Day Six: Bus Breaks Down
Chocolate chip pancakes drowned in maple syrup. Now that's what someone of my age should get, but I got that along with whip cream eyes and a bacon smiley face. This is how everyone should start out a morning. Greeted with a smile!
I grinned and jammed my fork into the soft substance, 'Ahh have mercy Clyde!' I giggled at my own thoughts as I munched happily on the soggy piece of fat. "Why didn't Christophe come this morning?" I asked with a full mouth, Token rolled his eyes at my immaturity. I'm only seventeen, I can be immature all I want.
Kenny was trying to steal Kyle's food, due to the fact that he couldn't afford his own meal. Kyle grunted and shoved him off. I sipped my apple juice casually, "I tried to get him up but he told me to leave him alone." Kyle shrugged and swatted Kenny's hand away from his sausage.
Eating sausage is kind of awkward, 'cause it's shaped like a dick. I chuckled at the thought. A lot of things are shaped like penis', maybe gay people are taking over the world?
"Cr-Craig wouldn't wake up either." said Tweek as he sipped his coffee.
I rolled my eyes, "Because he's lazy."
"Precisely." agreed Token.
Tweek smirked, "He's wicked -nngh- hungover."
My eyes widened and sparkled with joy, I jumped on the table and smiled goofily at Tweek. I guess I forgot about Tweek's ADHD because he threw his plate of food in my face. "Oh Sweet Jesus! I'm s-sorry! Next time don't -nngh- jump on the table! It's not normal…"
"Tweek just called you not normal. That really says something, Clyde." Kyle chuckled and I noticed him and Stan were actually talking to each other again. They were being distant before, I'm not usually one to feel tension in the room but I could feel it between them.
"Why are you on the table?" asked Stan confused.
I wiped off the syrup and butter, "Because! We need to take this perfect opportunity to play a prank on Craig!"
"It is a one in a lifetime opportunity." Token nodded in agreement.
Tweek smiled crookedly, "I-I want in!" he paused and pulled his hair, "As long as we don't -nngh- kill him! Jesus that would be too much pressure!"
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to…um… get off the table?" asked the waitress as nicely as she could. I smiled kindly and nodded.
"Alright, Clyde, do you remember last night? Well I'm mad at you about it." Token said as he crossed his arms with a mocking frown. He wasn't mad, it's Token. Token doesn't get mad at me, he loves me. I'm Clyde.
"All I know is you left me with a hooker, who was a man. I'm pissed at you." I pointed my fork at him accusingly.
"Well there was some chick dressed in a girl scout outfit. I don't know why, maybe it was a midlife crisis, I don't know. Point is you begged her if you could have her Capri Sun."
I cocked a brow, "Capri Sun?"
"Yeah, I was trying to watch over you but you wouldn't listen when I told you not to drink the freak's juice." he shrugged and let out a cracked smile.
"Well why would you be mad about that?" I asked confused, "If you were begging a chick for some Kool Aid I wouldn't get in your way."
He just chuckled at my subtle racist joke, I'm fucking funny, "Dude, your exact words were 'Get the fuck back, asshole, you don't fucking know my life!' and it really hurt my feelings." he grinned stupidly. "I expect an apology."
"I'll let you decide what video game we play when we get back to the bus?" I asked. That's a straight up apology right there.
"Fine, but you can't just give up when you start losing." he gave me that Token look. I can't describe it any other way it was just a…Token look?
"I'm not a sore loser!" I just hate losing…
I love video games though! It's just not all games are suited for all people. I personally suck at shooting games…I tend to aim, shoot and pray for a bullz-eye. Token sucks at sport games because he says there are too many controls. Tweek is good at fighting games because all he has to do is twitch and he nails all the fighting combos, it's quite a gift. Craig is good at ALL games. It's like he doesn't even need to try, he just wins.
"So, Kenny, how's your free for all going?" Stan asked almost uncomfortably.
Kenny quirked a brow but smiled proudly, "Perfectly. Yours?"
Stan stared at his plate, "Has everyone had sex on this trip?"
"Good idea. Let's tally it up!" Kenny raised his hand up, "Raise your hand if you've had sex!"
Everyone at the table including myself raised our hands. Kenny grinned, "Wow, everyone?"
Stan gulped and looked at Kyle. Kyle just smiled at him, his smile faded and a confused expression replaced it. "So who with?" asked Bebe as she fluttered her lashes and bit her bottom lip cutely. That's what she does when she's curious and needs to find something out. She puts the charm on.
I smiled at her, "You!"
She giggled, "I'm aware." she twirled her hair, "We should do it again some time."
"Well I'm curious to hear who Butters slept with." Kyle smiled stupidly at the shy blonde. I looked over curiously, but not enough to stop shoving food in my face. Eggs are soooooo yummy!
"I'm curious to hear who you've slept with." Kenny smiled obnoxiously at the Jew and then he focused his attention to Stan and wiggled his brows, "Or what about you, Stanny?"
"Wouldn't it be his girlfriend?" Token asked as he battled me for a piece of toast.
Wendy slumped in her seat, "Last night I had sex. It was for the first time this trip. It got kind of wild."
"But wasn't Stan with Craig all night?" I asked, yes I beat Token and got the toast! Suck on that!
"Exactly. So me and Eric participated in drunken intercourse." she whispered quietly.
Everyone's jaws and forks dropped, minds exploded and I choked on my food, "Dude!" shouted Stan.
Kenny just laughed insanely, "I didn't expect that!"
I coughed out my pre-chewed toast and looked at Bebe, normally she tells me all the gossip! She's Bebe! But she looked beyond astonished, she looked at me and shrugged with an equal amount of confusion. Now this is really uncomfortable… "Well this was some breakfast…but I personally want to go play a prank on Craig."
Token nodded after looking at them oddly. He stood up, "Let's go."
Once we left the diner Bebe jumped on my back and I gave her a piggyback ride to the bus. Token walked beside us and kept glancing behind to see Cartman and Wendy walking together, "I don't care what you guys think but I think the whole Cartman and Wendy thing is fucked up."
"I know! I mean it's Cartman!" Bebe gagged as she placed her chin to my head.
"I agree. So, buddy, who was the lucky chick? Or dude?" both Bebe and I looked at him and he just laughed.
"I didn't do anyone on the bus. It was the bartender at the club last night." he rolled his eyes, "This trip is just a huge sex timeline."
"Regretful memories to match." Bebe nodded, "I mean we all know something happened between Kyle and Stan, they were so far apart…like mentally."
"Clearly, I bet they fucked." I laughed and Bebe slapped Token's head.
We arrived at the bus and I let Bebe down. We entered quietly and saw Craig still passed out in his bed. Luckily Stan's gang, Tweek and Wendy stopped at a coffee shop, so we can pull our prank!
Token smiled and handed me the syrup we got from the diner. Bebe skipped to the bathroom and started throwing water on the bathroom floor like I told her to. I went to the mini-fridge and grabbed the whip cream. Now where did I put that blow horn?
Moments later a passed out Craig was coated with syrup, whip cream and a full on make over courtesy of Bebe. Me and Token shared a very emotional fist bump mainly because we never ever have the chance to pull anything on Craig. It's a nice change.
Bebe held the horn and smirked evilly at me, we blocked our ears and Bebe blasted it. Craig shot up hit his head on the bunk and moaned loudly. "Fucking assholes!" he looked up at me and shot a sharp glare, "I'm going to fucking kill you."
The sad thing he said that so seriously that I think I may have peed my pants. I stepped backwards, "But your just so delicious!" I held my arms up defensively.
Bebe jumped in front of me, "Don't be mad!"
"Yeah, you're Craigalicious!" I reached over and wiped my finger on him, picked up some of the syrupy residue and sucked it off my finger, "Yummy…"
He remained pissed off, as expected, "Fucking run."
Bebe didn't waste a second before she hauled ass to the other side of the bus. I on the other hand ran for the bathroom, bracing myself and jump over the puddle. Craig didn't do the same…
Token burst into laughter just as he toppled backwards and slammed deadweight on the tile floor. He didn't even groan, he just bit his lip. Then as monotone and boringly as always, "Ow."
Oh here comes my smile, now I'm laughing. "Dude! You just like bashed on the floor! I mean I expected like maybe stumbling or something, but not a full fall!" I laughed more and I think I'm even crying.
He stood up and glared at me, "Oh ha ha, you're so funny."
"We do try." said Token as he smacked the back of Craig's back.
"I'm just skilled." I smiled back at the still extremely pissed off Craig and insanely amused Token.
"In what? Wetting the bed?" Craig cocked his head to the side and rubbed the back of his probably thumping cranium.
"No, in crying for his mom. If it weren't for that puddle, you'd be beating the shit out of him and he'd be crying. I know." Token smiled smugly at me.
I pouted, "You guys are jerks. When I become a certified ninja, you will be sorry."
The doors opened and Christophe entered, "Alright, so we've got a mechanical problem."
"You lost your accent?" I asked bewildered. I mean there wasn't one hint of a French accent in that sentence.
"Vous êtes stupide." I don't know what he said. "Proves I'm steel French, doez eet not?"
"Never mind…" I sighed.
"I waz tryeeng to tell youz zat ze buz iz broken." wow, I think his accent got even heavier!
"What?" we all looked towards the door and saw a fuming Wendy, "The bus can't be broken!"
"Fucking douche ran over a pothole." said Craig, "I was sleeping we hit a bump, I heard French yelling then he left."
"First of all, you look nice Craig." said Kyle with a smug grin.
Stan walked up beside him and nodded, "I think the purple eye shadow and whip cream really bring out the intensity of his eyes, don't you agree, Kyle?"
"I do." Kyle laughed along with Stan and I chuckled myself. I mean the eye shadow was a nice touch, "Why were you driving in the first place?" asked Kyle, almost as annoyed as Wendy. Though she was more pissed.
"Not ze point." he said firmly. Then he shrugged, "But we s'ould go look under ze hood."
Everyone went outside. Stan, Christophe, Craig and Token mainly working under the hood because they're the only ones who understand it. The only thing I know about cars is they run on oil. It would be cool if cars ran on chocolate… chocolates good.
I licked my lips at the thought. Bebe imitated me from the top of the bus. Yeah, her, Butters, Kenny and a scared shitless Tweek we're sitting on the top of the bus getting their tan on. I smiled up at her, "Having fun?"
She shrugged, "Well-"
"Oh my god! Guess what I found in the bathroom drawer!" echoed Wendy as she exited the bus in one of her hourly rages.
Stan rolled his eyes and wiped some grease off him, "What did you find, Wends?"
"Easy mac!" she rolled her eyes in a disgusted manner.
I thought for a moment, "Is that a kind of condom?"
A guy can't make one stupid comment! Thanks to my stupid brain I was forced to go get the tools from under the sink. I know it isn't that big of a deal but still…
I opened the cupboard to find some tools, but instead I found two bottles of tequila! What the fuck, nobody told me we were carrying the good stuff! They must be hiding out on me, this is just like that time at McDonalds…
"I'll have a McFlurry." I gripped the table for better balance, when you have heavier bones it's harder to keep your balance especially when drunk.
Craig was squinting at the menu beside me, "Dude, why are we getting McDonalds?"
I shrugged, "I want a McFlurry."
The girl came back and shot me a look of absolute annoyance. Well she must have a pretty large pole up her ass. That's something Craig would say, that means I just said something badass. Craig is a badass. "Here." she shoved the drink outwards and rolled her eyes.
I looked at the drink blinked a few times, bring on the brain freeze! I grabbed the cup and threw the cap off, chugged a few sips UNTIL I spit it back in her face. She screamed when the liquid made contact with her skin. Her eyes widened and she was about to flip out at me, but I kind of beat her to it. "You McFucked up!"
"What?" she shouted back with angry confusion.
"I wanted a Margarita McFlurry!"
"Dude, you're a McFucking idiot." Craig laughed beside me and we were, of course, kicked out.
"That bitch was definitely hiding the Margarita McFlurries. She really was." I said to myself. This time, I'm having some of the good stuff.
I grabbed the tequila, popped the cork off and grabbed one of Tweek's many thermoses.
15 minutes later…
"Good thing is we got the bus running," said Stan.
"Bad thing Clyde is weirder than usual." finished Kyle.
I stared at them, my mind was vacant and I could swear I was seeing doubles. A sheep that was bright yellow walked over to me, "Clyde, baby, are you alright?"
"Am I falling asleep?" I paused and the sheep kept staring at me, "One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four!"
"What sheep is he talking about?" asked Kyle. Stan just shrugged.
"I love farms!" I hugged the sheep tightly, "But my friend Craig, you probably don't know him, he's kind of an ass-"
"Not cool."
"Craig! You're here! I didn't know you were a farmer!"
"I'm not?" he said confused, he started to blur in my vision.
"Then why are you on the farm?" everything went silent and for a moment I thought I was deaf. So if deaf people never heard anything then do they hear they're own thoughts…do I hear my own thoughts?
"Well, w'ere are we goeeng next?" asked the French dude. He has a shovel, that confirms that we are on a farm.
"Just go find a place to p-park for the rest of the day. I-It can be a lazy day. Is that okay with you fellas?" asked Butters.
"YES!" I shouted happily.
Moments later, Christophe starting driving at his usual speed. We're going so fast that we're probably ripping through the space time continuum. I blinked repeatedly… oh no!
"Stop…Stop. Stop! I said to fucking stop, man!" Christophe hit the break and I flew forward, hit my head on the dashboard, but for some reason I can't feel the thumping pain.
"W'at?" he asked more confused than angry.
"Look at that! You almost ran over that poor hedgehog, man. Why? Because you-" I paused and made direct eye contact with him, "Are an ass. You're an ass! Killing innocent hedgehogs across the nation!"
Kyle walked over and looked over Christophe's shoulder, "Dude, that's a pinecone."
"You're a pinecone." I muttered angrily. Is everyone for animal abuse, stupid assholes.
"Yeah well, you're a towel." he spat back playfully while Stan just smiled.
"Why are you being so weird?" Bebe questioned me.
I let out a burp right in her face and she pulled away repulsed. She stopped and glared at me, "You drank my tequila!"
"You were keeping tequila from us?" Token said having the same reaction I had earlier.
"Cl-Clyde stole it?" asked Tweek.
"Clyde, you always manage to blow me away." said Craig as he laughed at me, while I made an ass of myself. Being intoxicated was a bad idea.
"I've never blown you!…at least not when I'm sober." I laughed, then everything began to morph. I blacked out. The last thing I remember seeing was dancing popsicle sticks…
It was a good day.
Alright, so this chapter was also a filler. Just letting you in on Clyde's subconscious thoughts and stupidly, poorly written statements xD
Also I like to add some funny filler chapters just so the readers remember that the characters are stupid high school students with WAYYYY too many, unrealistic sex stories xD
Review and tell me if you still like my clyde...I hope you do :D