A/N: Happy Birthday Stubbsaur! :D
Your name is John Egbert and you're about to shut down.
You are currently sitting on your sleeping bag in the tent you're sharing with your best friend. You are staring at your open suitcase with your jaw hanging open and your hands seem to frantically search for the piece of fabric that you've already convinced yourself isn't there. You could have sworn you'd packed it...
You jerk your head up at the sound of Dave hitting the side of the tent, essentially telling you to, "Hurry your ass up." You can see his silhouette lingering on the thin, fabric walls of the tent. His board shorts are plainly visible; his obviously shirtless form seems to mock you.
"Yeah, just a sec! I need to find something first!" you turn your attention back to your suitcase and you notice that your hands are shaking violently. You can feel sweat gathering on your face as panic beings to take you over for the first time in months. This is ridiculous, it's been months since you had your last attack. Nearly two years since you left the hospital. Over a year since you moved in with Dave as his roommate. A few months since you and Dave-
The sound of the tents zipper interrupts you and you look up instantly to see Dave's hands proceed him as he signs rapidly at you, Rose and Jade are already down by the river. We need to hurry up so they won't- he abruptly stops, his hands hanging in the air when he sees you sitting there, a complete mess, John?
You want to respond, say anything at all, but all you can sputter out is, "I-I... I can't-" You throw yourself back to the suitcase in a frenzy before brusquely stopping again and resting your forehead on your hands.
In your peripheral vision, you see Dave approaching you and, completely unintentionally, you flinch away from his lean figure as though he was Vriska Serket herself. He kneels down in front of you and you whimper lightly, but your hands won't. stop. searching. Gently, Dave extends his strong hands toward your long fingers and grips them lightly, halting them. You force yourself to look into his eyes, which you finally notice aren't hidden by his shades. His fiery red eyes pierce your deep blue ones and he smiles kindly at your pathetic face and you just stare at him, wondering what he's going to do next.
He finally removes his hands from yours after a long moment and you follow them, anticipating that he's going to say something, Now, why are you crying? He sees the surprised look on your face, so he reaches up and wipes the now obvious tear from your cheek and shows it to you. He then wipes his hand on his trunks. You draw your eyes back up to his and nearly get lost in the sight.
Decisively tearing your eyes away from his and peering down at your horribly scarred wrists you say, "I can't go to the river."
Why not? you watch his hands say.
"I-I can't," you break out a strained chuckle, "It's stupid really." You feel another tear slide down your face and Dave wipes that one away, too.
This time with his lips.
John, he sighs with a large exhale, how many times have I told you that when it comes to you there is no 'stupid, 'dumb,' or anything in between. He forces you to look him in the eyes and then lifts his hands higher so that you can see him sign, especially not with me, without breaking eye contact. You can't help but smile at his words, Now tell me what's wrong.
Your smile fades to a flat line and you huff out a sigh, "Okay," your hand reaches out for a random t-shirt from your case and you fiddle with the sleeve, refusing to look at him, "I can't find my board shirt."
You feel his hand cup your cheek and force your to look at him. Another tear slides down your face as you look at him pleadingly, hoping that he'll be able to sympathize with you. He leans in close to you and you can feel his light breath caressing your face lightly and his mouth hovers over your lips. You find yourself torn on whether or not you want to meet his lips or not. You do want to kiss him, but you don't really know if-
And he decides for you.
His lips are on yours before you even have the chance to finish your thought and you are so glad that this is happening. His lips are surprisingly soft; always, surprisingly soft. They seem to move in complete coordination with yours, each gentle movement sending sparks through your nervous system, making you do things that your brain doesn't process beforehand. For instance, moving your hands up to his neck and pulling him harder against you. He huffs out a breath through his nose, his equivalent of a grunt, and kisses you harder. You moan into the kiss and start to move your lips against his more frantically. He moves his hands to your back and starts kneading your muscles; a shiver travels up your spine and you hold him tighter to you. One of his hands move up to your neck and holds you tighter to him and the other travels lower on you before hovering over your backside. He then gently squeezes and you have to break away from the kiss so that you can get a decent breath after a rather wanton moan. His lips don't seem to want to leave yours, but he cuts his losses and moves his lips down to your jaw and nips you, sending a jolt through you. But he doesn't stop there. He moves farther down, leaving small marks as he goes, until his head is settled into the crevice the joins your neck and shoulder. You're breathing roughly and you notice that you aren't doing anything so you are about to act on this problem, but he suddenly slows down until he's merely placing chaste kisses along your neck. He works his way back up to your lips and places one more chaste kiss on your lips before completely pulling away.
You're right, he signs, no trace of the kissing apparent on his face, It is stupid, This snaps you out of your light, kiss-induced daze.
"What?" surprised confusion replaces bliss in your voice.
He sighs and rolls his eyes at you, Your body is not something to be ashamed of. He takes your hand and places it over your chest, right where the horrid scars are, This is not who you are. And I don't care how long it take to convince you how beautiful a person you are. He kisses your nose, I will succeed. He smiles at you kindly with love in his eyes and you can't help but smile back, completely wrapped up in the moment.
"I still can't go down there," you state after what you deem an appropriate amount of eye-gazing. He looks slightly downcast, so you add, "I believe you. I know I'll be able to get past this, but I'm not there yet," you gulp uncomfortably, "So I'll stay here and you go down and hang out with Rose and Jade. You might want to hurry, though, their plan of attack is probably almost complete and you don't want to-" he covers your mouth with his hand. He leaves it there until you nod, indicating that you've stopped speaking.
I'm not just going to leave you up here by yourself, he seems almost hesitant.
You know it's most definitely irrational, but you become defensive despite your wishes, "What's that supposed to mean?" you don't let him interrupt you, even though your brain is telling you to stop. this. now, "Do you think I'm going to relapse or something?" You can see his hands moving, vainly attempting to catch your attention, "I can do just fine on my own, Dave."
He takes your hand in his and presses the mixture to his face. You feel his breath gently caress your fingers and his lips press lightly to your knuckles. He then does something he hasn't done since before you learned ASL. He mouths, "Because I love you," with his chin resting on your joined hands.
You feel rather befuddled by this as he detaches his hands from yours, clearly seeing your emotions plastered to your face, I know you can handle yourself just fine, John. That's not it at all. I just don't want you to be alone anymore. I've been alone; you've been alone. But now we both have each other so I really don't see why it would be appropriate to leave you by yourself when I personally know how lonely it can get. He pats your leg, so its because I love and care about you that I don't want to leave you by yourself. Not because I don't trust you to do the right thing.
You automatically feel guilty for assuming the worst of the person who cares so much about you. You just wish you could erase this last moment and start over again. You attempt to inform him of this, but he cuts you off, There's nothing for you to apologize for. You smile and nod at him, settling comfortably onto your elbows. Now there's a couple options for the two of us here. We could either stay up here and, his hands hesitate, think of something to do. Or we could go down to the river with Jade and Rose, shirt or no.
You tense up with the prospect of going down to the river. There were many things that could go horribly wrong if you were to go down to the water without your shirt. You could be ridiculed by passersby or even Rose and Jade themselves. You could also suffer an overwhelming panic attack before you even made it down to the water's edge and die of a heart attack.
Wow, when did you become so melodramatic?
I'd be with you the whole time, he signs to you. You know he's right. You know for a fact that whenever, and you mean whenever, Dave is with you, everything seems to be ten times better. No matter what the issues are with your dad, no matter what the kids at school are doing, Dave is always there to pick up your pieces and put you back together again. But you also know that this is completely your decision and that if you decide you're not ready, Dave wouldn't pressure you. You make you're decision.
You grin slightly and nod, "Alright," you say, "I'll go."
And the beaming smile on Dave's face is enough to let you know that you made the right choice.
A/N: *Bawls*
It's over guys! This is literally all I have to say on the matter! I just can't. stop. BLkhaspdofASODFKJHA
But on another note, I saw a request in my reviews about making a sequel of John and Dave in college... and I discussed this with our birthday girl (as noted above) and she said that she would prefer if there was a sequel created in her name. So YAY! I also plan on giving this thing a bit more substance in the plot department and I hope that it will be an overall better story. I might even get a beta writer *gasp* I know! It's crazy!
But anyway thank you all very much! I believe I'm going to call this fic "Glad I Said It." Keep in mind that this is a working title and that if I decide to change it, I will say so on this fic! Thank you all so much for reading this and I hope to see you on the next one! :)
-AJ3