Day Four: Pit Stop Then to New York!
I pressed on the gas a little more, I could feel Wendy's piercing glare on me. She hates how I drive but you can't consider it driving if your not going at least eighty miles an hour. Currently I'm pushing eighty-five. I know how to drive she just needs to get over her high-class snob attitude.
I stuck my cigarette out the window and tapped it to get the excess ash off. "I'm still mad about those god damn Mexican fishermen." Bebe mutterd angrily as she flicked through channels on the TV.
Clyde nodded and pulled a crappy cold pizza out of the microwave, "Tell me about it, they don't even know how to make proper tacos! What Mexican can't make tacos?" he shoved the digusting and possibly rock hard piece of shit in his mouth. How do American's consume that junk?
"Where to?" I glanced in my mirror and felt a sliver of a smirk form on my face. Yes I'm smiling at one of those disgusting Americans.
I'm preferably interested in one certain redheaded, impulsive, short-tempered, generally short, skinny, overbearing, Jew. That certain boy is currently leaning on my seat and smiling down at me, "New York, mon cher."
"Well, mon cher, you better floor it. The bus can only be so fun." he said sarcastically but with a genuine smile. It appears he is very genuine, too bad he's more confused than even Gregory was.
"W'at ze faggot eezn't entertaining you?" I asked referring to his super best friend. Also considered a homo, an in denial one at that. Thanks to him, my new interest is a bowl of confusion. He's a mess. I understand your first homosexual experience can be overwhelming but it doesn't help when your partner ignores your entire existence after the event.
"Very funny." he said with a roll of his eyes. "Can we stop somewhere to get some food? I'm starving and Clyde's being a fatass and eating everything."
"Hey, I'm not fat!" shouted Clyde as he shoved one of his pizza's into his mouth.
"That's debatable." I heard the monotone dickwad shout from his bunk. Him and the blonde coffee-addicted spaz have been spooning all morning. I bet if I questioned him on it, he'd deny his sexuality as well. Nobody on this bus comes to term with the fact that they're all gay-wads.
I looked down at the meter, "We need to stop for gaz."
"Oh yeah a gas station meal." he looked down at me with that tired expression and irritated tone, "Delicious."
"Not az delicious az my sexy Juive strawberry." I wiggled my brows seductively in the mirror. That did it, he's blushing so red that he actually does appear to be a strawberry. More nervous than sexy but still rather cute.
"Rest stop?" the obnoxious blonde bimbo screeched. I didn't know anyone could be more high pitched than Damien was as a kid…oh how I was wrong.
"Yezz." I grumbled and Kyle chuckled at my annoyance.
She giggled, "Oh yay! I'm so sick of sitting on my lazy ass!"
"Your excited to go to a gas station?" Token asked with a raised brow.
"She's a slut. Slut's go to gas stations for quickies." said Cartman rudely.
Wendy slapped his arm as she walked by his bed. "Don't listen to them."
"Maybe that's what I want to do." she gave Clyde a seductive look as she bit her lip. I find her repulsing, nothing but trash…Clyde thinks differently. He's practically drooling as he stares at her thinking his dirty thoughts. "Well there is no privacy on the bus, that's all I'm saying."
Though I mentally insult the girl I do not entirely despise her existence. No that extreme hatred is aimed at someone else entirely. Overall I just find her annoying but sometimes, during one of our rare conversations, she's calm, down-to-earth and actually takes part in a sophisticated conversation. Normally I skip class to go on one of my missions and tend to run into her as well, normally she skips class as well. That's about the only time me and Bebe actually talk to one another. When she's not playing Miss. Barbie.
She flipped her hair and put her arm around Kyle, "I've hardly talked to you either!"
I didn't even notice my grip tighten on the wheel and I sure as hell didn't notice the burning glare I was giving her through the mirror. Why I became so angry and possessive, I really don't know. I'm not one to develop feelings, they just interfere with my job. A job I'm still currently working on! I should've finished it at Disney but that asshole got away, now I have absolutely no time for emotions.
"Well someone's deep in thought." said Wendy as she stared at me.
"Whatcha thinking 'bout, darling." asked Bebe as she caressed my cheek.
I pulled away at the touch and coughed slightly to clear my throat, "Classified information, ma salope."
"Well your just so damn mysterious, aren't ya?" she asked as her southern accent started slipping out. Not to mention her arm still secured around Kyle.
"W'ere 'ere." I said still annoyed by her touching him so bluntly. Yes, she still has her arm around him. I gritted my teeth as I pulled to a stop at some sketchy ass gas station.
Fine, maybe I should come to terms with the fact that I don't own the redhead and I can't force others to back off. Well actually I could easily take Kyle under my arm, nobody messes with a professional mercenary with a shovel. It's just not a wise idea to go picking a fight with someone who's committed murder, been killed and revived. Ah, my horrible memories of hell. Though my quick fling with Damien wasn't something to complain about.
I'm zoning out again...
"Look there's a convienence store, let's go buy some snacks and junk." said Token being the only smart one on the bus.
Everyone followed him except for me who waited for one of the men to fill the gas up. "Do you want anything?" I looked up surprised that Kyle was still here.
I shrugged and grinned, "Ze only zing I want iz you."
He blushed deep red again, possibly redder than before, "I meant like a drink or something." he stared at the ground as he attempted to hide his bright blush.
I leaned back on my chair with an evil smirk, "Can't I suck you?"
His head snapped upwards, his eyes ten times wider than normal and his jaw dropped, "U-uh I-I,"
"No need to ztutter, mon cher, eet waz zimply a question." I held my smirk. This is mental cruelty at it's finest. Insulting people with harsh words just doesn't fuck with them the way you want it to. Not that my main goal is to fuck with Kyle- fucking him is completely different, though. Point being I enjoy making him uncomfortable, it's a sick pleasure.
"All set!" called the gas man. I shot him a glare and threw my money at him.
"Keep ze change." I then proceeded to park my car considering nobody was out of the crappy store- who takes so long to buy cheap snacks, damn Americans and their obesity. Anyways it's time to keep playing with the nervous Jew, "Zo do you still like ze ozer boy?"
"He won't even talk to me. He hasn't talked to me since what happened." he rolled his eyes with anger, actually more of a pure rage, "He's just so- AGH!"
I stared at him blankly, "Maybe you should make 'eem jealous."
"How so?" he asked now curious.
We got off the bus and made our way to the store, "'e 'as ze uptight beetch to make you jealous. W'y not uze ozers to make ze boy jealous. Flirt like zome Jerzey S'ore douche bag."
He laughed at me and rolled his eyes, "Well that should be easy considering I am a Jersey Shore douche bag." I quirked a brow, "I'm from Jersey."
I laughed with him, "Zat explainz ze temper."
He punched my arm lightly as we both entered the store to notice our 'friends' running around obnoxiously. Not much of a surprize really.
The spaz and monotone boy were carrying boxes of coffee flavors to the checkout, until the spaz had one of his odd twitches- the result being a floor covered with scattered coffee packets. The black kid and lardass were throwing a plastic football in the back of the store. The uptight hoe was yelling at them to put it down while she help blondie bring ten bags of chips to the cashier, clearly someone was at that time of the month. Kenny and the dumbass were nowhere to be seen. Stan was staring at Kyle as he entered but quickly started helping Butters get something off a top shelf.
Kyle seemed to be staring at the fat boy. He rolled his eyes, "Cartman would be playing catch in a store."
"Clearly." I nodded, I noticed Stan staring again which caused me to inwardly grin. "You go buy me zome more cigarettes while I go outside and zmoke my last one." he nodded but before he could move I grabbed his wrist and kissed him on the cheek gently, "Zank you, mon cher."
He stared at me blushing but smiled, "No problem!"
He walked over to the cashier still love dazed and I simply smirked at the angry emo boy. To be truthful I still have a full carton of cigarettes but I just had to make the other boy jealous- come on! He fucked with Kyle. I left the store and noticed the other dickwad was out smoking his cigarettes too. He glanced at me but redirected his attention forward, he hardly gave me a second thought but he spoke, "You and Kyle. Cute."
It was hard to tell if he was serious or being sarcastic. I shrugged, "'elping 'im out."
I lit my cancer stick and instantly took a long drag. He let out his smoke but didn't look at me, "Seems like more than a favor."
We were both quiet for a moment, "Per'aps I waz claiming w'at's mine." I took another drag and smiled, "Are you going to claim ze spaz zoon?"
He shot me daggers, "What?"
His tone changed drastically. It went from being monotone and bored to pissed and stern. "Zo do you not like 'im?"
"That's none of your business." he spat harshly.
"Well eef you don't want 'im, ee'll be 'appy to take 'im off your 'ands." I let out a smug smirk and threw my dried out stick to the ground. "We did make a fun little pact after all. Deedn't we, bâtard?"
He gritted his teeth and I left without another word. If he really wants that annoying blonde then he better say something because in honesty he's rather cute- not as cute as I fine Kyle to be, but still cute none the less. Someone might end up snatching him up.
As I was about to enter the bus, Stan shoved me and shot a rage filled glare. I just smiled smugly.
Until I stepped onto the bus to hear the most awkward question…
"Why do you have so many condoms?" Wendy asked with a quirk of her brow, though she seemed more angry than curious, "Did you seriously buy condoms from a cheap gas stop?"
"They're flavored. I'm only thinking in everyone's favor!" Kenny gave her his signature perverted grin. I gave an interested scoff and slanted smile, nothing of admiration, pure amusement.
"Clyde that's disgusting! Those have icky germs on them, ew!" Bebe gagged.
"But…but this one is chocolate flavored. Don't you like chocolate?" he asked stupidly as he held a pile of scented wiener wrappers in his shirt.
"You guys, I thought you would appreciate our thoughts on protection. We don't want any pregnancies or STD's going around." Kenny winked at Bebe. She rolled her eyes and started putting her bags of chips away.
Kenny dropped his pile in the middle of the floor and started rolling around in them like it was money. To him it was probably even better. "Kenny! Get up!" shouted Wendy annoyed.
"Don't ruin my fun!" he spat back as he continued to roll around.
"Dude, you wasted at least fifty bucks on all of them." said Token as he rubbed the back of his head. He must be a bit uncomfortable with the fact his friend is rolling in a mound of condoms. Doesn't seem to abnormal for Kenny?
"Well we need them all, for the orgy party, duh!" Kenny winked at the African.
Tweek jumped as he saw all the condons, "Oh Jesus! I-I can't handle an -nngh- o-orgy party!"
I noticed Craig get on the bus and my initial reaction was to put my arm around the scared shitless blonde, "W'at a s'ame, I would be delighted to 'ave an orgy party wiz you."
Tweek looked up at me possibly more scared than he was originally. I mean I am a grungy mercenary with my arm around him.
Craig's face turned red with angry and he pulled Tweek into his arms, "Don't listen to him, Tweek, he's just a French piece of shit."
Tweek just looked at me frightened but smiled back at Craig, "T-told you you'd be -nngh- jealous…"
Hmm, I should analyze my situation. Craig and Stan both hate my guts because I'm interested in both their 'lovers'. Tweek is still scared shitless of me. Kyle is obviously interested in me, especially after I kissed his cheek. I have a feeling this is going to be one hell of a summer.
"Stop Kenny, condoms aren't meant for flinging!" Bebe grinned and opened one of the packs. "They're meant for blowing."
Kenny laughed hysterically as she blew up the rubber penis coat. "Stop, Bebe, your probably turning everyone on." added Wendy while she attempted to hold back her laughter. It was a pathetic attempt because she burst into hysteria along with Kenny.
"Let's have a contest!" said Cartman, "Who can blow the biggest condom."
Wendy laughed more, "Ew!"
"Your first, hoe." he handed her a pack and she shot him a glare but smiled as she did so.
She snatched the condom and within moments everyone was blowing up their own personal condom. "I think mines broken! This is gay, I bet the Jew put a hole in mine or something!" whined Cartman obnoxiously.
"Fuck off, Cartman!" Kyle chimed in but continued to laugh as he blew faster. I'm surprised I'm not turned on yet.
"Aw-aww mine popped." whined Stan.
"Shit, Stan won." said Kenny and he laughed, "He made the balloon penis pop." he winked at Butters.
Butters rubbed his knuckles nervously, "Well golly-gee I-I don't get it. Why did S-Stan win?"
"Well because he's the biggest fag on the bus." said Cartman, "I'm surprised he beat Kenny."
Bebe put her arm on the innocent boys back, "Kenny's just being perverted. He's saying Stan blew so hard that it made the condom pop, also referring to the fact that he made the condom cum."
"Oh my!" I chuckled at the blonde's innocence. How he fits in with this group of people leaves me confused.
"Well let's start round two!" shouted Clyde eagerly, I don't believe I've ever had the...priveledge... to meet someone as stupid as that boy.
Well Clyde's stupidity aside, the night ended with everyone blowing up the scented condoms like balloons- this is one interesting group of people.
I didn't do Christophe's accent unless he was speaking, I hope that's okay xD I mean we don't want a whole chapter of errors!
Wow this was a REALLY short chapter :/ sorry guys!