AN: Remember, Bella fully believed Edward, though we all know Edward was lying. This is what might have been if she allowed the pain to dictate her thoughts and actions instead of simply shutting down, feeling and thinking nothing.

Chapter Two - Letters

First, I wrote the note to Charlie:

Dad,

Thanks for allowing me to stay with you these past months. They were the happiest of my life, despite the difficulties I always seemed to have. I apologize for leaving you in this way, but I know you existed for years just fine without me, and you would have lost me to college in a matter of months anyway, so I know you'll be just fine after I'm gone. I'm glad you have your friends to see you through. Tell Billy he was right, and I apologize for not heeding his warnings, for thinking I knew better than him, and for dismissing him as judgmental. I should have listened to him and saved myself all this heartache and pain. The Cullen family has up and left, deserting me after promising me a future with them, after claiming me as one of their own, after making me love and trust them above even my own flesh and blood. I begged to go with them, but I was rejected, cast aside, abandoned without a backward glance, as if I never mattered to them at all. The pain that consumes me now feels as if Edward reached inside my chest and ripped my heart out while it was still beating. I physically ache from this invisible gaping wound, feeling as if my chest is now empty. I can't breathe, can't think, can't feel anything but pain and betrayal. The one who convinced me he was my true love, my soul mate, my forever, tossed me away like yesterday's garbage, leaving me feeling worthless, unwanted, unloved, hopeless, helpless, lost and alone. I cannot bear this pain for a lifetime. I know this isn't what you want for me, but please know it is better this way. I could never love another, for he took my heart with him when he left. I have nothing left to give. Thank you for all the love you have given me over the years and all you have done for me.

All my love,

Bella

Then I wrote a quick one to my mom:

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry to let you down by taking the easy way out, but you have Phil. You don't need me to take care of you anymore. Be happy with Phil and lean on him. He is everything you need. Thank you for the good times you've given me, and I've always felt your love, even if our roles were somewhat reversed. Don't blame Charlie. This was all me.

With love,

Bella

Next came the Cullens, all of them in one simple, or maybe not so simple letter:

Carlisle – I loved you as a father. You always patched me up when I got hurt. I got used to being able to rely on you to keep calm in a crisis, to keep me safe from harm, and to repair the damage frequently done to my fragile body. You have always prided yourself on saving lives. Well, you have failed this time. I blame you as head of the family for the decision you made to abandon me, leaving me broken. How dare you make promises you never intended to keep? How dare you call me daughter then throw me away? How dare you let Edward and Alice play with my heart and then shatter it? What happened to 'Do ye no harm'? Isn't that part of your Hippocratic Oath? The one main rule of doctorhood? How could you condone the harm done to me? You have all killed me emotionally, left me an empty, aching shell. You betrayed me, betrayed my trust and faith in you. I always thought you were so kind and compassionate. I never saw this coming. I never expected this kind of treatment from you. I know only you had the power to make this decision for your family. Well, shame on you. Shame on you for pretending to love me, pretending to care about me. If you cared even the slightest, you would never have treated me this way. Your compassion is all a fraud, a mask, a part of your facade. Did I even know you at all? Was anything you ever said real or true? Or was it all a game to you?

Esme – I loved you as my mother. I adopted you as my own. You were the mother I always wished I could have had. Though I have always loved Renee, she never mothered me the way you did. You took care of me, cooked for me, talked to me, listened to me, advised me wisely, and held me when I needed it. I thought you really loved me. I thought you truly cared. Now I know it was all a lie. For what kind of mother abandons her child without a backward glance, a second thought, a single goodbye? What kind of mother throws away her youngest daughter, deserts her, moves away without a forwarding address, leaving her alone and unprotected, heartbroken, shattered? I was never your daughter, though I considered you my mother. No, you never returned the love I gave you unconditionally. You thought nothing of making promises you never intended to keep, of pretending to care, when really you were just indulging your children with their new pet, their shiny new toy. Once they got bored, the toy was tossed aside, broken and worthless, forgotten.

Emmett – I loved you as my big brother. You were the big brother I never knew I wanted, but was so glad to have. I loved you so much and eagerly looked forward to the times we spent together. You were my hero, my friend, my protector. I thought you were on my side. I thought I could count on you, yet you betrayed me. You walked away, left me behind, just like all the others. You threw me to the wolves, tossed me to the lions. You turned your back on me and left me to rot, broken and alone. You left me to die. Your love was a lie. I was only a source of entertainment, like the latest video game. Fun while it lasted and then easily forgotten.

Alice – I loved you as my sister, my best friend. I never had a sister or a best friend before I met you. I gave you anything you wanted. I did things I hated, just to make you happy. I sacrificed for you, loved you, accepted you, changed for you. Yet, it was all meaningless to you. I was nothing but a toy. I should have realized from you calling me Bella Barbie that I was just a living doll you could dress and give makeovers to until you got bored. You were forever pushing me outside my comfort zone, steamrolling over my protests and decisions, always having to have everything your way. And I let you do it, because I cared, because I wanted to make you happy. I was a fool. I know you have seen me here, seen me writing this, seen me pull the trigger, seen me bleed and die. You have seen how this will affect my parents, my peers, the entire community of Forks and La Push. Yet you have done nothing to stop it. You want me to die. You are tired of me and don't want me hanging around forever. Fine. I would have done anything for you. So I will do this now. I will die for you, like you want me to, so you never have to worry about me betraying your secrets or following you around like a starving puppy. My blood is on your hands, Alice. You knew what Edward would say to me, you knew what it would do to me, you knew how I would respond, you knew I would kill myself. You knew, and you chose not to stop it. That's how I know I've made the right choice. I would never bet against you, and you have apparently decided this is for the best. So be it.

Rosalie – You were the only one who showed me the real you. You were the only one who didn't pretend to like me, didn't pretend to care. You openly showed me I didn't matter, I wasn't important, I wasn't worthy of your family, I was only a temporary aberration. How many times have the others played this game with some foolish girl's heart? How many have your family left behind, heart broken, dreams shattered, unable to trust anyone ever again? How many have killed themselves over your family's treatment of them, over false hopes, false promises? Thank you, Rosalie, for telling the truth. You and Jasper are the only ones who didn't hurt me with your defection. You never promised me anything, never told me you loved me, never called me sister or even friend, never pretended to care about me at all. I wish I had heeded your warnings. I should have stayed away like you warned me. But I didn't listen. Now I am paying the price of my stubborn ignorance and blatant stupidity.

Jasper – I forgive you for your little slip at my party. I don't blame you at all. It was a completely natural reaction to the situation. I know you felt guilty, but truly the fault was not yours. No, the true guilt is Edward's. He provoked you, it was his extreme emotion that triggered your own. If he hadn't lost control, then you wouldn't have either. I saw what really happened that night. He directed his own rage at you, and you absorbed it. Your whole family only added to it. You absorbed everyone's rage in that room, took all of it into yourself, and only then did you crack. Jasper, nobody could take that much rage without attacking. The blame is not yours, it belongs to the entire family, as every single one of them contributed to the struggle, even Carlisle. I also want to thank you for trying to protect me, trying to warn me back in Phoenix. We were never close. I don't really know you at all. At least you never pretended to be my brother or my best friend. You never pretended to be happy to see me or want me around. It was obvious you were only tolerating my presence for Alice's sake, so you hold no blame for leaving when she did. It was obvious she was always your top priority. Like me, you bent over backward, sacrificing your personality, your own happiness, your very self to make her happy. I can never blame you for that, for your loyalty and selflessness. You are a good man, Jasper, under-appreciated and stronger than you think.

Edward – You were my life, my love, my future, my hope, my dream, my heart, my meaning, my reason to live, my happiness, my soul mate, my everything. I never could understand what you saw in me, plain, clumsy, pathetic me. I should have listened to my instincts. Somehow, I always knew you were too good to be true. I always knew you would one day realize I wasn't worthy of you. You broke your promises to me. You destroyed me. You shattered me into a million tiny pieces that can never be put back together. I can never forget you. You took my heart and my soul with you when you left, leaving me a bitter, aching, empty shell. I can never love another. Without you, there is no me, no life, no purpose, no feeling. I am dead already. A zombie. I died, there on the forest floor where you left me. All that is me, all that is Bella Swan, died. All that is left is pain, an empty, soulless monster, the walking dead. I cannot continue this existence without you. I will kill the soulless monster that I am now. I will end this pain forever. You did this to me.

You made me love you, just so you could have a distraction from your boredom. All your lies about not wanting to take my soul, not wanting me to be a monster, not wanting me to die, not wanting me to be damned to hell. All worthless. For you took my soul, you killed me, you made me into a monster, and my suicide will assure my place in hell. Now I know your lies were empty excuses given to avoid telling me you just didn't want me anymore. You didn't want me forever. You didn't love me the way I loved you. You didn't really want me at all. You were always pushing me away. I can't believe I was so dense, so delusional. I can't believe I never saw the truth. Well, you shall have your wish.

I know Alice shared her knowledge with you. You knew what would happen when you chose to treat me that way and you did it anyway. You knew I would kill myself, and you still broke me. You obviously wanted me to die. You wanted me to do your dirty work for you. To tie up all the loose ends so you wouldn't have to deal with me anymore or worry about me telling your secrets. You win. You're right. I can't live with this pain you caused me. I will destroy myself, and you shall be forever free of me. My blood will be on your hands forever. You did this. This is all your fault.

You knew from the start you would never keep me. You knew from the very beginning you didn't want me for real, forever. Yet you led me on anyway. You made me fall in love with you. You separated me from my friends, from my family, until you consumed my every thought, my every desire. You made me dependent upon you and then you threw me away, like a broken toy, a used tissue, when I'd outlived my usefulness. You were right, and I was wrong. You are a monster, a murderer, for you have just murdered me.

Shame on you, Edward Cullen, for breaking a young girl's heart, for playing games with a naïve, innocent who gave you her whole heart, her unconditional love, her very soul, who would have done anything for you. Shame on you for using me as a distraction from the boredom of high school. Shame on you for betraying me without a second thought. For using me to sate yourself, for making me think I was wanted, when it was only your desire to satisfy your 'hunger' that made you keep me around.

Stick to your own kind, Cullen, and stop playing games with breakable young hearts. Stick with someone like Tanya, who knows the rules of your games and can keep up with the fickleness of your attention. I can only hope justice will someday be served. The universe owes me this much. Just remember, you reap what you sow. If you sow pain, you will eventually reap it tenfold.

That was it. My letters were written. My time was up, my end was near. I left the letters on the seat of the truck, grabbed the gun, and stepped out onto the gravel. I slipped the truck key into the magnetic secret compartment Charlie had given me and left it for him to find. I climbed up on the guard rail, next to the road sign, and used it to stabilize my stance. I leaned forward and looked at the uneven rocks down below that had split off the cliff face and tumbled to the ground over time. I looked at the road sign that would soon be covered with my sticky gray matter and was glad Charlie would have his closure. Forensics would identify my brain cells on the sign, and Charlie would know I was dead before I ever hit the ground, that it was quick, that I didn't suffer. It would bring him some peace of mind I hoped.

I held the gun up to my temple, removed the safety, and pulled the trigger. I felt a searing pain sweep through my brain, as a giant roar deafened me. The kick of the gun sent me off balance, just as I knew it would, and I fell forward over the side of the cliff, plummeting silently toward the rocks. My vision faded out the whole way down and blacked out entirely just before I came into contact with the rocks and knew nothing more.

No more pain for Bella Swan.

AN: Never fear, Jasper is here! *grin* Okay, this ends Bella's section. The next chapter starts Jasper's POV, beginning with just after the birthday party. So hang in there, please. The fun is just beginning . . .

PS: The disclaimer on chapter one counts for all future chapters as well. Thanks!