Your name is John Egbert and you are falling.
You stretch out your hands in front of you and prepare for the impact of the pavement against your hands. You dip your knee down in hopes that it will break your momentum, even a little bit. When you come down, the force of the landing it too much for your hands and knee to handle and your head hits pavement, stunning you for a moment. Then you remember why you had tripped in the first place. Startled, you roll over and face who had knocked you down, feeling your jaw where he had punched you.
He's staring down at you, "Don't try it again," he growls.
You try to whimper out an apology, anything to get the larger boy to stop yelling, to stop drawing attention to you.
"What was that?" he says, leaning down to pull you up a few inches by your shirt front, "I couldn't hear you."
"S-Sorry," you mumble at him, it's all you can manage with the shock settling over you from being punched.
"Not good enough, Egbert, not good enough," he shoves you back to the ground and you can feel your head smack against the walkway again. He walks away with a posse following him and a girl with long, dark, feathered hair on his arm. She glances back at you with a smirk as you lie there with an aching head.
After a few moments of recuperation, you sit up and rub your head. You look after them for a second before turning to look for your glasses. They are lying a few feet away from you and you scrape yourself off the walkway. You dust yourself off, pick up you things, slip your glasses back on your face, and walk away as if nothing had happened. For the umpteenth time that day, you readjust the strap on your backpack and head to class.
It's been over a month since that incident. That was the first time someone punched you. You don't remember it fondly. You aren't even sure if that's exactly how everything happened, either. It was happening so often these days; every situation seemed to blur together. You were pretty sure that you had been speaking with a member of his posse when he hit you. You hadn't even initiated the conversation. He had been asking you a question about the biology homework that had been assigned; you had just been glad someone was talking to you of their own free will. That was when a fist came out of nowhere and struck you so hard that your glasses flew off and you fell. It had shocked you to say the least.
And like you said, that was only the first time.
There had been times after that, "Don't fucking talk to her, Egbert," "Keep your hands to yourself," "Why are you still here?" Yes, there had been many. You never said anything, though. You always, always, got up, brushed yourself off, played it off as "all's good," if someone asked. But you know that all isn't good.
And the razors. Those are the worst part. Every day, a new box. Every day, a new note. Every day, new trash. But you never throw away the notes. Never. You don't know why you keep them, they don't do any good. But you guess that they make you feel... well... you don't know how the oddly colored letters make you feel, but you know that it's different than how you feel when your classmates taunt you. Blessed difference. It's not necessarily a good difference, though.
There is always only one part of your day that makes you feel remotely better than how you typically feel. That's when you talk to Dave. You mean, talking to Jade is great and all, but she's on the other side of the world on a secluded island and she doesn't get some of the "modern" references you make. Sometimes it's just that when he raps at you and he says something ridiculous, oops, you mean "genius," you can't help but smile a little. This is something you cherish. Sometimes its the only thing the keeps you from taking that box home with you.
You hear a ping come from your computer and sit up groggily, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. You grab your laptop and look at the clock in the corner. You had been sleeping for almost three hours. You feel you should be concerned with how much time you spend sleeping, but you can't bring yourself to care anymore.
You look at the pesterchum app and see that Dave is pestering you. You open the log and see that he must have been wanting to talk to you for a while.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:19
TG: john
TG: hey john
TG: john
TG: not cool to leave your bro hangin'
TG: i know youre online
TG: john
TG: johnyboy
TG: dont make me quote the shit we read in school
TG: you know i hate that
TG: fine
TG: i see how it is
TG: strider cant seem to catch a break here
TG: and i thought we were bros
TG: shame on you
EB: geez dave!
EB: how long have you been pestering me?
TG: about an hour
EB: desperate much?
TG: nah man not desperate
TG: ironic
EB: oh i see
EB: i have been enlightened
EB: striders aren't desperate
EB: they wait for people ironically
TG: damn straight
TG: and dont let your egbertian head forget it
TG: damn
TG: what kind of name is egbert anyway?
EB: uh... my name?
TG: but like
TG: its like the sesame street breakfast special
EB: what?
TG: really though
TG: you got bert
TG: with some eggs on the side
TG: come to think of it you probably taste weird
EB: alrighty then
EB: my family now consists of dusty puppets and eggs
EB: yum
TG: yeah man
TG: now youre getting it
EB: and whats up with strider anyway?
TG: dont go there man
EB: do you just stride everywhere?
TG: not cool
EB: or do you just have REALLY long legs or something
TG: you know what man?
EB: what :B
TG: fuck you
EB: anytime you like
TG: you sure man?
TG: cause i dont think you could handle all the strider up in here
EB: haha
TG: no joke man
EB: haha :B okay then
TG: but seriously though man
TG: theres this new guy at my school
TG: and dude
TG: hes weird
TG: we were talking about your name being weird
TG: his is like crazy
EB: really?
EB: what is it?
TG: karlkit vanmas
TG: or some shit like that
EB: ...
EB: karkat vantas?
TG: that was it
TG: weird right
EB: uh yeah
TG: and hes so little
TG: he comes up to like
TG: he doesnt even come up to my chest
EB: yeah
EB: dave?
TG: what is it?
EB: karkat is kinda my best friend
EB: was
EB: i dont know
TG: wait
TG: i think i remember you talking about him before
TG: what do you mean was?
EB: well he kinda moved away...
TG: so...
TG: does he have a pesterchum account?
EB: well yeah but
TG: then what is it?
EB: something happened between us and
EB: well
EB: its complicated
TG: spill
EB: no
TG: why not?
TG: we're bros right?
EB: yeah
TG: then why cant i know
EB: cause its not something that you just say dave
EB: its more complicated than that
TG: i just want you to know that i have a rap ready for this
TG: and i know that you absolutely love my raps
EB: you know i do
TG: tell me
EB: no
TG: tell me
EB: NO!
TG: jeez egbert
TG: who's got your panties in a wad
EB: i dont know what your talking about
TG: i am not doing this again egbert
TG: somethings wrong
TG: im your bro
TG: no question
TG: you are going to tell me
EB: dave
EB: i know youre concerned
EB: but really im fine
EB: my head hurts like a bitch
EB: but im fine
TG: okay
TG: whats up with you
EB: what?
TG: youve been acting weird all week
TG: and its not ironic
TG: so just tell me whats up
EB: nothing
EB: you woke me up and im a little grumpy
TG: bullshit
TG: i do that all the time
TG: thats no excuse
TG: whats going on
EB: does it really matter?
TG: obviously
TG: why is this such a big deal?
EB: ...
TG: well?
EB: im not ready to tell you
TG: aw man come on
EB: im serious dave
EB: ill tell you when im ready
EB: but not yet
EB: the last person i told flipped out and it hurt bad
EB: i promise i will tell you
EB: but not right now
TG: oh
EB: yeah
TG: im sorry
TG: im a shitty friend
TG: my friend terezi keeps telling me
TG: i suck at listening
EB: dont say that dave
EB: at least you care :B
TG: i dont care
TG: i am stoic as fuck
TG: its ironic
EB: yeah sure you are
EB: so then
EB: what was her name again?
EB: terezi?
TG: its not like that dude
EB: good
TG: what?
TG: why?
EB: cant have you with some girl with a weird name
TG: oh my god
EB: that just wouldnt work
TG: stop
EB: i mean
EB: terezi strider?
TG: john
EB: no that cant happen
TG: oh my god john
EB: yes?
TG: what have you done?
EB: a thing
TG: oh my god
EB: a very very bad thing
TG: wow
TG: that was a thing that just happened
TG: like fuckin bro and his orange soda thing
TG: i dont even
EB: alright
EB: id like to move forward now
TG: i agree
TG: so why is your head hurting?
EB: oh no real reason
EB: i just
EB: fell
TG: wow egbert
EB: there's a bruise
TG: youve got some mad derping skills
TG: like
TG: i dont even know what
TG: thats just how derpy you are
TG: they should call you egderp
EB: dave no
TG: yes
TG: that is what im calling you now
EB: dave
TG: i knight thee sir egderp of derpton
EB: what are you doing
TG: located in downtown middle of nowhere
EB: dave
TG: in the fucking cold ass weather
EB: stahp
TG: what
TG: i think its a very
TG: whats the word im looking for
EB: ironic? :B
TG: no
TG: definitely not that
EB: ...
TG: eh
TG: ill let you know when i think of it
EB: oh well then
EB: ...
EB: damn it
EB: i dont even have a good comeback
TG: you know you shouldnt even try
EB: yeah i know...
TG: shit man
TG: i gotta go
TG: bro wants to "bond"
TG: my ass
EB: aw man
EB: that not cool
TG: but its apparently ironic
TG: ill talk to you later
EB: see ya dave
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 22:24
You fell? Really? You scold yourself and look down at the clock.
A little over three hours. That's how long you've been talking with him. You can't help it. Time keeps getting away from you. You close the app and it is only when you see your reflection in the shiny screen of the mirror that you realize that you've been smiling. You hold onto the feeling for as long as you can.
You realize you have a lot of homework to do so you get up and walk over to your almost completely upturned backpack lying on the floor. Thinking its zipper is shut, you grab it by its front with the intent of throwing it onto your bed in a very casual manner, but its zipper is not in fact sealed and you send all the binders and papers in there flying around your room. You curse yourself profusely for your ignorance and bend over to clean up. That's when you look at the teal writing for the first time that evening.
You pick up the card and open it.
Egbert,
For when you wisen up a little.
Love, V :)
Your first letter. You feel almost attached the the false words. You feel like you go back to the memory of finding this card more often than the others. You set it to the side of you as you pick up another.
Egbert,
You know it'd just be easier to give in.
Love, V
This was one you had received three weeks ago. You grab another.
Egbert,
Come on, be a pal.
Love, V
And another.
Egbert,
You know no one wants you here.
Love, V
And another.
Egbert,
I knew you were a coward.
Love, V
And another.
Egbert,
It only takes one slice.
Love, V
You can't take it anymore. You grab all the cards you have collected and fling them across the room. The sound of shifting paper fills the room and the whispers of their harsh yet gentle words can be heard in every crackle. They look like snow as they fall back to the floor, creating an odd sort of peace. You inhale slowly, trying to calm your rapid breathing and let it out with a sigh. Why wouldn't it stop? Why wouldn't they just leave you alone?
You pick up the cards again and feel the burn of every single letter as though the paper were made of razors.
And it comforts you.
A/N: Hey everyone!
Wow I'm so sorry for the lack of plot development in this chapter. It's ridiculous.
Anyway! I just wanted to inform you all that I have a certain inconvinience called Finals approaching and that I probably won't be able to update again until late next week probably Thursday or Friday. I'm so sorry! :(
-AJ3