I was originally going to publish this as a separate story, but I decided to put it in the short story book instead. This oneshot is based on the song Cooler Than Me by Mike Ponser, which I think fits Roger's POV as he describes Abby (With the tricks referring to the events of Mold Monster, the designer shades being the slimesuit goggles, and the "I got you all figured out" speaking for itself.) I know Abbger isn't a popular ship but their dynamic in the show is super interesting, and the fact Abby wasn't on bad terms with Roger at the end of Pinkeye's Revenge pt 2 is something I feel like gets overlooked. Of course for their relationship to work out they'd need to talk things through, I do headcanon they got a moment to discuss exactly why Roger did what he did on their way to the gag lab from the dump and it made Abby look at the situation from a new perspective. I want to write out a story about my headcanon for why Roger acts the way he does towards the bureau and the Archer siblings, but to summarize his dad left the family when Roger was in fourth grade around the time he got his first case of reoccurring pink eye. His mother loved him, but she worked so much that he hardly saw her, making him extremely lonely. To top it all off, the kids at school avoided him because of his eye or bullied him. One day the kids on the playground at recess called Roger a monster and it made him super insecure, something he still is but he hides behind a confident facade. All of this stuff made Roger bitter and so desperate for company that he thought joining the agency would make him famous and popular. Abby doesn't know about most of this and thus doesn't know just how badly her teasing affected Roger until they talk things out.
That's probably all I'll talk about this for now. I didn't plan on dumping it into the oneshot but oh well lol. I'm going to post some more of my Abby x Roger stuff but don't worry Abbster fans, I've written stuff for them as well.
"If I could write you a song to make you fall in love
I would already have you up under my arm
I used up all my tricks, I hope that you like this
But, you probably won't, you think you're cooler than me"
"Is there a reason you're so insitant on bothering me this early in the morning, Roger?"
Roger only smiled at the redhead's words. Abby Archer was predictable, but certainly not boring. That's why she was so interesting, something that Roger said had to do with her job actually had to do with her. It was funny though, she seemed to hate his guts.
"Don't I have a right to do as I please?" Roger tilted his head and grinned. Abby only squinted and rolled her eyes.
"You're insufferable- you know?"
"Yeah, I know"
You got designer shades just to hide your face
And you wear 'em around like you're cooler than me
And you never say hey, or remember my name
And it's probably 'cause you think you're cooler than me
"Oh hello, Abby."
Abby's eye twitched. It didn't take a detective to figure out who it was.
"Hello, Pinkeye. I see you're up to stalking my when I'm minding my own business again."
"Isn't the safety of Ringworm everybody's business?" Roger teased and popped out of the garbage bin he was hiding in. "Your job is protecting the city!"
"I'm not a Grossologist-"
"There it is!" Roger pointed and clapped, "I didn't even mention the word Grossologist- and there you go assuming I will, which must mean you are-"
Roger's accusation was interrupted as Abby slammed the Garbage bin's lid shut and sighed.
You got your high brow, shoes on your feet
And you wear 'em around like it ain't shit
But you don't know the way that you look
When your steps make that much noise
"You really could a better job at sneaking around, you know?"
"Do I? I'm not the secret agent here."
Abby placed her hand over Roger's mouth and peered around the corner. Paige and her friends were standing with smug looks on their faces. The plan was going perfectly, turns out teaming up with your rival to take down a shared enemy is much easier if you've done it before.
"Listen up- I'll go distract the posse, your job is to hurl these water balloons at the targets. Make sure you mostly hit Paige." Abby gestured towards a bag on her arm and handed it to Roger. He went quiet and nodded, moving out of the way as Abby stood up and walked over towards Paige and her group.
"Well, Well, if it isn't Abby Archer!" Paige flashed a grin and placed her hands on her hips, "Is it just me, or are you looking extra hideous today! What a suprise!"
"Oh trust me, Paige- that isn't a suprise." Abby replied
"Huh? That's the joke, Archer! We all know you're always an uber-hideous mess!"
"How funny, now how I show you a real suprise?"
Paige opened her mouth to speak but was met with a water ballon hitting her right in the face. The blonde screamed and was about to run off before Abby pulled a slingshot out of her pocket and fired a water balloon of her own.
"Shh, I got you all figured out
You need everyone's eyes just to feel seen
Behind your make up nobody knows who you even are
Who do you think that you are"
"Oh man, that was a riot!"
"We GOTTA do that again sometime!"
Despite the fact they now had to clean up the hallways as punishment, Abby and Roger hardly saw any negatives in the situation. Paige was now a drenched mess with her hair ruined and clothes caked in dirty water- which was suggested by Roger that they fill the water balloons with. Abby had to admit, it was a great idea.
Roger had a lot of great ideas, Abby knew that and wouldn't forget it. She still remembered how panic began to sit in her nerves as she was locked in that filfthy cage at the dump, the way she was trying to keep up a calm facade as she watched the bureau crumble apart on the TV. The way how despite all the crazy events, Roger was about to eat his slice of pizza.
But then he spit it out and saw his hot sauce and he had a great idea, a great idea which expanded into a great plan. The great plan was conducted by a great team, a great team which Abby didn't think would ever form again.
Yet here they were mopping the hallway of dirty water and having a pleasent conversation. It was moments like these which made Abby hate the memory loss, something she was supposed to be glad happened. But the others would lose anything, Ty was already on so-so terms with Roger, Lab Rat wouldn't miss a thing, Abby...
Abby stopped cleaning to look over at Roger, who was giggling to himself as he wiped up a puddle of water. She bit her lip, why did he have to act normal. Why did he have to act like he didn't forget what happened months ago? Why couldn't he just stop acting nice and start harassing her again?!
"Abby?"
Abby jolted at looked at Roger, who seemed like he was teetering between a freak out and a question fest. She didn't want to be there for either of those and could feel herself resisting the urge to run off.
"Yeah?"
Roger seemed to drop whatever current emotion he was feeling in favor of a blank stare before he gave a sinister grin.
"You're finally going to admit I was knocked out in your lab, right?'
If I could write you a song to make you fall in love
I would already have you up under my arm
I used up all my tricks, I hope that you like this
But, you probably won't, you think you're cooler than me
A flurry of words rushed into Abby's mind. She should run away- no, she was sick of lying to Roger. It was funny until she watched as he seemed to break his neck in the gag lab. The few moments of time between when the clone was trapped in the vault and when it broke free played over and over again in Abby's head, the way she smiled with confidence and Roger's grin as the two were about to finally tell Ty how they did their plan.
"He wasn't supposed to lose his memory, tell him, you know staying quiet will only get you caught in another web of lies."
"Yeah- I guess I am"
You got designer shades just to hide your face
And you wear 'em around like you're cooler than me
And you never say hey, or remember my name
And it's probably 'cause you think you're cooler than me
"You're going to tell me everything!"
"Yes, Roger"
"And you're going to let me see the files!"
"That wasn't apart of our deal" Abby spun around to face Roger, who was sitting in his desk chair with a smile.
"I promised I'd stop following you around and stay out of your way- but you're going to tell me all about your job, including the villains!" Roger pointed at Abby, who rolled her eyes.
"Fine- but hand it over"
Roger reluctantly handed Abby his second camera- luckily the first one was still at the botton of the ocean. Abby only gave it a glance before slipping it in her handbag.
"And, I want you to take down all those photos of me and Ty. It's way creepier than you think it is" Abby gestured towards the wall before finally turning back towards the attic door.
"I'll see you tomorrow"
"At school, or at my house with those files?"
Abby couldn't help the small smile on her face.
"Both"