Still sadly I own nothing, but if I did...

Alex slipped off the bed where she had been holding Olivia, she slipped out careful not to wake her up. Making her way out of the hospital and ran a few places, she picked up all of Olivia's favorite stuff, and a huge teddy bear. When she made her way home she set up the apartment so that it was perfect for when they got home. She set the teddy bear on the couch and put the food and other stuff away. Alex made the house just right, flowers all over the place and even had some movies ready to go, she had no idea what Olivia would want to do, sleep, rest, or just tune the world out, she only hopped she wasn't part of the world that would be tuned out. She got back into Olivia's room just as she woke up.

Olivia woke up covered in sweat panting heavily, eyes wide, she heard in her head that laugh, 'you're so good' the voice said. "No, STOP! STOP! don't." Alex ran over, "it's just a dream, no ones here. it's ok." She said soothingly.

Grabbing for her hand, Olivia tried to still her breathing, "just a dream, just a dream." Alex nodded kissing her forehead, "just a dream, your safe now, no one will hurt you." Alex gently took her thumb wiping away her loves tears.

Olivia sighed leaning back on the pillow as best she could with the knot on her head, she hadn't wanted to be touched, or even looked at, but as she sat there with Alex, all she could do was pray to herself she didn't push Alex away. Not sure exactly what she wanted, but knowing she needed Alex with her. "I... I'm sorry," she said burying her face in her good arm, draping it over.

"Shhh, it's ok, nothing to be sorry for." Alex soothed her. Alex came and sat next to her wrapping her arms around Olivia, making sure to not hold to tightly.

Dr. Martian came in half an hour later, and talked to them both. She gave Alex some discharge instructions, and said she would get the nurse to help them. Olivia looked good and was able to go home. Olivia was more than happy to get out of there, she hated being in the hospital, and only wanted to go home, maybe never leave again. Her arm was broken, she couldn't walk well, and just wanted to curl up and hide. "Ok, so unless you have any problems, your good to go, just make sure you follow up in two weeks." Alex assured her, she would see to it, and thanked her for everything.

"Baby, lets get you dressed and we can get you home." Olivia agreed quickly as the nurse came in and undid her IV, gave paperwork to be signed, and left once she had what she needed. "Ok," Olivia said, letting Alex help her dress in some sweats, not really wanting the help but not able to do it on her own. Alex paid the cab and helped Olivia out of it slowly making their way upstairs. Unlocking the door and leading Olivia inside, she hopped she would like what she had done, she didn't mean to try so hard, but since this was another attack, she just wanted Olivia to feel as safe as she could.

Olivia, winced as she sat down on the couch, her breath catching from the pain, she hated herself and what happened. How could she be so stupid, how could she not be more aware of what was around her? Absently she grabbed the teddy bear, curling it into her body she held it tightly, her tears now falling unchecked but silently. Alex moved to the kitchen making them some tea and then some toast. If she was lucky she could get Olivia to eat something small. She brought Olivia the tea and toast and then got her own, "peppermint love." Olivia nodded taking a sip but not touching the toast. "Not hungry." she said.

Alex brushed away Olivia's tears again, opening herself up, "it's ok love, maybe later." Olivia moved into Alex's arms allowing herself to be wrapped up, still so unsure of what she wanted and needed. Alex kissed her forehead, but pulled back instantly as Olivia flinched at the gentle kiss, it was one thing to let herself be held, but even the small loving gesture of a kiss was now to much. "Don't," was all that was said, as Alex leaned back her head wondering if she would be allowed to ever kiss her again.

A few hours later, Olivia woke up again drenched in sweat and pushing on Alex to get away, "honey, honey, wake up." Alex tried to wake her up. "Not good, not good." Olivia was saying, eyes flying open bear still in hands being squished to death.

"Your ok, it's just a dream." Alex soothed, when Olivia was calm again, she took a few deep breaths, "hey, hey, whats not good?" Olivia shook her head not wanting to answer, but then surprised herself with the words she found, "he,,, hee... he said how good I was." Alex cringed to herself making sure Olivia never saw her face, she was so pissed, this man had hurt Olivia, and made it even worse saying that, Olivia may never feel good that way without hearing him now. "Baby, how about a movie? and I'll fix some dinner." Olivia nodded picking one out as Alex put it in then headed to the kitchen.

Olivia couldn't turn off the flashbacks or the pain she had, kicking herself mentally for not being able to remember just what happened to her, she knew the physical pain, but had no Idea just what caused it. All she did know was something was used, but no one had said what, why couldn't she remember? her pain was evident every time you looked at her, sad mocha eyes, as big as world. when they finally went to bed, Alex thought she would end up in her room alone, but was surprised, "Alex, please stay with me?"

"Are you sure baby?" Olivia nodded, "don't leave me please, I.. I.. I can't..." Can't what, she didn't know, she had been fighting back and forth with herself all night over being held, or pushing her away. "Don't leave me." she almost begged, Alex nodded her heart breaking for her love. she took her hand leading her into the bedroom, pulling the cover back and tucking her in before making her way to the other side to hold her.

It was about two weeks later Alex decided to ask about her arm, she had never gotten out of her head what the Dr. had said about it being done before the attack, Maybe she had tripped or something, but what if she had hurt herself? Alex's mind had kept going over what could have happened. "Honey?" putting her book down, looking into her loves eyes. Olivia was lost in thought again, pulled back by Alex's voice, "yea love?"

"How did you hurt your arm?" She wanted to say I know it was before the attack, but didn't want to press anything and put Olivia on the defensive. watching her softly making sure not to seam like she was after a fight or anything.

Olivia didn't want to answer, she thought for a long few moments of how to get around it, "I don't know. why?" ok so it wasn't the truth, but she couldn't bring herself to tell Alex. "The Dr. said it was before everything else." She said hopping to get her to open up. "Nnn... nnoo. no, look I don't know, drop it already." Olivia had taken to holding her bear more and more and was now squeezing it in her hands, tears now falling on it, not that she cared, just so long as Alex dropped it. "Baby talk to me please?"

Olivia shook her head got up and left the room, she was pushing her away, and hating herself for it. why did she need to push and pull on Alex so much? one minute it was don't leave me, hold me, sleep with me, the next she was storming out on her.

Alex sighed, knowing she wouldn't get anything out of her watching as she left. Standing up, Alex went to her room got the pendent she had bought on their trip, opening the box looking at it, 'fearlessness'. she brought the pendant with her as she picked up pen and paper.

Making some soup and garlic bread for dinner, Alex took it into Olivia on a tray along with the necklace and what she had wrote. After they had eaten, Alex handed her the box and poem. "I wanted to show you what I see in your eyes, even if you don't right now." Alex was not her usual ice queen self, but again she was getting mushy, there was a time and place for hard ice queen, and this just wasn't it.

Olivia took the box and poem slowly reading it before opening the box as tears spilled out, Alex once again moving walls she was desperately trying to build.

Fearlessness

Here you are feeling tattered and torn,

Used and worn,

Feeling broken and scared.

Here you are feeling sad and mad,

Angry and hurt,

Feeling used and abused.

Here you are feeling small and fear,

Anxious and crazy,

Feeling pain and hopeless.

Here I am looking at you seeing light and love,

Bravery and strength,

Seeing silly and curious.

Here I am looking at you seeing heart and soul,

Joyful and proud

Seeing amazing and wonderful.

Here I am looking at you seeing lovable and worthy,

Kindness and excitement,

Seeing fearlessness and shyness.

What I see most is you, my heart and soul, the one I adore.

I love you baby, I feel a strength in you, I know you can't in yourself right now.

You are my light, and till you can do for yourself, I will be there, showing you, opening my arms, and loving you.

I only want you to know the fearlessness I see in you, and the amazing strength I see you show daily.

Please as Always R/R