Chapter Twelve

Snow's a really confusing thing, when you think about it.

It's beautiful, falling down softly. Covering harsh colors.

White.

But it's fucking cold. It gives people frostbite, they freeze to death. Or lose limbs and have to live with it. Sure, it's beautiful when you look at it from inside your living room, sitting in front of a fire. But not when you're sleeping in it.

Decomposing in it.

I've never seen snow in my life. Should I be happy about that? I am.

Not much makes me happy anymore, so I'll take it.

Beck stopped by again. It's kind of odd. Tori comes by everyday, and it's my boyfriend's second visit in two weeks. I guess we're a bit distant lately.

Beck sat, looking at me. "What's going on?" he asked.

I looked at him oddly. "Elaborate," I snapped. I didn't want to be a bitch. But I have a reputation. Appearance. That's all I am.

He looked at me for awhile. "Between you and Tori. What's going on between you and Tori?" I felt like he had a gun pointed at my head, like this was life or death.

"Nothing," I choked out. Then I cleared my throat. "Nothing's going on, Beck."

He scoffed, looking betrayed. "Don't give me that bull, Jade! Ever since you were sent here, she's barely been talking to anyone! She's always busy after school because she's always coming straight here and then sulking in her room!" he yelled, standing.

I gulped, taking in this new information. I wonder if the people in the rooms next to mine get annoyed with all the noise going on in here. I wonder if they're too lost in their own worlds to notice. I wonder if they're worse than me – if all my whining about my problems is aimless.

Beck sat slowly, looking at me sadly. "I love you, Jade. I just want you to be happy. Don't you get that?" he whimpered. "If I don't make you happy, I don't want to hold you back from what will. And you're holding me back, too. From someone who might actually love me back."

I closed my eyes. I hate it. Hurting people. And the thing that hurts the most is he's right.

"We have to break up, Jade," he said. "It's just not working out. Continuing would just degrade us both further." He walked over, kissing me on the lips for the last time.

Nothing.

I felt more when Tori kissed me on my forehead that first time. Or on the neck. Which scares me. A lot.

"Goodbye, Jade." Then he walked out of my life.

Beck was gone, and I felt no remorse. Not even a little sadness, after dating him for years. Well, no more than I usually feel all the time anyway.

I almost felt relieved.

Vega showed up a bit later.

"Beck broke up with me," I told her indifferently.

She looked up, surprised. "Why's that?" she asked innocently.

I shrugged. "Our relationship was a lie." No reason for me to end it, but apparently it is for Beck. If I ended everything that was a lie, I'd be dead. If you take my life into account.

"Oh...," she said.

I looked up at her. "He said some stuff," I started carefully. "About how you've been."

She looked up, eyes guarded. "What did he say?" she asked carefully.

"Just that you haven't been acting too happy at school lately – since I left," I whispered. "I was just thinking about how we don't talk about you much. It's always about me, how I'm doing. How it is here, right?" I pondered casually. "I just wanna know how you are is all."

She looked at me, sizing me up. "I'm fine, Jade. I'm just worried about you."

"Yeah," I started. "It's just that, I'm worried about you now. I don't want to be the reason you lose all your friends, or fail your classes or something."

She glanced at me. "Have I ever told you you think too much, Jade?" she asked. "Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself. You have enough to worry about already, what with what got you in here. If you add anymore on you'll explode."

She left quickly afterward. I had a lot to think about.

She's pretty defensive about her problems. She has the instinct to turn it around on who she's talking to.

Which is exactly what I do.

I hope to God she doesn't have my mindset.

Because she's the only stable thing I can really hold on to anymore. Beck was pretty even-minded – but I was never really close enough to grab hold anyway. If she's as screwed over as I am, all I can do is try to hold her together.

And hope she returns the gesture.

A/N - Dun, Dun, DUNNNN!

Gasp! Dramatic Dialogue!

Well, that roadtrip thing was kind of fun, suprisingly. But it took a hell of a lot of energy out of me, and I woke up approximately an hour ago.

I feel really bad for how I made Beck end up all alone. But, eh, things happen. He'll get over it quickly enough.

I'm still tired.

C'ya later!