Hi! Thank you so much for reviewing last chapter. You are really awesome. Here's the new chapter. I'm sure you'll hate me after you read it but please REVIEW, even if it's just to say how much you hate me. School has been driving me crazy and I don't have time to do everything I want. Can someone please get me days with more than 24 hours? I really need them. I'm going to have two tests till the end of the week. Psychology on Thursday and Portuguese on Friday. According to my Portuguese teacher the test is destined to be a disaster so please wish me luck. REVIEW please. HUgs
IMPORTANT: Bear in your mind that this is an Edward and Bella story, which means that they will get together so please don't stop reading after this chapter. Thanks
Soundtrack: Comatose by Skillet
Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight saga and all its characters.
Chapter 6
"Bella?" He asked doubtful, taking a few steps toward me. I remained in my place, smiling sadly and nodded.
"Yes." I whispered. Recognition filled his face.
The first thing I noticed was his eyes. His gorgeous honey colored eyes. There were so many emotions flickering through them: a bit of doubt, happiness, relief, love...
Suddenly it all changed. His once kind and golden eyes, hardened and became pitch black. There was nothing left of the feelings they had showed a few seconds before, they held now an accusatory look. His beautiful features contorted with anger. All my fears were about to come true.
I felt like a hole was starting to open in my chest. I gasped, trying not to sob. Emptiness started to take over me as I lost the only thing that had put me through all these years: the hope that someday I'd meet him again and everything would be okay. Looking at his face was the only thing I needed to do to know that it would not be okay. I was going to lose him.
I didn't dare to listen to his thoughts, afraid of what I might find. It felt like I was dying inside but I remained quiet.
"Why did you do this?" His voice was the only sound in the room. "If you're not dead... did you run away?"
"No... I... I..." I tried to speak but he wouldn't let me. He was too furious, too hurt.
"You left one day before our wedding! Why? Why did you do that to me? I loved you!" I didn't fail to notice the way he said it. In the past. "Why did you leave me?" He ran his hands through his hair and let out a growl. He seemed desperate but the accusatory look never left his eyes. I couldn't stand it! But then, maybe I deserved it.
"Please... let me... explain... I..." My eyes were locked on the ground. I couldn't bear to look at him.
"No! Don't answer. I think I already know the answer."
"Shut up Edward!" Alice screamed from behind him. "You don't know what you're talking about!" If he heard her, he didn't show it. I could feel my brothers tense behind me. The so slight but noticeable change in their position.
"You never wanted to marry me! You never wanted me! The only thing you wanted was to be become immortal, wasn't it? How could I be so stupid? And here I thought you were a terrible liar. You are a wonderful actress, I must admit. So... what happened? You realized there were other ways to get what you wanted? You decided that asking the Volturi would be easier?" He eyed the cloaks that rested in the chair. "Marrying me was too much of a sacrifice?" How could he think that? Then I don't know why, I looked at him and met his cold eyes. "You never loved me! Everything that we lived was a lie." He stated angrily.
I felt my legs weak and stumbled back. Luke moved placing his left hand on my back to support me. Then Scott placed his right hand on my shoulder. I think Kurt did not move.
This couldn't be happening. He couldn't seriously think I had never loved him. I had prepared myself for all the possibilities except this one. He didn't even let me talk. I couldn't deal with this. Not now, not ever!
During my brief glance at the other Cullens, I could see that they were shocked too. Carlisle's eyes were filled with disappointment.
Suddenly a calm and beautiful music was heard. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and realized that it was my cell phone that was ringing. Slowly I picked it up and looked at the ID. It was Henry. I didn't really wanted to talk to him, but then, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to scream and run away. But I had lost what I most wanted. The only thing I had left was my brothers and my friends so I answered.
"Henry." My voice was low and shaky.
"Bella? Are you okay? What happened?" He was worried. I should have tried to control my voice.
"Nothing." I whispered. I didn't want to worry him.
"Don't tell me nothing is going on! I just talked to Aro. He told me. Are you in their house right now?"
"Yes." I didn't seem to be able to say more than one word each time.
"Bells what's wrong? How's everything going?" Horrible? Instead of answering I tried to change the subject.
"Do you know if Ashley is still interested in buying my car?" I know it was stupid to think about a car at that time, but thinking about Edward's words hurt so much...
"The Audi?"
"Of course." I answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Are you out of your mind? You love that car! Besides it unique in the world. You can't sell it!" Am I out of my mind? Maybe I am.
"I can and I will do it. I would even pay her to get it. I don't want it anymore. Arrange everything as soon as you get back to Italy and we'll seal the deal next time I go to Volterra." This time I managed to keep my voice controlled. It was cold and as my face it held no emotion.
I wouldn't break here. The pain was too much and the hole in my chest was growing. I couldn't stand it anymore but I would not break in front of him or my brothers. I was going to finish this. I would release him and then run to somewhere where I could not be found.
"Why? You've always loved that car! It means everything to you!"
"It holds no meaning anymore. Now it just brings memories I have to forget!" My voice was once again filled with pain. I couldn't hide it anymore.
"I'm so sorry thing aren't working."
"It's fine. Maybe I deserved it!" I mumbled.
"Don't ever say that again. From all the people in the world you are the one who most deserves to be happy. He's the one who doesn't deserve you."
"Please..." I begged him. "... Stop." I couldn't hear him say those things.
"Don't give up my Bella! Never give up. Remember that no matter what happens in there you can always count on me, your brothers and the rest of your friends. You'll never be alone. We will always be there for you. Promise you won't give up. Promise you'll fight. For me."
"I'll try." I know it was not what he wanted but it was all I could give him. Henry was my best friend and he had helped me a lot, even if sometimes he drove me crazy. "Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me for anything. Remember you'll never be alone." I ended the call and stuffed the phone back in my pocket.
"New boyfriend?" Edward sneered.
"Edward Cullen! Be quiet or I swear to god..." Esme started. I had never seen her like that. She was so mad.
"Don't Esme, please!" I pleaded immediately, looking at her. I had already hurt this family too much. I didn't want to be the reason they would fall apart. It was time to get this over with. I wasn't going to be able to handle this searing pain for much longer. So I gathered all my courage and locked my eyes on his.
"If that's what you think I have nothing more to say." If he actually believed that I had run away and that I didn't love him then it would be useless to try to convince him otherwise. It would only hurt me more. "I just want you to know that I only did what I thought it was better and I don't regret any of it. If it was necessary or if I could go back in time, I would do it all over again." Said that, I reached for my bracelet that now had a lot more charms, courtesy of Jacob and my brothers. Carefully I removed the little heart-shaped diamond charm he had given me. Then I grasped my left hand where he had placed the engagement ring eighty years ago. My brothers gasped at my actions. I had never taken any of these items off. They knew how much pain this was causing me.
I made sure my emotions were controlled and blocked my thoughts from my brothers while I slowly removed the ring from my third finger. Everyone looked shocked but I just felt incredibly empty and hopeless. This made everything official and it hurt so much. I was glad I wasn't human anymore, otherwise I would be crying my heart out and I wouldn't be controlling myself so well.
"This belongs to you." I stated carefully throwing the two objects at him. "You made your choice; I just have to take it." My voice was totally devoid of emotion. He didn't move to catch the ring or the charm so they fell on the floor by his feet. "I'll leave and you won't ever see me nor hear of or about me again. I'll make sure that happens. I just hope you find someone who makes you happy." These words hurt more than everything, but they had to be said.
A low but menacing growl came off of Scott and I felt him moving by my side. I immediately stopped him, placing one hand on his chest. "Don't!" I said softly, after knowing what he was thinking. He wasn't going to kill... Edward thought I knew that's what he wanted to do but he was going to hurt him badly and I couldn't let that happen.
"Bella!" Scott hissed disapprovingly.
"No! Let's just go home." I pleaded. I needed to get out of here. Away from him. Away from everything. I couldn't take this pain anymore. It was killing me, tearing me apart. But I didn't want them to feel guilty. Especially him. Even after all the awful things he had said to me, I didn't want to see him suffer. I still loved him. I would always love him. More than anyone could ever imagine. That was why it hurt so much to lose him. Just thinking of him with someone else made me sick, but if that made him happy, be it.
"Charlie's?" Luke asked. He was usually very calm, but I could hear the anger dripping of his voice.
"No. Our house. Where we belong and where we should already be." I answered him.
"No! You belong here. With us!" Alice said sobbing.
"Both Luke and Scott were by my side and I could feel the fury radiating from their bodies but strangely, I hadn't heard Kurt yet. He hadn't said anything and I realized that I didn't even know where he was. I warily turned around in a swift movement, looking for him.
He was standing behind me against a wall, with his hands balled in fists. His body was tense and ready to attack and his eyes were different. Filled with anger, instead of the fondness I was used to. I knew exactly who his target would be and I couldn't let it happen. Unlike Scott, Kurt really wanted to kill Edward.
"Kurt." I called as softly as I could. "Please don't do it." I tried to dissuade him. I started walking back in Edward's direction but turned to my brother, holding his eyes with mine. I could feel the Cullens eyes on us. I was going to listen to Kurt's thoughts when he voiced them.
"I am going to kill you!" He growled. His eyes were not locked on mine anymore. Instead he was looking murderously at Edward.
Before I could say anything, he flexed his legs and jumped in Edward's direction. As cliché as it sounds everything seemed to slow down. I was terrified. I couldn't let him kill Edward. He was my life, even if I didn't held a place in his anymore. So I jumped in Kurt's direction. I met his body in the air and pinned him to the ground. Straddling him, with my knees on the ground, I held his arms above his head, pressed against the floor. Then I used my legs to stop him from moving.
"Bella! Let me go!" He hissed trying to set himself free.
"Stay still Kurt! What the hell were you thinking? What part of the rule 'Don't hurt anybody' did you not understand?" I hissed back.
"What part of the promise I did seventy years ago, did you not understand Bella? You're trying to hide it but I know how much this hurts you. I can see it in your eyes. And I'm not going to break my promise. Not with him. Especially not with him!" He kept struggling, trying to push me away. Right now, I was the only obstacle between him and his target.
"You made the promise to me and now I'm asking you to break it! Please... let's just leave." I pleaded. I never agreed with that stupid promise. After I found Kurt he promised me that he would kill whoever tried to hurt me. Soon, all my brothers and friends promised the same.
"No! I won't go anywhere until I burn every single piece of his body." I shouldn't be having any problems handling him but I felt very tired. "He has already hurt you too much. It's the only thing he does so let me go." I closed my eyes.
What he was saying was not true. Edward had done a lot more for me. He had made me happy. He had saved my life. He had loved me. Suddenly, I could feel all my strength leaving my body as drowned in the sea of memories that I had tried to keep locked and in control on the back of my mind for so many years.
Images filled my mind: Edward and I laying in our meadow; his cold lips against my warm ones; his soft touch, cold but so comforting and pleasant; His velvet voice and dazzling eyes; The way my heart would jump when he said he loved me and how it would beat erratically when he kissed me; the way he would smile at me when I woke every morning; how he lulled me to sleep every night; the indescribably happiness that filled his face when I accepted to marry him and the bliss that spread through my body when I realized I would be able to spend forever with him,...
It was like if the movie of my life was being played for I had only truly lived when I was with him. My life started in the moment I saw him across Forks' high cafeteria and it ended when I was taken away from him. Before and after him, I only existed. There was no life without him and that was exactly what I had lost forever today. The hope of being brought back to life.
I realized that those moments I just remembered would never happen again. I would never kiss him again; I would never feel his touch on my skin again. He would never tell me that he loved me again.
I couldn't hold this pain anymore, I couldn't hide it. It was too much for me to bear. In my chest the hole was consuming me, threatening to take over me, growing at every memory that played in my head. I couldn't help but gasp at the intensity of the pain that coursed through me. It had never been so bad, so unbearable.
"Bella?" I heard Kurt's worried voice ask. It seemed so far away. "Bella are you okay?"
My body started shaking and I seemed unable to stop it. My chest hurt like if the hole was real and my breathing became heavier. Then, my head too started hurting.
I pulled myself away from Kurt and tried to get up. I was only able to take two steps before I fell helplessly on the ground. My hands were in my head, one on each side as if trying to stop the pain. I just wanted to scream. I knew this pain would never stop, it would never go away. I sat on the ground, leaning my back against the closest wall. I kept my eyes closed, my hands on my head and tried to control the pain, hold it back for a while longer. Just enough for me to leave.
My brothers quickly ran to me and knelt by my side. Edward was a few feet behind them. He had not moved since the beginning of our conversation. Behind him were the rest of the Cullens.
"Bella? What's wrong?" Scott asked.
"My head... it... hurts." I gasped between breaths. I could barely speak.
"You're worrying me, Bella." Kurt was panicking.
"I... I'm... fine... I..."
"You're not fine! Why are you blocking us?" Scott questioned.
"I'm... fine..." To prove my point I tried to slide up the wall with my back still against it, to get up. I failed, my legs were too weak to support my weight and I fell to the ground again. This time I rested my head on my knees.
"Bella!" I head Alice's frantic scream, fear dripped from her voice. She started walking towards me when I begged.
"No!... Stay... back! Don't... come."My voice was low and feeble but I knew she could hear it. She let out a hurt cry.
"It's not that she doesn't want you close Alice, it's just easier for her to block your power the farther you are." Luke explained. "Edward step back too." He hissed.
"You can't just order me around, I'm not... Stop Emmett! Let me go!"
"Thank you Emmett!" Luke added.
"It's not enough." Scott said. "Bella, stop please. You have to stop. You won't be able to handle all this. Stop blocking us, stop blocking Alice. I'm sure that will help."
"No..." I answered. My headache was getting worse, if that was even possible.
"Bella don't be stubborn. You know what can happen! Let us help you." Kurt begged. Yes I knew what could happen and honestly, I wouldn't wish for anything else right now. I wouldn't budge. It was getting harder to think, memories kept filling my head.
"Damnit Bella! Drop it. Let it go! Stop blocking us. You're only making it worse." Scott was getting impatient. I knew they were trying to help but I wouldn't put them through this. I couldn't.
"No."
"Bella, you have to stop! You're going to lose it. You can't handle it all. Stop blocking us and Alice. You'll see it gets better. Please Bella, don't do this to us." Luke tried to convince me.
"Stop! Stop... talking! I can't... take... it... anymore!" My head felt like it was going to explode.
I couldn't breathe, my head hurt, everything was spinning around. My back slid down the wall until I was laying on the floor instead of sitting.
"Bella, you can't give up. You promised Henry you wouldn't." Kurt was sobbing as he pulled me to his lap. He knew what was coming. His voice was filled with panic and fear.
"I said... I... would... try..." I worded. I heard a gasp and a thump as something fell to the floor.
"Jasper!" Someone screamed. Alice I think.
"Bella, you can't leave us! We need you! Please keep fighting. Let us help you! Please!" Kurt cried.
"I fought... during... all these... years... I'm... so tired..." Memories kept spinning in my head, now barely distinguishable. Everything was a blur.
"Isabella Swan, don't you dare giving up! Do you hear me? Bells?" Slowly I reached for his hand and opened my eyes. Even these small movements were painful and demanded strength that I did not have.
"Kurt, please... don't do anything stupid... Don't hurt... him... please." I asked.
"How can you ask me that? After everything he did to you. Look at you Bella. He hurt you so much, so many times!"
"But he also saved my life a lot of times. For two years he gave a good reason to wake up every morning and face the cold and the wet. He made my life worthy..."
"He wasn't there when you most needed."
"And that was my fault... I was... the one who decided... to stay away, remember? But you... were. Thank you... for being... when I needed." I was speaking to Luke and Scott too.
"Bella don't give up! Not because of him. He doesn't deserve it."
"I love him Kurt... that will... never change." My eyelids were too heavy but I forced my eyes to stay open for a while longer. There was still something I needed to say. "Edward..." My voice was too low but I knew he could hear me. "Despite... of what... you may think... I just... want you... to be... happy. I..." My voice started failing but I had to say it. It could be the last thing I said. "I love you." As soon as those words were out of my mouth my eyes closed and I stopped fighting.
I drowned in the pain and darkness as I felt my whole body go numb. Blissful numbness. And I drifted to unconsciousness.
So... how much do you hate me? Did you, by any chance, liked the chapter? I'm planning to do Edward's POV of this scene next chapter. I know the dialogues will be the same but don't you want to know what he's thinking? Tell me your opinion. I would really appreciate if you reviewed. Hope all of you have a nice week and good luck to all those who are going to have tests. REVIEW please and feel free to ask any questions. HUgs
Note: I've already put pictures of Bella's car, Kurt's Jeep and Luke's Harley in my website. Check it out if you want. And I'm also going to put pictures of how I imagine Bella's brothers.