Hello! Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm very sorry I couldn't answer personally to you like I usually do but this last week was very tiring. I promise I'll start doing it again and tomorrow I will read again your reviews for the last chapter and answer to any question you may have asked. Sorry again. Here's chapter 4. I hope you enjoy it and I can say that Edward will appear in the end of next chapter. I just don't know when I'll post it but I'll try hard to do it as soon as possible. Thank you for reading and reviewing. It makes me very happy to know that you appreciate my story. You are the best readers someone could ever ask for. I also want to thank to everyone who corrects my mistakes: THANK YOU! Don't forget to REVIEW! HUgs :)

04/06/2010: This chapter is, now, beta'd thanks to Adri1577. Thank you so much for helping me!

Chapter 4

Bella's POV

I had been very unsure about this meeting, but I guess that it went pretty well. I just had to get ready to the following day because Alice would have a lot of time to think about I don't know how many questions for me. But it felt good to be with the Cullens again. It actually eased some of the pain that I felt. I had thought it would be harder.

There are moments that I wish I could forget everything. When the pain is too much, I wish I could just forget. When my memories torture me to the point that I wish I could die, I would give everything to have them erased forever. But then I wonder if I would ever be able to sacrifice all the memories I have of Edward and the Cullens, just to end with this pain that consumes me. The answer would be no. I would rather have the pain doubled than give up all my memories of Edward. One of the very few things I had left.

I miss Edward, every second of the day. He's in every thought I have, and wherever I look, there's always something or someone that reminds me of him.

Now I was going to have to decide what I was going to do about him. I only had two choices. I could just disappear, not tell him anything, not even see him and hope that the Cullens keep their promise. Or I can stay, wait for him to join the others, meet him and talk to him, try to explain and hope that he understands.

How could a simple visit to Forks bring me so many worries?

"Jeez, Bella! You're thinking so hard, I can almost see smoke coming out of your ears." Kurt teased. I was sitting on the couch and looked up to him.

"So funny!" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I threw him a pillow, and he quickly grabbed it.

"Seriously! What's bothering you, lil sis?" He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him so that my back was in his chest instead of the back of the couch. "Is there anything I can do to help? You have that face."

"What face?"

"The face you have when you're thinking about him."

"I was just thinking about my options."

"Then we can think together." He suggested happily. I laughed.

"I suppose we can." I agreed. "I have to get ready for tomorrow... Or should I say later today?"

"Later today. It's one in the morning."

"They will ask more. They will want to know more..."

"And you don't want to tell...?" He guessed.

"It's not that I don't want to tell. I just... I'm not ready to talk about some things. I don't want them to suffer. There are things they can't know!"

"Don't you think they should decide that?"

"No. I don't want them to think they owe me something or pity me. I don't want to be a victim..."

"But you are a victim..."

"No. I want them to accept me again because they want to, not because they feel guilty."

"They already accepted you again. In fact, they never stopped thinking about you as family. It's normal that they want to know about you, your new life. Besides you don't have to say anything you don't want to."

"It seems a lot easier when you put it that way." I smiled at him; I know he likes it.

"It is easy. You are the one who likes to complicate everything."

"And then there's also Edward..."

"Don't suffer in anticipation! You still have time to decide what you want to do about him. But would you really be able to leave knowing that the other Cullens know you are alive and are so happy about it? And Edward is a mind reader; how long do you think they would be able to keep their thoughts from him? Eventually one of them would slip, and he would find out." I cringed, picturing the scene in my head.

"I don't know."

"I'm going to play some video-games. Thinking with you is extremely tiring." He sighed exaggeratedly, and I laughed.

At three o'clock in the afternoon we left La Push and headed to the Cullens' house once more. We hadn't done anything special in the reservation; we just hung out with the kids, Jake and Kate.

It was a peaceful morning that took my thoughts from the Cullens. I teased Jacob about the fact that in a few years Elizabeth would start dating. He said that if any boy approached her before she was thirty, he would cut them to pieces and throw them to the sea. My brothers and I burst out laughing while Kate rolled her eyes. Elizabeth was extremely beautiful with her black hair and blue eyes, and she was also a kind and sweet girl. She would surely break many hearts, and Jacob would have to chase away her admirers with a shotgun. Kurt immediately offered to help, saying that he would be available to throw menacing looks whenever it was needed. Kurt could be very scary if he wished so.

I was so entertained remembering our morning that I almost didn't notice when we were almost turning to the Cullen's driveway. This time we were riding our cars since we had come straight from La push. Scott rode with me in the Audi, and Kurt and Luke brought the jeep. I wasn't as nervous as yesterday, but I couldn't help to be afraid of their questions.

Alice was already outside waiting for us. As soon as we parked, and I got out of the car, she hugged me. "That skirt looks so good on you! You could have come sooner." She pouted.

"I'm sorry, but we just left La Push. The kids didn't want us to leave. It took a while to convince them." I said.

"But vampires can't enter the reservation." Alice stated. Before I could explain, she grabbed my hand and lead me to the living room where again everyone was sitting waiting for us. She made me seat between her and Esme, and after my brothers settled in their seats, she spoke again. "Explain." I sighed.

"You are not allowed to enter La Push but my brothers and I can. A few years after I left the Volturi, we came to Forks and ran into the wolves. After a lot of explaining and talk, they allowed us to enter the reservation and hang out with them. They trust me; they know I would never hurt them. Maybe it's because they knew me as a human. Jake didn't want to give up our friendship when he had found I was alive. We just can't hunt on their land. And I'm Jake's daughter's godmother, so it's nice that I can visit them whenever I want and where I want."

"Exactly how many years after you left the Volturi did you come to Forks?" Carlisle asked.

"A year, maybe less..." I wasn't certain. I looked at Scott hoping he knew. He shrugged, so I guess I was somewhat right.

"How were you able to control your thirst only one year after you left the Volturi?" He questioned intrigued.

"I never drank human blood. Not even when I was with the Volturi."

"What?" Alice mouth was almost hitting the ground, and all the Cullens wore similar expressions. Kurt was trying really hard to contain his laughter.

"Well of course Aro tried to force me to drink human blood. He put a human in the room right after I was changed, but I refused to drink. I was surprised with my own control, but I thought it was just because I had already decided not to drink human blood. Aro didn't take any of that and cut her arm to tempt me. I still refused. The truth was that I didn't find human blood very appealing. Maybe because I couldn't even smell it when I was human."

"You had an open wound in front of you right after you were changed, and you just refused to drink?" Rosalie asked wide-eyed and disbelief dripping from her voice.

"That's when Aro first realized how special Bella was. Every vampire in the room stared incredulous at her, including me." Scott said, laughing as he remembered the scene.

"You must be the only vampire I know that doesn't find human blood appealing." Carlisle mused. "But I still wonder... How did Aro allow you to drink animal blood?"

"Well he realized that that would be the only blood I would ever drink, and he wanted to start training me and take advantage of my newborn strength, so he had no other option but to allow me to drink animal blood. During the first year I was not allowed to hunt. They simply brought the animals so that I could drink. After that I was allowed to hunt, but someone had to go with me. He wanted to assure that I wouldn't run away. Apparently he didn't find his threat enough to keep me with them. It was though. And he also didn't want anything or anyone to hurt me, so I always had a babysitter while I hunted. Scott got the job most of the times."

"It wasn't that bad. I really liked to hang out with you. Besides that's how I took an interest jn the vegetarian diet." Scott replied.

"Wow. The Volturi sure changed while you were with them. I had never imagined Aro making such concessions." Alice commented.

"And you don't know half of it. When Aro started looking at Bella like a daughter more than anything else... That's when things changed dramatically." Scott spoke again. "Bella got everything she wanted from him. First Caius and Marcus opposed, but they too gave in to their golden girl." He said with a joking tone. "Maybe the fact that she could also fight with the whole guard and win helped..." The Cullens gasped.

"How much of that is true?" Emmett asked.

"All of it...?" I tried.

"Haven't you really noticed how much the Volturi changed?" Luke asked.

"We try to avoid the Volturi as much as we can." Esme said.

"What changed, Bella?" Carlisle inquired.

"When new members join, they are presented with a choice of being vegetarians. And when they want someone to join them, they are insistent, but at least it doesn't look like you have no other choice... They still do things that I don't approve of, and I wouldn't be able to live there permanently, but they are better. I usually visit them three times a year or more. I have some good friends there."

"How much influence do you have?"

"If you see the Volturi as royalty, Bella is the Princess. The Golden Girl." Kurt answered.

"But you said you're not with them anymore." Rosalie stated.

"I'm not. I just help them sometimes with missions that I approve. Especially when there are humans in danger. It's rare. And everybody just treats me like a princess because of my relationship with Aro, Marcus and Caius. It's not a big deal."

"After just one year you beat Caius." Kurt argued. "And you've just improved since then. I would bet that even Aro wouldn't win in a match against you."

"You're still improving?" Emmett asked interested.

"We need to be ready. Once Aro started showing preference for Bella, she became a target to affect the Volturi. We never know when someone is going to try anything, so we just keep ourselves ready." Scott explained

"Don't be so dramatic. I just like wrestling. It's fun." I stated.

"Just because you always win." Kurt pouted.

"It's not my fault! I teach you every single move I learn or create." I defended. The Cullens were looking at us amused while we bickered with each other.

"So... no one has beaten you till now?" Emmett was getting more interested, and I didn't even need to read his mind to know what he was thinking about. He would want to wrestle me. I would have to be careful not to hurt him. Maybe I could teach him some moves if I stayed around.

"Kind of." I answered.

"Why? Would you like to try?" Kurt asked mischievously. He knew that Emmett didn't stand a chance. I guess he liked to watch others lose, so that he could feel better with himself. As if at least he wasn't the only one to lose against me. I admit that sometimes Kurt could be a little mean. Just a little bit.

"Sure!" Emmett replied excitedly. I knew he didn't believe I could be so strong. After all, my appearance didn't show it. After I was kidnapped, I had refused to eat, so I was a bit thinner than usual when I was changed.

"Let's do it." I agreed. "There's no need to restrain yourself, Emmett. Just give your best!" I smiled at him.

"Bells? Maybe you should change your clothes." I looked at myself. I was wearing a black mini-skirt, a red t-shirt and red sneakers. I don't wear mini-skirts very often, but I guessed Alice would be happy.

"I don't see a problem." Ok, it was not the most suitable thing, but I could perfectly fight with it on.

"Do you remember who gave it to you?" Now I saw what the problem was.

"Henry did."

"You know what he's going to do to you if you ruin it, don't you?" I did and I wasn't looking forward to it. Henry was not gay, but he was very crazy about clothes. He was even worse than Alice.

"I don't even want to think about it!" I said. My brothers laughed, and the Cullens were a bit confused.

"Henry is even worse than Alice when it comes to clothes and fashion."

"I had no idea that could be possible." Emmett mumbled with a face so serious that I just wanted to laugh.

"I'm right here Emmett!" Alice said.

"Here! Dress this." Luke said handing me a pair of jean shorts and a grey tank top.

"Alice, can I use your room?" I asked.

"Sure. Go ahead." I headed up the stairs and started changing when I heard Alice's voice.

"What exactly would that Henry guy do to her?" She asked curiously.

"Probably the next skirt he gave her would have diamonds on it. He knows how much Bella hates people spending money on her, so the only way he gets away with buying her what he wants and making her wearing it is saying that if she doesn't wear it or ruin it, the next thing he gives her will be more expensive." Kurt managed to say before he and Emmett cracked up laughing.

"I'm ready!" I said reaching the bottom of the stairs. Emmett was confident he would win. According to him there was no way that I could beat him.

"Let's start then." Kurt said. Everybody joined in the Cullens' backyard. "Bella won't read your mind." He tranquilized Emmett. "She doesn't need that advantage."

Both Emmet and I assumed crouching positions, leaning forward and flexing our legs. Carlisle announced first round.

Emmett pounced on me, but just when he was about to hit me, I jumped, landing behind him. I quickly locked his hand behind him and hit him on the back of his knees making him fall forward. Then I immobilized his legs. All this in less than a second. He didn't even have time to realize what had happened.

"Amazing." I heard Alice exclaim.

"Very impressive." Carlisle said.

"You did great, Bells." Kurt cheered.

"How the hell did you do that?" Emmett asked. I smiled.

"I'm fast." I explained. I let him go, but I knew he wouldn't rest until he beat me.

Luke's POV

Emmett had challenged Bella to fight with him, so we were on the Cullens' backyard. She won the first match, but he didn't give up. He would probably keep trying until he beat her, and she was having fun. That was all that mattered. Bella was so happy here with the Cullens. I just hope everything will go well with Edward.

While Kurt and Rosalie cheered for Bella and Emmett, Esme watched, and Carlisle and Scott talked. Alice came to sit beside me on the grass.

"I bet it's wonderful to live with Bella. She's so amazing." She commented. I noticed the hint of sadness in her voice and even a bit of... jealousy?

"Yes, she is. Bella is the most amazing person you'll ever meet. I can't imagine my life if I hadn't met her. She's such an important part of our lives. But she's been through so much... and she didn't deserve any of it."

"She suffered a lot, didn't she? There's just something in her eyes..."

"She did, she still does, but she's always there when we need her. No matter how bad she is, and sometimes she is really bad, we can always count on her."

"If she suffers so much, why didn't she come back earlier?" I understand it's difficult for her to understand. Hell! Even for us it is difficult to understand.

"Because she's the most selfless person I've ever known. She would never come back if that hurt any of you, no matter how much she was suffering."

"She's really special, isn't she?"

"Undoubtedly. She has changed so many lives. I don't think I'll ever know anyone better than her. Your brother is one lucky guy."

"I'm so happy she came back! I'm so happy she's alive! Life without her is no fun. I don't think I ever missed anyone like I missed her, well except for Jasper of course. There was such a big hole in my heart every time I thought she was dead." She stayed quiet for a few minutes. "If I asked something... would you answer?" She looked me straight in the eyes.

"That depends on what you are going to ask."

"Yesterday... when Bella was talking about her main ability... well... uh..." It seemed like she was having problems formulating her question. I don't know why, but I had a feeling I knew what she was going to ask, and I was not sure I'd lie to her about it.

"Just ask, Alice."

"She used her power on us, didn't she?" She spoke so fast that even I with my vampire hearing had problems understanding.

"Yes, she did." I answered truthfully. There was no point in lying. Sooner or later they would find out.

"What happened?"

"That's another question." I noted trying to discourage her.

"Please, answer." She pleaded.

"There's a reason why Bella doesn't want you to know those things. She doesn't want you to blame yourselves. It was her choice." I tried once again to get her to drop the subject. She obviously didn't.

"Was it that bad? What happens when she uses her ability on someone she knows? When she's related to the situation?" She pressed. She was starting to get it.

"It was awful. No one should go through that. Especially not Bella."

"But she's better now."

"To an extent, yes. But when you look her in the eyes, you can see that there's something missing, and that she still grieves for that loss." I tried to explain the unexplainable. There was really no way to explain what you saw in Bella's eyes. There was so much. It's like her eyes were a door to her soul. A broken and grieving soul.

"Is she different? Besides the obvious, of course."

"You may want to specify. I didn't know Bella when she was human."

"Does she like shopping?" She asked immediately. I had to laugh! Just the thought made me laugh. Apparently not many things had changed about Bella.

"No, Alice. I'm afraid Bella still doesn't like shopping. She hates it unless it's to buy things for Jake's kids. But what she hates the most is having people spending money on her." According to her face I could see that hadn't changed either.

"Does she work? What does she do?" She was now more interested in knowing about Bella's new life.

"Bella is the main one responsible for the company we created, and sometimes she also writes some articles for the newspaper Scott works on. Outside that she does everything you can imagine. She has thousands of hobbies. She has learned I don't know how many languages; she reads, paints, sings, plays loads of instruments; she runs and wrestles and does so many other things. She enjoys all of her hobbies. It keeps her head busy, so that she doesn't have a lot of free time."

"Why doesn't she want to have free time? Doesn't she enjoy being without anything to do? Just thinking."

"That's the problem. Thinking. Whenever she calms down, she starts remembering and mourning. That's not good for her. There's just too much pain attached to her memories."

For a few moments she said nothing. Maybe she was thinking about what I had told her or about what she was going to ask next. I looked at her face, and it looked more like she was trying to decide whether or not to ask what she had in her mind. Now I was curious.

"The worst that can happen is me not answering." I persuaded.

"I don't mean to offend you or anything, but why do you care about Bella? None of you is her boyfriend or anything so... why did you join her? What brought you so close to each other?" She looked away from me, focusing on Bella and Emmett's match, like if she wasn't that interested in the answer. The tone she used, though, told me differently.

"She helped us when we most needed. Even broken and in pain she brought light to our existence. She changed us for better. She showed us that even being vampires we could have a good life and a family. She introduced us to this alternative way of living and made us feel more human. Then as we got to know her, as we realized how much she was going through, we felt the urge to stay and help her, protect her, be there for her. And that's what we do, what we all do. We are always there for her, as she is for us, no matter what. It's hard. Very hard. Every day we look at her, and she hides her eyes to conceal her true feelings, keeping them to herself. That's what she does. She may be suffering more than you'll ever know, but she will always try to keep us from knowing so that we don't suffer. I constantly feel like I have to do something more for her because she doesn't deserve any of this. She doesn't deserve to be unhappy and miserable." That must have been one of the longest speeches I had ever made, but it was all true.

Bella had just convinced Emmett to continue the competition some other day, since he kept challenging her, and she kept winning. Then her phone rang.

"Hi Henry!" She said enthusiastically. "No, everything is fine... I know, I know you care... I'm not at home, I'm in Forks... well something came up; otherwise I would be leaving today... jeez so many questions... the Cullens... don't worry... No, they're not all here... Jasper and Edward..." Her voice cracked when she said his name. "I don't know... Sure... I'll call... Bye"

"So...?" I asked since she was blocking her thoughts. I can bet she's thinking about Edward. Her eyes filled with sadness and pain; she turned her face away from me and stared at the trees in front of her. I got up and forced her to look at me.

"He wanted to come over. He's leaving to Australia on a mission. Aro wants him to check something. And as usual he was worrying about nothing." She said dismissing the situation.

"He just wanted to make sure you were fine. He's one of your best friends, and you don't see each other very often..."

"Not my fault." She mumbled.

"Why don't you go change again, Bella? That skirt looked so good on you." Alice gushed trying to relieve the tension.

"Arrg. I swear Alice, if you weren't married to Jasper, I would set you up with Henry. Maybe that way you would both stop bugging me about what I wear, and he would have someone else to give those extremely expensive gifts he insists on giving me. I guess I have to keep looking, see if I find someone. As soon as possible." Everyone laughed at Bella's sudden outburst, as she entered the house and went changing back to her clothes.

"It really is good for her, seeing you. Sometimes it's really hard to get a proper reaction from her, and you did it with a simple statement, Alice." I commented.

Then a buzzing sound was heard, and Alice immediately reached for her cell phone.

"Jasper!" Her face lit up immediately. It was obvious that she missed her husband very much. I gave her a look to remind her that she couldn't say anything about Bella. "News?" Disappointment was clear in her face, but she kept her promise. She clearly wanted to tell him that there was news. "No. There's nothing new. What about you?... You're coming back sooner? Really?" By now Bella was already with us, and I knew that Jasper's news weren't as good to her as they were to Alice. "That's great!... Of course I'm happy; I can't wait for you to come back... There's nothing wrong, I'm totally fine... when exactly are you coming back?... Tomorrow night..." I felt Bella tense up beside me. Alice glanced at her, trying to decipher her expression. "I miss you too... Love you... Hi Edward... yeah, it's everything okay... See you tomorrow... Bye." She ended the call and everyone looked at Bella.

It was so hard to see my sister suffering so much... I just hope this ends soon.

What did you think? Liked it, hate it, it was boring... tell me something. I love to hear you opinion. I'm going to bed now because tomorrow I have classes early in the morning (Math to be precise.) so I have to get up early and it's already kind of late but I didn't want to keep you waiting for much longer. You've already been too patient with me. REVIEW please! I'd love to come back from school and have some reviews... It just takes one minute and it would make me very happy! I hope you all have a nice week and that the next weekend comes fast. LOL HUgs:)