So, I got my laptop back! :) If you guys were curious, my laptop wouldn't connect to the internet, and my laptop cord wouldn't work (still doesn't) but yeah! I'm not going to make up excuses for not updating anymore; I think it's starting to get repetitive and annoying. Though the next couple of weeks will be hard for me because the sunroof of my dad's car crashed in on him this morning, and my cousin.. well, I can't really talk about him. Let's just say his jaw is now wired shut because of a fucking jealous douche bag. Anyways, onto the story!
I didn't go back to school for the rest of the day. Not even the rest of the day, but the rest of the week. I'm still amazed that my parents really cared enough about that.. I guess they've just been feeling bad because they know they're awful? Because they know that it was scarring for me perhaps? Regardless. After I was done crying in my mum's arms, she made me pasta and then told me to go upstairs and rest, because I had such a rough day. It hurt my head trying to figure out why she was being so nice, why they were all being so nice.. something else must have happened. Something really, really bad. I know they wouldn't have been nice to me just because.
Cuts ran up and down my stomach, some thicker than others, some thinner than others. They hurt. A lot. But I couldn't help it; I had a problem, I knew that. But I couldn't help myself, I didn't want to help myself. No one even noticed, anyways, so I didn't have to deal with it, right? I could just keep dealing with it in my way; making the cuts longer, deeper, and thicker, slowly covering myself from head to toe, back and front. Well, not back, considering I can't reach; but I'm sure if I could, that would be covered with marks too. The Cullen's kept texting my like crazy, though I rarely replied; when I was in my most depressed states I didn't really talk to anyone, including my family. I didn't argue, I didn't smile, I didn't really think about anything or anyone; It was like I was brain dead, like someone tore out my brain and had my arms and legs on strings, gently pulling them to get them to move and cooperate.
I was spending another afternoon in bed, with my eyes open wide, too afraid to fall asleep for what might haunt me. I was staring at the ceiling, rolling my eyes back and forth over the bumpy surface; it would look really nice with glow in the dark paint, I thought to myself. I was sighing and laying, not moving. It's been like this for days, when I heard a knock on my door. I slowly shifted my eyes from the ceiling to the door, and back again. I didn't say anything, I just stared. My door creaked open slowly, almost eerily; It was really starting to creep me out. I moved up under my blankets, slowly pulling them up over my head and whimpering. The door pushed the rest of the way open and I heard low murmuring; I couldn't make out who they were or what they were saying, but I vaguely saw the movements were making. They were coming towards me. My eyes grew more and more wide as I watched them walk towards me. I started whimpering even louder, when a hand was placed ontop of the blanket covering my head.
"Bella.. it's okay, it's just us" Said a familiar voice. Emmett. I slowly brought the blanket down from my head, glancing quickly around the room in case it wasn't actually them and I needed to get away from them. But, it was. Emmett, Jasper, and Alice, standing perfectly still, worry across their faces.
"… Hey.. guys.." I said with a distant look in my eye that made even Jasper look slightly uncomfortable.
"Oh my god.. Bella.. we've been so worried.." Alice said, then broke down. She laid in my bed next to me, holding me as she and I both cried. Emmett and Jasper were awkwardly standing by my bed, not knowing exactly what to make of what was currently happening. I was still crying so hard that I couldn't see anything because it was all a blur, but I motioned for Jasper and Emmett to lay down with us, to just listen to us crying, which they did.
I don't know how long we laid like that; crying, and not talking. It feels like it could have been hours, maybe even days. But it was at that point that I truly knew that for better or for worse, the Cullen's were my best friends. They were my second family; they liked me for who I was, not who I wasn't. They sat with me when no one else would, they would listen to me when no one else would, and they'd have my back. Regardless of the things I got into. And I appreciated that more than anything I could have even asked for. I'd give it all up for them, and I'm pretty sure they'd have given everything up for me.
When we stopped crying we silently listened to everyone's slow, steady breathing. I began to grow tired; I thought that I had cried enough in the past week, but apparently I still have tears that are very much there, and I just didn't know what to do with them.
"Bella.. how are you feeling? Are you any better?" Jasper said with the same worry masked onto his face, everybody being able to see it plainly."
"I'm so scared, Jasper. I don't want to go back to school. I'm scared of what people will say, I'm scared of Mike.. I.. I.. I just can't deal with that again" I said as I buried my head in his shoulder and whimpered. He put his arms around me and whispered encouraging words into my ear, trying to make me feel better. I sniffled and whimpered for a couple more minutes before everything stopped, and went quite again.
"Well.. Bell.. Mike's gone." Alice said with a tiny smile on her face. I looked at her through blurry eyes, and raised my eyebrows, not understanding what she meant by that.
"He's gone, Bell, he's in Military School" she said slowly, letting in sink in that he really was gone, and I would have nothing to worry about. I mean, I wouldn't.. right? I bit my lip and nodded my head slowly in recognition of that fact. They all squeezed me tighter; they probably didn't know that just by that simple gesture they were holding me together, they were stopping me from making more cuts on my stomach, or my legs, or my arms. They stopped me from hurting.
"Bella, we're going to Seattle. We really think you should come with us.. to get your mind off of things" Emmett said, biting his lip as though he didn't know what I was going to say. He knew I hated shopping, they all did, actually, but they were right.. I did have to get out of the house and do something, I had to get things off of my mind and just be with friends, the friends that I know would never hurt me, never be cruel to me. Then I thought back to Travis; he saved me. If he didn't show up when he did, well, I don't know what would have happened to me.. I could have been forced to have sex, or have been forced to give him head or something disgusting like that. I shuddered at the thought, but nodded.
"Sure, guys, I'll come to Seattle with you. I need to get out and be with people I love. Oh, and I want a piercing and some hair dye" I said with a small smile. They all laughed; they knew me so well, it was actually creepy. But, regardless, they were the best thing that has ever happened to me.
"So.. who's coming?" I asked non-chalont; actually not knowing who was going to home. Hopefully Travis and Edward a small voice at the back of my head with a smirk. No! I wouldn't think of them. I kept them out of my mind for the past week, and just like a click of my sister's expensive Prada's, they were back. And I didn't like it. It was like they controlled my every thought, made it impossible to do anything without thoughts of them creeping back into my head. And I wasn't even dating them either!
"Um, everyone basically. Me, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Edward, and Travis" Emmett said, numbering off his fingers to demonstrate the amount of people actually coming. I nodded. Both of them would be there. I would be with both of them. At the same time. Did they know I liked them? Did they like me? Would they fight over me? I couldn't help but smile at the last though; though I know that they would never fight over me. Because come on, I'm Bella; I'm not important. I'm not lovely. I'm just.. Bella.
"Ah, okay. Well.. when are we going?"
"We're going tomorrow.. so have fun getting ready and what not." Alice said with a smile. I groaned, I hated shopping so much. She giggled and gave me a pat on the back in encourgement.
"Well, I guess I should probably ask my parents.." I said with a distance sound to my voice.
"Oh, no need, Bella. We already asked them before we came up here; they said you're free to go, as long as you call every couple of hours to make sure you're okay." I nodded and mumbled a "mmkayyy" or something similar and closed my eyes.
"You're tired, aren't you Bella?" Jasper said with the forever look of worry on his face, which was showing now more than ususal. I nodded in response, my eyes still closed.
"Okay Bella, we're going to go now then.. I'll call you at ten thirty to wake you up for tomorrow, okay?" Alice said in a really low murmur that I knew was specifically meant for me, in my "tired" state. I nodded my head again as they climbed off the bed, avoiding my sprawled over limbs.
"Good night, Bella, get some rest." They all said, taking turns kissing me forehead before they made their way to my bedroom door.
"G'night" I mumbled quietly. They shut off the life as they left, and Alice blew me a kiss. Then I fell asleep; not really noticing I did so. I had dreams of tomorrow, and what the day would bring me. Being with the Cullen's. Travis. Edward. Travis and Edward. Me being with both of them. Needless to say, I knew I fell asleep with a smile on my face.