Testing: FOR SCIENCE
Now it occurs to me that I haven't formally introduced myself. My name… which I absolutely despise… is Gladis. It's a stupid name I understand, but I've stuck with it. Mostly I prefer to be called Gee, but nobody ever listens. Now as I listen to the robotic voice introduce safety rules I had a thought. GLaDOS… and Gladis. Was this a coincidence? Well, it sort of had to be. No body could have known I was coming down here… let alone would take the time to name an operating system after me.
"But before we begin… Let me welcome you to Aperture Laboratory. Our testing procedures are completely safe… mostly…. For robots."
"What was that last part?" I yelled, reasonably freaked out.
"Oh… you can talk." Ms. GLaDOS said, "That's wonderful~"
This robot was starting to get on my nerves. Could robots be sarcastic, cause she was. The old radio that sat like a king upon the "throne" sparked and I jumped. I flew backward and the metal on my accidental descent climbing boots attracted the sparks and made a quick electrical arch. My mother gave me the boots for my 15th birthday, although if I had known I would love climbing as much as I do I would have never buried them under mounds of clothes until I unburied them for this trip. As I stood up after my very embarrassing fall, I tucked the stray strands of dark brown hair behind my ear. The rest of my hair was pulled tightly up into a pony-tail, as per usual for women climbers.
"Please proceed though the portal and we can begin with testing." GLaDOS chimed in her programmable happy tone.
I was never going to get anywhere standing about, so I sighed and dashed through the first portal. I was expecting unimaginable pain and a strange burning sensation but all I got was a tingle. I looked around and saw the chamber I was just in. So these portals were like a weird science kind of way of transportation? I walked around the decrepit old structure and I saw a sign with a huge number one flicker on. Scientific warning signs spurted on and off variably but I didn't recognize any of them. There was a strange old automatic door standing in front of me. I slid open only just enough to let me through before getting caught. It whined and tried again, getting no more open then it was before. After 3 more failed attempts it gave up at half-way open and I squeezed through.
Inside was more disturbing then outside. It wasn't so much that I felt in danger, but I felt sad. This was obviously a nice, clean building before it fell to pieces. I pushed all poignant thoughts aside. In front of me was a huge tube unaffected by the age its surroundings. I heard a rumble in the deeper sections of the tube and strained my neck to look underneath without being directly below the tube. You know that old saying… 'Bad things happen… um… to people that stand under tubes... ' Okay, so maybe it wasn't a saying but who's going to criticize me. GLaDOS…? Though I didn't want to rule out the thought that she might be able to read minds.
A good size cube popped out of the tube and almost took my head off. See, didn't I tell you that standing underneath tubes would bring bad news.
"Congratulations, you have just received an Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube." GLaDOS said, "It may be heavy now, but as you grow more muscle onto your petite arms you will find it easier and easier to pick up." Petite. Arms.
"Hey! GLaDOS. As a climber I have very strong arms." I said snappily. I felt silly arguing to a robot, but I didn't have my mother's quiet nature. I bent down to pick up the storage cube and I felt something heavy slam into my back and head. I fell to the floor with an 'oomph'.
"Oh no…. I malfunctioned. I will get that fixed." GLaDOS, droned. Another automatic voice announced the repair of the transportation tube deposit area, but I had an idea that it wasn't all the way fixed. I picked up the cube from my back and left the other one there. I stood up and glanced around the room for something to do with this troublesome cube. Underneath rubble and building bits I saw a glint of bright red. I dug out a button from the pile of wreckage and place the cube nicely in the very middle of it. I thought that I should at least give this room that much effort, as the maintenance team doesn't seem too. Again, what makes me think there is a maintenance crew for that matter. Another automatic door on the far side of the room opened; being more successful then it's brother at the start. I walked through and GLaDOS's icy mechanical voice awaited me.
"Good… you took approximately SIX POINT THIRTY-FOUR MINUTES on the tutorial test… that's better then TWO PERCENT of all the other test subjects. You should feel proud. Mrs. and SUBECT SURNAME HERE must be so proud of their little INSERT SUBJECT NAME HERE."
"Great… I don't even amount to non-recorded messages." I mumbled, fiddling awkwardly with my hair. I don't think GLaDOS heard me though because she continued speaking.
"Please proceed to the elevator area so that an elevator can take you to the next test."
I walked bravely to what I hopped was the elevator section and not the thousand foot hole testing area or poisonous gas testing area. I would keep my head up, for science.