"I came back because I… Ikindamissedyou." he murmured really fast.
It was quiet for a bit. "Kyo…" I blinked. "…you…missed me?"
"Please don't make me say it again." he crossed his arms, blushing. "And don't get any ideas or Yuki will get pissed at me cus I'm—," he rolled his eyes, forming his fingers into quotations, "…Harassing you…"
"No I understand…" I blushed, "Kyo…I… missed you too…"
His face relaxed. "…You did?"
"Yeah and I'm glad you're back…" my cheeks were red hot now. I felt his freezing hand caress my shoulder lightly. I took one glance at him, "I'm really glad you're back." It seemed as if my life was completed now that he was back in the picture.
"Thanks…" He let go and started the engine, "I guess I'm glad to be back too."
I sighed, "So what do you want to do now?" I found myself asking this time instead of him. I could see he was surprised about that.
"Don't know." he began driving.
"You know, I'm always satisfied with going home." I admitted, "It's about time for Yuki to come home and I need to start preparing for dinner." I yawned involuntary.
"So? Let them starve." he hatefully cooed.
"You don't mean that." I rolled my eyes good naturedly.
"And what if I did?"
I suppressed what I was thinking at the moment to look at him in question. In return he glanced back at me, serious as a heart attack. And as I sat there, he waited for my answer. But I didn't know what to say. I couldn't let Shigure and my fiancé starve. Was that even safe to repeat? Now with the quiet between us, it seemed like anything could go wrong if my answer wasn't what he wanted.
"I- I don't know…" I breathed, my hands trembled in my lap.
He watched the road as smile snaked across his face, "I guess… I still scare you, huh?"
My looks were so pathetic. "No." I finally said, "I just wonder if you were being serious or not."
"Doesn't matter. You could care less about what I said and fix dinner anyways." he was right though. Once I was home, I was stuck playing house wife again. My whole life was dedicated to taking care the three of them. It was always like that. Therefore, I was obligated to make dinner. Oh and I was fine with that, however, Kyo could see past that. Maybe he could see how much I needed a break and that's probably why he said what he said.
"Well what kind of person would I be if I let Yuki and Shigure starve?" I asked, sighing. I don't know why I thought he would happily volunteer to make dinner tonight. But he ignored what I said and began speaking again. He spoke with much maturity and dignity unlike three years ago.
"I'm tired of all these questions. It's your turn to answer mine…" he commented, "I have a question for you now."
It was apparent that he would have a question for me… after all I had been drowning him in my own complex questions. I smiled lightly, wondering what kind of question Kyo would have for me. "Yes, sure ask anything…" our eyes locked for a bit, then he swallowed.
"I wanna know how it feels to have a soul…" he finally said, looking at me.
What? My mind stopped. "A soul?" I wondered out loud, he took his eyes off mine and he nodded slowly.
I watched him as he continued to concentrate on the road ahead. "…Yeah." he replied.
"That's silly Kyo." I didn't understand what he was meaning. Instead, I wondered if he was just trying to freak me out again or tease me. That question didn't make sense, and I was insanely confused. Kyo broke the silence with a low sigh.
"Maybe it is silly. But I still would like to know…"
"I guess it feels great. I mean, I'm alive aren't I? I asked in return.
"Yeah, sure." he agreed, his pale face still facing me. "Living is good." he spoke awkwardly. "Well sometimes it can be."
Still confused, I wondered why he was speaking like this. Was Kyo trying to give me a little clue on his own? Was he trying to maybe tell me that he was without a soul? Like a spirit within? But even I knew that had to be impossible to do. Every living thing had a soul and no one could live without it. Then after sometime, I realized that he was truly serious. He still continued to patiently wait for my answer.
"Well… I don't how it feels to have a soul but I know how it feel to have my soul. It allows me to feel emotions and to feel pain. Because I can feel these things, lets me know that I'm alive." then I started thinking more about my words. And Kyo? Well… he just listened. It was almost like he was confused but he wanted to know more about what I was saying, he wanted to grasp it all in his mind.
"I have a weird soul."
"How's that?" he asked.
"…Anything that would make me cringe, would make others laugh; things that were harmful to me, would make others stronger… I guess what I'm trying to say is that my soul makes me different from everyone else. And sometimes I wish that I was like everyone else."
"…Everyone else huh?" he mumbled to himself. "I got another question for you…" he asked me.
"Sure…"
"Do you wanna know what makes souls so cool?" he really wasn't looking for a direct answer but I silently nodded. "…It's harder to make souls stronger. But they are easier to crush… and if you were to make one stronger, it wouldn't be by fighting or finding potential. To get stronger, you would have to do without or make them darker…" he mumbled.
Kyo had much time to think about all this. To me, I could see, Kyo had a whole different side of thinking and I could tell that he spent most of his time thinking on the process of life and death. This young man had accomplished a lot of stages of development along with coping with his environment.
"Heh, you're silly." he mused lightly. "You are like everyone else. You have a soul. But what makes yours so unique is for the fact that it's pure…"
"Kyo…" my voice shuddered. "Yours is pure too… you have a good soul…"
"You're wrong." He bluntly corrected me… "You don't know what you have until it's gone. I never took the time to realize what I had. I was only trying to run away from what I was."
Finally we were home and he parked his car a half of a block from the house. "Yuki's home." Kyo told me, as if it was a gut feeling. Then he locked the car. "You better go. Before he gets worried." he sat on the hood, crossing his arms.
"You're not coming?"
"Psh. Are you kidding me?" he cooed, "And get accused for stealing you away, or trying to harass you, screw that." Kyo's arms dropped to his sides, "Never mind too late."
"Huh?" I whipped around, heart beating four times faster. My eyes settled their gaze on the dazzling and seductive male before us. "Yuki…"
"Tohru…" Yuki's suave and undeniably serene voice confused us. "What are you doing out here…" his tone turned anxious with a hint of anger. "Especially with him…"
Kyo frowned, "Of course… She's with me and you made it just in time, I was just about to have a little snack." then the cat glared at me, his eyes were the eyes of a blood luster. My heart jumped a bit, he wasn't really meaning me? Right?
Yuki frowned back, "Tohru come here… and stand back." he demanded me. I rushed behind him. Could my fiancé really go up against Kyo? I wondered this for some time now. But after Kyo explained about the Sohmas having powerful abilities, I was quite curious now.
"So you're actually going to fight me now, huh…" Kyo asked fiercely. Yuki took off his jacket and gave it to me. Then I could see the seriousness in his violet eyes.
"You ignorant, ill - fated fool. Did you think I would just sit by and do nothing?" Yuki hissed.
"Interesting that you would want to fight now, I guess you finally got your abilities that you hoped for." Kyo had that twisted smile again. "Am I right, Yuki? You wouldn't fight me till you had them… Does Tohru know about it?"
My eyes glanced at Yuki who was still silent.
"Alright. No answer?" Kyo took off his jacket as well. "Fine… I'll let you hit first. Give me your best shot, asshole…"
Yuki narrowed his eyes at him, "Arrogant bastard." Then the wind began to blow, the tall trees bowed to him and I stood back, gripping my fiancé's jacket. It had taken much less time then I'd thought. Yuki never hesitated before calling or conjuring his power.
Though I couldn't tell what his power was, it was intense. All nature seemed to follow his command. Yuki's eyes flickered a light violet. Then I remembered blinking for a brief second. In that same short second, I saw him disappear. He reappeared in front of Kyo who widened his eyes.
Yuki lifted his leg and hit Kyo with all powerful kick, sending him flying into a nearby tall spruce which split in half… almost instantly. The impact sounded like an explosion, and it pushed Yuki back a bit. It all happened so quickly that I thought the fight was over. Yuki was indeed powerful.
But… it wasn't over.
Kyo had flown out from under the spruce, tossing half of the tree back at Yuki. Yuki pushed me out of the way and flew to left so the broken tree would miss us. Kyo, to my surprise, was untouched by Yuki's roundhouse kick but his eyes were black, charcoal black like the other day.
"You'll have to do better than that Yuki…" he roared.
Adrenaline ran through my veins as I watched. I couldn't blink for nothing. I didn't want to miss what was happening before my eyes. I already felt as if I missed so much, though nothing had happened. But their movements were blurry. Yuki frowned, he almost seemed angry in himself for underestimating Kyo. Clearly he would have to absolutely crush him to win.
"Very well." Yuki mumbled nonchalantly. He was now beyond thinking rationally and had already a plan for Kyo. A plan to kill?
"Yuki…" I called to him, "What… are you going to do? Please don't hurt him…" I regretted asking him. In fact, I regretted him looking back after hearing what I said. Yuki glared at me, his eyes fierce like Kyo's and something I noticed right away that put me in fear. The same apprehension I felt when I touched Kyo's pale elegant face.
Yuki had fangs as well…
I dropped his jacket, and stared back without breathing. These fangs were different though, they weren't like Kyo's which were short in human form. Yuki's fangs were long and sharp, like a vampire. My heart throbbed, was this really Yuki Sohma, the calm Yuki Sohma? Yuki stretched out his arms and twisted them awkwardly, popping the joints in his arms, then in his slender hands.
I told myself over and over… I should get help but who could help this from happening, who could prevent it? Who! This wasn't like other fights…
Kyo lurched towards us, his black eyes brilliant with wrath. His nails were longer and sharp like claws. His mouth opened, actually widened his teeth shimmering as he prepared to rip out Yuki's neck. Something I knew though, these men weren't amateur fighters. Both were strong and skilled, and after seeing them like this, they were lethal. Toxic to humans…
Suddenly… they collided as one giant blur. But for just a tiny second, I could see Kyo. And, though he wasn't looking at me, I could see the smile he possessed, one with fury and immense blood lust to kill my fiancé. It was something that he waited so long for. It was apparent now that Yuki was willing to give him the rumble of his life. Kyo snickered, showing no mercy as he began to strangle Yuki until they reached the dirt. I could hear Yuki choke uncontrollably. They rolled around a few times before Kyo bit into my fiancé's side. Yuki's metallic screech rang throughout the woods.
The two of them separated to catch breaths, but very quickly did they become blurs again. My stomach lurched, I didn't think I was strong enough to watch. Then I saw Yuki sinking his teeth into the bottom of Kyo's arm, shaking violently and ripping. With a deafening, thunderous shriek, Kyo lost his hand. Yuki pulled back spitting out the hand, then coiled and sprang right back at him. However, Kyo didn't allow himself to be ambushed again like the first time, abruptly he grabbed the other half of the spruce that was broke in half and swung it with one hand, crippling Yuki's next attack.
Yuki landed on his feet, effortlessly. I stared at my fiancé, the blood that drizzled down his neck and Kyo's teeth marks that were now visible. He breathed heavily… and so did Kyo. Blood left his white collared shirt stained permanently but his eyes were still black.
Was it over? Who won… who… retreated?