It's been a long time since I touched this fic. Hope this is worth the wait! Reviews very appreciated.

If Toph Had Decided to Play Matchmaker

"TAKE THIS!"

"…"

"…"

"…uh, Sokka? Why are you hitting the air?"

"This is enemy air. We can't be too careful."

"So why don't you stop ingesting it? All that enemy air must be contaminating your body. I bet you're getting urges to kill Twinkle-Toes right now, aren't ya."

Katara shot Toph a glare. "Sokka, don't listen to her—"

There was no reply.

The group crowded around the unconscious boy. Katara smacked her palm into her forehead. "The idiot actually took your advice. Why would he do that?"

"Uh, because I'm awesome?" Toph's look indicated that Katara must be brain-damaged to ask such a stupid question. "Really, Sweetness, I'm beginning to think you're the idiot. At least Sokka knows good advice when he hears it."

"You call holding your breath to keep, and I quote, 'enemy air' out is good advice?"

"He thought so, didn't he?"

"He's unconscious on the ground! Also, he's Sokka."

"And therefore his definition of good advice is questionable."

"Thank you, Aang."

"Aw, Twinkle-Toes just wants to kiss up to you so he can kiss you for real. You should be thanking me for saving your life! I swear, Snoozles was about to go crazy and crack your head with his boomerang."

"The one that he never hits anything with? Toph, in case you haven't noticed, Aang can jump twenty feet into the air." A pause. "And what was that about the kissing?"

Aang blushed. "Uh, I'll go scout ahead. You two stay here with Sokka." A small breeze was all that's left as he launched himself into the air.

"Man, that boy has it bad," Toph snorted, "You could do better."

Katara prodded Sokka with one foot, making sure her brother was still unconscious. "Explain."

Toph gave her a skeptical look. "You really think I'm gonna feed your ego, Sweetness?"

"Hopefully. Or, I could just go back to believing that you just made all that up to stir up trouble. You like doing things like that." She kicked Sokka harder. Something cracked.

Toph raised an eyebrow as Katara cursed and bent down to heal whichever rib she'd just cracked. "Didn't know you actually meant it when you said you wanted to kill him."

Katara smirked. "If we're going to have girl-talk, Toph Bei Fong, I am not letting my brother listen in." The glow from her hands faded. "There. That should keep him down for awhile." She straightened and crossed her arms. "Now, are we going to do this?"

Toph smirked right back. "We so are."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you kidding me, you never noticed?" Toph paused, and her eyebrows shot even higher, if possible, "You honestly didn't! Really, I'd think someone with as many guys chasing them as you do would be less dense. Guess you're just a whole new level of stupid, Sweetness!"

"Then why are you smiling?" Katara muttered, knowing better than to take offense but doing so anyway. Toph had that effect on her. "And I do not have guys chasing after me."

Toph rolled her eyes. "Jet. Haru. Those random boys who kept stalking us around the Earth kingdom."

"I froze them to a wall and forced them to tell me where you were?"

"Well, to each his own, I guess. Maybe they're masochists." At Katara's confused look, Toph whispered the definition in her ear.

At Katara's incredulous look, the blind girl rolled her eyes again. "Really, Sweetness, don't look so shocked. Sometimes you forget that while you were wasting away at the South Pole, I was in the center of one of the biggest cities in the world. Of course my sexual education is better than yours."

Katara turned red, and Toph patted her cheek. "Really, you're lucky I'm so nice, or I'd just let you get eaten up by this big, bad world." The girl smiled, reveling in her chance to play big sister to the usually mothering Katara. "Anyway, back to you. How could you not notice that Aang's totally dying to settle down and make hundreds of little airbender babies with you?" Toph's smile broadened as Katara's flush deepened. "Purple's a good color on you, Sweetness. Now, answer the question."

"Well, there's the age difference—"

"Uh, yeah. The fact that he's one-hundred and twelve? Kinda makes him a pedophile if you think about it."

"No!" Katara looked uncomfortable, "It's not that he's so much older, but that he acts like he's only twelve. I really like Aang, but I kind of don't want to take care of him for the rest of my life."

"You want your man to take care of you. Perfectly understandable," Toph nodded wisely, "Ok, so the reason you never noticed him making googly eyes at you was because you were too blinded by your own feelings that you assumed he must feel the same way. Now, on to Jet."

"He betrayed me. And tried to kill Aang. And kidnapped Sokka!"

"Notice the order, Sugar Queen. Tells a lot about a person when they put personal betrayal before the murder of a friend."

Katara crossed her arms and huffed. "He was my first crush. Sue me for being upset that he used me in an attempt to murder a village."

Toph snapped her fingers in front of Katara's face. "Ah, and there's where you're wrong. Tragic bad-boys like Jet don't use, get frozen to a tree, and then come back for more. And yet, who was it that helped us finally find Appa?"

"He was hypnotized! He wanted revenge!"

"He didn't have to drag our sorry butts along for revenge. Look where it got him." Toph's face softened at the look on Katara's face, "Hey, Sugar Queen. We don't know if he's de—"

"Don't say it." Katara swallowed, "Please."

"Okay." Toph paused, gauging whether it was alright to continue, and then forged on ahead. "Anyway, you get my point. He sure as hell didn't risk his ass for me. Or Sokka. Or Aang. Which leaves one little water-tribe girl with serious issues with denial…" she grinned as realization literally dawned on Katara's face. "Finally. You really are slow."

Katara scowled darkly but didn't respond. Toph waited, enjoying the light pink on the girl's cheeks. Katara finally looked up. "What about Haru?"

"What about him?"

"He asked me to stay with him after we rescued his father, but ever since we reunited it's been pure—nothing. He got a beard, and he seems so much older and—detached, somehow."

"And yet he's willing to get his ass whopped every day just to spar with you."

Katara sighed in defeat. "Ok, I admit it. You're right. You, Toph Bei Fong, are perceptive, intelligent, and awesome. I bow to your greatness." She smiled, checking Sokka's forehead, "So, anyone else that you haven't mentioned yet?"

Toph grinned predatorily. "Well, there's always Zuko…"