A/N: Enjoy, lovies!

DISCLAIMER: We do not own Degrassi or any of it's characters, we're simply borrowing them.

SUMMARY

Elijah yearns for any way out; a trapped door that allows him to dodge the scorching knives whipped at his heart. But when she enters his world, that escape slips through his fingers, and the complicated story of his life begins to unfold. Little does Elijah know that there will be more than just ripped pages detracting from his tattered book.

GOODBYE SANITY:

I uncomfortably sat at the kitchen table watching my family members eat. I wasn't in the mood for anything, especially food. My father would glance up at me every so often and shake his head in disappointment. Though his disappointment in me wasn't new, it certainly had increased in the last few days.

"I have to go run some errands today, Mom, is that okay?" Seth asked my mother. I never understood why he asked her such stupid questions. He was nineteen and in college, our mother had close to no rein over him anymore.

"Of course, honey. You can take Elijah with you, and catch up while you're out!" In other words; they didn't want me around.

"Uh, okay." Seth didn't sound too thrilled. I didn't blame him. If I was asked to drag myself to 'run some errands' I wouldn't be too happy either. "Is that okay with you, Eli?"

"Sure." I murmured. I didn't want to be in that house with my parents and Piper.

"Are you ready to go now? I have a lot to do." He asked impatiently.

"Ready when you are." My voice was barely louder than a whisper. My head throbbed as if someone was pounding a hammer into my temple. Images of Julia danced through my head and I couldn't think straight. The car that killed her killed me too.

Seth waved his hand, telling me to come. I jumped up from the table and briskly walked out the door. The sound the car made as he hit the 'unlock' button on his keys made me jump. I watched as he climbed into the driver's seat.

"I'll drive slowly." He yelled. I could practically hear him smirking. It was no secret that I was petrified of cars and everyone thought it was hilarious.

I slid into the passenger seat and carefully closed the car door behind me. The air between us was silent for the longest time. Neither of us seemed to know what to say. I didn't like the quiet, it allowed me to think, and I hated thinking.

"How are you, uh, holding up?" Seth asked hesitantly.

I mumbled something incoherent under my breath. Holding up? I wasn't 'holding up' at all. I was so lost.

"Julia was a sweet girl. She's going to be missed by a lot of people." I tried to block out whatever he was saying. My eyes focused on the outside world, even though it made me sick.

A shock of long, black hair flashed in the corner of my eye, startling me. The image played in my head. The more I thought about it, it looked more and more familiar, like I had seen it before. Almost like…
I shook it off. It was probably just my eyes playing tricks. But something deep inside me knew it wasn't.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Seth broke me from my insane thoughts.

"There's nothing to talk about. I yelled at her, she walked off and got herself killed. The end." I sighed.

The car grew insanely quiet once again. Seth seemed very focused on his driving like he was nervous or something, and I went back to staring out the window.

The Monday morning commuters bustled down the sidewalk, avoiding each other. The birds of Toronto sang their melodious tunes from the few trees scattered amongst the city. I watched them all from the horrible automobile I sat in.

Something stood out in the crowd for a split second. A shock of long, black hair. My heart pounded in my chest as I quickly averted my eyes. My line of vision shifted to my shaking fingers. Julia had edged her way into my head.

"Remember Darcy?" Seth asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah." Darcy had been his girlfriend since they were in junior high. Darcy and Seth were the 'it' couple, voted Prom King and Queen their senior year, cutest couple every year they were together, they were loved separately and together.

"Do you like her?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess. Why?" The truth; not really. Darcy was peppy and annoying. She always had a comment for every little thing and she certainly did not like me.

"Because I think I'm going to… propose." He what?

"You're kidding, right?" The words spilled out of my mouth like marbles.

"I thought you'd be happy for me, little brother."

"Don't call me that." He was just barely a little under four years older. That didn't really count as being 'big brother' to me.

"Are you jealous or something?" Was I jealous? Was that supposed to be a joke?

"It's just a surprise, that's all." I grumbled.

"That's why we're out today, so I can pick out a ring." He said energetically as we pulled into the mall parking lot.

"Fun." The fact that Seth was proposing to Darcy just days after the girl I thought I was going to marry was killed, was just mind-boggling. Maybe I was selfish, maybe I was self-wallowing, but I didn't care.

He quickly pulled into a parking spot, making my head spin and climbed out of the car. I followed behind him. Anything to get out of that car.

We walked briskly through the corridors of the large mall, the crowd wasn't too large today, and that was a bit odd. Then again, it was Monday.

Seth turned into a jewelry store, I hesitated before going in. Flashbacks danced before my eyes. I bought Julia a charm for a charm bracelet that I had bought her when we first started dating every two months from the same store.

Seth was like a kid in a candy shop. He went from case to case checking out each and every ring. It was almost annoying to watch him. I stared blankly into the bustling crowd of consumers. I forced myself to think about nothing, which was not a very easy thing to do.

Every time I tried not to think about Julia, she snuck her way into my thoughts, nearly suffocating me. She was too painful to carry, but too painful to try and forget. She was bittersweet.

"Eli…" I flinched, frantically searching for who had called me. The voice sounded so familiar. Everything that seemed to be happening to me was so familiar.

"Eli…" It was just my ears buzzing. It was nothing. I kept repeating it over and over in my head. Julia was dead. She was dead.

"Eli!" I whipped my head around. Seth's excited face fell to a frown.

I froze, my legs refused to move. Why was this happening to me? What was wrong with me?

My eyes landed on my feet. Seth must have realized I wasn't going to look at the ring he had picked out because he didn't say another word. My head did circles around my body as I tried to keep my thoughts straight.

"Eli, are you okay?" My head snapped up, Seth stood in front of me, a small bag hung around his wrist.

"I'm fine." I lied. I couldn't tell my perfect brother I thought I was going nuts.

"We're all done here, then. Is there anything you want while we're still here?"

I shook my head, he nodded in response.

He trailed me behind me as we walked back through the mall. I felt like everyone was staring at, like there was something off about me. I shook it off, it was just me, I was fine, considering.

My eyes unconsciously fell on a boy and a girl in the corner between JC Penny's and Victoria's Secret. His arm was snaked around her wrist and her fingers were flying through his hair. My hands balled up into fists. Anger coursed through me like a wild fire. Was this all a big joke? Did it have to be kicked in my face every chance it could?

"Hey!" My legs carried me over to the couple without permission from my fucked up head. "Is that really necessary?" I spat, just inches from them, now separated.

"Do you have a problem, kid?" The boy asked.

"The only problem I have is you two. Do you want to stop rubbing it in? I get it, okay? My girlfriend is dead, I have no one. Ha ha, funny." I could feel my nostrils flaring angrily as I spoke.

"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about." Out of the corner of my eye, I watched his hand interlace with hers. That did it for me. I was furious.

"Hit him."

In a matter of seconds, he was on the floor with blood just pouring out of his nose, and Seth was dragging me away from him. "Let's go!" He shouted into my ear.

Blood dripped off my knuckles as we literally ran out of the mall. It made me sick. Blood was never my thing, I couldn't even think about it without getting queasy.

Seth pushed me up against the side of his car. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know." I whispered. Everyone was out to get me, that's what's wrong with me.

"Get in the car." He gave me a rough push towards the other side of the horrid machine.

"That guy is going press charges, you idiot. Is that what you do now? Deck random people in the face at the mall for no reason? When Mom and Dad find out, you're dead, Eli."

"You can't tell them!" I screeched.

"Why can't I? If I do are you going to break my nose too?"

"You have no idea what it's like, Seth. You've always been perfect."

"You did this to yourself, Eli. I can't keep getting you out of things. Maybe if you tried to be more like-"

"More like the rest of you? Thanks Seth. Now you even think I'm a freak." My head fell against the window. I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Well you certainly are acting like one lately!" His grip tightened around the steering wheel.

"You have no idea what this is like, Seth!" My voice broke. A fear tears fell over my cheeks. I furiously wiped at my face in a desperate attempt to rid myself of them.

"That still doesn't give you an excuse, Elijah." For the first time, he looked at me like our father did. Disappointed.

My eyes clouded over, and suddenly my head became one swarm of unrecognizable thoughts all meshing together. Someone's hands pressed themselves into my temples. There was a voice mumbling somewhere, it sounded something like spot, or pot, or stop.

And then there was nothing.