Deals

I woke up earlier than I used too. I dressed and went down stairs. I walked to the kitchen and made me some scrambled eggs. But I didn't have appetite. I literally pressed the eggs trough my throat and drank a big glass of water. No one was there. They had probably heard our conversation and thought it might been better to leave me alone. Even Emmett kept away. Which I was thankful of. I might had made him scrambled.

I walked to the panorama window that was behind the dining room. I looked out and the outside looked somehow greyer than ever. Well, everything was grey. Even grandmas roses looked grey.

I kept looking out of the window. Searching for answers. Like if the view in front of me was a 'find five errors on this picture' game that came with the papers. And I had found the first error. In this picture, I hadn't Jacob. And now was I trying to find the other missing parts of the entirety of my immortal and endless life. That now, somehow didn't look as pretty and perfect as I believed. It was like the picture that my entire family had painted for me - the one with sunshine, flowers and eternal happiness- had become old and the paint had peel of and revealed the grey and sad reality. That wasn't as pretty as they wanted me to believe. I don't understand.

I twisted and turned around with my thoughts but didn't get any answers. I didn't get it. I felt a headache crawl and I went upstairs and I took an aspirin.

I hold myself when I passed by grandpas office.

" Renesmee?"

I looked at the door and saw my grandpa sitting down by his desk.

" Hi grandpa"

" Can I talk with you for a second?"

I didn't want to. I knew where this was heading and I really didn't want to talk about it

I entered his office and stand completely still.

" I heard that you had an argument with your father last night"

Of course he had.

" Did he send you to talk with me?"

" Yes and no"

Just when I thought he couldn't be more of a coward.

" Well, I think he should be a man and tell me himself."

" Renesmee…"

" No grandpa. I wont forgive him until he gives me a good explanation…"

" Even if he gives you that or not, you don't know the whole truth."

" Then why doesn't he tell me that? You think I enjoy fighting with him? I've never been angry at him but you have to understand that all this is too much for me… and… I can't take it…"

I sat down on the floor and started to cry.

The frustration swept over me like when a wave knocks you out of the water and I couldn't hold my tears from running, which also mad me frustrated.

I suddenly felt a breeze and before I noticed was I in my grandpas embrace. He held me in his arms with love and care. And I was bursting out in tears while he held me.

This wasn't fair. He shouldn't see me like this, it wasn't his fault.

" Sorry grandpa, I shouldn't have take all this on you, but it's just…"

" I understand you. But you have to understand him too. Being a vampire isn't easy. We always have to think twice before we decide something. It can have huge consequences. You saw me. I struggled a lot before deciding to change Edward, because I knew it wouldn't be easy for him. But I did it. And what I feared would happen, did. He past trough a really tough time…"

I just looked at him. Confused.

" But what do this have to do whit my problem?"

" Edward had a tough time because he made the wrong decisions. And he doesn't want you to regret your wrong decisions.

" But aren't mistakes a way learn?"

" But if someone who loves you sees that your going to make a mistake you'll regret and wont learn from, will he do whatever he can to make you suffer as less as possible."

It made sense. I was hard with him, I got that. But still, I wanted to know why he had decided that. I think grandpa knows but he wont tell me.

I looked quickly at the watch above his bookshelf. A quarter to nine. I was dressed and had done my hair and eat breakfast, still, I didn't want to go to school. What did it if I missed a day of high school? I had forever to catch up. Literally.

" Grandpa, can you call school to say I wont go."

" What's wrong dear? Are you sick?"

" No, it's just that I'm don't want to go to school today. I… didn't sleep well…"

He didn't say more and started do dial the number to school and I went upstairs.

" C'mon Nessie, well be late" Alice said with her childish voice.

" I wont go to school today, I'm sick."

" Oh. Well, get better." She knew I wasn't sick. But I was happy that she didn't ask more.

I went to my room and tried to sleep. With no success. I had so many things going on in my head.

I started to hear voices. I heard Jacob calling my name. I had now remembered how he sounded. And it was, after my mums, the most calming voice I had ever heard. I kept imagine his voice. Calling. Talking to me. Laughing.

It hurt a lot realize that I had been almost seven years without him. I felt an emptiness growing inside my chest. It was like if it was growing bigger for every minute that passed.

My personal torture. I couldn't take a breath. I felt the pain. I felt my stomach tie itself to a knot and tighten up. I felt how my lungs stopped to work, how it's well arranged dance didn't follow the music. I clossed my eyes in hope for that pain to disappear, but it didn't. They did instead fill with tears and I opened them. Was this what I had felt as a kid? This awful emptiness that had made me wake up every single night? The cause of my constant nightmares?

It grew bigger and bigger.

Panic. I panicked. I flew out of the bed, into the bathroom. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to take that thing out of me, I didn't want it.

I drank water to fill that emptiness, but I didn't help. I wanted to take a knife, cut my chest and take out whatever that was inside me, but I couldn't.

I went to the toilet seat and bend over it. I putted my fingers into my throat and started to through up. I wanted to take it all out in my desperation.

" Renesmee what are you doing?" I heard my dad exclaim horrified.

I looked up and met his eyes.

Fear. Pure fear.

I wanted to raise up and tell him that I was fine but I couldn't stop throwing up. He ran towards me and held my hair away from my face. His cold fingers calmed me a bit.

In less than a second did he get me a glass of water. And I started to drink.

" What the hell are you thinking!"

I asked myself the same question. I had never thought of make myself through up.

" I panicked"

It wasn't a good explanation but it was the truth.

" Panicked?"

I nodded.

In that second I felt completely stupid and reckless.

Stupid, stupid, STUPID!

" Then why did you do it?"

I took his hand in mine, I couldn't bother to speak.

I just,,, panicked. I don't know. I had this…this…thing that grew bigger and bigger. I couldn't breathe…so I panicked. Which made me put my fingers in my mouth and… well you saw.

"What did you say you had?"

Parents! Don't they listen?

He just laughed quickly at my protest. But it didn't last long before he got that serious look that he had have for some seconds ago.

"Where is mom?"

"She's already left."

"Then why are you here?" That surprised me. He did never leave mom. They were constantly together, like nail and flesh, or nail and dirt.

He interrupted my bizarre comparisons of the way they loved each other.

" I just heard that you didn't know what to do and I saw when you looked at your fingers."

Oh… I should've guessed…

"C'mon. Let's take you to your room." he said to me as if he was talking to a seven year old.

" How old do you think you are?"

I saw his point.

I stood up but he took me and carried me back to my bedroom.

I felt like a kid again. All the time I had pretended to be asleep so he would carry me to my bed.

" Really?" he said with wonder in his voice.

Like you didn't know…?

" No. I've never known until now…"

Wow. But. Hmm. That's weird…

" Tell me about it. You have always been an odd kid Renesmee, and you never stop surprising me."

Don't you mean ' never stop freaking me out'?"

" Well that too."

I smiled.

He did too. But he didn't look totally relief. As if he wasn't sure of my happiness.

Then I remembered.

And he saw where I was heading.

" I can explain…"

Oh you better have…

But that was just a thought, I wasn't going to give him a chance to talk.

" Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you better have a damn good explanation of why we left Forks! I want to know what flew in to you. Why didn't you go back even if you promised me that we would. Why have you been hiding this from me all the time?" I became a volcano in plain eruption. I was not calm, and I wouldn't be it either.

I Just watch dads expression. Like if he was ashamed of hearing that from his own daughter. So I kept on

" I mean come on! I deserve to know, and so does poor Jake. He must be devastated! And for all this time!" I stopped . When I remembered about Jake and how we'd made him feel when we left, did that empty, painful emptiness start to grow inside my chest.

" Well?" I said while I tried to breathe slowly to not panic again.

" What do you want to hear?"

For all that's holy, was he retarded?

" The reason why… everything!"

He opened his mouth but didn't say a word.

He was thinking. While he should say something or not.

If he would reveal one thing or if he should keep quit about it.

I saw my chance.

I flew towards him and grabbed his arm.

I just saw a him carrying a box up to the attic. I watch the big brown box which said Forks.

I let go his hand.

I pretended to be confused.

Dang it! This thing doesn't work when I need it…

" Renesmee don't you never ever do that again!"

I looked at him.

" Fine" I said it with a very arrogant tone, which would make him very pissed. " But you can't hide things from me for ever, you know"

" But as long as you are my daughter, I can decide weather I want to tell you something or not! It's not up to you, Renesmee"

He snapped.

As I hoped for.

He was out of the house in less than a second, but I waited one minute until I was sure that he was far away.

It was very hard to hide thoughts from him. He didn't knew I could. No one did, except myself. But it wasn't easy. It demanded a lot of effort to manage to do that. I had to hide them behind other thoughts. It was like lying to myself. A bit…uncomfortable.

But I had the image in my head, and that was all that counted.

This box was the only thing that might- I wasn't really sure of what it content- be the answer to my unanswered questions.

I felt that I now was closer to find that second thing missing on my 'find five errors' picture.

I stood quiet and listen to any noise.

My fake siblings had gone.

My dad had run off.

My grandpa was in his office doing some paper job from the hospital.

My grandma was sketching…something.

The coast was clear.

I looked for the door that leaded to the attic. Ironicly, didn't I know where it was.

Where does attic doors usually be?

I looked up and find a door painted cream, just like the rest of the ceiling.

I froze underneath it.

I had to be quiet.

If Edward knew about the box, must the rest of my family know too. And I didn't want to risk getting caught by my grandparents before I'd discovered what was in it.

I would have to look quickly. But it wouldn't be easy. Attics are known for beeing places where people put unnecessary stuff in. Like their old year books, the bed they got when they got married and eaven things that belonged in the trash. And if my family had been saving things since the last century , did it mean that up there was there a lot of stuff!

I sighed loudly at the thought of it.

I opened the door, looked at the darkness above me and jumped up as quietly as I could. I didn't want to make some noise or get the stairs, they might heard me.

I got surprised when I got up to the attic.

There was nothing there.

Then I felt disappointed. There did my chances go.

The only light I got was the one from a window on the ceiling, not that I needed it.

What did I see wrong? It was like I had seen the box with my own eyes. Why wasn't it here?

I turned around, ready to jump down again when my eyes suddenly focused on a shadow.

At the most hidden corner of the attic was it darker than the rest of the attic.

It took a while for my eyes to focus on the object that had been placed there for a reason, so no one could find it.

Then I saw it clearly as if there was a light right above it.

The box!

I flew towards it and red what said on it.

It was signed Forks and was written and underlined with a black marker.

My breath stopped and my heart was going faster, than usual.

I bended over and open it.

On the top were there some upside down photo frames. With the back hidden from me.

I lifted it up and turned it towards me.

The tears began to roll down instantly when I saw the pictures.

It had with no doubt been taken in Forks.

I was outside, in front of what might have been the house where we had lived.

In the stair was Jacob sitting, with me on his lap.

How old can I'd been? I looked like year and a half, or two? But how old was I really? I did the math I couldn't been more that some months.

Had it been so long?

My eyes focused on Jakes face. I had seen him in my memories but it was nothing like watching this picture.

He was…beautiful? Or was gorgeously breathtaking the right word to describe him?

His smile, his eyes, even his posture beamed happiness. Nothing else. A happiness that now had been taken away from this amazing person that I was looking at.

But how could I forget him? A face like that could not be forgotten that easily as I did.

I felt a bit ashamed.

There was another picture in the box.

I was with mom and another man, older then her.

Grandpa, I said in a whisper.

Another punch in the stomach.

This man, my grand father, looked really happy too. And so did mom and I.

We were happy I Forks. Why did we leave?

I suddenly felt an anger growing bigger. Why did my dad take away that happiness from us and from this persons?

Calm down Renesmee, I told myself.

I kept looking in the box.

There had to be something else than this pictures that my dad didn't want me to see.

I kept looking.

I founded something that looked like an address book.

Can this be the thing he didn't want me to see?

I flipped through the pages but nothings was written on them.

A note fell down from one of the pages. It was folded.

I opened it with shaking hands.

It had a phone number. A phone number that belonged to Jacob Black.

My heart skipped a beat, or two. Or maybe it had stopped beating at all.

Jakes phone number? Had I been this close to him all the time?

I suddenly remembered how to breath and my heart started to beat again.

I was in chock. What should I do?

Should I call? Shouldn't I? if I did what would I say? Would he remember me? How will he react? Will he be happy to hear from me again? Or will he be angry and hung up on my?

All this questions needed to be answered. But no one would be answer if I kept chicken out.

I lifted up my phone from my pocket.

I dialed the numbers with shaking hands.

One peep.

Another peep.

Third peep

" Hello?"

SHOOOOOT!

" Hello?"

He sounded inpatient, irritated?

" Paul if you're prank calling again I swear I'll kill you!"

" No"

I heard my voice, but also another voice that didn't belong to me.

I turned around and saw that Edward was there. With his face twisted with pain, remorse and…fear?

" Hello?"

Wow, he had temper.

" Please don't!" he whispered so low that no one Could've herd what he said.

He knew what I would do, but it was to late.

" Is this Jacob Black?"

" Yes"

He sounded confused now.

" Who is this?"

I wanted to say ' Nessie' or ' the girl that was taken away from you for many years ago, the one you saw as your sister'.

" Renesmee, please don't do this to me."

Edwards eyes and voice were now begging.

I saw my shot.

I pressed the red button and hanged up.

I stood up from my sitting position with the picture of me and Jake.

I looked him right in the eyes.

" How could you" I said showing him the picture. " How could you do something like this?"

" I didn't have a choice."

No, that one had I heard too many times now.

" Why didn't you have a choice?"

I remained still and cold.

" It's not the most simple thing to explainer…"

" Because you don't want to." I interrupted him.

" You have to now that I'm sorry if this caused you more pain. You have to know that I would do anything to make you feel better…"

Oh, really. I thought. We'll se about that.

" Okay" I said with same cold tone. " I'll forget everything and don't care about what made you not go back if…"

I did a dramatic pause, just for fun.

" We go back to Forks and stay there"

He looked surprised.

Hehe.

He swallowed loudly.

" Okay" he said shortly.

I walked towards him.

" Then we have a deal" I said.

" I guess we do" he said.

We shake hands.

That was chapter 5 people! In next chapter, there will be changes... but that demands some reviews;) so don't hesitate in reviewing!

XOXO