Hello! Thank you so much for reviewing last chapter. Here's the new installment. I hope you like it. I'll be waiting for your wonderful reviews. Please don't forget. REVIEW. It's 2AM and I have to be up by 7AM to go to school, which means that I should already be asleep for a while but I didn't want to keep you waiting for much longer. So please recognize my effort and take one little minute to leave me a review. HUgs
Disclaimer: SM owns The Twilight saga and all it's characters.
04/07/2010: Thanks to my beta Adri1577 for helping me.
Chapter 5
Bella's POV
When I came back from changing, Alice was talking with Jasper on the phone. They were coming back sooner. Tomorrow night! What the hell was I going to do? I had twenty four hours to figure out what I was going to do!
Are you okay? My brothers' voices sounded in my head.
I'm fine! I spat. I immediately felt bad for replying like that. They were just worried.
"You're lying." Luke stated aloud. I froze. In the past few days, my world had been turned upside down, and I was still processing everything. Kurt came to me and hugged me. I started sobbing, burying my head in his chest. It was just what I needed; it felt so good.
"Shh. It's going to be fine, Bella. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. And you don't have to lie to us. You don't have to try to hide your feelings or spare us. Let us help you. You'll never be alone." He quietly whispered to me.
"Bella, honey, are you okay?" Esme asked tenderly. I tried to calm myself and stop sobbing, so that I could reassure her.
"I'm fine... It's just that all this took me by surprise and... it's a lot for me to handle." She smiled sympathetically. "We should go now..." I was... tired. All the emotions were left me exhausted, and I had a lot of thinking to do tonight.
"Already?" Alice pouted. "Will you come tomorrow?" I winced, and everyone looked at me, anxiously waiting for my answer. The Cullens all had looks of hope in their faces, even Rosalie.
"I don't... know, Alice. I... I have to think. Though, if I decide not to come... I don't want Edward to know about any of this. He can't even know that I am alive! I don't want him to suffer."
"Bella... He's suffering right now! He will never be happy without you. He misses you like crazy. Edward loves you, he always did and he always will. There's not a second he doesn't think of you. It was so hard to convince him to move back here! If there was anything he could do to have you back, he would. No matter what, no matter the price... he would do it! Being apart from each other will only make both of you suffer. Please, reflect on this."
"I won't ignore what you said... but please, don't ask me to make my decision now. I have to think."
"Bella!" Rosalie called softly, coming closer to me and grabbing my hand. "I know that we never got along very well, and I know it's my fault, but I truly missed you, and I also suffered when we thought you were dead. I know I never really acted like a sister to you, but I would like to have a chance to do it. Besides, Edward is my brother, so I want to see him happy, and I know that you are the only one who can make him happy. Consider this when you're making your decision, please." She gave me a small smile and let go of my hand, going back to Emmett.
"Thank you, Rosalie. That means a lot to me." I knew she was being sincere. Kurt enveloped me in his arms again and led me to the door. The Cullens followed, and when I walked to my car, Alice went after me.
"It looks like you followed his advice." She stated, placing her hand on the hood of my blue Audi.
"It makes me feel like he's closer. Besides, it was a good advice." I smiled weakly. After saying goodbye, we got into our cars and drove off.
As soon as we arrived, I went to my bedroom and lay on my bed. None of my brothers tried to stop me. They knew I needed to be alone.
My bedroom was exactly like it had been when I was human, except for the old computer that had been replaced by my laptop. I don't even think my father ever entered in this bedroom after I 'died'.
I sat on my bed just wondering how my life could have changed so much in only a couple of days. I mean a few days ago I was at home, planning to come visit my goddaughter and my friends, and now I'm facing a life-changing decision.
I quietly got up and walked to my desk, reaching for the large wooden box that was next to my laptop. When I travel, I take it with me. It's my most prized possession. The most important is not the box but what is inside of it.
I carefully opened it and spread all its contents on my bed. This box was where I kept all the reminders of Edward, except for my engagement ring and the heart shaped charm he had given me. Those I wore always. Pictures, letters, notes... Everything that reminded me of him or was somehow related with the Cullens, was kept in this box. I had made it myself, building it and engraving the Cullens' crest and a swan on the top.
It was as if this box held an entire period of my life, the best one. I missed everything about Edward: his touch, his voice, his kisses, the way he held me in his arms... What I most feared during my transformation was forgetting... losing all those sweet moments. Even though during some moments of my life as a vampire I madly wished I could forget everything, so that I didn't have to feel the way my skin burned whenever I thought of his touch, pleading for his hands, convinced that that would ease the pain, I knew that even if my memories were erased, my feelings would not change, and I would always knew I was missing something. It would only be worse because when I think I don't have the strength to carry on, these memories give me the force that I need, and I am stronger for him.
I fought the urge to enter Edward's head, to see what he was thinking. That would not help me. It would just make it worse.
I picked my cell phone and called the only person that I was hopeful would give me some help, Aro.
"Dear Bella!"
"Hi!" I said trying to keep my voice normal.
"What's wrong?" And apparently failing completely.
"I need your help! We came to Forks and the Cullens found us. Edward and Jasper are not with them, but they are coming back tomorrow night, and I have no idea of what to do!" My voice was frantic and barely understandable.
"Calm down, darling. Everything is going to be fine. What do you want?" Aro's calm and collected voice sounded.
"What do I want? I want to go! I want to tell him that I'm alive, and that I love him. I want him to know how much I missed him, how miserable my life has been. I want to have him back! But this is not about what I want! What if..." He cut me off.
"There are no what if's in love. Don't try to rationalize everything. Be selfish for once in your life and do what your heart tells you to do. Do what you want! What is best for you. This is your chance to be happy!" Could I dare it? Could I dare to follow my heart? What if it hurt Edward?
"I... I don't think I can dare to do it... I can't..." I babbled.
"Listen to me, Isabella! Taking you away from your family was a very big mistake! Probably the biggest I've ever made!" I knew he didn't regret it completely, though. He may care a lot for me, but he is still Aro. "I'm not about to let you do the biggest mistake of your existence. Forever is a long time and not having anyone to share it with is the worst that can happen. After all that you've been through, you deserve to be happy. I can only apologize for all the pain that I caused you and hope that you will follow my advice on this matter. Your heart will show you the right way." Then the phone went mute. Who knew that Aro could say such things? I didn't have time to think about that though. I had a decision to make.
Listen to my heart. Be selfish. Could I risk everything? Of course I could. I had nothing to lose. The thing I prized the most, I did not have. What more could I lose?
Still I could not decide. My heart told me to go, but I was afraid. What if Edward didn't want me anymore? What if he didn't love me as a vampire? A quiet knock at the door tore me away from my thoughts. The door opened to reveal Luke standing in the doorway.
"I thought I should check up on you. Are you okay?" A small smile spread through my lips.
"Sure, just thinking." I hid my eyes from him, trying to conceal the pain that was shooting through me, as memories of the time I had spent with Edward assaulted me. He didn't have to carry this burden. This was my pain; no one else should suffer with me. A thought crossed my mind, as I looked down at the box's content spread on my bed. "Would you do something for me?" I asked him.
"You know I'll do anything for you, Bells." I gathered all the pictures, letters and notes that rested on my bed and carefully put them back inside the box, closing it quietly when I finished. I got up and handed it to him.
"If I decide to go... and something goes wrong..." I felt bad for doubting Edward like this, but I couldn't avoid it. I was too insecure about this.
"Everything will be fine, Bella..." I placed a finger on his lips to stop him from continuing.
"If something goes wrong, I want you to get rid of this." I said patting the box. "I don't care what you do, just get rid of it. Will you?" Having those words coming out of my mouth pained me, but it was something that would be needed. If Edward did not want me, I had no right to hold onto those things. Luke looked at me with an expression of doubt, and I nodded, assuring him.
"Of course, Bella." He sighed, kissing my forehead and leaving the room with my box in his hands. And I was alone with my thoughts... again.
I looked at the window only to find rays of sun trying to peek from above the massive amount of clouds that graced the skies. How had time passed so fast? I realized that in less than twelve hours I could be seeing Edward. Or not.
I had spent the whole night thinking, but I hadn't reached a decision. Why couldn't I just make up my mind? I was so afraid of his reaction. Did that mean that I didn't trust him? No. I just didn't trust myself to be good enough for him. Not after all that I had done. I was a coward.
Alice's POV
"How can she not know if she's coming tomorrow? It's Edward! He's coming; why can't they just get together, and everything is solved?" Emmett asked anxiously. Did he really think it was that simple? He was obviously dying to have Bella moving in, so that she could teach him some things. She fights really well.
"It's not that simple, Emmett. I just want her to decide if she's coming or not. I don't like being blind!" I sighed annoyed.
I sat on the couch thinking about what Luke had told me. I couldn't even imagine what Bella must have been through. I just wished that she had at least let her brothers help her. It sounds just like her, but they are so nice.
"Alice? It doesn't even look like Jasper and Edward are coming home! You should be bouncing off the walls." Emmett commented.
"What's wrong, honey?" Esme asked.
"I just can't stop thinking about how much Bella has suffered. Did Scott say anything?" I asked Carlisle, eager to know more about Bella.
"No. He's very nice and polite, but he didn't want to risk saying something that Bella wouldn't feel comfortable talking about. But I know Luke did." He encouraged me to speak. "Did you ask about her power?"
"Yes and he was very reluctant to tell me, but I had a guess and it was right."
"What guess?" Emmett asked.
"Bella used her power on us. "
"And..." Rosalie pressed. She wasn't very patient, maybe Emmett was rubbing off on her.
"I don't know what happened, but I know it was bad. Very bad. Bella doesn't want us to know because she thinks we will feel guilty. He didn't explain further, and I didn't push. It was obvious that those were painful memories. " I elucidated.
"I do have a theory." Carlisle said. "I think that when Bella is related to the situation, or when she knows the person, she literally absorbs the feelings." His face held a worried expression. If that was what happened...
"Oh dear God!" Esme exclaimed alarmed. She had also understood the implications of this theory and the information I had provided before. "That would mean that she took the pain away from us and felt it herself, as if it was hers." Carlisle nodded sadly, taking his wife in his arms and comforting her. Emmett put one of his arms around me and the other one around Rosalie.
"Her brothers care deeply for her, and I believe that they did everything they could to help her. Bella has been so strong and selfless. I know that being away from us and Edward was the hardest thing she ever had to do, but she did it. I just hope that she comes tomorrow. It will be difficult to keep this a secret when Edward comes back." I said.
"Yes, but we will do it if necessary. After all Bella did for us, it's the least we can do. I do hope we don't have to." Carlisle spoke.
This was getting too strange. Edward and Jasper should be here any minute, and I still couldn't see Bella's decision. Was it possible that she still didn't know what she was going to do?
"Hey, sis! What's bothering you?" Emmett asked plopping himself next to me on the couch.
"I still can't see what Bella's decision is. Do you think I'm losing my ability?" I asked even more worried.
"Of course not. She may not have made her decision yet."
"Emmett, Jasper and Edward will arrive in a few minutes, and Bella still hasn't decided anything? It doesn't seem very likely." I replied.
"Relax, Alice!"
"It's easy for you to say. You're not the one who may be losing your gift!" I was really startled. Losing my gift would be like losing a part of myself. Besides, how could I protect my family if I couldn't see the future? Suddenly I felt that all too familiar feeling I always had when I was being pulled into a vision, as if I was unconsciously traveling to somewhere else. When I opened my eyes, Emmett was impatiently waiting to know what I had seen. "Edward and Jasper will arrive in ten minutes."
Soon Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie joined us in the living room. I was more relieved now that I knew I hadn't lost my gift, but I still did not like not knowing what Bella's decision was. Esme could barely stay quiet.
"Have you seen anything else?" She asked.
"I don't think she has made her decision yet." I replied.
"Remember our promise."
"We will have to watch our thoughts every second to make sure he doesn't find out about her." Rosalie complained. I didn't like the idea much either, but if it was for Bella...
"I don't think it will be needed, but if it is, it's the least we can do for her." Carlisle was so determined.
"They're here." I announced when I heard the sound of car parking.
Bella's POV
I had spent the entire day going over all of my possibilities. That weren't much. Either I went or I didn't.
I decided to go, but being the insecure and paranoid vampire that I am, I went through all the different reactions he could have, and how I would react to each one of them.
If he didn't believe me, I would allow him to see my brothers' and my memories to prove it.
If he didn't want me anymore, I would take it, leave and make sure we didn't meet each other again, ever. It would be hard, but for him I would do it, no matter how much it hurt me because he deserves to be happy.
I thought about a lot of other possibilities and decided what to do towards them. I had to make sure I could handle everything that was possible to happen. I couldn't show pain or suffering. I didn't want him to stay with me out of pity, so I had to be in total control of my emotions.
When I finished my extensive preparation, the night had already fallen and, surprisingly, it was raining. Note the sarcasm. I went to have a shower and put on a pair of black skinny jeans, a midnight blue tank top and my blue converse. I decided to let my hair loose, forming large curls at the bottom.
I stuck my little cell phone in my jeans' front pocket and grabbed my black cloak and left the room, heading downstairs. When I entered the living room, Luke was reading, Scott was writing an article on the computer, and Kurt was playing a video-game.
"Are you, guys, coming?" I asked simply. They nodded.
"Sure Bells. Has Alice seen...?" Luke trailed off.
"No. I've been blocking her visions about me since we left the Cullens' place yesterday." I answered.
"What? Why in hell would you do that? If something is to go wrong..." Kurt asked.
"It will! That's exactly why I have been blocking her visions. I want to see his first and true reaction."
"Of course that everything will go well." Luke assured me, smiling. I just wished I could be as confident as him. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful brothers.
"Are you going to take the cloak? I mean, aren't you afraid that will scare him a bit?" Kurt asked, slightly amused.
"It's raining outside. I prefer to arrive as dry as possible." I stated.
"Oh! I hadn't noticed. I don't want to get wet either. Just give me a minute." He replied hurrying up the stairs to get his cloak, followed by Scott and Luke. Two minutes later they were ready to leave.
"Before we leave there are some... rules and requests that I would like to talk about." Kurt scrunched his nose at the mention of rules, but I proceeded. "Firstly, no matter what happens, no matter what he says, don't let him read your minds. Secondly, if something goes wrong, do not hurt anybody. Anybody!"
"Bella?" They said in unison.
"Come on, Bella! That's just stupid! What if..."
"No! Independently of what he says or does, don't hurt him or anybody else. I won't force myself into his life again. If he doesn't want me anymore, it's fine. It's his life! I don't want him to feel obligated to stay with me. It's his choice. So you won't do anything. Not even growl!" Just by looking at them I could see that they didn't like this. Unfortunately this was how it was going to be. I would never risk Edward's life, and I knew how my brothers were overprotective.
"Anything else? Are you sure we can breathe? Maybe we shouldn't, just in case it can poison him or something." Kurt was pissed off.
"Don't be like that, Kurt!" I pleaded.
"Just so that you know: I don't like these rules. In fact, I hate them. You are protecting him, not yourself." I ignored him.
"Ok. Let's go. Alice saw them arriving a few minutes ago. They should be there by now." I quickly found Alice's mind. "Yep. They just arrived." We left the house and took off running.
Alice's POV
As soon as the door opened, I ran to Jasper putting my legs around his waist. I had missed him so much. I was so happy that it was impossible to express it with words, so I just looked him in the eyes and kissed him tenderly.
Esme went to hug Edward as Emmett unloaded the rest of the bags from Edward's Volvo.
"What's wrong?" Jasper whispered in my ear. Of course he would notice. He knew me so well, maybe even better than himself. It took a lot of effort not to think about it.
"Later." I answered, kissing him again, hoping to distract him. It worked until Emmett coughed behind us.
"You know, there are plenty of rooms upstairs..."
"Look who's talking..." Jasper cut him off.
After some more bickering, we made Jasper and Edward sit down and tell us the details of their trip. There wasn't much to tell, we were just trying to keep ourselves from thinking about... The atmosphere was tense, and the rain outside only made it worse, Jasper could feel it, and I was trying as hard as I could to stay focused.
Then I heard it. Someone was running towards the house. Everyone heard it, and Jasper and Edward stared confused at each other. As they come closer, it was possible to distinguish four pairs of steps that started to slow down until they came to a stop.
"Are we waiting for someone?" Jasper asked curiously, looking directly at me. I was sure that there was relief coming off of me at waves.
"Maybe." I replied.
"I can't hear anything now. As if there is no one out there." Jasper commented. Subsequently we heard low voices.
"Wait!" They were whispering, but I recognized Luke's voice. "We just want you to know that no matter what happens inside..."
"We will always be here for you." Scott carried on.
"We love you a lot!" Kurt murmured. They were really sweet.
"I love you too, guys." Her muffled voice sounded through the door. Don't think about it! Don't think about it!
There was the sound of steps, and someone knocked at the door three times. For a second no one moved, but I quickly snapped out of it, afraid that she might change her mind. I bolted to the door and opened it in one swift movement. Everyone got up, and Carlisle followed me.
"Hey, guys!" I greeted happily. "Nice to see you again." I said kissing Scott.
"Same here, Alice." He replied.
"Welcome again." Carlisle shook hands with him.
"Hey, pixie!" Kurt saluted me, messing my hair. I hated that, and I was about to tell him something about it, but he was already shaking hands with Carlisle.
"Luke." I acknowledged before giving him a peck on the cheek and hugging him.
"Good to see you again, Alice."
"Jeez. You're all wet." I commented looking at Bella, who was still standing on the porch. "Come in." I said, grabbing her arm and pulling her inside.
"In case you haven't noticed, it's raining outside, pixie!" Kurt spoke. Was he trying to get on my nerves by calling me pixie?
"Calm down." Bella said. "It's not like I'm going to get a cold or anything." I closed the door and looked at Bella again.
"I knew you would come." I stated.
"You didn't." She argued confidently.
"Do you have anything to do with the fact that I couldn't see your decision?" I asked suspiciously. How could I have forgotten about her shield?
"Maybe..." She stopped as soon as her eyes fell on Edward. Suddenly Jasper fell to the ground, clutching his chest with his hands and trying hard to inhale the air he didn't need. Everyone was shocked. I ran to him, as did Bella.
"I'm sorry Jasper! So sorry." She knelt by his side. "I didn't remember your ability. I'm sorry. Better?" She asked sheepishly, as guilt filled her eyes. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" She murmured to herself.
"Yes." He managed to gasp. "Who are you? How do you handle it?" He asked looking directly into her deep green eyes. It must have been pretty strong. I had never seen Jasper so overwhelmed.
"I'm used to it." She replied quickly, dismissing the subject and going back to her brothers' side. They looked warily at her.
"How can you suffer so much? Why? How did you stop it? Who are you?" He kept shooting questions at her while getting up.
"I blocked your power. I'm deeply sorry! I should not have forgotten." She apologized again.
"Who are you?" This time it was Edward who asked. Bella looked at her brothers and lowered the hood of her cloak. Then she removed it completely, placing it in the same chair where her brothers had placed theirs.
"I think I'm not that different!" She stated.
Edward's POV
This couldn't be real. The female vampire that stood in front of me looked like an angel. She was the most beautiful vampire I had ever laid my eyes on. Her face was heart shaped, and her rich and long mahogany hair framed it, forming large curls at the bottom. Her beautiful emerald green eyes were so deep that I felt like I would just drown in them if I looked for too long. Her body was slim and had she been human, I would have thought she was not feeding right. She looked so fragile that I was afraid to break her if I just breathed too close to her. She wore black jeans and a blue tank top that looked amazing against her pale skin
She was unbelievably beautiful, but there was something familiar about her face and her smell.
"Bella?" Jasper asked surprised, as he approached the girl. "Is that you?"
NO! It wasn't possible! Bella had died eighty years go. She was dead. Yet, here stands this girl, so alike her. It just couldn't be Bella. This must have been some trick my mind was playing on me. Some sick trick.
"It's me." The girl confirmed smiling lightly. NO! NO! NO! She must be lying.
"You are different." He hugged her and spun her around not seeming to doubt her.
"Not much. I'm really sorry for before..." he smiled sympathetically.
"It's fine. Is it always that difficult?"
"I've had worse." Jasper's eyes widened.
I was completely frozen. I didn't know what to do, what to think, what to feel. I just stood there taking in her beauty, looking at her as if she wasn't real. She couldn't be Bella. My Bella. Could she?
"Is that even possible?" Jasper asked, as he went back to Alice's side. But the girl did not answer; instead she locked her eyes with mine.
Everyone was looking at me now, certainly waiting for some kind of reaction. Though I still couldn't move. The vampires behind the girl were looking cautiously at me, studying all my movements that at the time were none. My family was expectantly waiting for me to do something. And she... her eyes were filled with an emotion that I could not name. But she too was waiting.
"Hi, Edward." She whispered quietly. And then everything about her reminded me of Bella. Her sweet voice, her movements, her body,... her smell. Freesias and strawberries. I knew I recognized her scent. She smelled just like Bella, just less potent and sweeter. There was also the fact that I couldn't listen to her thoughts. But then I couldn't hear the vampires standing next to her either.
"Bella?" I dared to ask. I took a few steps forward. She did not move, instead she smiled sadly and nodded her head.
"Yes." She replied. And I believed. I did because I could see in her eyes that that was the truth. She was Bella.
I couldn't express what I was feeling. So many feelings at the same time. So much that I wanted to know. That I needed to know.
How could this be true? How could my Bella be alive? Why hadn't she come back before? Why only after all these years? And most important: if she hadn't been killed, what had happened? Why did she disappear? Had she ran away? The last thought caused me more pain than I had ever imagined it was possible.
Why had she done this to me? Did she not love me anymore?
What did you think? I'm not sure when I'll update next chapter but there will be plenty of drama in it. I hope you have liked this chapter. REVIEW and let me know. Also, if you have any questions feel free to ask and I will gladly answer. HUgs