When it took Alex five minutes to open her mouth, and yet still she hadn't said anything, yes she was carefully picking her words, she didn't want to make it any worse for Olivia, but she was so angry for what he had put her though, and how he had hurt her, Olivia couldn't take it. She ran from the room grabbing her jacket and shoes, and was out the door in seconds. Alex tried to call after her "Livvy, Livvy, Damn it!", but Liv was having a full blown panic attack, the worst one she had ever had, she felt so light headed and the walls were closing in on her. How could she not say anything? Liv now felt even more that she was at fault, that Alex was disgusted with her, 'Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have told her, now she see's how disgusting I am.'

It had all happened so fast, Liv was now out there somewhere in her pajama bottoms and tank top, shoes and jacket in hand. Alex banged her head against the wall cursing herself for not speaking up sooner, yes she was angry, really angry at what happened, not because of Liv but about what he had done to her. some sick man had tried to rape the love of her life, with tears streaking down her face, "I let her run off, what's wrong with me? I know I shouldn't make this about me, but I made it worse." She was saying out loud, but to herself, since she was alone, she quickly put on a sweatshirt and her jacket, shoes too not even tied and five minutes later was chasing Liv. She was Barely holding it together, she knew she had to for Liv, but how would things ever be the same, how would Liv get back what he took from her she wondered. As she snapped out of it, her only hope was that Liv had stopped to put on her jacket and shoes, so hadn't got far.

Olivia, ran fast and hard, bare feet hitting the snow not feeling cold, she had no idea where she was going, tears were streaming down her face, making for an even colder night. She finally slowed and the cold caught up with her as she huffed and puffed catching her breath. she had made it down the path they took on their first walk here. She sat in the snow not caring if she froze her ass off as she put on her shoes then jacket.

"Liv, Liv? baby please answer me, are you here?" Alex was calling out for her, as she searched.

She sat in the snow legs pulled up as she heaved out wracking heavy sobs, she couldn't hear anything but her own cries, now she was cursing herself out loud. "Your so disgusting, you let him take you there, even Alex knows it's your fault, she didn't even say a word." The anger that flashed in her eyes, Liv knew it was for her, knew Alex hated her for it and was all her fault. She couldn't get it out of her head.

Alex was still calling out searching as she finally made it down the familiar path they had once walked. She slowly approached Liv taking a seat in the snow next to her. "Baby, why did you run off?" Her eyes were soft, but you could still see so much anger behind them, she only hopped she could make Liv see it was for him, and what he had done to her, and not at her for any of this.

Liv looked over at her slowly before she quickly whipped her head away, not able to stand the anger she saw there. "yo.. yo.. you didn't say anything, it.. it.. it took you so long in silence, I'm so.. so.. sorry, you hate me I know it. I.. I.. I let him do that to me."

Not even feeling the numbing cold under her butt, Alex quickly moved to sit and face her love, tears now silently spilling down her face, taking a deep breath, "I am so angry, I want to kill him for what he did to you Livvy, I'm not mad at you nor do I hate you." she tried to grab Liv in a hug pulling her softly towards her arms trying to make it around her wanting nothing more than to hold her and keep her safe. "It's his fault Livvy, he did this to you, he hurt you, please baby, none of this is your fault, you did nothing wrong."

Liv shrank back, the tone in Alex voice scared her, she knew Lex wouldn't hurt anyone, but still felt the vibes she put out, and they were angry, hurt, and disappointed. Her whole body shook with sobs.

Alex saw this and realized it was not doing a damn bit of good to be angry at him, not now anyways. her whole body softened up, as well as her eyes, lifting Liv's chin to meet her eyes, now looking directly into them, "Baby, I love you, let me hold you?" she didn't move, but her face was now telling a different story, soft and caring, her eyes no longer blazing, it hadn't taken more than two seconds to make the switch, like a light bulb going on or off, she knew it wasn't the time for this when she saw her love shrink back.

Olivia exhausted, over come with emotions, and finally not so anxious, fell into her love's arms. Letting herself be held she cried hard, hot, fat tears onto Lex's shoulder. After another few minutes she started to feel the wet that had seeped into her pants and with her butt now going numb she shivered. "I.. I.. love you too."

Lex finally helped Liv up, and they walked to the room fifteen minutes after she had found her, butt also numb. "Baby, may I?" She asked extra carefully as she reached for the zipper on Olivia's jacket wanting to help her out of it without making things even worse, damn it she had caused all this hurt in the only person she had ever loved. If allowed she would help her out of her jacket, shoes and wet pants, run her a hot shower, and lay out some dry stuff for her to wear.

Liv nodded her answer. She felt Alex take off her jacket, then watched as she hung it up. Next were her shoes, placed along the wall, then she watched as Alex went and started the shower allowing it to heat up as she came back to help with the rest, "uhh. umm, maybe you want to take them off and your top? just leave them in bathroom."

"Yeah," she said making her way into the bathroom, shutting the door.

With Olivia now in the shower warming up, Alex stripped and put on some dry pants as well as taking off her jacket and shoes. She sat on the bed and cried in her hands, her emotions had finally won over, she berated herself for not speaking up sooner, making Liv feel worse, and just maybe like she blamed her for it. She could never think that as with all the victims they worked with she knew the blame was his alone never theirs, and NEVER Liv's.

She stepped out of the shower twenty minutes later, large towel wrapped around her. She walked out and got dressed feeling a bit still on auto pilot, made her way to the bed sitting with Alex.

Alex no longer crying took Liv in her arms, adjusting them both so Liv was now laying on her shoulder as she ran her hands through her hair, thumb on her cheek caressing her softly, "None of this is your fault, you never need to feel as if I'm mad at you for this." Liv nodded, not that she fully believed it, but she was to exhausted to say otherwise, "ok, baby."

Alex and Liv finally fell asleep that way, Alex soothing with her words as Liv snuggled in feeling safe for the first time since she woke up and had told her about it all. for now she was relieved, but who knew how long that would last.

Every hour or so, maybe a bit less, Olivia woke up shaking and scared. She was just sure somewhere in the back of her mind, Alex would leave, decide she wasn't worth the effort, the time, and must find her unlovable. Yeah Alex had said one thing, but Liv knew somewhere she wouldn't just be gone, but her heart hurt, was broken, her soul still broken. She started to wonder why it was so many people thought, just because you let it out and told someone, that it made it all better and go away. just because you told, you finally found the strength to let someone else know, didn't mean it was over, far from it. She watched Alex sleep for a bit and went back to sleep only to wake up an hour later, doing it all over again.

At six am Alex finally got up and started a fire for them, neither had gotten any real sleep, she had felt it each time Liv woke up, and now that she saw she was finally sleeping some, Alex carefully got up to start a fire and make some coffee in the small four cup pot they had in the room. Olivia woke up with another start, the bed felt cold and empty without Alex there. "Lexxy, Lexxy, baby? I'm sorry." Olivia stopped realizing that Alex was only building a fire from the noise in the room. turning over propping herself up on her elbow to watch.

Alex ran over hearing Olivia, "hey, hey, shhh, I'm here, you don't need to be sorry." She leaned in kissing her, their lips meeting tenderly before she pressed in harder, feeling the need to make Olivia safe, even if only with kisses. Olivia leaned into the kiss for a few moments then quickly pulled away, she had shared to much, and was still a bit raw from it all. She got up and when she came back from the bathroom she found Alex in front of the fire, blanket next to her and pillows for them to lay on. she quickly joined her as Alex handed her first some coffee then smoothed the blanket over them both. "Mmmm," she said taking a long sip. They laid there cuddling, Olivia again on Lex's shoulder, Alex was so glad if nothing else, she let her comfort her this way.

Please as Always R/R