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63. Moon

"Hermione, do you have a moment?"

The soft voice snapped Hermione out of the trance she had fallen into as she watched the latest snowfall from the window of the Griffyndor girls' room. She had hidden away in the room as quickly as possible after the returning feast. Watching the simple happiness she saw between Ron and Pansy hurt more than she had anticipated. She truly wanted to be happy for them but the happiness was hard to bear when she was so miserable and alone herself.

Looking over towards where the sound was coming from, she watched as Pansy emerged into the moonlight from the shadows of the darken room. Hermione was tempted to tell her no she didn't have a moment and she would appreciate it if she left her alone after everything she had taken away from her but instead she said, "Sure."

"I know this hasn't been easy for you," Pansy whispered while fiddling with her fingers. Hermione thought that might have been the understatement of the year and wanted to point that out but she bit her tongue as Pansy continued, "And I know I didn't do anything in the past to deserve what you have done." Again Hermione thought, huge understatement and was about ready to retort when Pansy finished, "But thank you."

Hermione was officially speechless. Though her mind was reeling with everything she wanted to tell her.

"Thank you for everything. For helping Theo with the research. For organizing the shifts I know you all have been undertaking since the last attack. For even doing them yourself. I don't deserve anything you have done for me and I'm sorry that you got hurt in the process."

At that moment, Hermione wondered if one could be beyond speechless with her mind shutting down.

"I just wanted to say thank you and to tell you I really love him and will do everything in my power not to hurt him. He means the world to me. And I hope one day, I'll be good enough to deserve him."

And now, Hermione felt very small. Itty-bitty in fact. Or a hole in the floor would be good right about now.

"That's it. I just wanted to say thank you more than anything. I'll leave you alone now," Pansy added quietly before turning and walking back into the shadows.

Jumping to her feet, Hermione called out, "wait", as she hurried after her. She almost bumped into her in the darkness moments before she said, "You are welcome. But if you want my opinion, if anyone deserves him it's you. Don't get me wrong, and I know you don't want to hear this and I probably shouldn't say this, but I know I love him and I could never make him as happy as you do. And that's what hurts -- he's the kind of guy who needs to be needed and I really don't need him."

"I didn't come here to argue with you," Pansy whispered quietly, "but you are wrong Hermione. I want him and he wants to be wanted. Part of that is me wanting to need him and him wanting to be needed but you are the one who simply needs him."

Hermione thought the wind had been knocked out of her.

"I needed Draco for many reasons, some of them Theo may have told you, but the point is, it wasn't enough; it made me too vulnerable to Draco's whims and fancies. Especially because he knew I wasn't going anywhere. He flaunted girls in front of me and belittled me to any audience he could. Relationships don't work when they are built on need. They work when they are built on want and desire to be the better person, to keep the person you want happy, to always have the threat of them leaving hanging over your head -- you work harder, better, smarter and the reward is that much richer."

Hermione couldn't do anything but stare at the girl fiddling with her hands; her eyes holding fast to their progress. She didn't know what to say or could say at the moment. Pansy Parkinson had managed to render her speechless twice in five minutes. She couldn't remember being rendered speechless twice in her life.

"Hermione, I'm not saying that to be mean or anything. I just don't want you to fall into the same trap I did with Draco. Draco and I may be friends now but even to this day, he still doesn't always do things right by me because our initial relationship was built on need...This may be overstepping boundaries but I do know someone who wants nothing more in this world than to be with you. And that's what you deserve: a good man who thinks you hung the sun and moon in the skies while the heavens lurk in only your eyes."

"Pansy," Hermione whispered unable to say anything else as she watched Pansy turn and walk away without saying another word. Hermione didn't know how long she stood there in the shadows staring at the closed door before Padma and Pavarti came bounding in chatting away about someone who looked at one of them at dinner.

"Hermione," Pavarti's voice rung from the distance, though she was only a few metres away. "Are you okay?"

Hermione just shook her head and tore out of the room. She didn't stop running until she found herself in the owlry where she fell to the ground and cried.