Still sadly I own nothing, but if I did...
I did some research, and yes some of you were worried when Liv was attacked again, but the reason I did it, was after doing research, I found out once someone is sexually assulted they are 7 times more likely to be attacked again.
Two weeks had gone by, Olivia was no longer so hyped up on pain meds, and with the medicated fog clearing in head she was back to more nightmares. She hated the nightmares, and worse this time, she couldn't even throw herself into her work, she still had six weeks off. She had been back to see the DR. but that only created more issues, she had flashbacks and nightmares of the rape kit. A four to six hour exam to collect evidence. It was almost worse than the attack itself, for her like most of the victims she worked with, it was like it happened again. As she laid in bed, covers up to her neck, she could feel them, "whats wrong with me? I've seen so many of these done, guess now I know why so many women refuse it,' it's almost worse than the attack.'
"Olivia," Alex called out hearing her sobs. She ran into the bedroom comforting her, "shhh, it's ok, it's ok."
Shaking her head, her body was frozen, and she was having problems, how could it be ok? In four weeks she had to go back for another check up, just to be sure she had no STI's, oh god, what if it wasn't just the thick wooden handle, what if he had used himself first? "nn.. no, it's not."
Alex laied down next to her, hand running through her hair, "shhh, baby, why is it not ok?"
Fingering her pendent, feeling each engraved letter on front and back of it, "what if... what if he, well if he didn't just use the wood?" she was praying Alex would understand.
Alex wrapped her up making sure she didn't feel trapped as she kissed the top of her head.
Olivia curled up into Alex head had on her chest, taking some comfort in the closeness, for once since this had happened, she let Alex in, even if only to hold her. Soon as her breathing evened out, Olivia fell back to sleep. Alex stroked her hair, watching her sleep, and finally got some rest at 5am.
Alex woke up first, it was 11am, Olivia had slept restlessly but had not woken up, her first real sleep. It had not been restful, but she had slept without waking. Extracting herself carefully she got up, watched Olivia sleep for a few more minutes, then headed into the kitchen.
Olivia woke up about 30 minutes later, not feeling all that rested, but a bit better not having awoke in screams or flashbacks, 'maybe just maybe, things will get better.' she thought. Upon thinking some more on it, she realized that having Alex sleep with her and hold her, had made her feel safe. That poem, and the pendant, small tokens of thought, but to Olivia they had moved some walls. over the last two weeks she had read the poem so much, she had it down pat. She would recite it to herself in times of great need, when Alex wasn't around, and it was as if Alex was right there with her. Padding into the kitchen, she yawned smelling french toast and coffee being made, "Mmm baby that smells amazing."
Looking up as she flipped a piece over, "morning love, think you'll want to try and eat this morning?" she kissed Olivia's forehead going back to the stove.
"I think I can try," she said. This was starting out as one of her better days. Alex nodded as she moved the slices of french toast onto the two plates sitting on the counter, putting the pan in the sink she took both plates to the table. Olivia filled two cups up with coffee and joined her.
After breakfast, more coffee in hand they moved to the couch, Olivia took a deep breath willing her nerves to stay silent. Opening her mouth only to shut it again, she finally gave up but allowed herself to snuggle into Alex, maybe she couldn't talk just yet, but she wanted to be closer to her.
Feeling the sudden change in movement Alex opened her arm to allow Liv in, kissing her head with a smile, "I love you Livvy, you are my fearless one." she said into her hair.
A few days later, almost a week Olivia decided she needed to get out of the house. She got up showered, and found a long sleeved t-shirt, as well as a hoodie, putting on jeans as well, still wishing she could add another few layers. She only wanted to wear everything she owned to make it harder for anyone to rip stuff off of her, just in case. She quickly put on her shoes and left before she lost her nerve.
Alex stirred in bed but went quickly back to sleep once she thought she had imagined all the noise in the house.
Olivia took the three blocks to the store walking as fast as she could, she was starting to hyperventilate, and panic was setting in. She was afraid she would loose her nerve and freak out in public. Soon as she got there, she made her way into the bathroom, locking the door just before she totally lost it. She stood over the sink wetting her face taking a few measured breaths, calming herself down, 'Come on Liv you can do this, just here to get some picnic stuff.'
Alex woke up finding the house empty. "Livvy? baby you here?" maybe she had taken to the shower, she walked in to her bedroom listening for the shower, but not hearing it. The apartment wasn't all big, where was she? Alex went to dress so she could look for her when the door opened, "Baby where were you? I was worried." Alex ran out to hug her as Olivia set the stuff on the coffee table.
"Sorry guess I forgot to leave a note, but get dressed love, I have a surprise." She pushed Alex towards her room as she tried to look into the bag.
"Ok, ok, I'm going." she rolled her eyes and left the room. When she dressed, she grabbed a jacket as Liv took grabbed a blanket and the bag, locking the door behind them.
They spread out the blanket near the water, unpacked the bag, sandwiches, tea, chips, and some fruit. All of it made for a perfect picnic, as Olivia leaned in to kiss Alex, she smiled curling her body into Alex's. Alex held Olivia close feeling like the luckiest woman on earth, yes things were bad right now, but she still had her love. Her Livvy had not run off, and had recently been showing small signs of letting her in. "I was going to therapy, you know, before this." Liv said so quietly it was almost a whisper and Alex had to strain to hear her. "you were?"
Alex was shocked, not that she thought it wasn't a good idea, but thought she would have told her. once she had learned about her going undercover at the prison, she wanted to talk to her and see if she'd be willing to do so, but she never found the opportunity to.
"Yea, I didn't know how to tell you." she spoke up a bit this time, but was now waging an inner war with herself, if she kept on talking Alex would want to know why, and she was supposed to the be strong one. Not the one falling apart, not like the week before last she thought, when she hadn't even been able to say where it hurt. 'It hurts, down there.' she remembered saying, crap, she felt small like a child. maybe Alex wont ask why.
Alex looked down at her Livvy, she wanted to ask why, but should she? Maybe asking was pushing it, she noticed Olivia looking up at her, bending down to kiss her, "How come? I hope you know you can tell me anything." Trying not to look hurt blinking back the tears, she failed.
Olivia felt her heart sink some as she kicked herself mentally for not saying it sooner, tears spilling out, but what could she say, 'hey guess what, I'm so weak I can't let you in and tell you?'
Alex saw the tears, "it's ok shhh, I understand, you tell me this stuff only when your ready." She would make sure she didn't push, and realized as soon as she saw the tears she had gone to far. She really did now mean what she said. it had taken only one moment to see the look her loves eyes, and her tears to realize she had no rights to be upset, her Livvy was going to need to go slow and only when she was ready to tell things would she. Alex knew she had to stop guessing herself, and asking to much.
Finally seeing Liv was able to leave the house Alex knew it was time to get back to work, That next friday night after dinner she brought it up with her, "baby I'm going back to work monday. I know we said I might wait, but I feel it's time, I need to get back."
Since the attack in the alley, Liv hadn't spent more than half an hour away from her Lexxy, and now worry etched her face, she couldn't imagine not having her there all day. Being on her own, without Alex around all day, scared her. Trying not seam worried about being alone during the day, "ok love, I know we talked about it. if you feel it's time then go." She hopped Alex wouldn't push like she had the other day at the park.
Alex noticed the worry but never said anything, Olivia was not a child. How ever hard this was, she had to show her she believed in her, and that she knew she would be ok, because she did believe that. she knew Livvy would be ok. "It will be ok."
Nodding as she sensed Lex had so much faith in her, she was not about to let her down, but since she wouldn't be around all day anymore, Livvy wanted, no needed to have her as close as she could at night, speaking in barely a whisper, "would you start sleeping with me? at night I mean." she looked down afraid Alex might not want to, maybe she liked having her own bed these days, Liv after all had done such a good job pushing and pulling her maybe she'd say no.
Alex shook her head with a playful grin, "hmm sleep at night with you? as in every night, hold you?" she was shaking her head no but her face was lit up as if it were christmas day and she just gotten the pony she had always wanted.
Liv swatted her arm, "yea, like that. what do you say councilor?: Liv's eyes were almost dancing the worry from her face now gone.
"well detective, if you want me to do that, I'll need it in writing." she joked with a nod of her head.
Olivia, brushed her hand gently over Alex's face and kisses her softly, the writing being sealed in the small soft romantic kiss they shared.
It was a hard road for them both, but Liv had just let her in yet again.
Please as Always R/R, I'd like 5 reviews at least before I update thanks.
As for the rape kit taking 4 to 6 hours I researched that too, and to get the full exam done in the kit it really does take 4 to 6 hours, and is really that hard on people, so why shouldn't it be on poor Liv too.