"I just cant believe you have a daughter." said Edward closing the door on the nursery which housed a sleeping Abigal "It seems fictitious, like something out of a once imagined dream or story."
"So you're not angry?"
"Why would I be angry?"
"I just thought you might be mad at me for moving on. I always avoided thinking of her around you, just in case you hated her."
"You think so little of me? How could I be angry at you? Hate your daughter." He said with disappointed confusion "You had the right to move on. I never expected you to wait for me. That would be far too selfish, even for me."
"I don't even know what to think anymore, everything has changed so much. This whole situation is messing me up inside. I can barely think straight anymore."
Jacob looked away stepping back, breaking eye contact, as he realised how close he was to kissing Edward. He walked over and sat down on the lounge, grabbing a bottle of cola beer on the way. Edward also sat down as well, tracking Jacobs movements from the kitchen to the fridge, to the eventual action of him sitting down beside him. The air was once again heavy with unresolved tension as Jacob sipped, Edward watching him closely from the corner of his eye. Jacob was trying, and failing to look anywhere but at Edward, causing him to take awkward have glances at Edward every so often. Edward was just lost in his own thoughts, till he turned to Jacob on the couch, breaking the tension "Jacob-" he began. They both jumped as the sound of thunder broke out across the darkening sky. Laughing nervously at their actions they once again lapsed into silence. Heavy with tension and un spoken words Jacob played with the label of the bottle. He wondered if there was a polite way to ask Edward to leave, because he couldn't handle being so close to him without wanting to personally take him there and then, and the silence was just wearing down any form of resistance he had managed to put up. Edward read the beginning of Jacob's thoughts missing the last bit, taking it as an incentive to leave.
"It's getting late and I should go?" said Edward getting up, walking to the door.
Jacob sighed in relief "Bye," he agreed. "I'll see you around." he agreed.
Edward was almost out the door when Jacob stopped him, grabbing his wrist. Sparks ignited between them; Starting from the spot where Jacob grabbed Edward and ending up on their lips. All too soon Jacob found him self pushing Edward up against the wall, kissing him for all it was worth, like oxygen would deplete and they would both be standing their lifeless, if he wasn't connected to Edward in some measurable form .
"Maybe you shouldn't go." breathed Jacob "It is raining after all."
"It is raining." agreed Edward making marks all down Jacob's neck "and It would be a shame to ruin this shirt, but I can't but help forget what what you said before." he said breaking contact, holding Jacob at arms length to clear both their heads. "Jacob do you really want this or is this just going to be another regretted mistake."
He looked deep into Jacob's eyes giving him a soul searching look, making sure this wasn't something else they were going to add to the long list of regrets they had both acquired over the last few years. Looking into the deep dark brown of Jacob's eyes he connected with him in a way nothing else could, but that was the worse thing that he could have done to Jacob's state of mind. As their eyes met and as Jacob gazed into the bright golden honey of Edward's eyes, Jacob lost all reasonable forms of thinking, his animalistic side took over, the side most connected to Edward and the imprinting.
"I really do want this" uttered Jacob, in a trancelike state, as he slammed Edward up against the wall again, silencing his weak protests that they must talk about this as he covered his mouth with his. Edward moaned as Jacob removed Edwards shirt, tearing the fine silk in his wild dash. Next came Jacob's shirt as Edward removed it, throwing it to the floor, and placing bruising kisses on Jacobs skin. Jacobs knees went weak as he gained enough composure to drag the all too willing Edward into the bedroom, slamming the door behind them and pushing Edward onto the bed with a show of dominance. The next few hours was full of nothing but primal want and need. So much more intense than the previous time. The bond wasn't happy at being ignored for so long and once allowed to be accepted it went maniac, heightening their emotions and making both men act with thoughtless need, lust, and want. Once the bond was accepted it would be extremely difficult to quite down this time.
\/\/
Edward looked down at Jacob sleeping, completely exhausted after their activities, and smiled a small smile to himself, placing a light kiss on his forehead, his heart swelled with the complete love and adoration he felt for Jacob in that moment. He couldn't imagine life could be more perfect than in this moment with Jacob sleeping happily beside him . Jacob unconsciously- possessively reached out in his sleep, bringing Edward closer mumbling nonsense into his chest as he slept, clutching Edward tight, as though he might leave him at any moment. Till with a sudden start he woke up, loosening his hold and pushing Edward away moving to the other side of the bed, furthest away from Edward.
"Damn it!"he cursed "Not again!" Edward looked hurt at Jacob's angry tone and his reluctance to be near him. Angry at Edward, Jacob felt a hurting sensation in his chest, closest to his heart. "Why is it every time I spend more than 5 minutes with you we end up in bed together. I'm supposed to be staying away from you and this isnt helping"
"Jacob"
"What?" He spat, short of breathe as his chest was still hurting. Jacob clutched his chest as he tried removing himself from the bed, falling to his knees and blacking out.
"Jacob!" Edward exclaimed rushing to his side just in time to catch him as his head hit the floor.
"I'm sorry" he said breaking down "I'm so sorry" he cried as Jacob didnt respond unconsious in his arms.
"I should have just stayed away" he admitted downcast " but its too hard. It was just too hard. There was this call I couldn't ignore. Maybe I was just being selfish, but how could I stay away when you make me this happy. Happier than I've ever been in a long time. I thought if I was happy it couldn't be too bad of a thing for us to be together. Then seeing the way you still looked at me I that maybe you would be happy too, we could be happy together. It wouldn't be too selfish, could it? To want that, for you to be happy. That it would be easier on both of us -that you would stop hurting- if I just stopped trying to stay away. Then I saw you had a daughter, of course I was shocked at first, but then the insane notion entered my mind. I gained hope, after so long of living in misery and melancholy. I hoped that we could be a family, that me you and Abigal could be our own small happy family. But I'm a stupid fool at the best of times. I shouldn't have been so stupid to think after everything i've done it would have just worked out." He buried him self in Jacob clutching him close "I'm so sorry" he repeated again.
Jacob woke up, holding him back "I know" he said "you can stop apologising."
"Jacob" he happily exclaimed kissing his face.
"Did you mean that Edward? What you just said, are you truly sorry?"
"I meant every word, leaving you is the biggest mistake Ive ever done."
Jacob frowned, unable to meet Edwards direct stare.
"Whats the matter?"
"Its just so hard to trust what you say. Its so hard not to doubt that you just wont leave again. That I'll get close to you, and you'll run off again. My heart says I should trust you but my head is screaming at me to get as far away from you as possible and never look back. It hurts to think I'll get close and you'll leave; I just cant deal with that happening again. I cant put my self through that again, not again. It would destroy me, no coming back this time."
"You can trust me Jacob, I wont leave again. I've learnt my lesson. I wont leave unless you send me away yourself."
"How can I trust that? You've said that before and look what happened. You left -without even a word of goodbye. You left, not for day's; weeks; months; but years! Edward, Years! That might not seem much in your long life but its a lot to me. A lot can happen in that time, people change, I've changed. How can I know that we'll still fit together, that you have or haven't changed, I don't know anymore. Cant you see what you do to me. What you've done. You've left me a mess, broken pieces that can never be put back right again. Nor hope to. And your asking me to trust you, trust you of all things, how can I trust that." Jacob once again tried to move away, but found he was unable to without his chest hurting.
Edward grabbed a blanket wrapping it around him as he shivered, he smiled appreciatively
"It a lot to ask, I know. But I'm not letting this go without a fight; not this time; not ever again. I'll tie you to me every way humanly possible if I have too, so I don't ever have to loose you again." suddenly a thought struck Edward "Marry me"
"What!"
"Jacob, Marry me?"
"Are you insane? No, You cant just ask me to marry you in an attempt to convince me to get back together with you, to trust you."
"You need something to prove to you I wont leave again, and here it is. Marry me."
Jacob was in a difficult situation. Here Edward was with his impulsive proposal and pleading eyes. He was asking for his hand in marriage after they had just had sex, still naked, and sitting on the floor. Not the most romantic of proposals, but a proposal alll the same, but Jacob was crazy to accept it right? He just didnt know anymore, and with Edwards gaze on him he couldn't think straight, he needed some space and time. Though the very thought of Edward leaving terrified him to death. He couldn't ask Edward to stay, but he couldn't ask him to leave either, he was conflicted, in the worse way possible.
He arrived at a compromise, he needed Edward to leave but not go too far away.
"Can you leave? But Just go out of the room. I need time; To think; to get dressed and get cleaned up. Can you give me that? I cant think straight with you here right now. It's all too much. I cant give you an answer unless I manage to clear my head."
"Okay, I'll just be in the Lounge room." said Edward getting up pulling on his pants and walking out of the room shirtless, due to the fact that Jacob had torn his shirt to unwearable pieces.