The way you are.
Chapter 4

"Felix, I'm home"

When the two boys heard the voice of the girl, both looked at each other with huge eyes and then they realize what they were going to do. Felix, jumped off of Ryan as fast as he could. He knew that a blush was coming on his face, but he could not hide it. He made sure that he looked normal.

Ryan sat up and wanted to put his mask on again. He made a deal that only Felix could see his face, not Marzia. But, as he knew, Felix stopped him. "Let me put on my mask!"

"Come on… Cry" he wanted to call him by his real name. but it will be weird for Marzia to hear it. "I saw it already and you look.. fine. Marzia will not hate you for how you look"

'Now I look fine?' Ryan tough annoyed. 'Just a second ago I was cute. Now I'm fine! ARG! Stop Ryan! It was not be planned! It was just something…. Wrong!' he sighs. "Okay, fine" he put the mask on the table and sit more relax on the couch. But he didn't look at Felix. Deep inside of him, he was hurt. Hurt, that Felix just said that he looked fine.

Felix, look at him and knew he was hurt. But he will made up later.

Marzia walked in the room with a huge smile and some shopping bags in her hands. "Hello Felix" she gives him a kiss and then looked at Ryan. He mouth fall open. "Is that you, Cry?"

Ryan smiled. "Sup"

"Wow, you look so good!" she stands for him and hold his face in her hand. "Why did you hide your face? You look so cute!"

'That's what your boyfriend said to me to'. "I don't know. I just didn't want people to see my face"

Marzia let go of his face and smiled at him. "You really look great, Cry"

"Just call me Ryan"

She nodded and turn to Felix. "I'm going to put my stuff away" she kissed him again and walked out of the room. But not before she give a little wink to Ryan.

Ryan and Felix looked, a little shock, at the place the girl just was. Was she just flirting with Ryan? No, no they saw it wrong. All wrong! An awkward silent was between them again. They were so close at doing something, were both of them, were thinking about it so long. And now it was ruined by Marzia.

Ryan sighs, picked his mask from the table and stand up. "I'm going to bed. I see you tomorrow… Pewds" he walked out of the living room when a hand grabbed his wrist. Ryan new that Felix wanted to say something like: 'What we were about to do, was wrong. We never do it again'. So he didn't want to Felix' face.

Felix looked behind him if Marzia was there, but she wasn't. He really didn't want to cheat on her, but his feeling for Ryan is growing bigger than they are for Marzia. And he really did want to go further were the ended. But he just couldn't. "What just happened-"

"I know, Pewds" Ryan said and pulled his wrist from the others grip. "I'm going to sleep" he walked to his room and close the door.

Felix, sighs and run his hand throw his hair. Shit, what is he going to do now? He still loves Marzia but his feeling for Ryan…. Fuck he had a problem!

Two arms were coming around his waist and a body was pushed against his back. "Are you coming to bed, Felix?" she stroke his chest with her hand. "I got an surprise for you"

He couldn't help but have that goofy smile on his face. Ryan can wait a little longer. Maybe this is good so he can think about it. So he let himself dragged to the bedroom and being pushed on the bed.

Marzia closed the door and sit down on Felix' lap smiling ad him. "We didn't have much fun lately" she started to kiss his neck up to his lips. "And I want some fun, Pewdie"

Felix closed his eyes and let out a groan. He grabbed her by her hips and move he closer. He started to kiss her neck and this time she let out a groan. His hands went under her shirt and he felt that she bide in his neck on a sensitive spot. He groaned. His hands move up her back, but he didn't tough her. He was thinking about someone else, that was sitting in his lap. Who kissed his neck. Who was touching him. 'Fuck! They had to go further were the stopped!'. He didn't want to but when she hit a sensitive spot again, he said it, a name. "Ryan"

Marzia stopped and looked at him confused. "Did you just say Ryan?"

Felix opens his eyes and looked at he shocked. "N-no I didn't"

"You did" she jumped of off his lap and looked at him angry. "You tough of him when we are doing it!?"

"No, I wasn't thinking of him" Felix said while he jumped up. "It just that-"

"That what, Felix?!" Marzia interrupts him while she looked at him angry and tears were coming her eyes. "You think of someone else, a guy, while we were starting to do it!"

"I wanted to say that: I forget to tell him something" Felix lied when he could feel his face heat up.

"Felix! Stop lying to me!" She yelled out while the tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I know you were thinking about Ryan! I know that you got more feeling for him than for me! I know all of that!"

Felix scratch the back of his neck. What is he going to do now? He can't lie. She was right. All right. He sighs. This is a mess.

"Why don't you say anything?!" she yelled and grabbed him by his arms. "Felix! Why don't you say anything? Why don't you say: 'It's not true! I only love you!'. WHY DON'T YOU SAY THAT!"

"Because I can't" he whispered not meeting her eyes.

She let go of his arms and takes some step backs while she put a, shaking hand, for her mouth. "W-what do you mean: 'you can't'?"

Felix sighs and rubbed his hand over his face. "I should not lying to you, Marzia. But" he swallowed. He has to do it. Now. "I don't want to hurt you, Marzia. But I don't think I love you anymore. Not like I used to do"

More tears were streaming down her cheek and she sits down on the bed, while she hide her face in her hands. "W-why, Felix? What did I d-done wrong?" she sobbed.

Felix sit next to her en put a hand on her shoulder. "You didn't do anything wrong, Marzia. It's me who got the problem. I'm sorry"

She sniffed and looked at him. "A-are you in love with, Ryan?"

"I don't know" Felix admit sighing. "It's not love yet. But I do like him and my feelings are growing everyday"

She rubbed her tears away and stands up. "I'm happy that you are honest. But, it still hurts, Felix. It really does" she walked out the room to the front door.

Felix fallowed her. "Where are you going?"

Marzia put on her coat and grabbed her bag. "I'm going to my friend. I sleep there" she opened the door. "I'll call you tomorrow" with that she stepped out of the house and walked to her car.

Felix, watch how she drove away, before he get back inside and close the door. He leaned against the wall and slit down it to sit on the ground. He hold his head in his hand. "Shit! Fuck!" how could this happen!

Ryan, who heard everything of what just happened, opens the door. It hurt him to the Sweden broken sitting on the floor. But they were fighting over him. Again. Was it not the best to just leave and hope that they will be, coming back together. Maybe, but now was not the time to think of that. He couldn't just leave Felix here alone. So he came out of his room and sit on his knees next to the other. "I'm sorry, Pewds"

Felix looked up at the American and saw the concern in his eyes. "I fucked up, Cry. I fucked up!" Finally, he let out the tears that he was holding. "She left me! And it's my fault!"

Ryan put his arms around the Sweden and pulled him close. "Don't worry about it, Felix" he said while he stroke Felix' hair with his hand. "It's going to be okay. Believe me, it's going to be okay"

Felix put his own arms around Ryan's waist and hide his face in the others chest. He never cried like this. Not when someone was near him. But, it was Ryan who was with him now. That makes it alright.

The two of them, sit there for a couple of minutes. Felix, calmed down but he didn't want to let go of Ryan. It felt nice, to be so close again. It was that long ago that he was actually hanging over Ryan. But it didn't matter. This was just as nice.

Ryan, pulled away a little to look at Felix. He hold his hand in his face and rubbed away some tears. "You okay?"

Felix smiled and put his hand on that of Ryan. "I'm feeling better. Don't worry about it… Ryan"

Ryan smiled and blushed when he heard Felix saying his name again. And it felt like for real. Yes, he felt bad for that he and Marzia had to break up in that way. But, he could have his chance now. It was bad for thinking in that way. But it was true.

Felix stares into the others eyes and his hand went to the back of his head. He need it. Now! He needed Ryan now more than ever! He pulled Ryan closer and their lips crashed on each other.

Ryan let out a surprised groan. But totally relaxed, when he felt the lips of the other. He closed his eyes and move closer to deep the kiss.

Felix, opened his mouth a little and stroke with his tongue the others bottom lip for entrance. When Ryan opened his mouth a little Felix put his tongue In his mouth.

Their tongue wrestle with each other, and just in his dream Felix toke the lead. This was like a dream, but they were actually kissing! Like really kissing! Not some lips brushing each other, but real kissing!

Felix pulled away when he was out of breath ,but his hand stays on their place. He stroke with his thumb Ryan's cheekbone and smiled. "Finally, that happened"

Ryan chuckled, but his face grow even more red. "Without getting interrupted"

"Let's go to bed" Felix said. He stood up, pulling Ryan with him by his hand and walked to Ryan's room.

"We are going to sleep here?" Ryan asked when he saw that Felix was leading him to his room.

"I don't want to sleep in the room were me and Marzia did… You know" he closed the door behind Ryan and lays down on the bed. "I'm sorry, Ryan, but I don't feel like 'doing' something now" he smiled.

Ryan smiled and lay down next to him, facing him. "Don't worry about, Felix. It's okay. Let's just sleep and see what we are going to do tomorrow"

Felix nodded, put his arms around Ryan and pulled him close to his chest. He rested his head on the others head and breath in the smell of the American. 'God, he smells so good'.

Ryan, hide his face in Felix' chest and put his arms around Felix' waist. He sighs out comfortable and close his eyes. "Good night, Felix"

Felix smiles and kissed the top of his head. "Good night, Ryan" He didn't must feel like this, but he felt happy now. He finally had what he wanted for a long time, since the first day they met , and that his Ryan. He closed his eyes with a smile. Knowing that this was not the end of him and Marzia.