AN: Whew! This was a tough one. I've spent hours and hours on it. I nearly put it off until tomorrow, but didn't want to disappoint my readers. For the sake of y'all, I managed to push through the writer's block and get back into the mindset of the characters, so here ya go.
The anticipation and apprehension in the room was palpable as Rose opened the envelope and removed the paper inside. We all sat frozen as statues as she unfolded it and began to read.
Chapter 16 - Guilt Trips
Carlisle – I loved you as a father. You always patched me up when I got hurt. I got used to being able to rely on you to keep calm in a crisis, to keep me safe from harm, and to repair the damage frequently done to my fragile body. You have always prided yourself on saving lives. Well, you have failed this time. I blame you as head of the family for the decision you made to abandon me, leaving me broken. How dare you make promises you never intended to keep? How dare you call me daughter then throw me away? How dare you let Edward and Alice play with my heart and then shatter it? What happened to 'Do ye no harm'? Isn't that part of your Hippocratic Oath? The one main rule of doctorhood? How could you condone the harm done to me? You have all killed me emotionally, left me an empty, aching shell. You betrayed me, betrayed my trust and faith in you. I always thought you were so kind and compassionate. I never saw this coming. I never expected this kind of treatment from you. I know only you had the power to make this decision for your family. Well, shame on you. Shame on you for pretending to love me, pretending to care about me. If you cared even the slightest, you would never have treated me this way. Your compassion is all a fraud, a mask, a part of your facade. Did I even know you at all? Was anything you ever said real or true? Or was it all a game to you?
Carlisle sobbed, clutching Esme close to himself. He was devastated by the accusations in the letter and overwhelmed by grief. After a few seconds of silence, I felt the rage welling up inside of him. His face lost all of its normal human softness and acquired the sharp angles of a typical vampire. His eyes were deep pools of black and the power of his age resonated throughout the room. Gone was the father, and in his place was our coven leader. His body was rigid with authority, and even I would be loathe to challenge him in his current mood. Wanting them to truly understand the consequences of their decisions, I flooded Edward and Alice with the full impact of Carlisle's emotions, making sure they knew what they were feeling and why through the use of their precious gifts.
Unaware of my emotional addition to his verbal dressing down, Carlisle proceeded with his reprimand. "I will never listen to Edward or Alice again. Your word and your council cannot be trusted. Not only did you two succeed in making my daughter believe I had betrayed her, but you drove her to seek her own death. Your actions and council led me to betray myself and the ideals that have guided my decisions for my entire existence. My honor and integrity have been called into question, due to your choices, mistakes, and deceit. Neither of you are currently worthy to bear the Cullen name and crest. You will revert to the use of your human last names and hand over the crests you both wear," he commanded, holding out his hand to receive the necklace from Alice and the wristband from Edward. They were both sobbing as they handed them over to him, begging him to reconsider, but he stood firm against their pleas. "Perhaps in the future you may be able to earn these back, but for now, I will be keeping them in my safe."
He swiftly moved to his study and put away the two items, before returning to the living room and Esme. Rose waited for him to get settled before reading the next portion of the letter.
Esme – I loved you as my mother. I adopted you as my own. You were the mother I always wished I could have had. Though I have always loved Renee, she never mothered me the way you did. You took care of me, cooked for me, talked to me, listened to me, advised me wisely, and held me when I needed it. I thought you really loved me. I thought you truly cared. Now I know it was all a lie. For what kind of mother abandons her child without a backward glance, a second thought, a single goodbye? What kind of mother throws away her youngest daughter, deserts her, moves away without a forwarding address, leaving her alone and unprotected, heartbroken, shattered? I was never your daughter, though I considered you my mother. No, you never returned the love I gave you unconditionally. You thought nothing of making promises you never intended to keep, of pretending to care, when really you were just indulging your children with their new pet, their shiny new toy. Once they got bored, the toy was tossed aside, broken and worthless, forgotten.
If I thought Carlisle was bad, his feelings were a walk in the park compared to Esme's. The despair, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, and fear marinating her heart and mind nearly drowned me. I felt so heavy, I couldn't even move. I felt ready to throw myself off a cliff. Poor Esme was considering herself an utter failure as a mother. Bella's words hit her hard and reminded her of how she felt when her infant son died all those years ago.
"It's not your fault, Esme," I rasped, barely able to speak. I desperately tried to remind her that the accusations were unfounded, the beliefs formed due to Edward's actions, not her own.
"No, don't say it, Jasper," Edward whimpered, having heard my thoughts and plan to bring Esme out of her pit of despair.
I growled at him and ignored the emotional wave he sent, begging for mercy. His pain was minimal compared to hers, and she was the innocent party. I made sure to let him and Alice share her pain and feel how much they had hurt her. "You didn't do that, Esme, Edward did. You didn't abandon her or throw her away. I know you sent her a letter that expressed your love and intention to remain a permanent part of her life. Edward is the one who destroyed your letter, who refused to deliver it. He's the one who failed Bella and made her feel abandoned, unwanted, unloved, and alone. You're a good mother, Esme, the best! See how much she loved you - more than her own flesh and blood! She's not dead, Esme. We saved her. You have the opportunity to set the record straight, to continue being the mother she knows and loves. Remember that!"
My pep talk did the trick, as her anger and loathing focused on the one who deserved it, the one most at fault for the current situation, and his accomplice. Once again, I allowed them to experience the full extent of her emotional response as she tore into them verbally. "You!" She snarled, pointing at Edward. Like Carlisle, she was finally exhibiting her vampire side, her eyes black as coal, shining with her venom tears. "You did this! You made my baby feel like a pet, like a toy! You broke her and threw her away!"
She turned her whole body and pointed at Alice, who was cowering into her chair at the intensity of Esme's glare. "And you! You helped him! You pushed her around and treated her like a Barbie doll, claiming sisterhood, yet when she needed you and your help the most, you turned your back on her. Shame on you, Mary Alice Brandon! Shame!"
She paused and hugged herself, her heart full of pain and remorse. She took a deep breath, and I felt the resolve welling up from somewhere deep inside. Her voice was cold as she declared, "I never thought I would ever do this to a child of mine, but I finally understand the purpose and meaning of tough love. I still love you both, but you have done irrevocable harm to this family. You need to take some time away and learn how to treat others with the respect they deserve. This is for the good of the family, including both of you. I don't think any of us will be willing to forgive and forget without a large effort on your part, and I seriously doubt either of you are in a position to do so. Until you can get over your superiority complexes and your selfishness, you will not be welcome to live with me wherever I am. You may still have the use of other houses the family owns, and the individual accounts in your names, so you will not be homeless or destitute. It is time for you both to do some serious soul-searching if you ever want to be welcome to be a part of our daily lives again."
She sat back down with Carlisle, and he tucked her into his side, comforting her the way only a mate can, simply with the tightness of their bond, the strength of their love, the pleasure of their touch, and the serenity of their scent.
Rose took a deep breath, her voice trembling slightly as she read out the next name, squeezing her husband's hand in a show of support.
Emmett – I loved you as my big brother. You were the big brother I never knew I wanted, but was so glad to have. I loved you so much and eagerly looked forward to the times we spent together. You were my hero, my friend, my protector. I thought you were on my side. I thought I could count on you, yet you betrayed me. You walked away, left me behind, just like all the others. You threw me to the wolves, tossed me to the lions. You turned your back on me and left me to rot, broken and alone. You left me to die. Your love was a lie. I was only a source of entertainment, like the latest video game. Fun while it lasted and then easily forgotten.
Emmett didn't bother with self-recriminations. He knew exactly where the blame belonged, and he focused his feelings toward them from the start. I smirked as I made sure those emotions hit their intended targets. He raised an eyebrow in my direction when he saw them both blanch and swallow nervously. I nodded, acknowledging I was indeed using my gift to ensure he got his point across, in addition to whatever thoughts he was thinking or decisions he was making to trigger their gifts.
Em had every intention of being the best big brother ever to Bella once she awoke, and I knew he would never willingly be parted from her again. Whatever was going through his mind as Rose read Bella's pain filled words, it was causing terror in both Edward and Alice, as they repeatedly cringed in unison. They were briefly relieved when Emmett's portion came to an end, until Rose announced the next name.
Alice – I loved you as my sister, my best friend. I never had a sister or a best friend before I met you. I gave you anything you wanted. I did things I hated, just to make you happy. I sacrificed for you, loved you, accepted you, changed for you. Yet, it was all meaningless to you. I was nothing but a toy. I should have realized from you calling me Bella Barbie that I was just a living doll you could dress and give makeovers to until you got bored. You were forever pushing me outside my comfort zone, steamrolling over my protests and decisions, always having to have everything your way. And I let you do it, because I cared, because I wanted to make you happy. I was a fool. I know you have seen me here, seen me writing this, seen me pull the trigger, seen me bleed and die. You have seen how this will affect my parents, my peers, the entire community of Forks and La Push. Yet you have done nothing to stop it. You want me to die. You are tired of me and don't want me hanging around forever. Fine. I would have done anything for you. So I will do this now. I will die for you, like you want me to, so you never have to worry about me betraying your secrets or following you around like a starving puppy. My blood is on your hands, Alice. You knew what Edward would say to me, you knew what it would do to me, you knew how I would respond, you knew I would kill myself. You knew, and you chose not to stop it. That's how I know I've made the right choice. I would never bet against you, and you have apparently decided this is for the best. So be it.
The emotions pouring out of everyone in response to this letter in particular hit me like a tsunami. I concentrated my entire focus on allowing them to pass through me and onto my ex-brother and ex-wife. If I didn't open a pathway through my core and function merely as a conduit, I would have snapped from the sheer magnitude, depth, and negativity of all those emotions as they burned me from the inside out.
Alice's emotions started out very ambivalent: loving, regretful, jealous, hopeful, fearful, angry, frustrated, offended, and irritated. Then, she suddenly went numb, as if she had just shut down her mind completely. Edward was horror-stricken, but his gaze was not fixed on Alice. It was directed toward the stairwell.
The last few sentences of the portion directed toward Alice were too much for Esme. She shot up and into a crouch, growling fiercely. Her blazing onyx eyes were focused on the unresponsive psychic. "See what your unwarranted defiance has wrought?" she growled, her words barely discernable over the rumble in her chest. Her fingers were stretched out into claws, her teeth were bared, gleaming with dripping venom, her maternal protective instincts in overdrive. We all stared in awe at the gloriousness of Esme in full Mama Bear mode.
I noticed the hope and anticipation both Rose and Emmett were projecting as they internally cheered Esme on, hoping she would attack. Carlisle was amazed, concerned, and somewhat aroused by his mate's show of fierce protectiveness, a normal response for a male vampire when exposed to his mate's feral, animalistic side, though I quickly pushed those thoughts away for my own sake. He was also vacillating between anticipation and guilt, and I guessed he too wanted to see his mate attack the one who had hurt his beloved child, but was also guilty at the thought of wanting to see Alice, whom he had considered a daughter for over fifty years, get attacked. His paternal side was at war with itself, seeking both justice and to protect one of his own.
Edward was shaking with terror and regret, cowering back into his chair, his eyes locked onto Esme's aggressive stance. His fight or flight reflex was trying desperately to kick in, but his fear was too great to allow him to move from his seat, and his whole being recoiled in horror at the idea of physically hurting the woman he loved as a mother. I wasn't sure he'd even be able to bring himself to defend himself against her if she did attack him.
For Esme's part, her heart was at war with herself as well, and her strong maternal love for Alice was the only thing holding her back from attacking. I had no doubt that had it been anyone other than her own children who had done this to Bella, then they would already be shredded into pieces small enough to use as compost in Esme's garden. Even after Alice's bitter betrayal, Esme's love was still present in her feelings toward Alice, because a mother's love is forever. The love was still there, but forgiveness was not, and the love was covered over by a thin film of hatred. It was the same way she now felt about Edward as well. She loved them, but hated the things they had done and the attitudes they had and would not forgive the wrongs they had committed without true repentance and remorse on their parts.
I had no doubt that if either were to realize and admit their wrongdoing, permanently change their ways to honorable ones worthy of respect, apologize sincerely to all injured parties and actively seek to make amends, then she would forgive them and welcome them back with open arms. Too bad Edward and Alice were too full of themselves to do any of that. Empty apologies without actions to back them up were meaningless - cheap, easy, and devoid of any true repentance.
Knowing Esme would not allow herself to attack, I sent a wave of calm around the room. Rose and Emmett were disappointed, but everyone else was thankful, though I still couldn't detect any emotions from Alice. I tried sending her a few test emotions, and the lack of response on her part showed me she couldn't even feel them. She was locked deep inside her own mind somewhere, unaware of anything going on around her.
Rose stared down at the paper nervously and cleared her throat, her voice hitching as she read the next name.
Rosalie – You were the only one who showed me the real you. You were the only one who didn't pretend to like me, didn't pretend to care. You openly showed me I didn't matter, I wasn't important, I wasn't worthy of your family, I was only a temporary aberration. How many times have the others played this game with some foolish girl's heart? How many have your family left behind, heart broken, dreams shattered, unable to trust anyone ever again? How many have killed themselves over your family's treatment of them, over false hopes, false promises? Thank you, Rosalie, for telling the truth. You and Jasper are the only ones who didn't hurt me with your defection. You never promised me anything, never told me you loved me, never called me sister or even friend, never pretended to care about me at all. I wish I had heeded your warnings. I should have stayed away like you warned me. But I didn't listen. Now I am paying the price of my stubborn ignorance and blatant stupidity.
I sensed Rosalie's sadness and regret when she realized how her treatment of Bella had made the girl feel. I could feel her new sisterly love and affection growing toward Bella and felt confident they would have a much better relationship in the future.
"You can't fault her logic," Rose declared sorrowfully. "Given what information Edward gave her. Of course, she would expect Alice to see her decision and see lack of action on Alice's part as tacit agreement and support of that decision. After all, Alice saw everything else, right? She would intervene if Bella decided to wear jeans to school or throw away her high heels. Why wouldn't she intervene in something so much more important? How was Bella supposed to know Alice would agree to ignore her future, per Edward's request? Thus, believing we had lied to her, shown her false affection, abandoned her without a care, and now were supportive of her suicide, of course she would wonder if this was a game we had played before." Her eyes, full of hatred and reproach, glared at Edward.
His head came up, likely in response to whatever she was thinking. His expression was that of a man whose flesh was melting from the heat of the fiery flames he deserved to devour him. I blocked his pain and agony, not wanting to lessen it by sharing it, nor to experience it myself. I had enough pain of my own.
"Rose," was all he mumbled, before dropping his head again in a gesture of despair and defeat.
"Jasper was right!" Rose snarled angrily. "Edward didn't do this out of love for Bella, like he claims. If he wants to delude himself by thinking so, he doesn't have a clue what love really is."
"Hear, hear!" Emmett agreed wholeheartedly, flinging his arm around Rose's shoulders in a show of support and an attempt to comfort.
"Indeed," Esme snapped coldly, not bothering to even look in his direction.
Carlisle kissed the top of his wife's head and sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward," he apologized formally. "I should never have changed you. I see that now."
Edward stared at Carlisle in disbelief. "You . . . Y-you never believed that before! You always disagreed whenever I or anyone else suggested that. You always said I had a purpose to fulfill, that I had something important to do, to contribute to the world, so you couldn't let me die!" He was heartbroken to hear his 'father' basically disowning him and regretting his 'birth'.
I felt Carlisle's emotional turmoil and had an epiphany. "He brought us Bella," I reminded Carlisle. "Without him, she wouldn't have had the impetus to get to know us, and we wouldn't have accepted her into the family so readily and easily."
Carlisle smiled widely at me, his pride and gratitude saturating my soul. Unlike Edward, I believed vampires did have souls, and Carlisle was the reason for that. For if Carlisle didn't have a soul, then what hope was there for the rest of the world?
My revelation allowed Carlisle to relax, his mind, heart, and soul at peace again. "She is worth it. All of it," Carlisle declared, a tranquil smile still decorating his face. I shared his desperately needed peace with the rest of the family, allowing us to face the rest of the letter.
Rose began reading again, and when I heard my name, I froze, afraid to hear what Bella had to say to me after I tried to attack her. Would she blame me for everything, like certain others had done?
Jasper – I forgive you for your little slip at my party. I don't blame you at all. It was a completely natural reaction to the situation. I know you felt guilty, but truly the fault was not yours. No, the true guilt is Edward's. He provoked you, it was his extreme emotion that triggered your own. If he hadn't lost control, then you wouldn't have either. I saw what really happened that night. He directed his own rage at you, and you absorbed it. Your whole family only added to it. You absorbed everyone's rage in that room, took all of it into yourself, and only then did you crack. Jasper, nobody could take that much rage without attacking. The blame is not yours, it belongs to the entire family, as every single one of them contributed to the struggle, even Carlisle. I also want to thank you for trying to protect me, trying to warn me back in Phoenix. We were never close. I don't really know you at all. At least you never pretended to be my brother or my best friend. You never pretended to be happy to see me or want me around. It was obvious you were only tolerating my presence for Alice's sake, so you hold no blame for leaving when she did. It was obvious she was always your top priority. Like me, you bent over backward, sacrificing your personality, your own happiness, your very self to make her happy. I can never blame you for that, for your loyalty and selflessness. You are a good man, Jasper, under-appreciated and stronger than you think.
My whole being filled with warmth, love, and affection as I heard the first part of the letter. Not only did she realize so quickly what the rest of my family hadn't in decades, but she was still carefully guarding our secret, even as she intended to end her own life believing we'd abandoned her. She was absolutely amazing. These thoughts and feelings I kept to myself, not wanting Edward to have any part of them. He didn't deserve to feel good right now. I ignored the emotions of everybody else as well, focusing my full attention on Bella's words to me and how they made me feel.
I found myself wishing I had taken the time to get to know her. If I had spent more time getting used to her scent, like Edward did, I might have been strong enough to resist that night when she first got hurt. Then again, all of this deceit wouldn't have been brought to light, its ugliness exposed for all of us to see. Who knows how many more decades might have passed before we found out the truth? So the real regret was not getting to Bella before she shot herself. I should have taken just a few extra minutes to reassure Bella that I wasn't leaving, that Edward was a liar, that the family loved her, before chasing after the bastard. He was driving his Volvo, so I could have caught up with him by running. I could have crushed his beloved car before crushing him and his massive ego.
Given everything else Bella's perception had revealed to her, it shouldn't have surprised me that she recognized what Alice had been doing to me. After all, it was the same thing Edward was doing to her. Hadn't I come to the same conclusion on my return run from the party fiasco? The surprise is that the sweet, little human was more observant with her human eyes and human brain, than an entire house full of vampires. Only she could truly understand the effort and humility required to suppress one's own will and personality to become a living doll for another's amusement. Now that I had been set free from that mindset, I was sickened by how far I had let it go, how deeply I had withdrawn into myself, hiding my real thoughts and feelings in an effort to please the woman I had believed to be my eternal mate. She had broken me down so gradually and so masterfully that I hadn't even realized what was happening until it was over. Every time I gave just a little, it was easier to give just a little more the next time, until there was nothing left to give. Every time I sacrificed a part of who I really was and hid what I truly felt to avoid conflict with my wife, it became that much easier for her to manipulate and control me, until the part of me that interacted with the rest of the world was a shell, a mere shadow of the man I used to be, nothing more than Alice's puppet, subject to her every whim. Thank heavens I was finally free of her tyranny!
I felt an even deeper awe of and kinship with Bella. There was so much more to her than just a 'mere' human. How tragic it would have been if Edward had not saved her from Tyler's van, if Alice hadn't talked me out of killing her to protect our secrets! We would never have known what we were missing, but we would never have been enriched the way we have been. For all their flaws, Edward and Alice had done that much right.
A sense of unease skirted my mind as a disturbing thought piped up in my brain. How many of the people I had killed over the years had been amazing like Bella? How many had lives to enrich with their love and companionship? What had the world missed out on due to me and my past actions? I quickly pushed those thoughts away before they could send me spiraling into a major depression or a fit of rage the likes of which the Cullens had never seen. I consoled myself, as I often did when the past haunted me, that I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, and as soon as I knew there was a better way, I immediately committed all my energy into bettering myself, living as honorably as I knew how.
The air in the room was rife with anticipation as we all knew there was only one name left, only one person who had yet to hear how Bella had been affected by his choice to leave her, lie to her, and betray her love and trust. Alice came out of her trance just in time, though there was still a blankness to her eyes and her emotions were still lacking. Rose took a second or two to enjoy having the full attention of every single family member fixated on her, hanging on her every word, before finally reading the last portion.
Edward – You were my life, my love, my future, my hope, my dream, my heart, my meaning, my reason to live, my happiness, my soul mate, my everything. I never could understand what you saw in me, plain, clumsy, pathetic me. I should have listened to my instincts. Somehow, I always knew you were too good to be true. I always knew you would one day realize I wasn't worthy of you. You broke your promises to me. You destroyed me. You shattered me into a million tiny pieces that can never be put back together. I can never forget you. You took my heart and my soul with you when you left, leaving me a bitter, aching, empty shell. I can never love another. Without you, there is no me, no life, no purpose, no feeling. I am dead already. A zombie. I died, there on the forest floor where you left me. All that is me, all that is Bella Swan, died. All that is left is pain, an empty, soulless monster, the walking dead. I cannot continue this existence without you. I will kill the soulless monster that I am now. I will end this pain forever. You did this to me.
You made me love you, just so you could have a distraction from your boredom. All your lies about not wanting to take my soul, not wanting me to be a monster, not wanting me to die, not wanting me to be damned to hell. All worthless. For you took my soul, you killed me, you made me into a monster, and my suicide will assure my place in hell. Now I know your lies were empty excuses given to avoid telling me you just didn't want me anymore. You didn't want me forever. You didn't love me the way I loved you. You didn't really want me at all. You were always pushing me away. I can't believe I was so dense, so delusional. I can't believe I never saw the truth. Well, you shall have your wish.
I know Alice shared her knowledge with you. You knew what would happen when you chose to treat me that way and you did it anyway. You knew I would kill myself, and you still broke me. You obviously wanted me to die. You wanted me to do your dirty work for you. To tie up all the loose ends so you wouldn't have to deal with me anymore or worry about me telling your secrets. You win. You're right. I can't live with this pain you caused me. I will destroy myself, and you shall be forever free of me. My blood will be on your hands forever. You did this. This is all your fault.
You knew from the start you would never keep me. You knew from the very beginning you didn't want me for real, forever. Yet you led me on anyway. You made me fall in love with you. You separated me from my friends, from my family, until you consumed my every thought, my every desire. You made me dependent upon you and then you threw me away, like a broken toy, a used tissue, when I'd outlived my usefulness. You were right, and I was wrong. You are a monster, a murderer, for you have just murdered me.
Shame on you, Edward Cullen, for breaking a young girl's heart, for playing games with a naïve, innocent who gave you her whole heart, her unconditional love, her very soul, who would have done anything for you. Shame on you for using me as a distraction from the boredom of high school. Shame on you for betraying me without a second thought. For using me to sate yourself, for making me think I was wanted, when it was only your desire to satisfy your 'hunger' that made you keep me around.
Stick to your own kind, Cullen, and stop playing games with breakable young hearts. Stick with someone like Tanya, who knows the rules of your games and can keep up with the fickleness of your attention. I can only hope justice will someday be served. The universe owes me this much. Just remember, you reap what you sow. If you sow pain, you will eventually reap it tenfold.
A shiver went down my spine at the prophetic nature of her words. I was still gluing Edward to his seat with the weight of everyone's emotional response to Bella's heartfelt words, and I couldn't help but wonder what fate, or the universe, had in store for Edward that would be appropriate justice for the wrongs he had committed against not only Bella, but the rest of the family as well. Whatever it was, it would be something out of a nightmare no doubt.
Edward hung his head in shame, covering his face with his hands. His shoulders were shaking with sobs, but I still wasn't happy with his level of remorse. He just didn't really seem sorry enough. He and Alice both were feeling regretful, but their level of repentance wasn't even close to what the rest of the family was feeling, and they were the guilty parties. We felt worse about what they did to Bella than they did.
Suddenly, he squared his shoulders and swelled with determination. I eyed him warily, wondering what bee was in his bonnet now. "Well, what's done is done and can't be undone. We just need to make the best out of the future that we can, and I'll have the rest of eternity to make up for my mistakes. I'm sure Bella will understand and forgive me, once I explain that I was only thinking of her and trying to protect her, not realizing my plan to give her a happy, human life would fail so dramatically. Now that she will be a vampire too, and I wasn't the one who changed her, she and I can finally have our happy ever after together like she always wanted," Edward expounded enthusiastically.
"I don't think even Bella is that forgiving," Rose scoffed. "If it were me, I'd rip off your body parts and bury them all over the world."
"Yeah, well, nobody asked you," Edward muttered, glaring in her general direction, but refusing to meet her eyes. Alice was gazing up at Edward forlornly, but kept her mouth shut for once. I was surprised to see her exercising some restraint. Maybe there was hope for her yet.
"There's something you all need to know," I reluctantly admitted. "Bella won't be a normal newborn."
"When has she ever been normal?" Emmett chuckled. One look at my serious expression had him sobering up quickly.
"What do you mean, son?" Carlisle inquired, both intrigued and concerned. I saw Edward flinch at the pride in his voice as he called me 'son'. I guess I'm the new golden boy, eh? I deliberately provoked. Edward glared hatefully at me in response, his massive jealousy amusing me. Unfortunately, the subject at hand was too serious to fully enjoy the minor torture Edward was receiving from the rest of us, via our thoughts and attitudes with regard to him.
I sighed. "The damage to her brain will be repaired by the venom, but she won't be the same as she was before. She probably will have very few, if any, human memories and instincts."
"Like Alice?" Carlisle wondered, glancing briefly in her direction before returning his focus to me.
I shook my head. "No, not really. Even though Alice had no memories of her human life, she still had human memories. She remembered how to walk and talk. She remembered all the language and motor skills she had learned. A large portion of Bella's brain is being recreated from scratch. They are fully functional and able to store knowledge and experience, but they are currently blank. Her hard drive has been wiped and reformatted. The only data she'll have is that which we give her. She's a blank slate, just like a newborn baby."
My family was frozen in shock at this news, each processing within their own minds. I was the only one still breathing and aware of my surroundings, so I was the only one who noticed Peter's and Charlotte's arrival.
I opened the door and welcomed my brother and sister inside, showing them up to the guest room they would be occupying. They carried their bags inside and then peeked in on Bella. I couldn't help the low, protective growl that escaped when I saw them so close to her. The both stepped back into the hall and stared at me in surprise.
Suddenly, Peter smirked, his eyes lit up with his little epiphany, and I wondered what his annoying little gift had told him now. Before I could ask, I heard Rose wonder, "When did Peter and Charlotte get here?"
That was our cue to join the rest of the family and continue the meeting.
xxxxxxx
AN: I hope that lived up to your expectations. I admit it was difficult, much more so than writing the letters themselves. I'd love to hear from you if you liked it. Reviews encourage me to keep going when the going gets tough. *tired smile*
If you didn't like it, well, too bad. I'm not rewriting it. Besides, who asked you? *snicker* Criticism, shmiticism. If I got paid for this, I'd accept the bad with the good gracefully (yeah, right), but since it is purely voluntary, I'm only interested in praise. *blinks eyes innocently* What? We're all thinking it, right? One bad review amongst ten good ones is enough to make a writer feel like packing up her ball (story) and going home (quitting). So *shakes finger in admonishment* if you don't have anything nice to say, (say it with me people, we've all heard it) don't say anything at all. *pats self on back* Okay, I did my good deed of the day for authors everywhere, raising awareness and self-esteem, one author at a time . . .