Chapter Seventeen

When people assume things, it really pisses me off. And that's all some people ever do.

Sometimes it's a good thing, I guess. If someone owns a gun for no particular reason, you can assume that that person is a murderer and not befriend him or her.

And then sometimes it's a bad thing. Especially when people assume correctly.

"So...," Cat said awkwardly, rocking back and forth nervously.

I blinked at her. "I don't have time for this," I said, walking out the door. Even though I really did. I just wanted to pretend like I was expected somewhere. The city conduct.

She followed. "Jade," she said, her voice deeper than it usually is. More real. I looked back. "If she makes you happy you should know I'm happy for you."

I looked around, terrified. We're in the middle of the damn hallway! Of course, it was empty since everyone was in class, but there could be somebody hiding in a corner skipping or something.

"You should be happy about this, I think," she continued. "That you can love. Who even cares who it's with, Jade? At least you can."

Her eyes got a bit watery. "I can't, Jade. I can't love. I don't know what it's like. I don't even lust. I can go through the motions, sure. But I feel nothing. Everything is about love, and I never got it, and I never will."

Cat Valentine. Asexual. This is new.

It doesn't make too much sense. She's always talking about cute boys. Throwing herself after them.

Then again, it does. The stage kissing thing with Robbie – she wasn't lying. She felt nothing. It's a lie, that stage kissing isn't exactly like regular kissing. Both mean nothing to her, both mean too much to everyone else.

The real Cat Valentine is a lucky bastard, if she is asexual.

If I assumed correctly.

Because really, think about it. She'll never have her heart broken. She can escape so much drama, so much pain.

But actually, when I do think about it, it sucks. She'll never have love. She'll search her whole life for meaning, and she'll never be able to find it. I've found it already. The meaning of life is so clear when I'm in Tori Vega's arms.

Cat will never have that.

Cat will grow up in her act, marry some handsome boy who she's not into. Because it's easier that way. And she just hates to be alone.

Cat and I are the same. Beck was company. Beck was convenient. She'll go off, find someone who's convenient. Whoever makes her life seem normal.

See? Cat and I are the same. Only, I'm better. Luckier. Which isn't usually what I'd consider myself.

I turned around after I watched her leave.

The rest of the day I sat still in the janitor's closet, staring at the wall. Listening to screaming on my iPod.

Because it's better, when I don't understand what they're saying. It doesn't need to mean anything.

Fuck foreign music, I need something angry, I need something that yells 'unfair' without saying a word.

I put it on full blast and fell asleep to it.

I slept till the morning. No one knew where the fuck I was, I bet. But only one person would really care anyway. And that's hopeful thinking. She didn't look for me, now did she? Probably figured I went home.

The sound in my dream was drowned out by voices ripping through my ears about things I didn't do to them. I saw, sure. I went through the motions.

I dreamed of sitting in a janitor's closet, staring at the wall, listening to screamo. I dreamed of the light leaving the walls, of me being submerged in darkness. And then the light coming back, forcing me to see everything as it is.

Because my subconscious couldn't come up with anything more fucked up.

That or I was awake the whole time.

I woke up to whispering in my ear. Whispering I shouldn't be able to decode, whispering that's demonic in the sense that it might just be being said in a thousand different languages at once.

"And as always, innocent little roller coasters. Fatality is like ghosts in snow and you have no idea what you're up against because I've seen what they look like. Becoming perfect as though they were sterling silver chainsaws going cascading...,"

And then I was deaf.

A/N - Hello.

The song I used in here was 'Vampires Will Never Hurt You' by My Chemical Romance.

It's not necessarily 'screamo' per say, but it has that ending, which I thought was screwed up and, therefore, worthy of this story.

Not to say that anything isn't worthy of this story. That sounded concieted, actually, but I'm too lazy to go back and delete it.

Anywho, go look that song up if you haven't heard it. Or if you have.

It's not my favorite song or anything, but it's still good. Y'know. If you're into death, murder, ect.

Oh, and you should review if you haven't. For those of you who have, good job! You're amazing! Now go review again!