Still sadly I own nothing, but if I did...

Over the next two days they spent a lot of time skiing, playing around in the snow, and up at the lodge. There's something to be said when you can just relax and be a 'ski bunny' as it were. Alex left alone the topic of what happened, why she had taken off, and how she, Alex had made it worse. That afternoon while in town, Alex had made reservations for dinner at small place that had live jazz singer. As they made their way through little shops, they found one with locally made candles and bath soaps, and other stuff. "Liv, come smell this." Alex found this amazing bath gel that smelled of local flowers and other stuff.

Walking over, a smile on her face she sniffed the gel. "Mmmm, that smells great."

Nodding and picking up some lotion to go with it, they found some candles and a few other things to take back. The next shop they came to was a small consignment shop, as they looked around Alex spotted a small pendant with 'Fearlessness' on the front and on the back 'Joyful Heat', as soon as she saw it she knew she had to get it for her. She slipped it into her bag unnoticed as they left.

"Coffee?" Olivia asked as they passed a little cafe, looking hopeful as she stomach made a small noise.

Nodding with a laugh, "coffee's good, food too from the sound of your stomach."

Olivia grinned sheepishly, "come on, lets see what they got."

Alex walked in finding an empty table with Liv on her heals. They ordered two latte's and a huge cinnamon roll.

As they talked waiting for their order, "thank you," Liv said.

"For what?" Alex asked taking her hand.

"For this, the trip, making me take time off and relax." She sighed as their order arrived. The surroundings were quaint, and peaceful, she really loved this place.

"It was as much for you as for me babe," Alex replied. She had needed this time too, so they could reconnect outside of everything, work, the city, all the stuff that reminded Liv of him.

They ate, then did some more shopping, walking around, spending the rest of the day relaxed. They went to dinner, had Chicken Marsala, and scallopini, and a bottle of white wine. They listened to some great music, shared tiramisu for desert, then headed back.

They spent the last two days of their trip skiing, having a few snowball fights, and lots of time in front of the fireplace. nothing more was said about sealview, or the basement, Alex wanted Liv to talk about it on her terms She kissed Liv passionately several times, and although she did once or twice reach for her face without thinking, always let Liv make the first move.

Once they got back home Liv threw herself into work, acted as if what happened in the cabin had been all she needed. She was forcing herself to prove that she was ok. From Liv's prospective, all she had to do was throw herself into work, and Alex to make it all ok.

After dinner one night, Alex only had two weeks left till she was back at work herself, Olivia decided to prove just how well she was. "Lexxy, baby?"

Lex looked up after clearing the dishes and sitting back down, "hmm?"

"Come here," Liv said leaning over to kiss her, a hard passionate kiss that left Lex's lips tingling, and breathing hard. "Mmm, what was that for?"

Grinning she took her hand leading her to her bedroom, "because your hot."

Alex smirked, "I know." As she followed Liv into the bedroom, Liv seamed only to happy to help her out of her clothes, leaving her boxers and tank on, she placed kisses all over her, as she pushed Lex onto the bed. "Mmmm," She purred on Alex's skin as made her way from her lips to her neck, then traveled further down till she hit her navel, kissing and sucking it teasingly as she went.

Alex stretched and moaned under her, her hands grasping at the bed as she was teased, until finally she couldn't take it anymore. "Livvy, Mmmm," in the heat of the moment she rolled over flipping Liv with her till she was sitting on top of her. Leaning down, kissing Liv deeply, lips pressed hard on her slipping her tongue in, she hadn't ask for permission, not with her eyes, her body language, or her words. "Livvy, baby," she moaned into her kisses.

Lex was making her way down Liv's neck as a sob caught in her throat. She had so wanted to be better, she tried to make herself ok, after only three minutes with tears rolling down her face, she couldn't hold back, struggling to get Alex off her. Pushing hard, her hands trying to pull Alex's head off of her, and with no words able to come out she let out a huge sob, Alex quickly moved off of her. She had felt Liv fight to get her off of her as if her life depended on it. Liv bolted up and into the bathroom locking herself in, shaking, crying, feeling lost and out of control, not something she was proud of.

Lex ran after her, only to have the door slammed in her face. Damn it, Lex thought, ' damn it! I shouldn't have!' "Livvy, Livvy? please talk to me," she pleaded. She almost wanted to find a way to pick the lock, anything just so she would be able to talk, to comfort her. "Baby, I know what you were trying to do." Sighing, "it's ok, we don't need to do anything till your ready." She sat on the other side of the door talking softly till finally through Olivia's distress she heard the door unlock. Taking a long breath and calming herself she opened the bathroom door to find Liv in a corner her legs pulled up into herself, arms wrapped around them as she rocked back and forth.

"Baby, shhh," Alex said sitting down next to Liv. Liv finally slowed her breathing and her rocking down, her tears now falling steadily, leaning her head after a while onto Alex's shoulder, "I... I'm sorry.. I just thought," She took another deep breath.

Alex smiled down at her, not wanting to make it any worse, but some how always seaming to, "thought what baby?" She was now even more sure Liv would call all the shots, how could she have gotten so careless and did that, forcing kisses and pinning her love down like that? She felt like a monster.

Still leaning on Lexxy and not moving, "I just thought that I could show you I was ok again, things were fine and normal." Sighing, "I just don't want to lose you, I can't be without you." She had felt Lex hated her, even if she never said it out loud, she just knew it. Going on, "I don't want you to see me as damaged, sick, as weak, as disgusting."

Alex finally understood what had been going through her head this whole time, her love thought, she thought that she was disgusting. "Baby, I want you to listen to me, and I need you to hear me, please baby." Alex waited a few moments to make sure Liv was listening, with a huge smile, lips curled up, eyes softer than she had ever had them in her life, but her posture still saying she was Liv's ice queen. She had no plans to let Olivia see anything but love and strength for her, "I could never think you were disgusting, your not sick, or damaged, and most certainly not weak." Holding her in her arms as they talked, "please love, promise me until your ready, you won't try this again for me, I don't ever want to hurt you. There's no need to do this till your sure it's what you want." Alex knew she would be at her side as long as it took to help her.

Olivia cryed her tears out till there was nothing left, she was not at her best, and almost didn't believe it. That was almost, that was untill she looked into her eyes, seeing softness, strength, and love, she finally saw what she couldn't or wouldn't allow herself to see before. Lex didn't find her disgusting, or even sick, not even weak, still she had no idea how to get passed this, maybe just maybe she needed some help. "You need someone that can love you, connect with you in that special way." She started to go on, but Alex stopped her.

Shaking her head, "I have that now, the rest is all a bonus, and it can wait, I love you. Even if it never comes, I'll still love you."

Liv's eye's widened, oh my god she thought, Lex had just melted another defense in her. As long as she was at her side, what harm could talking to someone do? she was out of control and needed to regain some of it. She decided she would make an appointment with someone in the morning. "Really?"

Alex nodded, "really."

She stood up wet a washcloth and kneeling down handed it to Liv. After she had wiped her face she stood up handing it back, walked out of the bedroom to make some tea.

Alex went and remade the bed, changing the sheets and blankets, then headed out to the kitchen to help make tea. "Baby, I'll finish this, go sit." Kissing Livs forehead.

"Thanks baby." Liv kissed her back this time, not worrying.

When Olivia woke up it was early morning, she immediately went to her laptop and did a search, then made an appointment with a female therapist that dealt with assault victims.

Please as Always R/R the pendent that says fearlessness on front and joyful heart on back, comes from a jewelery store that helps Mariska's foundation, look on the foundations website