Category: Sam and Jack romance/angst, Team/family angst

Spoilers: Based in/around episode 6.06 Abyss. Set after MT3: More Than Anyone.

Content Warnings: Angsty issues from both Jack and Sam regarding his blending with Kanan.

Summary: Kanan is dead, Jack has been tortured by Ba'al but has made it home. He's trying to deal with the after effects of the torture whilst Sam has to deal with the ramifications of her decision.

Episode 6.06 Abyss

It was the middle of the night when Sam blinked her eyes open and looked at the clock. It was still dark and she sat up quietly, trying to figure out what it was that had awoken her. There was no telephone ringing and she did not feel as if she had been having a nightmare. There was a gurgle from the baby monitor and Sam smiled at the cuteness of the noise, not even slightly annoyed at the fact that it must have been that which had awoken her. Lying back down, Sam closed her eyes when she heard another noise from the baby monitor. It sounded like someone moving around. Sitting back up, Sam swung her legs out of the bed and slipped her feet into her slippers. Very quietly, Sam walked out of her bedroom and along the corridor. She did not want to wake up Daniella and nor did she want to scare whomever it was in her daughter's bedroom. Sam tried to stop her brain from thinking the worst of every situation and despite her lack of sleep, she managed to keep her thoughts in check. There could not be anyone in her house and she had probably imagined the noises, she decided.

The door to Daniella's bedroom was open and she peered around the doorframe, still trying to make no noise. Sitting on a two-seater couch near to the crib was Jack. It had not even occurred to her that it could be Jack. Sam was used to living on her own and because Jack had either been on a mission or missing since they had moved in together, Sam was still used to being in her home alone. She watched him for a long moment. He was sitting slightly forward, his eyes staring at their sleeping daughter. It had only been a few days since Janet had cleared him to return home and he was on stand-down from SG-1 for the next few weeks to recuperate. They had not yet spoken about his time as host to Kanan or whether or not he hated Sam for it. Sam had not attempted to question him as she had been simply relieved that he had made it home. She had doubted Daniel's suggestion at sending Yu to attack Ba'al, worrying that Jack would be caught in the crossfire. If anyone was able to pull off the impossible, however, it was Colonel Jack O'Neill and pull it off he did. The SGC had continually tried to dial the planet of Ba'al's fortress with no success until a few days later when they managed to connect. A MALP had been sent through which showed that the immediate area had definitely been in a fire fight. It appeared that all Goa'uld and Jaffa had left and so SGs one, three and six had been sent through under the command of SG-3. A few hours later they had returned with an unconscious Jack. He had been hiding in some woods, waiting for both sides to retreat with the full awareness that he had no GDO so could not get home even if he could make it to the Stargate which was heavily guarded until the battle ceased. Never before in any of their team's captures had Sam been so glad when she first saw Jack in the infirmary.

Having no idea why Jack was up in the middle of the night, but not wanting to pry, Sam turned to leave.

"Sam?" Jack whispered when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned and saw Sam turn back to face him. The room was dimly lit by the moon and he could see her smile hesitantly and take a step towards him. He thought he had been quiet enough to not wake her up. Ever since coming home from the infirmary, Jack had found it difficult to sleep. He figured that the only reason he had slept all night in the infirmary was due to the drugs. Sleep was the last thing in the world that he wanted to do.

"I didn't mean to intrude." She took a second step toward him so that he could hear her but hopefully not disturb Daniella.

He shook his head at her, his eyes still on her face. "Sorry that I woke you." He had tried to be quiet, but he should have known she would hear through the baby monitor. Her eyes flickered onto him and he diverted his toward Daniella. He had needed to see her; the baby that was a part of him. She had been the thing that kept him going through the torture. Sam had offered to bring Daniella to visit, but Jack had refused. He had not wanted to be seen by her innocent eyes until he felt a little more worthy. It still played heavy on his mind that he had given up information on the Tok'ra, their ally. It was that ally that had allowed him to get into his predicament, he thought bitterly. Part of him still wished that he had never allowed a snake into his head.

"Are you… okay?" It was a lame question, Sam knew that before the words came out, but it was the only thing she could think of to say. There was a look on his face that Sam could not describe and it scared her slightly. She had not lived with him for very long, but that did not stop her from knowing him as well as she did. They had spent enough missions in close quarters to know what looks meant, what moods were and when they each needed help. He needed help and she could only imagine what he had been through. The blending to which she had agreed on his behalf, was supposed to heal him and save his life. Whilst it did achieve that goal, the blending with Kanan led directly to Ba'al's torture.

"Peachy," he whispered without a trace of emotion in his voice as he stared at Daniella. He had often questioned his worth as a human and as a good man. Every day he fought for his planet, for his people, on the side of good, but Jack still considered himself a broken man trying his hardest to make up for past sins. His greatest fear was that for all the trying he could do, it would all be in vain. Redemption was never going to be within his grasp. Anytime that he looked at his daughter, Jack felt a little closer to peace.

She looked at Daniella, trying to block out the pain emanating from him. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" he questioned immediately.

"It was me that made the decision. I knew how much you hate the idea of the Tok'ra, but I couldn't let you die." It had not been her intention to try and explain and she was unsure if it was to make his pain ease or her own.

"I can't say I was thrilled to wake him with a snake in my head, but I understood." He looked across at her, but her eyes were fixed on their daughter. "A few years ago, I had nothing to live for, nothing to fight for. Now I have her." It was true that things had started to change in his life after the original mission to Abydos, but nothing in the past six years had changed him as much as his daughter had. Jack would admit it to no one else, but it would only have been stubbornness stopping him to agreeing to the blending. Sam would always have talked him around. His daughter was more important than sharing his being with something else. No one had expected the events which had then unfolded.

She turned and met his eyes, their faces close together in the darkness. "Is she what kept you strong when Ba'al…?" She could not finish the question; the word torture was too harsh to be said in the nursery.

He nodded without taking his eyes from her. "I can't sleep," he whispered hoarsely. Every time that he closed his eyes all that Jack could see was Ba'al, his knives, his acid, his evil smile. Throughout his life, Jack had been through a lot, but nothing had stayed with him as much as the past few weeks. There was still little that he could remember concerning his blending with Kanan; Kanan had kept their memories as separate as possible. There were moments, flashes that he did not understand which had caused the problem with Ba'al's torture. All that he wanted was to close his eyes and not see the room spin, gravity change and the knives and acid come falling toward him.

She reached over and took his hand, feeling that it was colder than hers. It made her question how long he had been sitting here. His thumb moved and stroked her hand as if thanking her for the comforting gesture. Sam suddenly became aware of how she was dressed simply in a strappy top and pyjama bottoms. Under Jack's intense scrutiny, Sam felt too naked but the stroking of his thumb on her hand prevented her from moving anywhere. She wanted to make him forget the pain of the past few days, to lose the torture from his mind. Whilst his body had been fully healed by the sarcophagus, Jack's mind was far from healthy. She was not sure in the dim light, but she thought she could feel Jack's face slightly closer to hers.

"Sam," he breathed as he inched his face toward hers. Her name on his lips still felt odd, but he was getting used to it. Jack was not sure what exactly it was that he was doing, but that did not seem to stop him. Her breath was warm on his cheek and he knew that he was merely seconds away from touching her lips, from moving his hand from underneath hers and placing it on her cheek. A desire rose within him to join their lips, to seek solace in her mouth and use it to remove all trace of knives and acid. She could take everything away.

"Jack?" she replied in a whisper quieter than she knew was possible for her voice. She was not sure if there was a question there or if she were encouraging him. All that she could feel was a mixture of fear and lust. Fear of the unknown and of what could possibly happen if she allowed him to kiss her. At her core, Sam knew that she should not allow those possibilities, that it was wiser to stop him. Unfortunately, the lust growing within her was overtaking the fear and she found herself starting to move her free hand. Before she knew where she was repositioning it to, both of them turned toward Daniella as a slight cry came from the baby's mouth.

As the cry pierced the silently thick air, Jack snapped his hand away from Sam's and moved an inch away which was as far as possible on the small couch. He turned away from her and kept his eyes and thoughts on his daughter. No matter what comfort he sought, kissing Sam was not the way to seek it. "Sorry."

His voice was a mumble and Sam barely heard his apology. She understood his actions completely. They were both hurting emotionally from the past few weeks and any romantic or sexual actions tonight would be based purely on that pain. She knew that they could not go down that path. Their relationship was neither strong enough nor ready for those actions. Sam was well aware that it may never be. She was also fully aware that Jack needed help. She took his hand, stood up and easily pulled him to his feet. "Come on."

He followed her without question, trailing behind her with their hands held together. He wanted to question her, worried that she was still in a moment which he should not have started. Momentary panic flooded his body as he considered the ramifications if she were leading him to bed where he would have to reject her by spurning her advances. "Sam," he tried to stop her.

She stepped over the threshold to her bedroom as he said her name and turned back to him never releasing his hand. "You said you can't sleep. Get into bed." She knew what she was doing. He opened his mouth to object and Sam could not help the slight smile which crossed her face. "It's no different to sleeping bags next to each other on a mission. It might help you sleep."

Nodding, he relented, hopeful that he might sleep without the cursed dreams. He watched her pull back the covers on the untouched side of her bed and he dutifully climbed into the bed, pulling the covers back over himself. He was on his back, staring at the ceiling as he heard her get into her side of the bed. "Night."

"Goodnight," she replied, trying not to look over at him. She was eager to know when he fell asleep, to put her mind at ease that he had managed it and that she had done something right. It did not take long for her to hear his gentle snore and the regular rhythm of his deeper breathing. She was so used to hearing that whilst off-world when she was keeping watch that it soon lulled her into a sleep.

Next Chapter – 6.07 Shadow Play.

Hope that you enjoyed this chapter, it's a heavy Sam/Jack one, but the next few won't be. There are still a lot of adaptions that they need to make in their life! If you've read the main More Than stories and are questioning why this wasn't mentioned during the Zatarc testing, this almost-kiss occurred at home and not whilst at work.