Chapter Fifteen: To Be Human

Solas feels betrayed. They went to Redcliffe to help Cole, not turn him into something he isn't, and yet—

A real person. That's what she said. Grow into a real person. As if a spirit isn't real enough. As if being human is somehow better. As if she would know what it is to be real.

Varric takes Cole for a walk once they've set up camp. It is Lavellan's turn to cook. She sits quietly by the fire, stirring a thick rabbit stew. Solas can feel the glances she casts in his direction as he reclines on his bedroll.

"You're upset," she notes.

He sighs and stares up at the sky, searching for words. The silence stretches on until Lavellan can't stand it.

"You disapprove."

"Yes," he responds shortly. "A great deal, in fact. You shouldn't have encouraged Cole to be something he isn't."

"Why should we be making that decision for him?"

His voice remains quiet, but he clips the ends of his words, makes them sharp. "He asked us for help."

"Varric said he came here to be a person, and I agree. It was Cole's choice."

"Ah, yes. Cole chose to become a real person. Isn't that what you said?"

Lavellan sighs irritably. "You know I didn't mean—"

Solas rolls over and glares at her, his eyes like chips of ice. "Do I? For all I know, you've only been telling me what you think I want to hear."

She lets out a humorless laugh. "I must be an incredible liar to pull the wool over your eyes."

He regards her quietly. "No," he finally says. "You would not lie."

"Not ever," she insists. Her voice softens as she adds, "Like you said, Cole asked for help, not for someone to tell him who—or what—he is. He's already here, Solas. He made his decision long before today."

Solas remains silent.

Lavellan tastes her stew, frowns, and adds several pinches of seasoning. "You're still upset."

"I am. And I still disagree. But," he adds in a gentler tone, "I have trusted your decisions in the past, and you have given the matter a great deal of consideration. I will trust you now, and hope that it isn't a mistake."

"Ever the optimist."

They both hear Varric and Cole returning, and the conversation ends. But Solas thinks about it long after the others are asleep. It has been a long time since he has doubted himself. He will have to think on what she has said.

For once, he is glad that the journey back to Skyhold is a long one.