Still sadly I know nothing, but if I did...
She woke up at six am no longer in her loves arms, her body snuggled against Alex's just not being held. She slowly got up as to not wake her and headed off for the shower getting ready for work. She left Alex still sleeping with a note on the coffee pot knowing she couldn't miss it there, "Alex, didn't want to wake you, stay as long as you want no need to leave." She hadn't wanted her love to worry and figured the note would let her know she was only at work, and to stay if she wanted.
Walking into the 1-6 Olivia sighed bracing herself knowing the looks of concern and worry Eliot would throw at her asking as always if she was ok, and what was wrong. Dropping her stuff at her desk before making her way to the horrible coffee that munch made no doubt, she felt better knowing she had made it in before her partner and wouldn't have to suffer his looks, not yet anyways. Pouring coffee as she get out the powdered cream and some sugar, she looked up when she heard him come in, "hey El."
He sat down at his desk seeing the stack of files already there, knowing he had a boat load of paperwork to catch up on, "hey Liv, how are you?" he smiled at her.
"Peachy, you?" She said walking over to her desk to start on her own paperwork, the Silvers case still had no leads and after she finished compiling the witness statement, they would need to go back to the deli where the girl had been found. Nodding his answer that he was good, he went back to his paper work.
By five they had gone back over the scene, interviewed a few more people, and all that was left was to finish up the paperwork and get a warrant for search of the car they were told was seen parked still across the street where the girl had come from.
Two weeks had gone by Alex was still there and Olivia was no closer to telling her anything, most days she placed a false bravado on trying to keep Alex from asking to much. Alex still wasn't buying it and had started to ask several times, but in the end always stopped herself. "Livvy?" Alex said one night after dinner knowing she would say it was time she should look for an apartment, at least that was her plan. "Hmm?" she answered from the couch where they were curled up talking, Liv had been letting her just a bit closer, and always rested on her shoulder.
She pulled away and took her loves hands looking into her eyes, "I think I should look for a place of my own, I can't be here forever." Liv started to panic, be here for ever? She was leaving? no.. no.. no, she had to react fast, but she still spent all but that second night on the couch. Alex had agreed to stay for a little while but Liv had no idea it was only two weeks, "Why baby, have I done something? Are you upset with me?" Her tears immediately started pouring out, her voice catching a small sob in her throat, eyes swimming in pain. "No, baby, no. shhhh," moving to take Liv in her arms, comforting her as she rubbed her back.
She always blamed herself these days, beat herself up for being weak and letting herself get dragged down there. now she had pushed Alex away she just knew it was all her fault. Olivia was for the first time in ages leaning on someone else and letting them take care of her, when her eyes could let out no more tears she took a deep breath nodding slowly feeling spent. She knew she shouldn't stop her but she couldn't, just couldn't lose her after just getting her back, "Then why do you want to go? won't... won't, will you please stay?" pleading with her eyes as she looked at her loves face, conflicting emotions tore at her heart. "We could get a bed for the spare room."
Alex's eyes lit up with what she was hearing, her Liv, her love wanted her to stay. Kissing her loves forehead, softly brushing some hair from her eyes, "Sure that's what you want?" Liv nodded her response, placing her head back on Lexxy's shoulder. a huge grin splayed on her face sighing happily, "We can shop this weekend."
The rest of the week went by fairly quickly for once, but on friday as they started their day, His eyes kept looking at her as he wondered just how long she was going to keep shutting him out as his phone rang. He picked up with a look of shock in his eyes. You could have knocked him over with a feather when he heard the voice on the other end after answering, "Stabler."
"Hi, Eliot it's me Alex, just got back two weeks ago and made Liv my first stop," pausing to give him time to register that she was truly back indeed.
"Hey, good to hear from you." Olivia picked up on his conversation eying him, wondering what it was about, going back to her work knowing at some point she would hear about it, they told each other everything, well almost. All but this she thought. Still somewhat shocked, not knowing she had finally gotten out of WPP until just then, he looked over to Liv, why hadn't she mentioned this?
She supposed she could have gone by the station, said hello to them all but for now she wanted to know what was going on with her Liv, if only she had a little info she knew she could wait for when Olivia would open up, and sensing that he would want to know why Liv hadn't mentioned her return to him, "El, I asked Liv not to say anything, I want to let people know I'm back when I'm ready." Figuring that would stop the slew of questions that he would have bombarded his partner with once off the phone.
"Sure no problem, so what's up?" he asked wondering if there was something more she wanted, she did sound like she was a bit worried, maybe it was strange not to be always looking over her shoulder, and was just adjusting to being back. "Don't worry either, I won't say anything." Strange he thought shaking his head, not sure himself what to make of it, but she wanted people to know on her terms not his. He didn't like it but understood.
"Thanks El, but I called to see if we could meet for lunch, I'm worried about Liv she's not herself, and I know something is wrong." Trying not to sound desperate, but needing to know, she leaned back on the couch her head on a cushion as she waited for him to answer.
He looked over at Liv who was getting up to head over to Cragen's office. Waited till she was gone, "Sure Alex, say two? I have a meeting with Lizzie teacher, but can meet you afterwords." He wondered what he would tell her as he knew nothing himself, he didn't know if Liv had even told her she gone undercover. Running his hand through his receding hairline he made plans to meet her at 2 at a dinner down the street from Olivia's place then hung up.
It had been a week and a half since they had lunch, she never mentioned she knew about Sealview, the fact she had gone undercover and gotten justice for Ashely, her mom Risa, and a slew of other women in the prison even if none of them had come forward. Alex was good about making sure Liv didn't know she knew. She looked up from her book over at Liv smiling mischievously, a glint in her eye leaning over to kiss her forehead before standing up. Moving the coffee table out of the way towards the wall, before walking over and putting a CD in the player.
"What are you doing love?" Olivia asked as she watched half smiling, half wondering just what her girlfriend was doing. Alex walked back taking Olivia's hand as she pulled her up. "Come, dance with me." She said just as the song came on, she had been planing this all day, it wasn't much, but Alex not knowing anything about what almost happened to Liv, only knew she had come back broken and was always jumpy. As such Alex had made a conscience decision to plan very small things to let her know she was loved, not wanting to over do it. She would be Liv's ice queen, strong and hold them both up till Liv could do it for herself and tell her whatever was going on with her.
Liv giggled as she was pulled up, nodding letting Alex lead her around the living room, she wasn't sure about much, but If she could make it as if things were normal again, maybe she could pretend none if it had happened. When the CD ended, Liv felt the need to reciprocate putting in one she had been saving for the right time, songs always could tell someone else how you felt without your need for words. Soon Alex stated crying silent tears poured down her cheeks, not believing what she was hearing, did Liv really feel this way? could it be she might open up to her and tell her whatever was going on soon? "I love you baby." Liv said for the first time since she had been back, having been to afraid before now, afraid of herself, of Lex, of the world, but for now she ripped down a small wall exposing herself a bit more.
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can t relate
And you re still here
And you re still here
And you're still here...
Please as Always R/R... Everything By Alanis Morrisette