Chapter 2\\Learning

{what happened to us?}

You can't erase the past. You can throw it away and pretend it never happened.

But it never disappears.

Rewrite. Recreate. Escape.

It'll always find you.

You can always pretend it doesn't exist.

Remembering. Embracing. Forgetting.

But it'll never go away.

I'm sorry.

{why must we spread hate?}

{love is so much better}

Lindsay never hated people. Not because she thought it was silly, or because it was a waste of her time, but because she was too friendly, a much too cheerful person. Too happy indeed.

She simply did not know how to hate.

When she met her, she didn't know that she would learn to hate. She thought she'd made a new best friend and, OMG, she was so happy. Thrilled, even.

Heather was super pretty, super nice. Not very nice to Greta or Lafawnduh, but they were mean to her first. Lindasy didn't understand why Laquisha threw Heather off the cliff, or why Beth yelled at her and broke off the alliance, leaving Heather and Lindsay to fend for themselves.

Now Lindsay understood.

After weeks of Heather's abuse, Lindasy understood. She finally figured out why everyone hated Heather. She finally figured out that Heather was just a rotten little bitch. She finally learned that 'BFFs' don't treat each other the way Heather treated Lindsay.

She finally learned how to hate.

Lindsay couldn't stand the anger coursing through her veins, the desire to make Heather's life miserable, the sorrow brought on by betrayal and lost friendship.

She hated hate, but could not control it.

{this is why we hate}

Lindsay. Tyler. Lindsay and Tyler.

Initials carved into a tree, surrounded by a heart.

Lindsay didn't know that she was breaking Heather's heart.

{how cute is that, their initials in the trees!}

He promised to call her. He pinky swore, even.

So why hadn't he called?

Lindsay waited and waited, as patiently as she could possibly wait, but it was weeks before her cell phone finally rang. A number she did not recognize.

"Tyler?" she asked, repressing the urge to squeal.

"No, it's me," answered a female voice, vaguely familiar.

"Who?"

The girl sighed, sounding almost depressed. Ugh, she sounded so familiar. Who was she?

"Heather."

Well, that answers that question.

"Oh." The excitement faded from Linday's voice. "Hi, Heather. What's up?"

The words were forced from her lips. Lindsay didn't want to talk to Heather, but she couldn't bring herself to say so. Like the invisible bond that ties old friends together, Lindsay felt a certain loyalty towards Heather despite her betrayal, something that urged her to at least treat Heather kindly.

"Oh...nothing much," Heather replied. "Just wanted to talk. How 'bout you?"

Just wanted to talk? Weird. Even at Wawanakwa, Heather rarely talked to Lindsay just because she could.

"Waiting for Tyler to call me." Lindsay giggled a bit, as though to convince herself that she wasn't worried that Tyler wouldn't call.

"Oh, well I guess you can call me back if-"

"No, it's okay, he..." Tears welled up in her eyes. "He still hasn't called me. Since we got back from the island..."

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, Lindsay thought. I can't let Heather hear me cry...

She wasn't entirely sure why, but she couldn't let Heather know she was upset.

"Oh. I'm...sorry," Heather said, interrupting Lindsay's thoughts.

Conversation was awkward for a while, but eventually they were talking about nothing of importance, acting as though they'd been best friends for years.

Almost like everything that happened between them was gone.

{pretend it never happened}

Crying doesn't fix your problems. Neither does anger.

But they can help you cope.

They can help you heal.

Lindsay learned that the day Heather called her/

She learned how to forgive. She already knew how to forget. Could she forget this?

Heather was learning to heal and be happy. Lindsay was teaching her how.

Lindsay was learning to hate and forgive. Heather was teaching her how.

Now, who could teach them how to love? Nobody.

They had to learn that on their own. Would they help each other out?

Or would Tyler take Lindsay away and teach her how to lust?

{the answer is unclear}

They hadn't yet discovered who they really were, who they really loved, who they really wanted to be. They were newborn characters in a story still untold.

All they could do was wait for it to unfold.

{all you need is someone to help you}

C r y i n g doesn't fix your problems.

Neither doesa n g e r.

But they can help you cope.

They can help you h e a l.

{remembering, embracing, forgetting}

{but it never goes away}

{i ' m s o r r y . . .}