Chapter Thirteen
I hate crying.
It's terrible. And, lately, I do it often.
I know, Jade West crying? You'd think it'd never happen. But really, by now I'm used to it. Odd things happening.
The only reason I hate it is because I don't realize when I'm doing it. Sometimes tears will be running down my face and I won't realize it until Vega has her arms around me, whispering in my ear, rubbing my back.
See, when you cry, people automatically figure something's wrong. But if that was the case I would be crying all the time.
And it gets annoying, crying constantly. Your eyes swell up. It gets old, the concern other people whip at you. So I learned to stop crying.
I learned to only cry in my sleep. In my dreams.
But now it's showing up during the day – it's as if my thoughts are getting worse. Being here is making me worse. I don't have much to distract myself with. I have free time.
"I need to get out of here," I sobbed into Tori's shoulder one day. "It's not helping me at all."
"I know," she whispered comfortingly. "I know it seems like a terrible place to be right now, but you need to try to get through it. Even if you didn't try to kill yourself, you do need help, Jade. And I know you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth."
My sobs quickly slowed down, coming less often. Eventually they turned to sniffles. I pulled back, looking away.
"How do you always know what to say?" I asked, my voice coming out old and worn out. My lungs ached, as did my eyelids.
"No idea," she responded, her voice coming out the same way. I looked over to her tear-stained face.
I laughed lightly. "Why are you crying?" I asked, feeling lighter than usual.
She smiled sadly, rubbing under her eyes. "No idea. Just hits close to home, I guess."
My eyebrows raised. "How so?" I whispered.
She shrugged, picking up my hand. "Not important."
"No," I said, pulling my hand back, smile dropping. "You are important, Tori. Tell me what the hell's going on."
She looked up, surprised. When she saw I was serious, she cleared her throat quickly. "It's no big deal, Jade. Really."
I shook my head. "It is a big deal! I need to know what it is you can't tell me...," I muttered, looking down.
"Okay," she said. "You really need to know? It's not that big a deal."
"Tell me," I said commandingly.
She sighed. "Awhile before I switched schools, probably seventh grade or something, I was really depressed, okay? I got my parents to get me a therapist and eventually got on Prozac. I was lucky, it helped me. That's all there is to it."
I stared at her. "You... depressed?" I asked, almost waiting for her to go 'Psyche!'
She raised her eyebrows, shrugging. "Well, not much anymore. Every once and awhile I have a little relapse, yeah. But it really doesn't come back much. That's why I think this is good for you. You might figure yourself out; get better."
Tori Vega. Happy-go-lucky, helps everyone Tori Vega.
It's not too surprising for me to be screwed up – I'm obsessed with death, constantly wear black, have a thousand piercings. But Tori Vega.
"Jade?" she asked nervously. "You okay?"
"Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine," I said quickly.
Vega giggled. "It's late; I should go," she said reluctantly.
She stood up. She leaned down, resting her hands on my shoulders.
And then she kissed me.
No, not a kiss on the forehead, not even on the neck (that would have been friggin' weird). On the lips.
I was so shocked, I almost missed it.
And then the coolest thing happened – I stopped thinking.
She pulled back, laughing softly at the look on my face. "Goodnight, Jade," she said quietly.
She walked out the door.
I fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. It didn't look the same anymore.
Then I rolled over, closing my eyes.
Is no one sane?
A/N - I know, right? So sweet I almost want to throw up.
I was listening to Tegan and Sara while writing this, so sorry if it feels like I was a little distracted.
I just mowed my lawn two days ago, and it's already overgrown. I swear to God it's radioactive.
Oh, you should review. Or else I'll engage in my obsession with jigsaw puzzles and not update! Mwahaha!
No, not really. I'll end up updating even if nobody reads this entire chapter. Hell, I'll update if every review I get says "Please don't update!"
So take that!