"Hey!"
Dean is sitting stiffly in front of his camera, a huge contrast to how relaxed he usually is, and his smile doesn't reach his eyes.
"Winchester here! Just wanted to let you know that I'm glad my video left such an impression on you!"
He stops abruptly, eyes darting around his room as if he's looking for something to say.
When his eyes return to the camera, he looks as if he's made up his mind, as if he's bracing himself for something.
"Also…you're not the only one that's struggled with self-harm."
He stops again, his eyes going distant, and he lets out a humorless chuckle.
"Hard to believe, isn't it? No one ever expects the popular jock with a million friends to be struggling with depression. But the thing is, it doesn't matter how perfect your life looks to everyone on the outside. Everyone has their problems; it's just that no one goes around airing them out to the world. That girl that sits next to you in English, who's always smiling and laughing? Her mother died of cancer. That little kid you see running around on the playground with his friends every day? His grandfather has Alzheimer's and no longer recognizes him. That super strict teacher that everyone hates for giving so much homework? His wife is having an affair with another man…and that popular Youtuber who doesn't seem to have a care in the world? He used to abuse drugs, and grew to hate himself so much, he slit his wrists."
He looks down, not even bothering to wipe away the single stray tear making its way down his cheek.
He stares at something in his lap for a few moments before the corner of his mouth tilts up in a tiny smile.
When finally he looks back up at the camera, he looks a little more in control of himself. He holds up his left forearm, wrist facing the camera, and on it is a beautiful tattoo of a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. The branch the cocoon is hanging from is slightly raised, and it doesn't take one long to realize that that is where the scar resides.
"I got this tattoo as a reminder," he says after a while, taking his arm back and running a thumb gently over the butterfly's wings. "Every time I look at it, I remember my family's expressions when I first opened my eyes in the hospital, how relieved they were, how much they'd been crying. And I remember that Sammy was the one who found me that day, and that is something I never ever wanted him to see.
"For a whole week after that incident, the kid would start hyperventilating if I left his line of sight, and even to this day, he gets worried if he doesn't know where I am or if I don't reply to his texts or emails.
"And I can't help but think that that was my fault.
"So please, to all my viewers who are struggling with depression, don't ever even consider ending your life. There are people whose entire world would stop if anything happened to you."
He stops, runs a hand through his still damp hair in a rarely seen sign of nervousness.
Finally, he drops his hand and straightens up in his seat.
His gaze doesn't waver as he says, "Goodbye everyone, and stay safe until next time."
Then, he pauses for a second, and a genuine smile stretches across his face.
"I'd love to hear from you again, Cas."
Uploader Comments
44 minutes ago
Sam Winchester: That was, hands down, the worst day of my life, and if you ever try something like that again Dean, I will kill you myself.
43 minutes ago
D_Winchester: No need to worry, Sammy. You know I won't.
40 minutes ago
Sam Winchester: Good. And stop calling me Sammy, jerk. It's Sam.
39 minutes ago
D_Winchester: Not a chance, bitch. Call me tonight, alright? We haven't talked in forever. But I swear to God, if you start going on about your classes again, I will hang up on your ass. (36 likes)
Top Comments
30 minutes ago
YaoiFangirl66439: Our worlds would end if something happened to you, Dean. (97 likes)
43 minutes ago
Dr. Badass: It's always Sammy this, Sammy that. You have any idea how worried we were as well? Benny was catatonic and Jo fainted. (23 likes)
All Comments
AngelOfThursday: … [Post]
1 minute ago
Amelia Michelson: You know, since no one ever fucking talks about self-harm, I've always felt like I was alone. For some reason, depression and cutting and addiction and everything having become taboo, and that's a really really bad thing. We need to talk about these kinds of things more, and I'm glad that you and AngelOfThursday have started. Good job. (3 likes)
4 minutes ago
Michaela Loren: Who's Cas?
7 minutes ago
Alexa Samuel: That's a beautiful tattoo with a beautiful meaning. Please remember that we're all supporting you, Dean!
9 minutes ago
2759FTW: I feel like everyone needs to hear this. Depression is a huge problem, and I'm happy you're finally talking about it. Thank you.
12 minutes ago
Irfan Janmohammad: Wow. You've come such a long way. How are you so strong?
14 minutes ago
OurGoddessHaruhi: Were you referring to AngelOfThursday when you said Cas? How do you know his name? O.o
15 minutes ago
Hanna Banana: Aww, I feel so bad for you! Why did you have to have such a hard life? *Sigh* I wish there were guys like you at my school.
19 minutes ago
1_2_Prince_Lover: Just imagining my younger sister in Sam's position is enough to stop me from ever thinking about suicide. I don't want her to have to see me like that.
Show more
For a long time after watching the response to his video, Castiel was completely speechless.
He had never even imagined that Dean would reply to him (he never had to other video responses after all), and this…well this was just…wow.
"Cassie…you have to reply to him," said Gabriel, nudging his younger brother in the ribs.
"You think I don't know that?" snapped Castiel. "It's just…what the hell am I supposed to say? What do you say to someone who just told you something like that?"
"I don't know," replied Gabriel, standing up and heading straight to the kitchen to get something to eat.
Groaning in disappointment, Castiel dropped his head into his hands. He'd asked his older brother to watch this video with him, hoping he'd be able to help with a response, but no such luck, apparently.
Suddenly, something small and hard hit his head, and Castiel sat up with a cry of pain.
"What the hell, Gabriel?" he demanded, looking down to see that his brother had thrown a freaking lollipop at him.
"Stop moping," he said, "And hurry up and reply to lover boy. This exchange of yours is the most interesting thing I've seen in a while. Just…try and talk about something other than all these mushy, touchy feely things. I know! Why don't you tell the guy about the massive crush you've had on him since forever?"
Feeling his cheeks flush with embarrassment, Castiel shouted, "Get out of my room, Gabriel!"
And his brother ran out, cackling gleefully.
Before he closed the door after himself though, he popped his head back into the room and said, "Well, you could always ask him how he knew your name. The guy might actually turn out to be some kind of stalker or hacker or spy or something. That'd sure spice things up!"
"GET OUT!" bellowed Castiel, getting up and grabbing a pillow from his bed to throw at his brother.
When Gabriel had finally left, though (for good this time), Castiel sat down in front of his computer and ended up grudgingly using his brother's suggestion.
"Hello."
SkyGem: So guys. Just realized I haven't actually included an author's note for this fic yet, which is strange for me, considering I usually have at least one per chapter. Anyways, just wanted to say that I'm so happy for the support I've gotten so far! I'm glad you guys have been enjoying this so far, and I'd love to know if y'all have any suggestions or things you'd like to see in this fic! Oh, and two more things. One: if you haven't read the fic this was based on, you totally should. It's amazing. And two: let me know if it'd be alright to use some of your usernames in the comments section of the chapters. It's getting annoying thinking them up. Anyways, that's it for now, but please do leave me a comment letting me know what you thought! Bye!