Still sadly I own nothing, but if I did...

The alarm went off at 6am blaring Alex out of her sleep, she reached over turned it off and carefully extracted herself from her sleeping detective. Sitting up she watched her sleep a few minutes then padded her way to the bathroom starting the shower, and getting ready for her first day back at work. After she was was all ready she ran down their favorite diner picking up some breakfast to go. Olivia woke up just as Alex got back with coffee, egg sandwiches made on bagels, and a chocolate chip muffin in hand.

"Mmmmm," Olivia moaned taking the coffee and looking at the food, she didn't want Alex going to work, but knew she had to let her go, she had to be strong.

Alex leaned over kissing her softly, "good morning love." Alex read her face, she knew what she had to do, she wanted to work and knew she couldn't be Olivia's crutch forever she would need to stand up on her own at some point.

Alex helped Olivia clean up from breakfast, then after Olivia showered, needing no help other than with her broken arm, she got her stuff together and at 8am finally kissed Olivia goodbye.

Olivia at first was ok flipping channels finding a music music channel and picking up a book. She read for a while before she heard a loud bang outside, jumping fifty feet out of her seat, she ran to the window to see what was up. Looking out the window she saw it was just the garbage truck setting back down an empty bin. She slid down the wall pulled her knees up into herself, wrapping her arms around her legs rocking back and forth. 'Come on Liv, you can do this.' It was only 9:30am and already she was falling apart it seamed. twenty minutes later, tears stinging her eyes, she made her way to the couch and was determined to read and be ok.

Alex was was knee deep in paperwork, her first day back and they already had her swamped with cases. Not having looked up since she set foot in her office, she finally looked up at 1pm when she decided she needed lunch. Picking up a greek salad from the deli next to the office she, called Liv to see how she was, "hi love." Alex said as she heard Olivia pick up on the second ring.

Taking a few deep breathes as she read her caller id seeing it was Alex, not wanting her breathing or voice to give anything away. "Hi baby." Olivia leaned back on the couch as they talked for a few, she told her about the book she was reading, and said she was fine.

Alex raised an eyebrow, not that it could be seen over the phone, but she knew Olivia well, and could tell from the hitch in her voice not all was ok. "Are you really ok? want to talk to me?"

Olivia sighed into the phone sounding a bit annoyed, "it's fine, I'm fine really, look just go back to work, I'll see you when you get home."

Alex dropped it knowing she wouldn't get anything out of her, and didn't want to fight. "ok I should be home around seven, dinner then, if you like."

"Ok sounds good love." she said and hung up before Alex could say anything more. She grabbed her lap top brought it to the couch and decided find something to do on it before she went nuts. She had already paced the house a few times that morning, was jumpy, but had not totally fallen apart. Olivia also called and with a huge breath she had been holding called Sam's office, "hi my names, Olivia Benson and I'm a patient, I need an appointment for as soon as possible." She spit it out to the receptionist, and was given one for friday at 2pm.

At 5pm Olivia woke up having dozed off while on her lappy. She stretched, yawned, and headed to the kitchen to make some tea. Sitting on the couch peppermint tea in hand, she had a flashback, she was back in the alley, she hadn't seen him but had felt the blow to the head knocking her out. Her breathing was shallow, the expression on her face was one of fear, and pain, as if she was being hit again. She then saw herself start to wake up as he was using the wooden jamming it inside of her, she cried out, but no sounds would come out. she heard him again, 'damn your good.' her flash back ended, she sat there numb on the couch. Her hands shaking, she finally knew more of what happened.

Alex left the office twenty minutes to seven, packed up a few files to go over that she had to be in court for, then headed out catching a cab home. Olivia hadn't heard her come home, she jumped out of her seat as Alex said hi and went to kiss her. "No, don't," she shrieked before realizing it was Alex, and relaxing visibly. Alex sat down, placing her stuff on the table, "sorry love, didn't mean to scare you, you ok?"

Olivia shook it off, sighing, "yea fine, just didn't hear you come in." Alex raised her brow at her, but decided not to say anything just yet. "so how did it go, were you ok alone?"

"Yea, I just said I was fine, you think I need a keeper?"

"No, no," Alex said, "just thought you might want to talk was all."

"No I don't want to talk if I do I will." Olivia stood up went into the kitchen and started some soup for dinner. She took out two bowls, placing some bread in the oven to heat, filling the bowls with soup once it was ready, she then got the bread out and brought it to the table.

Alex had gone and changed into shorts and a tank top, having had a quick shower, and was just making her way out when dinner was ready. "thanks love, smells great." She wasn't planning on taking any bait to fight with her, knowing at times like this Olivia was out for a fight, she only wished she knew why.

Alex was now into the swing of things, work was hectic, but she loved it, she lived for the court room, and putting the bad guys away, nailing a perp who had hurt his daughter, or the mother that had abused her son and was now going away for 25 to life. Running into the bull pen she dropped off three warrants, one for a perp's apartment, one for his office, and his warehouse. she then turned on her heals and left, She was running late to see Olivia, they were going to lunch, and then Olivia had said she had somewhere to be.

When the waitress left the table, their order in hand, Alex leaned back smiling, this was their first lunch out since she had gone back to work, and it was friday, she actually had the weekend off, for once she wasn't due in court on monday, all she really needed to do was go over some cases, and could do that at home. "Where do you have to be after this?" she asked with hope of being let in.

"I'm going to see Sam, I have an appointment." Olivia said without looking up, her eyes fixed on her drink, she didn't want to say more because she knew Alex wanted to know how her hand had gotten broken. Alex wracked her brain for a moment, she didn't know a Sam, "Sam? who's that love?"

Olivia waited as the waitress came back placing their food down, Olivia's grilled tuna and cheese with fries, and Alex's BLT with coleslaw, refilling their drinks as well she finally left. "She's... She's my therapist." Alex smiled picking up half her sandwich nodding, "do you need a ride? I can drop you off before heading to the office."

"No, I'll catch a cab, it's fine."

half her sandwich gone and most of her drink later, "so what happened to your arm?" she really wanted to know, and prayed Olivia would finally tell her. "I don't remember," Olivia tried to say.

"That's crap, tell me." Alex was not going to let up, not this time.

Olivia's face hardened and eye went red, she was starting to seethe inside, "fine you want to know? here, I broke it, I hit it against the apartment building, till it broke, I did it." She spit it all out in one long breath, then spit out something she hadn't wanted it but was to late to take back. "I was so wrapped up in controlling my own pain I felt i needed to hurt myself, that I didn't see him... he, he raped me, it's all my fault." she got up running out of the restaurant leaving a stunned Alex in her wake.

Please as Always R/R, I'd like 5 reviews at least before I update thanks. Now that Olivia has voiced finally she hurt herself, the next chapters should be lighter, and a turning point, but who knows... wait and see.