Still sadly I own nothing, but if I did...

Over the next few weeks they settled into a comfortable routine, Alex had finished setting her room up with a few pictures, and some nice stuff they had found while shopping. They had found some nice pillows and throw rugs for the floor. When it was all said and done, the room was totally Alex. The Silvers case was going to trial soon, they had all the evidence needed, they had gone over the scene several times, and interviewed a few more people, they had all the witnesses all lined up, all the evidence ready to be resented. Olivia was still not sleeping well, but getting better, it had been a while since she woke up screaming, now it was just waking up in cold sweats.

"Livvy..." Alex started.

"Hmm?" she replied.

Taking a few moments before speaking up, she had to word this right, she wanted to take Olivia out of town before the case got under way knowing it would be a while before it was over. "I've been thinking, how would you feel about taking a long weekend with me? We could go to that cabin in Vermont, the one we stayed at that weekend we first went away together, remember?" She held her breath hopping she would say yes, they could get away from it all, and just relax.

"Baby, I have work, I can't just go, what about the Silvers case?" True she was being called as a witness, but more than that, the thought of being that far away alone with Alex, was just to scary. what if, what if she wanted something Olivia couldn't do or give anymore? Trying to hide the fear in her eyes, but not being successful.

Kissing her forehead with the doe eyed look that always made Olivia melt, not wanting to go because she wanted something sinister. Seeing the trepidation in her loves eyes, but she had been expecting something like this in the back of her head. Already having booked the room and the flight reservations, she was not going to allow her to back down if she could help it. "Baby I know, but please, the case doesn't even go to trial for three weeks, we can go next weekend, you said yourself Casey had it all ready. We can just have some fun skiing and being in the lodge."

Pouting, not her usual form, she tried to think of a way out of this. Alex was always so incredibly good at seeing right through her and her defenses, thinking fast on her feet, come on Liv find away out of this. "We still need to get some more evidence for the case." nice save Benson she thought.

"Baby I know for a fact it's all said and done, ave your being a witness." Not backing down, "besides, it's just a four day weekend." she had booked the room a week and even checked with Eliot, that she had the time to take off, but had no plans of telling her that.

She felt her loves fingers brush some hair from her eyes, looking up at her seeing the tenderness in her eyes as she had been pouting. That and the doe eyed look from Before making her melt, with a small sigh she conceded. "Ok, ok, how can I say no when you look at me like that? not fair."

"Yeah yeah," she chided. "You love that look and me." Moving to place another kiss on her forehead.

"Your right I do." She said laughing as she grabbed a pillow playfully hitting her with it. Taking a deep breath feeling brave, "Lexxy?"

"Hey," she said laughing dodging the pillow just barely, "mmm?" when she heard her name.

"Feel like dinner? we could go out." it was almost eight, and for once she was really hungry, most days it took a lot to make her leave the house except for work, or when Alex made her come with her some place.

Stopping and almost doing a double take, had she heard right? Liv wanted to go out, no prodding needed? No telling her it wasn't good to hole up in the house after two weeks of staying in? Giving her best smile nodding quickly, "dinner sounds great."

They were showered changed and out the door in all of forty five minutes, before Liv could change her mind. Dinner was simple and nice, they went for pasta, Olivia had chicken fettuccine alfredo, and Alex had stuffed manicoti. After dinner they walked slowly past some shops and stopped for ice cream before heading home.

It was eleven thirty before they finally made it back, feeling better than she had in ages, and feeling even braver, she kissed Alex, a long slow kiss. Alex pulled back looking into her eyes breathlessly but wanting to make sure she was ok, "You sure baby?" Olivia nodded kissing her again before pulling her onto the couch. Letting out a soft growl Alex started to reach up to pull her face in for a deeper kiss not knowing it was about to go horribly wrong.

Instantly pulling back a look of pure fear in her eyes, a cold sweat breaking out on her forehead, was suddenly in the basement again, feeling his hands on her face, his nasty heavy breathing washing over her like mud that was splattered on you when a car ran over a puddle and splashed you, said in small timid voice, "no.. please... please don't. please don't."

Watching Liv fall apart right in front of her from the kisses they shared made her pull back dropping her hands, sad eyes filling with tears she tried to blink back. "Liv, Livvy, it's ok, it's ok shhhh, your ok whatever it is, your ok, I'm here, your safe." Managing a small smile she leaned back, knowing or at least she thought she knew this was no simple case of the jitters, she saw this in the victims they worked with, and with her back to work in a few weeks, knew she would see more like this again, she had to bite her lip to stop for asking about stuff.

Her heart racing and her eyes wide, after what seamed like hours finally relaxed some realizing she was at home and with Alex, repeated, "I'm ok, it's ok, it's ok." tears spilling as she found her voice, moving to lay on her loves lap looking up into her eyes.

Alex silently brushed her hand over Liv's hair, placing a hand on her arm as she calmed down, "I love you baby, we don't need to do this. we never need to do anything you don't want, no matter what." there she was being her ice queen again. they sit like that for a long time before anyone speaks up, "I'm sorry Lex." With a deep sigh she knew she had to tell her something soon, she could hear the voice Alex used, the one they used with victims, and she knew Alex knew or thought something was up. Olivia feeling exhausted curled up on her lap falling asleep.

After watching her love sleep Alex finally dozed off herself, knowing they could try and talk in the morning.

At five am she awoke in a cold sweat, hands shaking, a sob caught in her throat, getting up she went to the bathroom splashing water on her face, hands on the sink looking into the mirror.

Nine am she finally stirred, Olivia had curled back up with Alex on the couch going back to sleep for a little longer. Stretching with a yawn it being an hour later, "morning baby." Liv sat up replying "morning." Showering as Alex made coffee, then toweling her hair dry she came out with a cup being handed to her, "Mmm thanks."

They sat in silence for a long time, Alex reading the comics, after all, it was Sunday they were in color and longer than the daily ones, hey she thought to herself, comics are fun, she started to speak four or five times but stopping each time, she really had no idea what to say, how was she going to explain this? Sighing as she knew she was going to have to say something, there was just no way around it, "Baby?" Putting down her comics as she looked into her loves eyes, "yes love?"

Olivia took her hand standing up, "there's something I need to tell you." They moved to the couch. Wringing her hands not able to sit still she finally got up pacing back and forth, and after a long silence she started telling her about going under cover. "I went under cover at sealview, " she started out, and after a good twenty or so minutes she had let out a lot of what happened, the way you had no privacy, the fact that they strip searched you, male guards patting you down, calling you fish. How she had to apologize to Fin, about the way they demeaned you, and made you feel like a piece of meat, she left out all details of the basement not telling her of anything other than the riot, about the outbreak. When she was finally done, fresh tears spilling down her face staining her cheeks, waited for what she knew was to come, that she was no longer lovable.

Alex walked over slowly soothing her with comforting words, and rubbing her back ever so gently.

"Oh baby you didn't deserve that, you did nothing wrong, and anytime you need anything, anything at all I am here for you, no one has that right to treat you like that." Giving her best ice queen smile, the one that means she means business and what she says, "as for Fin, you were both just playing your parts, he wouldn't ever do that if he wasn't forced, because forced you had to say sorry." Pausing for a deep breath, just getting angry inside, but not wanting to show it when she heard about the strip search by male guards, "NO man has the right to strip search you, not ever, they needed a woman doing it." Her eyes said a lot too there was no pity there, just total love and understanding, Alex only hopped there wasn't more she wasn't saying. "I love you and that will never change, nothing that happened could make me stop loving you." Before her love could speak again she added, "and nothing that may happen later to you will make me stop loving you."

Turning around she curled into her loves arms feeling them wrapping her in a hug as she cried. "Hold me?" she asked just barely above a whisper, as they moved slowly to the couch and Alex took her in her arms holding her, rocking her, making sure she felt loved, cared for, and safe. Maybe one day she thought to herself, I'll tell her the rest.

Please as Always R/R and please let me know if you like it or if i should just end it, forget their trip, and the rest when she finally spills it all, not just part of it.